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Damon & Bonnie Opinion Article

The 'Real' Reason & Meaning Behind Show Damon's Existential Crisis.

Opinion by ApplePie88 posted over a year ago
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So far, in the second season, the show has been about Damon's redemption and Damon finding himself and discovering his humanity. For all of us who watch the show, it is pretty evident and clear that Damon has embarked on a rather tumultuous journey and that this spiritual journey in which he has embarked on has been much of a roller coaster ride for him emotionally. For over 145 years of being a vampire, Damon has managed to shut off his humanity, therefore, causing him to shut off his feelings. He's stopped caring about people in general and has put up walls for self preservation. If you can recall and look back at Damon's human life, Damon was always the "troubled" Salvatore brother. Damon always had a lot of self issues to begin with. He had a lot of self-esteem problems and a lot of issues regarding who he is as a person. It was clearly evident that Damon had 'Daddy issues' and that Damon was almost always overlooked by Giuseppe for Stefan. In Giuseppe's eyes, Stefan was the 'Golden Boy', the good son, the responsible one. And because of it, Giuseppe ended up placing Stefan on a high pedestal. This of course, caused a lot of emotional scars for Damon and because of it, Damon has always felt inferior or second best to his younger brother. With that being said, THIS WAS NOT STEFAN'S FAULT. Stefan had absolutely no control over being the favourite son and being admired by his own Father; that was completely out of Stefan's control and it wasn't Damon's fault either. Damon was who he was and it just happened to be the fact that Giuseppe just couldn't accept his son for who he was as an individual and what he stood for.

The reason why Damon is the way that he is and has been acting out the way that he acts out for the past 145 years is because subconsciously, he is and has been yearning for someone, somebody to UNDERSTAND HIM. Because for his entire life, Damon has never had one person to understand him, as well as accept him wholly and completely for who he is inside and out, what he stands for and also understand his inner most complexities as an individual. Even though Stefan is his blood and has been his brother for Damon's entire existence, Stefan still doesn't have an understanding of Damon from "deep down inside" of him (Damon). Stefan may understand his brother, because that's his brother and they're blood but as far as I'm concerned, Stefan doesn't understand Damon on the inside. Stefan only understands how Damon operates from the outside. I know there are people who would disagree with me, but then again, this is just my opinion. For basically Damon's entire life, he has NEVER found one individual who "knows" him, who "gets" him and understands him ultimately as an individual. This includes his personality, his deeper inner desires, values and beliefs. Most people don't understand Damon or don't accept him, because for the most part, DAMON IS AN UNCONVENTIONAL INDIVIDUAL. His deeper inner beliefs and values are something that most people don't accept or believe in and because of this, Damon has often faced rejection due to this. What I am basically trying to say is that Damon has an existential crisis, because deep down within himself, HE IS YEARNING FOR SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND HIM FROM DEEP WITHIN. He's just desperately dying for it. And he's been searching for it his entire life including his mortal life and immortal life. Damon thought he found this with Katherine because she happened to be a Vampire and Damon was attracted to the fact that she was an unconventional being. But despite the fact that he "loved" Katherine so much and was strongly attracted to the fact that Katherine's lifestyle was so incredibly unconventional and abnormal, KATHERINE STILL NEVER UNDERSTOOD DAMON ON THE INSIDE.

