Critical Analysis of Twilight Article: A short summary of Twilight IMHO.

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posted by RobynPotter

{i did not write this myself, but i found it ridiculously funny and thought it needed to be posted here}

Book 1. Twilight:
Edward: Hey.
Bella: OMG, I'm so silly. And horny.
Edward: Yes. I'm dangerous. I sparkle.
Bella: OMG you're a vampire!
Edward: Yes. Let's go play baseball.
James: I like your girl, Edward. Gotta eat her.
Edward: Roar.
James: Omnomnom Bella.
Bella: OMG I'm screaming in agony! Yes, I will be a vampire!
Edward: I'm gonna kill you, James! I'm gonna suck Bella as well.
Jacob: Oh, hi there!
Book 2. New Moon:
Edward: Oops, gotta go.
Bella: OMG don't leave me! OMG I'm so depressed and dying in agony again.
Jacob: Oh hi there! I'm a semi-naked shape-shifter! (I mean, a werewolf!)
Bella: OMG I don't miss Edward anymore, I love you Jake!
Alice: Edward is gonna kill himself!
Bella: OMG no! BRB Jake, you're not important anymore.
Edward: I'm going to do the worst ever. I will sparkle Italians to death.
Volturi:You suck.
Bella: OMG leave him alone!
Volturi: OK, leave now bitches.
Jacob: I love you, Bella.
Bella: OMG I love Edward more, bye!
Book 3. Eclipse:
Victoria: I'm back, bitch! I'ma cut you!
Bella: OMG no!
Edward: I'ma protect you, dinner! (I mean Bella)
Jacob: I want to kill her too!
Riley: I will kill you!
Bella: OMG I'm frozen!
Edward: Shit I'm so cold and can't get you hot.
Jacob: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore.
Victoria: You missed me bitches?
Edward: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead!
Bella: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward.
Book 4. Breaking Dawn:
Edward: I don't want to fuck you, Bella. Marry me first.
Bella: Shit, okay.
Jacob: My heart is broken!
Bella: OMG and so is my water! I've been prego for 3 days and now my baby is ready to go!
Edward: Oh no, a monster!
Renesmee: I'ma kill you, mom :3
Volturi: We're gonna kill that bitch, she's a monster.
Bella: OMG finally I'm a vampire now! I'ma protect ma man and ma family and some other random bitches.
Volturi: Fine, you won.
Jacob: Bella I never loved you. I wanna fuck your daughter

ϟ

Flickerflame, _naiza and 4 others like this

PotterForever Well, there you have it folks. No need to read the books.

Darkshine Oh my gosh! xD You are such a genious!

tellymaster That pretty much summed up the whole story. xD

missracoon Jacob: Move on bitch, I will warm this whore. Victoria: You missed me bitches? Edward: I killed James, you twat! Now you're dead! Bella: OMG kiss me Jake! Kay, gotta go I'm marrying Edward. xDDDDD

alexisn10 SO. MUCH. WIN! But here's how you can sum it up even quicker... Bella: Fuck me Edward: *sparkle* no Bella: Fuck me Jacob: *take off shirt* no Bella: Fuck me Edward:....okay Jaacob: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- Credits ϟ and Hunger Games 3-finger sign <3

_naiza Renesmee: I'ma kill you, mom :3 XD

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My Letter to Stephanie Meyer

posted by TriaRose

Dear Ms. Meyer,

Hi. I’m Tria. It’s nice to meet you. As you have probably guessed, I am writing to you concerning your series known as “The Twilight Saga.” If you’ll forgive me for being rude, I’d like to be blunt.

You fail.

Again, apologies for my rudeness. If you’ll allow me, I’m going to back up this assumption of your literary failure.

Let’s start with the plots, looking at each book individually, and then the books as a whole.
Twilight: Barely has a plot. The book is 300 or so pages of nothing happening besides mooning on about Edward and his eyes. Then you throw in three...

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Are the Cullens good heroes/heroines?

posted by MCRTS

After reading the post "Bella as a heroine should be illegal" by bendaimmortal, it got me thinking. Obviously, no-one would consider Bella Swan a heroine. If you do, you have got a really great deal of imagination, or a warped sense of the world. Because, and I'm sure most Twilight fans would agree, the girl didn't do anything at all. Save being overly dramatic and being the damsel in distress.

What about the Cullens then? What about Carlisle, Alice, Esme, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett? What about He-Who-Sparkles-In-Broad-Daylight? Would they be considered heroes/heroines?

No.

I say that the Cullens...

The Twilight Saga as a Subconscious Retelling of a Family Drama: The Real Story

posted by songwave

Note: It’s important for me to communicate that I don’t know the author of Twilight or her family personally and I do not intend them any insult; this article is purely academic speculation inspired by a story which will remain a timeless work of art. It is the emotional accessibility of the work which makes commentary such as this possible. I may be projecting the whole thing… But that’s exactly why Twilight is so successful, because it invites us so welcomingly into the story!

Every fan knows the story of the Twilight Saga.
There are many theories as to what makes the story such a pop-culture...

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Opinions in the Twilight fandom... And why I don't agree with them

posted by katiecain

As a fan of Twilight, I am part of a lot of related spots and discussions. However, as a Jacob & Bella fan, I often find myself disagreeing with most of the opinions of Twilight fans. In this article I'll go through some comments I've read (slightly altered - don't want anyone out to get me!) and why I disagree with them. It's really just an informal rant. :P

'Edward & Bella have things in common unlike Jacob & Bella'

... What exactly? Let me guess: Classical music? Bella knows one song and suddenly they have something in common. They both read? When do we actually read of Bella reading...

