posted by rickmanrenthead
It was Sunday night, and of course, it was raining really hard. Just like it would on any other disaster night. I guess my situation wouldn’t be considered a disaster. I mean when you compare my situation to a hurricane somewhere, where many people lost their lives, my case was heaven. But when you compare my Sunday night with one of my friend’s, it was hell. And in my world, this situation was a hurricane. Ever since I made some friends, and became more sociable, my whole life has changed. For the better really. I am more outspoken, and outgoing. Many people love me, I am loud and confident, and not afraid to stand out of the crowd and be me. I am pretty much fearless now, and I am proud to be me. So, I like who I am, many people think I am a lovable bad ass. This crazy girl flies with everyone, except my uncle.
You see, since I “crossed over” my mind has opened to love. Love has changed my life, and all of the people in my life I see as warm people who are like me sociable, outspoken, and fun. Not afraid to stay up late, stand out, have fun. All of these people I have learned are like me but, not my father. Since I made the change I have been drifting away from my dad’s side of the family. I don’t mean to, I just do.
So we have had some nasty fights. But that rainy Sunday night was the worst. He just came up to my “bedroom” (I call it the guest room) and started telling me off about how he is always second in my life. he comes second to anything. He is the last person I call when I want to hang out, he is the last person I ask for permission to do something. (I am thirteen) It was late, at like midnight. And he was making me feel extremely awkward, usually I lie to make him comfortable. But sadly, what he was saying was the truth. He does come second, but thats not my fault. He doesn’t let me be myself, and isn’t much of a father figure really. So I just nod, and he says some very hurtful things to me.
Finally, at 1:45 a.m., he leaves. I am a very sensitive child. I needed to be held, and coaxed, by my lover. He is invincible, yes like a vampire. No, he isn’t a vampire. And I don’t know what he is, but in my mind, he can live forever, and never die. I like to live in my imagination, and not face up to actual reality so were going with that. No way would my uncle let my sweetheart sleep in the same bed as me. (Yeah, thirteen again!)
But he likes to keep me safe, so he is staying right around the corner. I throw all my stuff into my backpack for school, and I put on my day clothes. I am sobbing, and breathing unsteadily. My teeth are chattering, I was just so scared I wouldn’t make it through the night. Trembling, I let myself out the back door. (There is one on the top floor) where they won’t hear me. I don’t even have my cell phone because my dad and step mom confiscate it when I enter their domain, and I don’t want to wake them by going down stairs to get it. (They are very, very light sleepers.) I silently scurry down the three small wooden staircases to the back yard. Yes! they were still asleep, or at least they couldn’t hear me leaving.
When I open the gate, I am very afraid to walk the 30 yards down the alley. Just because I am so afraid of a gang banger coming and shooting me to death, but there he is at the end of the alley. He could sense my discomfort. Standing at 6”1, Alan claps his hands together once and goes onto one knee with his arms wide open to let me in for a hug. My cheeks are warm and stained from my dried tears, and I run into his arms.
I start babbling to him about all that is happening and I am so scared, and embarrased. But he puts one finger to his mouth and goes; “Shhhhhh...” and he picks me up in his arms and leads me to the apartment. It is seriously right there, kiddy corner. We exit the alley, cross the street, and were there. He leads me into the apartment, up the stairs, and opens the door. (It is a condo with four or five apartments) He sets me down, and I go over and sit on his couch. He turns on the TV, and gives me the remote. I just sit up, not bothering to make myself sit or lay down in a comfortable position. I sob, and worry. Worry about what my uncle will do to me, worry about what will happen the next day, I feel embarrassed, and ashamed, as if I had done something wrong. I did this while George Lopez played in the background.
A few minutes later, Alan comes in with two mugs. One filled with hot chocolate, the other filled with coffee. He knows I hate coffee, and hands me the hot chocolate. “Here is the game plan.” He says carefully while sitting next to me and moving the hair out of my eyes.
“That hot chocolate is filled with Lunesta. Enough to make you sleep for a very long time, deep sleep with no dreams. You are going to drink that now, and within twenty minutes, you will be fast asleep safe under the covers, in my arms. I know you did nothing wrong. What were going to do is, you are going to go to sleep. You will not be going to school tomorrow. I will fix everything, when you wake up it will be all better. I will call school, tell your mom what happened, and a few more things. For now, I won’t give you too many details. Just focus on getting a good nights sleep, and trust me. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you. You’re safe here, with me. Now let’s get you to bed, its late.”
I try to speak to apologize, and explain. But he shushes me again, and gives me a kind smile. I just nod, sweetly and give him my innocent smile. With that he gingerly picks me up, and takes me to bed. He undoes the covers, strips me down to my underwear. He strips down to his boxers, and he sets me in bed. He gets my water and everything, I didn’t even have to ask he just knew. He climbed into bed and clapped his hands, the lights went off. I was trembling still, and he pulled me close to him, very close. He just talked to me about how much he loved and cared for me, and I fell asleep to the sound of his voice, in his arms.
The next morning I wake up and let my eyes drift around their sockets, and everything I see is white. I hear light, uplifting classical music. It makes me feel happy and relaxed, while I hear the music, although my body is completely at rest, my mind starts to wake up. Than all of a sudden, I get a huge surge of regret and guilt. I start to realize what happened last night, and where I was.
I ran out of the bed, and into Alan’s kitchen. I look at the time on the digital clock on the stove, and it says 11:45. Holy crap! It was that late? I’d been asleep for that long? What about school? I start to panic and I ran for my clothes, when Alan came up behind me. “Ssh, ssh, it’s alright, my love. I was just going to wake you.”
“You WHAT? You knew I was sleeping that long, why didn’t you do anything?” I screamed.
“You had a late night, last night my love. You needed your rest. Come, we’ll have breakfast and talk.” Alan leads me back into he kitchen and sits me down to a plate with two Poptarts, and my Chocolate Mousse Whipped Yogurt.
“Okay, so here is the deal. I know you remember last night, and you did nothing wrong! I called school and they were totally cool, said your class was on a field trip all day to The Science Museum anyways, I didn’t think you’d care as you hate going there. I called your mom, she knows your with me, and she doesn’t blame you. She is at work all day and said that you can go home whenever, but no one is expecting you at a certain time. As for your uncle, he left for work an hour and a half ago. So I went over and got your phone and the rest of your stuff, yes including your iPod charger.”
“I love you, Alan. Thank you so much! But what am I supposed to do about my uncle?”
“You can’t change peoples opinions, but you can’t change yourself for anyone. You just need to take it day by day and know he can’t hurt you. Now, don’t regret and let’s ignore it.” I nod, and reveal a small broken smile.
“Now as for today, you can go home whenever you want.” Alan said with a smile.
“Well what if I don’t want to go home yet?” I say.
“Ah, that’s what I was hoping you’d say. Now come, go get some clothes on.”
“What? Why, where are we going? What are we doing?” I ask.
“Jessica Leigh, I want to make you feel beautiful.” And with that, he lifted me up from the table and carries me down to the bedroom. Leaving the kitchen empty with my half eaten Poptart, and my fading touch of happiness.