Ultimately, when it comes to Damon, not only is it about him having unconventional beliefs and values but it's about someone who faces the same unconventional ways of life and also, that person UNDERSTANDING HIM (DAMON) from deep within. The fact that someone is a supernatural being, whether the girl be a Vampire, Werewolf, Shape-Shifter, etc, has nothing to do with understanding and accepting Damon. It has to do with UNDERSTANDING DAMON'S INNER SOUL. And so far, no girl or woman that he has been directly involved with or in love with for that matter has managed to understand and fully accept Damon. To me, this is where Bonnie comes in. And also, even Elena. In my opinion, the reason why Show Damon "loves" Elena Gilbert has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Elena understands him. Because let's face the truth right now. ELENA DOESN'T UNDERSTAND DAMON, BOTH ON THE OUTSIDE OR ON THE INSIDE. If she did, then she wouldn't have to frequently resort to manipulating Damon and using him the way that she does. Elena may not intend to manipulate Damon the way that she does, but she does it subconsciously and out of her control because she doesn't understand Damon. In my opinion, NOBODY ON THIS ENTIRE SHOW FULLY UNDERSTANDS DAMON AT ALL. Nobody on this show EXCEPT BONNIE. There are many, many people who would try to call bullshit on this one (the people being mainly DE supporters of course), but this is only the reality and the truth. The reason why Damon and Bonnie banter with each other and snark back and forth with each other is because they both understand each other better then anyone. If I could use an example of this, it would be Clark and Lois. Clark/Lois are a destined couple, who are meant to be and yet in the beginning, when they met, THEY DIDN'T GET ALONG. Yet at the same time, even though Clark and Lois didn't get a long at all, Clark told Lois to her face that "She (Lois) understood him (Clark) better then anyone." And to me, this is the case for Damon and Bonnie.

The reason why Bonnie challenges Damon the way that she does and that Damon challenges Bonnie the way that he does, is not because they really want to harm each other. It's because they understand each other so well from the INSIDE, they "get" each other. The reality is that Bonnie doesn't hate Damon, she doesn't hate him at all. Deep down inside, she cares about Damon but she hides it, because she's afraid of appearing vulnerable in front of him and Bonnie has said this to Jeremy in the past, even though she tries to cover it up with the subject of her Witch powers. She has this fear of appearing weak in front of Damon and even though it may seem like it has to do with her Witch powers, it's not about her powers as a Witch why she's afraid of appearing vulnerable in front of Damon. It's because Bonnie fears deep down inside, that if she lets those walls come down in front of Damon, she's going to be afraid of what she sees. Why? Because in my opinion, Damon is her mirror, reflecting back to Bonnie, who she is, all of her weaknesses, her flaws, her vulnerabilities. This is the exact same thing for Bamon in the novels and this is why there is such a push/pull dynamic between Bamon especially in the books. So this is why Bonnie has put up a wall against Damon, a shield. Because she's trying to shut him out as a pure defence mechanism because she's scared. Bonnie tries to look tough in front of Damon but she's not as tough as she looks on the outside emotionally. Bonnie has a lot of vulnerabilities. And to me, this mirrors Damon and his existential crisis. Like Bonnie, Damon tries to act and appear tough out of fear of appearing vulnerable. And he especially does this when he confronts Bonnie. Except he uses his snarky and witty cutting remarks towards Bonnie because she is his mirror reflecting to him who he is including all his flaws and good traits. He doesn't recognize it consciously though because like Bonnie, he has built up a special wall against her. So, what I am basically trying to say is that Damon and Bonnie both have walls up against each other because they are both afraid that if they both take those walls down, they are afraid of what they will see because they are each other's mirror. Everytime that Bonnie challenges Damon the way that she does, she is basically mirroring back to Damon what he needs to evolve or grow on in his spiritual journey. And trust me, the person responsible for Damon's evolvement onto finding himself is most certainly NOT Elena Gilbert. If anyone tells you that, it's pure nonsense. DAMON AND BONNIE CHALLENGE EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER INSIDE AND OUT. And not only that, Damon and Bonnie share a lot of things in common even though their outer personalities are quite opposite and different.

Damon grew up and has spent his entire life and existence feeling abandoned and alone. He's always felt like he was in the shadows of someone else (Stefan) and always felt like he was second best. To me, this mirrors Bonnie's life. Bonnie has always felt abandoned and alone, without anyone to love her or comfort her wholly and completely. And even though Elena is her best friend and loves her so much, Elena still doesn't understand Bonnie fully from the inside. Not only because Bonnie is an unconventional being (a Witch), but because Elena doesn't understand Bonnie's deeper buried inner self including her inner most secrets, innermost desires, etc. And basically, for Bonnie's entire life, she has felt alone, like Damon. Even though Bonnie has so many people surrounding her and people who care about her, all of her friends, deep down inside of Bonnie, there is something severely missing. And I don't think Bonnie knows what it is. She feels like there is a puzzle piece that is missing deep within her soul and Bonnie doesn't understand it. What Bonnie is really looking for deep down inside of herself is someone to understand her completely and totally and also, unconditionally love and accept her for who she is and what she stands for. And so is Damon. And THIS is the main and major reason why Damon and Bonnie understand each other.

