Dear Ms. Meyer,

Hi. I’m Tria. It’s nice to meet you. As you have probably guessed, I am writing to you concerning your series known as “The Twilight Saga.” If you’ll forgive me for being rude, I’d like to be blunt.

You fail.

Again, apologies for my rudeness. If you’ll allow me, I’m going to back up this assumption of your literary failure.

Let’s start with the plots, looking at each book individually, and then the books as a whole.
Twilight: Barely has a plot. The book is 300 or so pages of nothing happening besides mooning on about Edward and his eyes. Then you throw in three random villains, put Bella in danger, and have Edward save the day. Some plot development might have been nice, but no, there is none.
New Moon: Same thing. 300 pages of nothing happening besides zombie-Bella before she has to run and “save” Edward (we’ll get to this later). Again, NO plot development.
Eclipse: You finally learn how to develop a plot, leaving hints about the developing newborn vampire army. But between said hints…nothing happens! Oh, and I’m glad you finally realized that subplots are needed in a book. But those were utter crap (sorry for my rudeness). No one cares that Rosalie’s dad owned a bank. It’s not important.
Breaking Dawn: Did someone tell you that things need to happen in a book? Because it was just overloading us with events at the beginning, most of which didn’t even make sense. I’m pretty sure you were trying to make up for the nothingness of the previous books.
Bella: Edward, despite the fact that you are dead and most likely incapable of producing live sperm, I am pregnant. Please rip my demon baby out of my stomach while breaking my spine.
Jacob: Bella, your newborn infant is my soul mate.
Bella: Well, that’s not creepy at all!
Readers: What the hell am I reading?
After all this unexplainable drama, guess what? Nothing happens! We get all revved up for a big fight, and then the Volturi show and a go “Haha! Just kidding! No fight!” Really, Meyer? Really? I was just sitting there going “Wait..what!? Well, that’s pathetic.” Sweetie, if you’re going to have an epic story, good guys need to die. This softie crap won’t cut it.
As a whole: NOTHING! There is no ultimate plot to your series, and the only thing that connects is the fact that Edward is unable to read Bella’s mind, which turns into her shield, and Victoria and the Volturi. Each of the Twilight books could have stood alone with a few modifications, because there is no overall plot. Meyer—if you’re going to write a series, for gosh sakes connect the books!

Now let’s talk about Edward and Bella’s relationship. Bella notices Edward. Edward thinks Bella smells good, so he follows her and stalks her and watches her sleep. Bella is completely okay with this simply because Edward is hot. After the initial “I stalk you.” “Oh that’s so romantic!” they have a few conversations, decide they’re dating, and BOOM! Soul mates, bonded for life. Wait…what!?
First off, what’s Edward’s initial reason for following Bella? He says it’s to keep her safe, but why should he care? He barely knows her! Sure, she smells like the greatest meal on Earth, but if she dies, less temptation for him. There is no reason for him to go stalking.
Secondly, the only, I repeat, the ONLY reason Bella takes any interest in Bella is because of his looks. Do not even try to deny it, Meyer. Very nice, plain-looking boy (Eric or Mike) talks to her? Nope, leave me alone! Incredible hot boy doesn’t give her a second glance? Oooooh, I want! I would be willing to bet anything that if it had been Mike Newton following her to Port Angeles and watching her sleep, she would have told Charlie and put a stop to it. Very, very shallow.
My third point: Where is the normality in Edward and Bella’s relationship? I know what you’re thinking: “They can’t have a normal relationship because Edward is a vampire!” Fine. But when do they just…go to a movie? Sit down and talk about normal things? Like football. School. Anything! All they ever talk about is vampires, I-love-you-more, I’m-dangerous, or werewolves. And when does Bella ever talk about how much she likes his personality? It’s all about his looks, his eyes, his hair, his eyes. Oh, and how he is perfect at pretty much everything. There is nothing beyond looks and scent in the chemistry between Edward and Bella.

Now let’s talk about your plot holes, shall we? And aren’t they just endless?
1.)    Selective fainting fits. Bella can’t be in a blood-typing Biology lesson, yet is fine in a hospital with soiled bandages next to her? Also, if she can’t stand blood, how does she deal with her period?
2.)    Speaking of periods, how do the vampires stand it? You say, “Dead blood.” I say, “Nice try. No such thing. No difference between regular blood and menstrual blood, except that menstrual blood has uterine lining tissue in it.”
3.)    I’m not sure you know this, but sunlight comes through clouds. So the clouds wouldn’t stop the sparkling. If the bright light is the issue, how do they sit in a brightly lit school all day?
4.)    Vampires have super-hearing, and Edward can usually hear whoever is on the other end of the phone. So why couldn’t Alice figure out that Bella was talking to James?
5.)    Also, why couldn’t Alice see Bella’s escape plan once it had formed in her head?
6.)    Alice and Bella reached the Volturi in two days. Why did it take the Volturi three months to get to Forks?
7.)    No one knows about vampires, and then Bella figures it out in two months. Really?
8.)    Jasper goes ballistic over a simple paper cut, but can attend school, where paper cuts, nosebleeds, and scrapes are daily occurances?
9.)    If people saw Edward sparkling in Volturra, they wouldn’t scream, “VAMPIRE!” They’d say to themselves, “Woah, that guy went a little overboard on the body glitter.” No one but Bella knows that vampires sparkle.
10.)    Speaking of Edward’s suicide, why didn’t he just kill himself? He had to go to the Volturi? Why?
11.)    Edward is apparently incredible smart. So why did he not bother to double check that Bella was actually dead?
12.)    So after killing any human with knowledge of vampires for the past thousand years, the Volturi just decide to make an exception for Bella? Well, how convenient!
13.)    Vampires must not kill/eat in any way that is too noticeable to humans. Unless, of course, it involves killing large groups of tourists at a time. That’s not noticeable at all.
14.)    Edward has two medical degrees, and is unable to go to a blood-typing Biology lesson. How did he get his medical degrees then? Skip pretty much every class?
15.)    Why is Bella the only one that notices the Cullen’s eyes changing color? Is everyone in Forks just that stupid? Also, gold eyes are not natural. Again, are they all just that stupid?
16.)    West coast of Brazil. Did you fail geography?
I could go on, and I’m pretty sure others could add to the list, but I think I’ve made my point. Every book has plot holes and mistakes, but in Twilight, you have made a fool of yourself.

