This article is not meant to offend. It is mostly comedy and uses examples from more fandoms then just Twilight. There will also be examples that tak lyke dis and capslock. So be careful when reading.
I'm sure we are all familiar with a fangirl. (Or fanboy, but they are different and we will not be discussing them today.) Put simply, fangirls are very, very, VERY big fans of something. Twilight fangirls are obsessed with Twilight and will probably have as much Twilight merchandise as possible. A Bangel fangirl may eat you in your sleep if you are a hardcore Spuffy shipper, and a fanpop fangirl just can't leave the computer.
'How do you identify a fangirl?!' you ask. Well, this article will tell you how.
1. EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! (The squeal.)
You have probably heard this before. The first and most identifying characteristic of a fangirl is the squeal. It is high-pitched, loud, and also accompanied by grinning insanely, jumping up and down, and excessive hyperactiveness. This is used to show the ultimate love for their fandom.
Example: EEEEEE!!!! HOUSE AND CUDDY ARE SOO GONNA GET TOGETHER NEXT SEASON!!!!! EEEEEEEE!!!!
Some (I REPEAT: SOME.) fangirls type or speak in a non-literate way. I'm not sure why they do this. It seems they have no reason. (While most fangirls do actually type so you can understand them, there is always the chatspeak group.)
Example: omg dont u jst luvv harry and herminie 2gethr???? its lyke ttlly teh best ship evr!!!
3. The.... dark side.
A fraction of fangirls have a bad side. Well, the majority of fangirls have a bad side. this bad side is likely to show if somebody disagrees with them. Usually it just involves glaring or excessive exclamation points, but there have been violent cases before.
Example: What do you MEAN you ship Booth/Angela?? EVERYONE knows Booth and Brennan are meant to be! I can't believe you! That is utter insanity!!!1! *ebulglare*
4. OMG I MUST HAVE THAT!!! (the Merchandise)
One of the best known fangirl traits is excessive merchandise. Some fangirls go out of their way to have everything- the coffee mug, the light up pen, the lipgloss, the book bag.
Example: Don't you just LOOOOVE my Edward Cullen body glitter? I keep it in my edard and bella twilight bag! I also have my Cullen crest bracelet, and I keep my Alice Cullen keychain in the pocket of my Bella Swan jacket!
5. I must be there! Syndrome
Fangirls will probably do almost anything to do something related to their fandom. this means leaving sports practice early to watch that beloved episode, staying up late for the midnight book release, or canceling plans for a special event. They don't usually care about the consequences. (Note: The writer of this article does not encourage you to do what is in the example.)
Example: OH NOO! My cousin's wedding is on the same day of the Shanshu Awards! Oh, what shall I do? I joined Fanpop for the sole reason of participating in this!! Ah well. It's just a wedding. There will be more in my life. Besides, the Shanshu awards are WAYYY more important!
These fangirls go to the limit with that actor(ress). They may write them long love letters, photoshop a picture of the two together, follow them around...
Example: OH MY GOD! Robert McDreamy Pattinson is coming to East Cupcake, Illinois! I must go see him, for we shall be married and fall in love!!!
7. FIRSTCOMMENTYAYYY! Syndrome
A movie preview is released. A promotional is shown. A sneak peak is revealed. This fangirl will be the first to know.
Example: Yay! the New Moon special preview was released on youtube! I MUST have first comment or I will die!
Hopefully now you are more versed in the subtle and dangerous art of identifying fangirls. When you have mastered these beginner/intermediate techniques, you will be able to move on to the Advanced/Masters portion of the guide.