Serena: So, when's the party?
Blair: Saturday... and you're kinda not invited. Since, until 12 hours ago, we all thought you were at boarding school. And Jenny used up all the invites.
Blair: We should get going, unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you got a lot of yogurt left.
Blair: Great. So, my dad left her for another man. She lost 15 pounds, got an eye lift. It's been good for her.
Serena: I love you, B.
Blair: I love you, too, S.
Blair: She better not show her face again.
Chuck: I'm actually hoping she will.
2. The Wild Brunch
Blair: I wonder if Nate remembered brunch. It would be so wrong to show up without my boyfriend, who I love. And who loves me.
Serena: I'm really trying to make an effort here. I thought everything was good between us.
Blair: It was. Before I found out you had sex with my boyfriend.
Blair: You know, I always knew you were a whore. But I never knew you were a liar.
Blair: If you wanna be part of this world, Jenny, people will talk. Eventually. You gotta decide if all this is worth it.
Blair: What are you doing right now? How about me?
Blair: It wasn't a quickie. Sex is actually a big deal to some of us.
3. Poison Ivy
Blair: Funny, Brown doesn't offer a degree in slut.
Blair: My father left my mother for a 31-year-old model. A male model.
4. Bad News Blair
Blair: Why am I mad? You mean, why aren't I furious?! I can't believe for one second I thought that it would be different this time.
Blair: What about this morning then? When you glanced at the call sheet, did you see my name on it? When I wasn't in hair and make-up, didn't that seem strange? When the dressing room only had your name on it, what, did you think they just forgot?
Blair: Because you take everything from me! Nate, my mom!
Blair: You can't even help it. It's who you are. I just thought that maybe this time it would be different. I should have known I'd be wrong
Blair: Who dare interrupt the Van Der Woodsen as she teaches?!
Blair: Sorry, the number you dialed is no longer is service.
Serena: Stop it, who is it?
Blair: I'm doing you a favor.
Dan: Look I can hear you. Can I just please talk to Serena?
Blair: Apparently you can, cabbage patch
Blair: Maybe we should crash the shoot, anyway. See who they replaced me with. Make fun of that skinny b!tch.
Blair: You haven't done this since I was little.
Eleanor: You haven't been in bed by ten since you were little
5. Dare Devil
Blair: I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination. And if you refuse to come, I'm gonna need to find a replacement... girls, the waiting list?
Blair: That's nice, Little Humphrey. But, um, that's not how we play
Blair: Okay, I have a problem. I have a big problem! It starts with a capital RX.
Nurse: What drugs have you been taking?
Blair: Caffiene, Nicotine, Cadimine, Disprine, LSD, Driazapam, Flurazepam. All the pams really, I don't discriminate.
Jenny: Oh, no thanks, I don't like Vodka.
Blair: Well thats great, because this is gin, as it should be
6. The Handmaiden's Tale
Blair: After everything that's happened - or, hasn't happened - I wanna make it special.
Blair: All I wanted was for us to start over. And you didn't even try.
Blair: Is that a bong, mother? I didn't take you for a stoner.
7. Victor Victrola
Blair: I don't want to talk about it. I just want to escape. That's what this place is for, right?
Blair: Yeah, let's talk about that masked ball. Let's talk about how I was waiting for you to find me so that we can finally be together, you were confessing your feelings and kissing Serena. I thought I was doing everything right.
Blair: Do you love me?... You should deal with your father. He needs you. You know what? I don't.
Blair: Game recognizes game, Little J. But you have to show more respect. This is the last time I'll help you. Next time you cross me, I won't be as forgiving.
Blair: So, I heard on Gossip Girl that you were having sex with Dan out here...in streaming video.
Serena: Oh, God. Kati and Is filmed us?
Blair: Well, it's not very high school musical scandalous. And no, they haven't streamed it...yet. But, I heard it was aggressive.
Blair: Well, it does have franchise potential. Chuck Bass, I do believe that all your years of underage boozing and womanizing have finally paid off. Truly, I am proud.
8. Seventeen Candles
Blair: Thank you, Father. That was very good advice.... You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?
Priest: I'm a priest, not a genie.
Blair: Well, the next time you talk to Him, could you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?
Blair: After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly 20 minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a speakeasy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
Blair: Losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, or putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.
Blair: Go away, Chuck! I've been given orders, practically from God himself, to avoid you.
Blair: No one knows that Nate and I broke up, and it's going to stay that way until I can fix this. And I don't think you're best friend would still be you best friend is he knew...
Blair: Well, erase the tape! Because as far as I'm concerned, it never happened.
Blair: You're officially uninvited.
Blair: Exactly my point. But even if she wasn't, when you get a boyfriend, you become the best friend and the best friend becomes the second best friend. That's just how it has to be, if it's ever going to work.
