#1:
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard. I'm sorry to upset your plans, but...
Elizabeth's Father: Plans did you say? My one and only plan, dear girl, is to see you as happy as possible, and I would never dream of forcing you to do something you don't want to.
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) Unless it was the beginning of the movie in which case I said you had no choice.
Critic: (as a scene of Elizabeth and her father hugging plays) Seriously, what did she do different? She made the same argument she did before. In fact, it's actually less angry. Are you honestly telling me that this...
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard.
Critic: is much more stronger than THIS?
Elizabeth: (scene from earlier) I'd rather die than marry that horrifying, disgusting old serpent!
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) Ohoho, that's just the PMS talking. You'll get over it!
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard.
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! CALM DOWN, BITCH! CALM DOWN! WHOA! We'll figure this out, man! JESUS!
#2:
Zack Denbrough: What were you doing in Georgie’s room?
Young Bill: N-Nothing. Dad, listen!
Zack Denbrough: I don’t want you ever coming in here again, son. Do you understand?
Critic: (imitates Zack Denbrough) How DARE you try to mourn the loss of your one and only brother!
#3:
Pennywise: I’ll show you how to FLOOOAAAT down here.
Critic: Why doesn’t he just EAT these fucking kids? He’s eaten like half of the other kids in the neighborhood! Why doesn’t he just finish them off? I mean, what the hell is more important in his time?
Critic: (imitates Pennywise) RARRR, I've got you now, little boy! (beeping sound, and he looks at his watch) Oh, my God, it’s almost 3:00! (The Critic leaves the screen camera from the left and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song plays.)
#4:
Critic: Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m drunk or something, but, uhh…Tim Curry is a riot... Were people really scared by this guy? He’s hilarious! I don’t even think his scene is supposed to be this long. I think he just decided to stay on set and annoy everybody.
#5:
(The kitchen phone rings, and Tory answers it)
Tory: Hello? Hello? Help us, please! Come help us! We’re trapped inside of here!
Pennywise: Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You do? Well, ya better let the poor guy out! Wha-haw! Wha-Haw! Wha-Haw!
(Tory hangs up and tears the phone off the wall)
#6:
Critic: The mother finds someone who might know where the boy has been taken, and...get ready, people: this is Nicolas Cage at his absolute... Cagiest.
Vasil: Hey, I've got what you need for those shakes my friend.
(Johnny laughs hysterically, stuffing a cell phone in Vasil's mouth)
Johnny: Carrigan must've told you about that thing that killed his men last night, huh? Yeah?! Well, that thing is inside me! You see, you're a bad man, and this thing, the Rider, he feeds on bad men, and he's hungry! He's hungrier than he's been in years, AND THAT'S WHY I'M SHAKING!
Critic: (as the director) Uh, Mr. Cage, none of this is in the script. You're supposed to just ask where the kid is and leave. We don't know what you're doing right now, but for the love of God, please don't hurt anybody.
#6:
Critic: So Cage saves Rowan, but little does he know she was never in any danger at all. In fact, she even runs back to her group who welcome her with open arms.
(Honestly.. What the fuck!?)
#7:
Malus: HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!
Critic: Somebody lit it! Somebody lit it!
#8:
(Malus sees the little girl from the car on the boat, looking out on the railing. While Malus looks her over, a truck horn is heard and the girl suddenly gets run over by a truck)
Critic: JESUS CHRIST! WHO LET THE TRUCK ON THE BOAT?!
#9:
Maggie: (after searching around the place to find nothing) I’m scaring myself half to death.
(She turns around and suddenly gets hammered once in the face.)
MC Hammer: Hammer time!
(Maggie stumbles backwards and falls through the apartment window several stories high off the ground.)
Phelous: I don’t know how much you can blame Chucky for that one. She sort of did that to herself.
Critic: Yeah, she tosses herself out a window and doesn’t even fall the same way she came out?
(Maggie falls onto the back of a pickup truck and dies.)
Critic: This all came from a toy hammer! How can anyone be this clumsy?
#10:
Charles Lee Ray: (rather calmly) Oh, God, I’m dying.
Phelous: (sarcastic) Well, at least he seems to be taking it well.
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard. I'm sorry to upset your plans, but...
Elizabeth's Father: Plans did you say? My one and only plan, dear girl, is to see you as happy as possible, and I would never dream of forcing you to do something you don't want to.
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) Unless it was the beginning of the movie in which case I said you had no choice.
Critic: (as a scene of Elizabeth and her father hugging plays) Seriously, what did she do different? She made the same argument she did before. In fact, it's actually less angry. Are you honestly telling me that this...
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard.
Critic: is much more stronger than THIS?
Elizabeth: (scene from earlier) I'd rather die than marry that horrifying, disgusting old serpent!
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) Ohoho, that's just the PMS talking. You'll get over it!
Elizabeth: I have absolutely no intention of marrying Everard.
Critic:(as Elizabeth's father) WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! CALM DOWN, BITCH! CALM DOWN! WHOA! We'll figure this out, man! JESUS!
