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Advice Question

She smokes, I don't. Is it okay?

My girlfriend smokes and I don’t. I’m not so sure if this is okay. I’ve always been an advocate of a smoke-free campaign especially that my wife had lung cancer before her passing. I believe that there’s too much toxic pollutants in the air now as it is. No need to add cigarette smoke to it. I just don’t know how to approach her about this. We only met in an interracial date tour and have not spent a long good time as a couple together. It might be inappropriate if I reprimand her of something she does on a daily basis. I don’t want her to think that I’m trying to change her for who she is but I see her vice as a total danger to her health.


 kyle63 posted 7 months ago
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Advice Answers

Karoii-chan said:
It's really nice that you would care so deeply for her health and happiness. A sign of true love. ^__^

I'm also truly sorry for what happened to your late wife. May she always be happy in Heaven, by the will and grace of God, watching down over you and the other loved ones with a contented smile playing at her lips.

So what if you two haven't been together for long? It doesn't matter. You will have to stop her from smoking. Better now, so that her body can begin recovering from the cigarette toxins as soon as possible and thus reduce her risks of getting ill. God-willing.

I suggest that you approach her calmly, like you would on any other day, then invite her to take a stroll with you out in the park/gardens - basically some peaceful area where the atmosphere can calm you two down. Serene, soft, tranquil.

Walk hand-in-hand with her, get comfortable, maybe even engage in a little light-hearted discussion of sorts. Like the weather, or where you'll have lunch later, something simple.

Then, calmly tell her that you don't think it is healthy for a person to smoke. She might get angry, she might get riled up, especially considering all this feminism spreading everywhere like a wild fire - but I'll advise you not to respond harshly. It will be difficult, I know (some of my friends are like that and it gets me pissed-off!), but without calmness... it won't be of any use.

Tell her that you understand how some family issue/hardship in life might've encouraged her to take up smoking as a means of relieving stress. Or she might simply be 'fitting in' with the crap of today.

Whatever the reason is, tell her that you understand and that you wouldn't mind it if it didn't harm her health so much. Tell her that you're simply concerned for her well-being, just like any other sane and loving person would be.

You may use some personal gestures to calm her down... maybe a hug, or a hand-squeeze, or something which you think she'd appreciate.

Continue by gently reminding her about the various diseases that could be brought about by smoking and throw in your late wife's suffering (if you're willing to reveal) to make her see your perspective.

Press on by saying that you absolutely cannot lose another loved one in such a manner. Tell her that, while your wife might not have had a smoking-induced case of cancer, your girlfriend is basically driving herself to that stage.

Tell her to stop it for the sake of her own safety. Remind her of how her body is a vessel given by God and how it would be ungrateful, cruel and unjust to ruin her body in such a manner.

You may even tell her that cigarette smoke will harm other people around her as well. It's not just the smoker who experiences the side-effects. Passive smoking is just as dangerous and harmful.

It will take time, just like any other matter, but hopefully she'll understand and quit smoking for good. God-willing. Also, show her medical website proof of smoking harms.
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It's really nice that you would care so deeply for her health and happiness. A sign of true love.  ^__^

I'm also truly sorry for what happened to your late wife. May she always be happy in Heaven, by the will and grace of God, watching down over you and the other loved ones with a contented smile playing at her lips.

So what if you two haven't been together for long? It doesn't matter. You will have to stop her from smoking. Better now, so that her body can begin recovering from the cigarette toxins as soon as possible and thus reduce her risks of getting ill. God-willing.

I suggest that you approach her calmly, like you would on any other day, then invite her to take a stroll with you out in the park/gardens - basically some peaceful area where the atmosphere can calm you two down. Serene, soft, tranquil.

Walk hand-in-hand with her, get comfortable, maybe even engage in a little light-hearted discussion of sorts. Like the weather, or where you'll have lunch later, something simple.

Then, calmly tell her that you don't think it is healthy for a person to smoke. She might get angry, she might get riled up, especially considering all this feminism spreading everywhere like a wild fire - but I'll advise you not to respond harshly. It will be difficult, I know (some of my friends are like that and it gets me pissed-off!), but without calmness... it won't be of any use.

Tell her that you understand how some family issue/hardship in life might've encouraged her to take up smoking as a means of relieving stress. Or she might simply be 'fitting in' with the crap of today.

Whatever the reason is, tell her that you understand and that you wouldn't mind it if it didn't harm her health so much. Tell her that you're simply concerned for her well-being, just like any other sane and loving person would be.

You may use some personal gestures to calm her down... maybe a hug, or a hand-squeeze, or something which you think she'd appreciate.

Continue by gently reminding her about the various diseases that could be brought about by smoking and throw in your late wife's suffering (if you're willing to reveal) to make her see your perspective.

Press on by saying that you absolutely cannot lose another loved one in such a manner. Tell her that, while your wife might not have had a smoking-induced case of cancer, your girlfriend is basically driving herself to that stage.

Tell her to stop it for the sake of her own safety. Remind her of how her body is a vessel given by God and how it would be ungrateful, cruel and unjust to ruin her body in such a manner.

You may even tell her that cigarette smoke will harm other people around her as well. It's not just the smoker who experiences the side-effects. Passive smoking is just as dangerous and harmful.

It will take time, just like any other matter, but hopefully she'll understand and quit smoking for good. God-willing. Also, show her medical website proof of smoking harms.
posted 5 months ago 
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