*sighs* So..lately, I'm starting to think or maybe realize that I am bisexual; I'm attracted by both boys and girls.
After thinking about it, there have been signs of this since I was at a young age, like around five years of age, but I never put these clues together until now....
Well...like I said, it all started at five. For some strange reason, a lot of the little kids in my kindergarten class already started having crushes on one another. There were little girls telling each other so-and-so likes you and giggling about it, and there were boys who basically did the same thing. I can even remember a girl and a boy calling them boyfriend and girlfriend already. *sighs* And then there was me. I never felt anything like a crush towards a boy. If a boy ended up liking me, I'd pretend to like him back, but I really wasn't interested in him (I didn't want to be the only girl who didn't have a boyfriend, you know..kid-stuff).
I guess that's not a really good reason, considering five-year-olds are maybe too young to feel things like that.
But the thing that struck me was that I never had a crush on a boy until I was ten and in the fourth grade. I liked this one very gorgeous guy who I was friends with, and I mean liked. But, it didn't last (I don't really want to get into what happened...).
But around that same time, I also liked an actress, Emily Browning. I always thought she was so beautiful and really liked her. I seemed like an ordinary fan of an actress. But even though I was only ten, I began to realize that I perhaps didn't just like Emily. I may have had a small crush on her.
I stopped liking her after I met my friend who I liked.
Well, after my two crushes I basically lived on without having any..special interest in someone. But I definitely may have experienced more signs from ages eleven to almost fourteen.
I did notice that some boys I knew were very gorgeous, and almost got to the point where I liked them. But at the same time, I noticed the attractiveness of some girls as well, I basically saw what maybe a boy would see; if she had great breasts, great butts, if she had a cute face or smile...well, you know what I mean.
I now (I'm in the ninth grade) think I'm starting to form a crush on a girl right now, if I hadn't so already. I think she's very beautiful and...strangely, I wish I could give her a hug (just a hug, though).
*sighs* I'm really confused. I definitely become attracted by boys and girls, but boys a little bit more. It may be something else, I'm not really sure. But...well, I just don't know...
But knowing whehter I'm bisexual or not isn't my only problem.
I fully accept homosexual people and I actually really like things about them; how confident they are, how generous and sweet they can be, and their senses of humor. :)
But...I don't know how to say this without offending someone..but when I picture myself as homosexual or bisexual, it just...it scares me. No not scare, it just really worries me.
I wouldn't know how to handle a discovery that big about myself, and with the people in my life right now, my being bisexual would just make things a hell lot worse with them, too. :(
But right now, I just want to focus on whether I am bisexual or not bisexual.
Please, if anyone knows what I'm experiencing and can explain things to me, please comment. :(