Blair: These butterflies have got to be murdered.
9. Blair Waldorf Must Pie!
Blair: I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, sleeping with him once, maybe I could understand. But twice?
Blair: Oh, so Nate gets a free pass and I'm the slut?
Serena: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair: Well, it wasn't because I liked his natural musk. And, besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend. Right, S?
Blair: Your mom is freaking out, so my is freaking out.
Blair: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your stepdads.
10. Hi, Society
Blair: You almost made a fool of me in front of the New York Times. Which proves my very point; you can't be trusted. Nate is a gentleman; he would never cause a scene.
Blair: Well, I can't be on you, remember? You don't want Nate to find out and I don't want anyone to. You have to learn how to behave yourself first.
Blair: Nate, after what you pulled on my birthday, the only thing we should be doing together is moving on.
11. Roman Holiday
Blair: I think you like Dan a little too much. But I should let you know, someone's watching. Merry Christmas!
Blair: Well, Roman, you are in for a treat because, the Waldorf Christmas is like no other.
Blair: There's no room in your life for me anymore.
Blair: I don't know. A single entrain a mid-price restaurant? Three-quarters of a DVD box set? Maybe a pair of Wilfrid stockings?
Blair: I don't know, why don't you buy him a gold money for $49.99. He won't know the difference.
Blair: Chuck! You are not answering my calls. To torture me, I am sure. But, please! For the love of God, do not tell anybody about us. Okay? Please? Please.
Blair: Well, I'm sorry, mother. It's just not the same. I don't understand how that French fox stole my father and your husband, and always seems to come off like an innocent lamb.
Blair: Roman doesn't even know how to ice skate. Can't you escort him out of the park on the way to your meeting? Maybe drop him off a nail salon...
Blair: Why don't you just buy a new outfit for Cedric and call it a day?
12. School Lies
Blair: You have no idea who you're dealing with.
Blair: I'll just tell him your lying. And you do you think he'll believe? You who bangs anything in his field of vision. Or me, his pure and honest girlfriend of many years.
Blair: Enough with the blackmail, aren't you bored already? I can't avoid Nate forever.
Blair: Isn't there someone else you can torture?
Blair: I'm innocent. Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I'd never done that stupid thing before. You look confused... should I walk you through it?
Blair: You are so naive. Michael Moore over there is obviously just using this film to get close to Dan.
13. A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate
Blair: I'm not pregnant. I command myself to not be pregnant.
Blair: I'm very stressed. And with you and Serena down my throat I can hardly see straight, never mind keep food down.
Blair: Maybe I am a total bitch. Ever think about that?
Blair: I'm not pregnant. So goodbye mistake, so far in my past I can hardly remember it.
Blair: If you go with them, I'll ruin you.
14. The Blair Bitch Project
Blair: Lady Godiva, my only friend.
Blair: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower today?
Blair: Rice Krispie treats?
Blair: Brooklyn... I think that's in New York.
15. Desperately Seeking Serena
Blair: And have you seen Nelly Yuki's extracurriculars? I should kick her well-rounded ass.
Serena: Why do you keep saying her name?
Blair: Because it's Nelly Yuki!
Blair: Ew gross! Incoming, Chuck.
16. All About My Brother
Blair: All that matters to someone like Jenny right now are the 4 Gs, Guys, Girlfriends and Gossip Girl.
Blair: Right know Gossip Girl's credibility is like Tinsley Mortimer's after a few martinis.
Blair: It's your brotherly duty to keep her from becoming the next Katie Holmes.
Blair: What are you talking about? You're starting to scare me. Hey, hey, hey. We're sisters. You're my family. What is you, is me. There's nothing you could ever say to make me let go. I love you. What is it?
Blair: My, my. If it isn't Little J, risen from the ashes?
Blair: I tried to warn you. There's a price to pay. I always knew a girl like you couldn't afford it.
17. Woman On the Verge
Blair: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clark's. You don't have to hide anything from us.
Blair: Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Blair: You can tell us anything. We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
Blair: Uh, I'm a big fan of Lincoln Hawk?
18. Much I Do About Nothing
Blair: How? It's not like you every do anything athletic.
Chuck: Well, that's not entirely true, now is it?
Blair: Fine, nothing that involves removing your scarf.
Blair: Break a leg.
Chuck: I think I just did.
Blair: Ugh! They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face.
Blair: Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.
Blair: Don't worry, I can be a bitch enough for both of us.
Blair: Oh, you're not alone Georgina. I'm here now. And I brought some people who really really want to see you. I think you remember your parents.
Blair: Chuck Bass is a romantic, who knew?
Chuck: You don't belong to Nate. Never have, never will.
Blair: You never belong to anyone.
Blair: No one ever enjoys their first time.
Sorry, that it's so long, but Blair has a lot of awsome lines :]