1. Summer, Kind of Wonderful
Blair: The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey... is mourning Dan Humphrey.
Blair: Damn that mother Chucker! He's totally right! I don't even like James!
Blair: Chuck is an awful person. He does awful things.
Blair: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words. Eight letters. Say it and I'm yours.
Blair: A hot lifeguard is like kleenex! Use once and throw away. You could ask for a better rebound!
Blair: I wasn't aware that robots got jealous. Did they update your software while I was away?
Blair: Oh, a honk instead of a knock! Did someone order a townie?
Blair: At least I could have gotten a more interesting stand-in than James. You know how hard it is to find a good fake boyfriend on short notice?
2. Never Been Marcused
Blair: Don't worry. I'm well versed in your lordly ways. And I'm ready to meet the queen... which I also just watched on DVD.
Blair: Just because Marcus is the perfect post-Bass palate cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a tasty dish of his own!
Blair: Squash? I'll squash YOU.
Chuck: It's just a game, Blair.
Blair: Not to me, Basshole. I like him!
Blair: Dan likes soccer, right? Or football, as Marcus calls it? Think it would be too weird if he came?
Blair: What is there to talk about? You're finally free of Downer Dan and I've got my old Serena back!
Blair: Why, so she can warn me bout the effects of too much botox?
Blair: I know you're here with Chuck, and I can only imagine what he said about me. Limo sex, social torture, freshmen, blackmail. But I assure you, there's an explanation for all of it.
Blair: This party's a complete bust. My whole life's a bust.
Blair: She made Waldorf rhyme with Spears! I may as well have gone commando and held my party at Nyla's Burger Basket.
Blair: All you need to know is, you lost. It was a solid effort.
Blair: Notice how my voice didn't go up at the end? Not a question.
Blair: I thought you were just a callow social-climbing former swimsuit model who married above her station and was enslaved by her own insecurities.
Blair: It's like Roman Holiday but I'm Gregory Peck and he's Audrey Hepburn!
3. The Dark Night
Blair: You know he wasn't pressured me about sex? Not once!
Blair: Well, when you do, if you're still together, then I'll be happy for you. Until then I think you're just fooling yourself.
Blair: Not that it's any of your business, but Marcus and I have an amazing sex life.
Blair: Hot young guy? Aging beauty enjoying her last hurrah before the surgeries start? It's called a cliche.
Blair: Then show me! I'm not some delicate little flower. Show me!
4. The Ex-Files
Blair: This girl is Dan with boobs.
Blair: It could be hazardous to your health.
Blair: It's for your own good, S. They were going to lunch together. Lunch! As in the meal before dating? Is that what you want, S?
Blair: The Met steps are totally under construction.
5. The Serena Also Rises
Blair: And you know what you give to everybody else, Chuck? Misery. There's a reason you're always out here alone.
Blair: Nate is only friends with you out of habit! The only person with fewer friends than you is Dan Humphrey and even his lame, '90s dad likes him. And that's because he's something you'll never be. A human being.
Blair: Don't they know that without me, they'd never see the inside of a fashion tent? They'd be stuck behind the barricades with PETA! In fact, maybe I will leave them outside with PETA. Maybe that will teach them some manners!
Blair: Don't ever go to high school, Dorota. The girls are spoiled, stupid and ungrateful! One snapshot with a socialite and it's all Serena, Serena, Serena!
Blair: Jenny Humphrey?! Guess she didn't learn her lesson last year. Looks like someone needs a refresher course.
6. New Haven Can Wait
Blair: I swear to God I will take you down.
Blair: You know, an enclave of trustafarians and children of celebrities who major in drum circles and semiotics, whatever that is.
Blair: Your deductive reasoning skills are perfect for a place like Brown.
Serena: I know you may find this hard to believe, but not everyone wants to go to Yale because not everyone wants to be Blair Waldorf.
Blair: Not everyone can be.
Blair: Since we're not friends anymore, let me speak frankly. You're not that smart. You lack focus and discipline. Charm is all well and good, but in the real world, knowledge is power. You wouldn't make it past the first round of admissions at Yale no matter how hard you tried.
Blair: Well, I'm aware I lack some people's ... easy grace with strangers. I don't exactly make you feel like you've known me forever even though we just met. When I laugh, you might not smile just at the coquettish sound of it, and I may not be spontaneous or delightful or full of surprises, and my hair not sparkle when it catches the light... everything worth knowing about me is in that folder. I made sure of it.
Blair: Have fun in Providence, you know, maybe you can get your hair dreadlocked while you're there.
7. Chuck in Real Life
Blair: That little troll Vanessa's working my last nerve.
Blair: The thrill of the impossible.The only person Vanessa loathes more than me ... is you. It will be one for the ages... Maybe you're not up for it. If memory serves, you've had some mechanical problems.
Blair: Despite what attraction my body has for you, my brain knows better, and yours should too. Gotta go! I have a disciplinary hearing.
Blair: What are you doing here with those? Shouldn't you be at Whole Foods?
Blair: Look who finally got a little interesting.