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Bye Twilight. It was fun while it lasted.

posted by AliceHaleCullen

Soo, I read Twilight in 2005 and seriously thought it was the best thing I'd ever read, and never thought I'd read anything better. How young and stupidly naive I was!

When I first bought it, it was treasured, as were New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn & all the money wasting merchandise I purchased to. But over the past 2 years, I've seen the fan base grow and grow and GROW into something that is just pretty hectic and down right ridiculous.

I personally feel sorry for the cast, especially Robert Pattinson. Poor guy, can't even walk out his front door without being mobbed. There's such thing...

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Why being a Twi-vamp would be great, even if you hate them

posted by Asvini

As someone who liked vampires before the fad started I'm one of the many people who dislikes the Twilight vampires. And thinks they should be reclassified as pixies. Or that at least Zombie Bram Stoker should go have a serious talk with Stephenie Meyer about vampires... What do you mean Bram Stoker hasn't risen as a zombie in protest to the Twilight vampires? Why don't you go prove it? I'll wait...

...

...They didn't come back, so I'm assuming Zombie Bram ate their brains. We'll have to carry on without them. Anyway, I must admit Meyerpires are an interpretation of the vampire myth I just don't...

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Six Favorite Twilight Characters

posted by OCFan123

Disclaimer: The title of the article may seem to be a bit strange, as most of my articles that I have posted on here are usually issues I have with the Twilight Saga, but I decided that myself as an anti, wanted to write about things I actually do like about the series. Guarantee, I actually do think Stephanie Meyer did create some characters in this series, and I just wanted to list my Top 8. This will be in no particular order.
* * *
Jasper Hale

If hypothetically, I were to meet the Cullen, I would think that Jasper would be the only one I probably be remotely afraid of in any sort of way. Or...

Twilight Jokes

posted by KateKicksAss

I found these online, and thought they were kinda funny, :)
Credit: wiki answers, wattpad.com, b l o g s p o t.com

How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?
I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen

What happened when Emmett Cullen stubbed his toe?
He made the whole city collapse!

Rosalie Hale was told to find something just as or more beautiful then herself. She came back with a mirror!

How do you stop Jacob Black from attacking you?
You pick up a stick, throw it and yell "fetch"!

How do you irritate Edward Cullen?
Buy him a dog and call it Jacob!

Why...

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Renesmee and Jacob in a Leaked Breaking Dawn Trailer (Parody)

added by KateKicksAss

A hilarious BD spoof. Jacob is hungry for Renesmee's love...and a McFlurry, :P

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dawn

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Twilight Saga- Take it off

added by maritina12345

video

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse Review: Rotten Tomatoes Show

added by fanfly

video

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movie

rating

review

rotten tomatoes show

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Twilight vs Dead Until Dark

added by Mallory23

Source: http://fuckyeahtwilightsucks.tumblr.com/

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The Twilight Saga: The Plot Holes That Never Were

posted by cassie-1-2-3

I’ve read many lists pointing out Twilight “Plot Holes”, but more often than not, the lists aren’t very valid at all. Half of them are usually just complaints, pointing out something they don’t like about Twilight (Example:” Why would vampires go to high school?”, or “Why does Bella have so many friends?”). The rest are just factually incorrect, or can be logically theorized. These are usually followed by “Stephenie Meyer obviously ditched history class”, or “Hasn’t Stephenie ever heard of logic?”, or my personal favorite, “I would know, I had a lesson about it...

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Hitler Was Not Dazzled By Breaking Dawn

added by sylar_rocks

Contains strong language. It's not an anti video if you don't mind the lulz.

video

twilight

funny

parody

hitler

breaking dawn

stephenie meyer

dazzling

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The Real Reason Bella "Couldn't" Get Over Edward

posted by nuxi

aagh! I accidentally deleted this when I was trying to edit it. here it is again with a new title:

Bella could have gotten over Edward in New Moon and even had a real relationship with Jacob in time, but she wouldn't let herself. She felt that moving on would diminish or discredit her twu wuv with Edward and the pain she felt after he left. She wants to believe she can't get over it because she wants to believe that what they had was extraordinary, not like any other teenage romance. She wants to believe no one else in the world can relate to what she's going through. She was alone because she...

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pic

added by Disaster

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Edward Body Pillow

added by nuxi

Source: etsy

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12 Ways to Annoy Crazed Obsessive Twilight Fangirls

posted by sapherequeen

*Most I made up, a few I admit I saw on a video but I stated these ways in my own words so it is therefore not plagiarism*

1) Tell a fangirl that you'll send her a T-shirt with rare pictures of Edward Cullen on the front and back in two days, make sure she gets extremely excited. When the two days go by, send her a T-shirt with pics of Hagrid from Harry Potter instead.
link
2) Tell the fangirls that all gay men sparkle.
3) Tell the fangirls that the Quielete werewolves have major anger management issues if they turn into beasts when they got irritable...
4) Ask them for their Twilight merchandise,...

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10 Reasons No Sane Person Would Date Edward Cullen (watch Supernatural instead)

added by samjhart

video

twilight

edward cullen

funny

criticism

critical analysis

bella swan

stephenie meyer

vampires

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Why we Antis love our Pro spot members

posted by Mermaid-Tail

I think this spot and the majority of it's members have worked to ensure that when we talk about things we dislike about the series it's things we feel strongly about or have an actual point to make, not just mindless hating and that when we poke fun we try to keep an eye on the line between fun mockery and plain rudeness, even though that line can be debatable or hard to see. Still, there are some cases when I can see fans feeling left out, singled out or wanting out completely, and I don't like that. Part of the problem is something us antis can't really help with, which is that not many...