"[during a robbery] Ladies and gentlemen! This is your moment! Please don't make me ruin all the great work your plastic surgeons have been doing! ON THE FLOOR! NOW!"
"I'm rich, I'm miserable.. I'm pretty average for this town"
"You twisted fuck! Your a dead man!"
"nothing.. I was just lost in an old 80's movie montage"
"(sparing hostage) Forget a thousand things every dad pal... Why don't you make sure this one of them"
Jimmy De Santa: Hey, let's bounce.
Michael De Santa: Bounce? We're bouncing now? Is that what we're doing? Jesus fucking Christ.
Dr. Isiah Friedlander: Your son, James. He's a good kid?
Michael De Santa: He's a good kid? A good kid? Why? Does he help the fucking poor? No. He sits on his ass all day, smoking dope and jerking off while he plays that fucking game. If that's our standard for goodness... then no wonder this country's screwed.
"I did it again! I'm in hell. I'M! IN! HELL! Maybe hell is good. I belong in hell. I! BELONG! IN, HELL! Maybe I don't belong in hell. HELL IS BAD! I don't belong in hell! I don't belong anywhere. I'm nothing"
Trevor Philips: I'm honest, alright? You're the hypocrite.
Michael De Santa: Oh, yeah, you're a fucking hero. So far above it all.
Trevor Philips: Oh, yeah? Well I'm not above ripping open your fucking chest to see what's replaced your heart!
Michael De Santa: Rip it open, see what's there, baby, 'cause I'm ready!
"Yeah, that's true. It is always one of them. I'm a fat old fuck with a horrible family and even worse friends. I told you, Franklin, I ain't a good role model. Period".
Fabian Larouche: Namaste.
Michael De Santa: Nama-go-fuck-yourself.
"You should see a doctor for that personality of yours"
Jimmy De Santa: Like, the other day, he posted a picture of his newborn, and I'm all like, "damn, son, that's one ugly-ass motherfucker of a baby. My balls is prettier than that baby," and I sent him a picture of my balls. Then I said, "I've seen roadkiller prettier than that baby. The hell is wrong with your baby?" and he's all like, "there's a problem with its chromosomes and it's actually a miracle it survived birth," and I'm all like, "it's actually a miracle I survived looking at a picture of its ugly..."
Michael De Santa: ENOUGH! Okay? E-fucking-nough!
My wife got screwed by a yogi. And now I'm getting screwed by a yogi? Fuck! that! I'm a producer! Nobody fucks with my film!
"Back from the dead mother fucker!"
"When I say you suck. I mean you really suck"
Michael De Santa: Fuck you.
Trevor Philips: You know, I'm beginning to think that's exactly what you wanna do.
Michael De Santa: [mutters] I just said the same fucking thing to my wife.
"Okay... There are four of us in this van.. We're about to become accomplishes, in a major crime.. I need to know I can depend on you all of you,.. With my life... In order to establish that type of relationship in the short time we got.. How about about a background check?... Me first... I'm Michael.. I've done this type of thing before.. More than a couple times.. Enough to spend a long time NOT doing it.. Easy to say. I know a lot of people.. Anyone blabs.. About you, or anyone else... Their be dealt with"
"We're making a new deal. You leave my people alone. I don't toss you off this roof"
"Ohh, I'm about to feel some emotions alright"