oh my god! well, it's official. the month of January as a whole hates us, it hates us as moviegoers. why? you're about to find out. "The Legend of Hercules". so, "The Legend of Hercules" stars Kellan Lutz as Hercules, along with a bunch of stuntmen and models. and "The Legend of Hercules" looks pretty much like that "Book of Mormon Movie" from 2003. yeah, it's like they all got together and were like "Hey, let's do a Hercules movie". no, it's not really the crew of "Book of Mormon" in this movie, i'm just saying it really looks like it.
and you can totally tell that i hated this movie, but i'm serious here guys: it's terrible! and it's a different kinda bad, it's like when you're watching this movie and you look up to God and you're like "Look, i'm sorry! Whatever i did to piss you off, i'm really sorry". yea, i did that. why? cause this movie was so bad, it reminded me of "BlinkyTM". i couldn't believe it did that, and i hate "BlinkyTM" with a big passion. i mean, c'mon! they already reminded me of it by saying they're making a shit sequel, so i don't need this movie to remind me of it again! from the opening shot of this movie, i was like "Alright, this CGI's complete shit. Hope it gets better". nope, the CGI's awful. there were a few scenes when it had sets, which that was cool. but this movie's just shitty CGI, shitty acting, shitty green screen and shitty costumes. the costumes don't have any grit to them. they're just "costumes" made in material that looks like somebody just bought em at a what-ever store.
and the fight sequences... oh sweet Jesus! you might think i'm kidding, but i kid you not. the fights were just obnoxious! and every fight scene lasted like around 30 minutes. but it seemed longer cause they just kept re-using slow motion. like when somebody gets hit, the slow mo happens and they're like "Hey look how stylistic we are!" it's not 2000 anymore. i'm serious, nobody gives a shit about that, so stop re-using it! but they just kept doing that over and over again. seriously, when somebody gets hit, it's just kicking the slow mo. and in the first scene of the movie, i was like "Is that gonna do the whole movie?" guess what? it does. And not only was everything terrible, and the movie set them back... maybe 500 bucks or some shit like that.
but once that budget was gone, they tried to make something good, but they failed cause they couldn't. and you can tell: when a guy gets hit by a spear, he does that tuck-the-spear-under-your-arm thing. but the worst part of that whole scene, it's that the camera was focused on the side where he was tucking the spear under his arm. it would've been better if it would was like on the right side, where he was tucking it under his left arm. but really?! on the left side?! hell no! and yea, the acting was absolute shit, but i guess i gotta talk about that too. i'm serious guys. the acting in this movie.... *laughs* oh my god! Kellan Lutz might be a good guy in real life, but he can't act for shit! i'm serious, this guy doesn't know how to act. he's just there to show off some abs for the ladies. and the bad guys are so freaking over-the-top! and you thought the bad guy in "The Last Airbender" was overacting. but that guy's like Viggo Mortenson on downers compared to the bad guys in this movie. Ya know, like Hercules's brother who's i guess supposed to be some sorta Loki knock-off, he just acts slimy all the time. and his dad who's supposed Zeus, he just yells and screams at everything he says. and i'm yelling right now, cause this movie was absolute shit and it got me heated. but this guy can be ordering from McDonalds and he'll be like "I'LL TAKE A BURGER, WITH A DIET PEPSI! NOT A REGULAR, BUT DIET PEPSI!" seriously guys, when i watching this movie and every time this guys came up, i almost fainted. i got no idea who the hell did he do that for the whole movie.
and this movie was directed by Renny Harlin? really?! i mean, i don't know if you know this, but Renny Harlin used to Hollywood's best Finnish director. there was a time when he did great movies like "Die Hard 2", "Cliffhanger" and "Deep Blue Sea". seriously Renny, what happened to you, man? why are you doing this? "The Legend of Hercules" is officially the "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" of Hercules movies. yea, that's totally bad, i ain't making it up. cause i saw it for myself and i really suffered through it. honestly guys, there's nothing i actually liked in this movie.
cause "The Legend of Hercules" is... Dogshit!
i'm looking forward to the Brett Ratner version of "Hercules" now. seriously, after watching this piece of shit, i'm officially looking forward to Brett Ratner's "Hercules" starring The Rock. don't waste your time with this thing, it's a complete piece of shit!