And I’ve saved my final argument for last. I have met many people who don’t mind the books, but simply cannot stand this one aspect of them. For many people, this is the reason that they hate the books, or are anti. Even if you are a fan of Twilight, there are many who simply can’t stand this part of the series.

Bella Swan.

Media was getting some great female characters. Leia was leading the rebel army. Hermione was fighting a Dark Lord. Jo March had decided that she didn’t need a man in her life. Even Jane Eyre was struggling, and independently pulling herself together. We had Eowyn (Lord of the Rings), Lyra Silvertonge (His Dark Materials), Arya (Eragon), and Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson). Women weren’t just the love interest on the side that the epic male hero has to save from danger. We were the ones saving the males, the strong heroines who played an epic and important part in the world-saving that had always belonged to men.
And then along comes Bella Swan.
She is possible the most pathetic female character ever. She sets back the female character back to when women always had to be saved by men. She literally does nothing. And when you do have her “save” Edward from harm, she still does nothing! All she has to do is show herself. Really? That’s the best you can do? Even your other female characters are utter crap! All Alice does is shop and be bubbly. Rosalie is just jealous. Esme jumps off a cliff when her son dies. And Renee is such a crap mother that Bella is the mother figure in her house. Speaking as a woman, I was almost offended when I read the Twilight series. You completely lack female epicness! What surprises me the most about this is that you’re a woman writing for teenage girls. Are you trying to teach them that they are nothing without a man? This is not true! We are absolutely great people without our men! Except Bella, who is a completely useless zombie without her man. I’m so glad that teenage girls everywhere are reading about how useless they are, and how they are worth nothing without a man.
Now, putting the message that Bella sends aside, let’s look at her as a character. You have no idea how painfully obvious is it that Bella is a Mary-Sue self-insertion. It is obvious reading the books that you are writing about you living out your little fantasy of meeting a sparkly vampire. Bella is a total Mary-Sue. She is described by everyone as “mature, selfless, beautiful, special” and yet we see no evidence of this. Do mature high school students go into a depression over the loss of a boyfriend of a few months? Do selfless people ignore their friends and then use them when they are dumped by their boyfriend? How is she beautiful or special? And isn’t it just so great that she’s instantly popular? That she has three guys drooling over her? Oh, and she won’t die jumping off a super high cliff, or even get injured seriously! And the Volturi don’t need to kill her, that’s fine! The list goes on and on. One of the main characteristics of a Mary-Sue is favoritism by the author (you). I think this is what we call favoritism.
Another big Mary-Sue alert is that “good guys” can’t defeat “bad guys” without the Mary-Sue. Beep! Beep! Beep! Alert! Bella is oh-so important and saves the day with her shield! Yes, this goes against what I said in the above paragraph, but as she is saving the day, she still does NOTHING! And isn’t it just so perfect and great that she was struggling for months, but suddenly can operate her shield perfectly on the day of the battle? Wow! What a coincidence! Mary-Sue! Her only flaws are that she is completely male-dependant and can’t do anything for herself, but this is portrayed as being just fine and perfectly acceptable. Really?
Now let’s talk about what sort of role model Bella is. What does she teach girls?
•    You should automatically go for the hottest guy in school, even if he doesn’t date and hates you. Everyone else is beneath you.
•    Ignore nice boys if they are plain-looking.
•    If a hot guy is stalking you, it’s fine! It’s romantic and sweet!
•    A guy’s personality isn’t important. Only his looks matter. Moon on about said looks all the time.
•    Complain. A lot. It’ll get you what you want.
•    Feel free to abandon all your life plans for your boyfriend of barely a year. Who cares about friends and family?
•    Go ahead and ignore all your friends for your boyfriend.
•    If your boyfriend dumps you, go into a depression. Even if you’ve only known him for six months. Then use your friends.
•    Now find the next hot guy. Then jump off a cliff.
•    Yay! Boyfriend’s back! Ignore your friends again.
•    Now kiss and use the next hot guy, even though your boyfriend is back.
•    Now, get married at 18 to your high school sweetheart. That always works out great!
•    Above all, you are useless. Don’t do anything yourself, but always let the men save you.
If that’s what we’re teaching teenage girls today, I really don’t want to live on this planet anymore. I can only count myself lucky that we still have the girls mentioned before, who can actually take care of themselves.

Seeing as this got very long very fast, I think I’d better stop. However, I think I’ve proven the point I made at the beginning.

You fail. Rather epically.

Sincerely,

TriaRose

Thanks so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed!