Peter's Evil Overlord List was compiled in 1994 by Peter Anspach as a list of things that one should and should not do if they become an evil overlord. The list can be found here: link

So how does the Red Queen measure up? Not very well actually. I have compiled the following list of all the things in the Evil Overlord List that she did wrong or didn't do at all.


3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. I’m scratching my head at why she didn’t just get rid of Mirana once and for all.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. In a world where cats can disappear, one might also want to have better security in the dungeons.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. Really, a five-year-old could have spotted the following problem: If Alice is destined to kill the Jabberwocky on the Frabjous Day, why didn’t Iracebeth just send out the Jabberwocky to kill all blonde girls before the Frabjous Day rolls around? Or simply not show up for the final battle? Duh.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. He is not allowed to wear his hat, either.

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice. I note that no one actually gives her any advice. This is probably because not only would she not listen to the advice, but also because she would kill the advisor.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly. If she hadn’t been laughing at her “Fatboys,” Iracebeth might have noticed the cues “Um” was giving them to not blow her cover.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.) Not once did it occur to her that Alice might actually be able to fight herself out of a nutshell. Why?

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble. Whoever designed the stable where the Bandersnatch was kept should be fired.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. She also didn’t take into consideration what her castle looked like. Those heads in the moat…

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by. So she doesn’t kill Stayne, but slapping him was not a great way to get him on her side next time.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison. I have said it before and I will say it again: Someone should have been on the lookout for any vanishing cats in the dungeons. Also, maybe someone should have thought on whether it was smart to put Mally’s cage right next to the Hatter’s cell. The pair didn’t try anything clever, but they might have.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant. I swear, the only reason Iracebeth keeps Stayne around is because she thinks he’s hot.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age. All the other Tarrant fans out there are going to punch me for saying this, but as soon as Iracebeth found out there was a single Hightopp hatter left, she should have executed where he stood. Leaving him alive was a great way to make one more enemy.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army. Iracebeth was lucky that the final battle between Alice and the Jabberwocky was regulated, otherwise someone would have killed her highness on sight.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve. Why didn’t she pull out the Jabberwocky earlier?

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around. Iracebeth did eventually capture Mallymkun, but she took her time in doing so.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature. Alice.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge. Fail.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention. This shouldn’t apply, since the Queen herself sticks out like a sore thumb anyway, but there has to be someone a little less conspicuous than Stayne and his lot.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage. While she may not need a shrink to cure her inferiority complex, I can think of an even better cure (see item number one on this list).

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time. Why have the Jabberwocky attack Alice when the Jabberwocky and some knights could attack her all at once. Sure it would break some rules of the regulated battle, but what difference would it have made? Iracebeth had already broken plenty of rules. What’s one more?

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical." I might be remembering wrong, but I faintly recall the Queen telling Stayne to bring Alice back so she could be decapitated by the Queen’s hand.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress. …And yet she keeps sending Stayne, even after he comes back empty-handed or with a useless lunatic… I would say it’s Jabberwocky time.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again. Stayne. Se above.

89. After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him. It was way too easy for Alice to get the Vorpal Sword.

109. I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along. Had she seen to this, Iracebeth would not have had the animals of her court follow Tarrant.

113. I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency. Have you seen her architecture? That’s a problem waiting to happen.

114. I will never accept a challenge from the hero. Fail.

132. Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance. She let “Um” into the court way too fast.

170. I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion. Translation: if you’re going to slaughter an entire clan, you better go slaughter all clans.

175. I will have my fortress exorcized regularly. Although ghosts in the dungeon provide an appropriate atmosphere, they tend to provide valuable information once placated. REMOVE THE CAT!

201. All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries. All Bandersnatches should also be given goggles. At the very least, give it some armor.

208. Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction. Stayne. Again. Troublemaker.

210. All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting. I’m going to assume that they don’t have bugs and monitors in Underland, but at the very least shouldn’t a guard have been watching the Hatter? It would have kept Alice from going to see him and learning the whereabouts of the Vorpal Sword.

216. If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero. The Queen tried to launch such an attempt right after Alice killed the Jabberwocky. Thankfully for the forces of good, all the cards followed “Bloody Big Head” no more.


The verdict? Fail. Had she followed the list, Iracebeth might have kept her crown.