The two things everyone's been talking about lately are Christian Bale's onset freakout and those ubiquitous 25 Random Things About Me lists. It got us wondering if maybe Christian Bale himself had made a list, so we hacked into his Facebook account. And then we made this fake list.

1) I ad-libbed all of Newsies. It wasn't even supposed to be a musical.

2) My philosophy: It's not who you are underneath, but how good you are at staying out of my fucking eye-line that defines you.

3) I lost my virginity to Miranda Richardson on the set of Empire of the Sun. In costume. Her costume.

4) If I've tagged you, it's because you're a f***ing professional.

5) Everything I need to know about anger management, I learned from Bill O'Reilly.
6) Everything else I learned from Alec Baldwin.

7) Six people played Bob Dylan in I'm Not There, but only one of us killed and ate a gaffer at the wrap party.

8) Most people don't know I am big into method acting. During the filming of Terminator I went deep into my character, who in my eyes was a giant a**hole.

9) You know who's a professional? The CGI dragon in Reign of Fire. Trying to get him cast as The Riddler.

10) When I had to get mad while acting I used to visualize my mother's face, but thankfully, through therapy, I've moved on. Now I imagine director of photography Shane Hurlbut's face.

11) If I lose it, my friends jokingly call it a Bale-out. At least they did until I stabbed them.

12) I had to do so much yelling at the cast and crew of Batman that my throat was really sore for like half the shooting. Thankfully, we found a way to work around it.

13) To this day I won't learn Christopher Nolan's name. I had to look it up on IMDB just now.

14) Russell Crowe and I used to sing "City of Blinding Lights" in our American accents to pump each other up on the set of 3:10 to Yuma.

15) I truly believe the world lost one of its greatest actors when my dead friend Heath "overdosed."

16) Sometimes I stay home and read aloud the parts of American Psycho that were cut, like the habitrail scene, and Whitney Houston.

17) I requested (and was denied) nipples for my batsuit.

18) The secret to my intensity? I imagine every movie I'm in as a remake of Swing Kids.

19) I still have blue-balls from Little Women.

20) That wasn't actually me nude-chasing the hooker with a chainsaw in American Psycho. Because I was too busy nude-chasing the hooker with a chainsaw in Barbados.

21) If I never work another acting job in my life, at least I'll have comic book conventions and the respect of the people who matter most: the fans. Get that Sharpie out of my face, I have my own.

22) While I hate it when anyone tweaks the f***ing lights, I do enjoy it when people tweak my nipples.

23) People always ask me who's a better kisser, Katie Holmes or Maggie Gyllenhaal. My answer? Michael Caine.

24) My weight loss program for The Machinist? I call it "The Empire of the Fun Run." And purging.

25) I have to go return some video tapes.