#2:
Zack Denbrough: What were you doing in Georgie’s room?
Young Bill: N-Nothing. Dad, listen!
Zack Denbrough: I don’t want you ever coming in here again, son. Do you understand?
Critic: (imitates Zack Denbrough) How DARE you try to mourn the loss of your one and only brother!
#3:
Pennywise: I’ll show you how to FLOOOAAAT down here.
Critic: Why doesn’t he just EAT these fucking kids? He’s eaten like half of the other kids in the neighborhood! Why doesn’t he just finish them off? I mean, what the hell is more important in his time?
Critic: (imitates Pennywise) RARRR, I've got you now, little boy! (beeping sound, and he looks at his watch) Oh, my God, it’s almost 3:00! (The Critic leaves the screen camera from the left and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song plays.)
#4:
Critic: Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m drunk or something, but, uhh…Tim Curry is a riot... Were people really scared by this guy? He’s hilarious! I don’t even think his scene is supposed to be this long. I think he just decided to stay on set and annoy everybody.
#5:
(The kitchen phone rings, and Tory answers it)
Tory: Hello? Hello? Help us, please! Come help us! We’re trapped inside of here!
Pennywise: Do you have Prince Albert in a can? You do? Well, ya better let the poor guy out! Wha-haw! Wha-Haw! Wha-Haw!
(Tory hangs up and tears the phone off the wall)
#6:
Critic: The mother finds someone who might know where the boy has been taken, and...get ready, people: this is Nicolas Cage at his absolute... Cagiest.
Vasil: Hey, I've got what you need for those shakes my friend.
(Johnny laughs hysterically, stuffing a cell phone in Vasil's mouth)
Johnny: Carrigan must've told you about that thing that killed his men last night, huh? Yeah?! Well, that thing is inside me! You see, you're a bad man, and this thing, the Rider, he feeds on bad men, and he's hungry! He's hungrier than he's been in years, AND THAT'S WHY I'M SHAKING!
Critic: (as the director) Uh, Mr. Cage, none of this is in the script. You're supposed to just ask where the kid is and leave. We don't know what you're doing right now, but for the love of God, please don't hurt anybody.
#6:
Critic: So Cage saves Rowan, but little does he know she was never in any danger at all. In fact, she even runs back to her group who welcome her with open arms.
(Honestly.. What the fuck!?)
#7:
Malus: HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!
Critic: Somebody lit it! Somebody lit it!
#8:
(Malus sees the little girl from the car on the boat, looking out on the railing. While Malus looks her over, a truck horn is heard and the girl suddenly gets run over by a truck)
Critic: JESUS CHRIST! WHO LET THE TRUCK ON THE BOAT?!
#9:
Maggie: (after searching around the place to find nothing) I’m scaring myself half to death.
(She turns around and suddenly gets hammered once in the face.)
MC Hammer: Hammer time!
(Maggie stumbles backwards and falls through the apartment window several stories high off the ground.)
Phelous: I don’t know how much you can blame Chucky for that one. She sort of did that to herself.
Critic: Yeah, she tosses herself out a window and doesn’t even fall the same way she came out?
(Maggie falls onto the back of a pickup truck and dies.)
Critic: This all came from a toy hammer! How can anyone be this clumsy?
#10:
Charles Lee Ray: (rather calmly) Oh, God, I’m dying.
Phelous: (sarcastic) Well, at least he seems to be taking it well.
#1: FRIDAY THE 13th, ORGINAL:
I just don't get how THAT gave us Jason Voorhees.. It's so stupid.
#2: KILL BILL:
It's weird.. I just always found this movie TOO action-y.. I don't know if it's Uma Thurman.. The over acting.. The subtitles.. Or just that I had to sit though it over a thousand times..
Either way.. I'll put this movie lower on this, but it's the quickest I could think of.
#3: SAW 3D:
This is when the series became that torture porn you THINK the series started as.. It's stupid.. The movie is stupid.
#4: RESIDENT EVIL:
No thank you..
#5: REVENANT:
Let me clarify.. I DO like this movie.. But I mainly just watch the first half, rarely the second half.
But still.. Leonardo literary had to eat raw meat, crawl in the snow, and get ravaged by a CGI grizzly, to finally get that damn oscar..
I just don't get how THAT gave us Jason Voorhees.. It's so stupid.
#2: KILL BILL:
It's weird.. I just always found this movie TOO action-y.. I don't know if it's Uma Thurman.. The over acting.. The subtitles.. Or just that I had to sit though it over a thousand times..
Either way.. I'll put this movie lower on this, but it's the quickest I could think of.
#3: SAW 3D:
This is when the series became that torture porn you THINK the series started as.. It's stupid.. The movie is stupid.
#4: RESIDENT EVIL:
No thank you..
#5: REVENANT:
Let me clarify.. I DO like this movie.. But I mainly just watch the first half, rarely the second half.
But still.. Leonardo literary had to eat raw meat, crawl in the snow, and get ravaged by a CGI grizzly, to finally get that damn oscar..