Blair: I have an itch that only Chuck can scratch and he won't oblige unless I tell him I love him.
Blair: Just because you two are making a doomed attempt at being friends doesn't mean I have to play the enabler.
Blair: You have to help me destroy Chuck Bass!
Blair. Well, just because we've reached an impasse at a certain issue doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Blair: Like a Bass out of hell.
9. There Might Be Blood
Emma: But you're perfect!
Blair: Oh my God, stop your mouth from moving.
Blair: Or maybe we'll see how your mom feels about your little clearance sale, little Lohan.
10. Bonfire of the Vanity
Blair: Who cares about plaque or pretentious artists when your best friend is having a meltdown!
Blair: Cyrus. He's five feet tall. He has a catchphrase. And he's a hugger. I was expecting Cary Grant and I got Danny DeVito!
Blair: Serena, a guy start's out in his blue period and everything's great. But it's only a matter of time until he's all into cubism and it's some other girl's eye coming out of her forehead.
Blair: Wait, what about the gnome? I have to take him down!
Blair: How can you possibly love Cyrus? He's all the things you hate! He uses the wrong fork, he slurps his soup, he wears sport socks! He is short, and pushy! He's nothing like daddy.
Blair: I am Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly is me.
Blair: Screw Grace Kelly. I need a scheme.
Blair: I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday. Instead I got a conscience.
11. The Magnificent Archibalds
Blair: He's just like Bill Paxton, only younger, and with scruff.
Blair: She kissed me on the cheek and left a big orange lipstick mark, it looked like I'd been spray tanned!
Serena: You can't get the prize if you don't go deep.
Blair: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
12. It's a Wonderful Lie
Blair: What are you staring at? Go polish something.
Blair: Oh, absolutely. Guys hate to be caught off guard by sex on the first date.
Blair: She is the loosest girl in class, don't you know Chuck doesn't like his fruit pre-picked?
13. O Brother, Where Bart Thou?
Blair: Only a masochist could ever love such a narcissist.
Blair: I'm not maternal, I've just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish. Come on, I see kugel.
Blair: Whatever you're going through, I wanna be there for you.
Chuck: We've talked about this. You are not my girlfriend.
Blair: But I am me. And you are you. We're Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything.
Chuck: And why would you do that.
Blair: Because I love you.
Blair: Who knows? When we found him, his shoes were on the wrong feet.
14. In the Realm of the Basses
Blair: I do. Don't you understand? I'll always be here. I don't want you going anywhere. I couldn't bear it. So whatever you want to do to yourself, please don't do that to me. Please.
Blair: Not unless I was a Thai hooker named Bo.
Blair: A postcard would have been fine. I'm really happy for you. I'm going to go vomit now.
Blair: I thought I was leaving high school behind. I guess you never do.
Blair: Those "matrons" as you call them, are helping me build a life. All Chuck can do is destroy one. I'm not abandoning Chuck. I'm just saving myself.
15. Gone with the Will
Blair: It's so hard finding obedient minions.
Blair: Whatever may have transpired between us, what's important is what it means to me. Which is nothing.
Blair: It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer.
16. You've Got Yale!
Blair: Don't talk to them. They're working. REFRESH!
Blair: Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena. I'm just trying to stay calm.
Blair: Dan Humphrey. He's like a cafeteria lady who won the lottery. You couldn't pry that acceptance from his hands with the jaws of life.
Blair: You look like a firing squad.
Blair: Definitely. Maybe we can get a jump-start on your veganism.
17. Carrnal Knowledge
Blair: I made friends with a family of squirrels, and had lots of time to think.
Blair: Don't you see? If Cornflower Mary can come in here and tell us how to run things, then everything we've stood for all these years is nothing. This isn't about Yale. This is about our legacy. What we do here today echoes through eternity. Who's with me?
Blair: Give Handsome to a homeless man! ... Make sure he has kind eyes.
Blair: Ladies, you can get your tiny brains to rest. Once again the world has proven - anything you can do, I can do better.
Blair: Never in my 16,982 hours of schooling have I ever been sentenced to detention.
Blair: When the truth fails you, you have no choice but to abandon it. Make something up, idiots! With friends like these, who needs friends.
Blair: The Ladies Room? I knew you and Serena were having problems, but I had no clue they were anatomical.
Blair: I have a friend on cyberspace who knows just what to do. XOXO.
18. The Age of Dissonance
Blair: Aren't you so tired of brooding artists?
Blair: The head mistress told me my Yale at fate is sealed, so the question is - how do I make your fate as bleak as mine?
Blair: Well, you're punishment is... just live with it. I should know. It's not easy.
Blair: My problem is a two-faced, four-eyed, devious little snipe in a fat-suit. Did you really think you could rat me out to Yale and get away with it?
Blair: Everyone's jealous of me, because my life is perfect and you've always been the most jealous of all.
Blair: Do you know how hard it is to get revenge when your enemy is changing every five minutes?
Blair: No. I want Dan Humphrey's head on a platter.
Sorry for mistakes