So, Damon and Bonnie act the way that they do because deep down, subconsciously, they have been yearning for each other. However, both Damon and Bonnie don't recognize it and realize it, because they both have those walls up against each other. Once one or the both of them start to slowly tear down those walls, both of them will begin to realize the connection that they have. This mirrors the books for Bamon in my opinion. Unfortunately, this might take some time for Show Damon and Bonnie to come to realize and recognize the connection between them, but nevertheless, it will happen organically and naturally, because that is what real and true love is all about. Damon and Bonnie are currently on their own separate spiritual journeys and they are both struggling to find themselves right now. Damon is struggling to feel again, to care for people and learn how to love after shutting off his feelings for over 145 years and Bonnie is learning how to be tolerant of people who happen to be different then her or think differently then she does. Bonnie is learning the concept of unconditional acceptance of others and learning not to judge people for what they are or who they are but rather to accept people for who they are. And Damon is learning the concept of unconditional love and caring for other people other then himself and is also learning how to feel again and not only feel again but to display feelings outwardly and openly.

So when it comes right down to it, Damon is not the only one with the existential crisis. Bonnie has an existential crisis as well. Damon is Bonnie's existential crisis and Bonnie is Damon's existential crisis because both of them are subconsciously yearning for each other yet both don't realize it yet, because it's not the right time. Both of them need to spiritually evolve and grow some more on their own individual journeys before they can ever begin to tear down those walls and barriers between them, begin to explore their connection and then down the road, eventually grow and evolve together on their mission in this time. I know this may sound strange but Damon's mission is Bonnie and Bonnie's mission is Damon, they just don't know it yet because they don't understand their individual selves yet. Once they really start to understand who they (Damon and Bonnie) are as individuals, they will begin to recognize what is the obvious. Right now, Damon seems to think that his real mission is to protect Elena, but it couldn't be farther from that. It is all in Damon's head that he's in love with Elena, but he's not in love with Elena. And he wasn't in love with Katherine. Damon doesn't understand love because DAMON DOESN'T LOVE HIMSELF. And Bonnie doesn't understand Damon right now, not only because she has her walls up against him out of fear, but because DAMON DOESN'T LOVE HIMSELF. How can Bonnie learn to love him and accept him if Damon can't and hasn't loved and accepted himself? This is why Damon and Bonnie banter and snark the way that they do. Once one or both of them start to actually love and accept themselves deep down inside, then this is when Damon and Bonnie will eventually learn to love and accept each other. One can't and can never love and accept someone else unconditionally without loving and accepting themselves unconditionally first. And I believe that on the show, this is what both Damon and Bonnie are both enduring right now in terms of their spiritual and personal struggles and evolvements.

The bottom line is, even though Damon and Bonnie may not "like" each other right now, they both understand each other from deep within subconsciously and they both don't even realize it. But they both put their walls up against each other out of fear because they are both scared. They are both scared of seeing their reflections, afraid of what they will see. So they put up walls as a way of protecting themselves and hiding their deeply buried inner vulnerability from each other. Because outside personalities and supernatural being statuses aside (with Damon being a Vampire and Bonnie being a Witch), they really are just Damon and Bonnie: two individuals who share an existential crisis which includes being both lost, lonely, abandoned, unaccepted, and are subconsciously yearning for the same thing - EACH OTHER. But right now, can't seem to get a hold of it (each other) because of pure insecurity and fear, and because they don't know and accept themselves as individuals inside and out yet. Because when it really comes right down to it, Damon and Bonnie may be different, but deep within and deep down inside, THEY'RE THE SAME. All they both need to do to realize and recognize this is to stop running from each other, slowly bring down the walls between them and explore what they have. Because once they realize what they have, they both don't realize the amazing possibilities, journey and mission that lies for the both of them together.

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BRAVO NOELLE!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! i agree with everything you said here. i agree about clark and lois. i cant say it enough how much bonnie and damon remind me of lois and clark. it is the honest truth. lois and clark are mirrors of each other, they both needed to grow until they were ready to be with one another. in the beginning they used to annoy each other but even way back then, clark said it- "there are sometimes when i think you know me better than anyone." because lois GETS clark and clark GETS lois. it is the exact same to me with bonnie and damon. they GET one another. they know what motivates each other. they know what drives each other. damon knows that bonnie covers up her weakness. he knows how scared she is. he knows this better than bonnie's own friends, people she's known her whole life. as tough as bonnie acts around damon, he knew in the parking lot how scared she was, that's why he tried to scare her into giving him the necklace. as tough as bonnie acts around damon, he knew at the salvatore house how scared she was, that's why he grabbed mason's hand as soon as it grabbed her. he can tell this about her because he himself hides his real emotions under defense mechanisms. and bonnie gets damon as well. she knew that damon would give caroline the blood because she knew that damon wanted favor with elena. because underneath damon's mask he is striving for acceptance. she knows that damon has it within him to be a better person which is why she constantly makes him know that he can't easily charm his way into her good graces. instead of manipulating him like elena, she speaks to him as an equal. she tells him not to be disrespectful and he listens to her. and he tells her to get off her high horse and she listens to him. because they just get each other. i wrote this on tumblr the other day. i dont know if you read it or not-

"it’s sad that bonnie gives so much of her love to people and i never feel like that love is ever fully reciprocated. she loves harder than any of them and covers it up as a defense mechanism. she tries to pretend she doesn’t need anyone. when her grams died, she tried to distance herself with elena and stefan. when caroline got turned she tried to distance herself with caroline. it is her reaction to grief. instead of admitting that she needs these people in her life, she pretends that she can live without them. but the truth is, she cant. to bonnie, her friends are more than that. her friends are all she has. it’s why she is wary of trusting people. because once she does trust you and love you, she will put you before anything else. bonnie’s love is not the type of thing to take for granted and i feel like these characters do :(
i also want to mention that this is one of the reasons why i have always thought that damon and bonnie were compatible with each other. they are very similar in their reactions to grief. when damon is upset, he tries to pretend like it doesn’t bother him. he tries to pretend like he doesn’t NEED anyone. when he found out that katherine was never in the tomb and not looking for him, he got drunk with some college girls and acted as if he didn’t give a flying fuck about her. and when she returned, he tried to pretend as if he was unfazed by it and as if he could ignore her. but when he was in the salvatore house sucking on her face he said “I just need the truth.” He needed to know that someone needed him back. because for the majority of damon’s life, he has spent it loving someone who didn’t give a damn about him. i feel this way frequently with bonnie and her interactions with the people that she cares about. when katherine didn’t give damon the answer he wanted, he went to elena looking for the right answer. when she told him the same thing that katherine did, he reacted rashly and killed jeremy. in the very next episode, bonnie is grief-stricken over caroline and what does she do? she tries to kill damon. both of them have the same imperfections in this sense. also, damon has always felt second in his life. everyone loves stefan more than they love him. everyone tries to help and protect stefan. stefan is everyone’s first choice. i find this to be a very similar situation with bonnie. everyone in town is running around trying to save elena. everyone falls in love with elena and does everything for her. bonnie’s life is also at risk and, at this point, is more at risk than elena’s, yet she does not get the attention that elena does. for me, both bonnie and damon are broken in this way and neither of them ever vocalize this. not only do bonnie and damon have similar reactions to grief, but they both are the two characters on the show who love harder than anyone else. similarly to bonnie, damon doesn’t have many people who he is attached to. but those people who he decides he does care about, he loves hard. he gives more of himself to people than people give to him. for the past 165 years, he has loved one person and he never stopped waiting for her. he never moved on with his life. he just continued to live from day to day until she would return to him. but it’s damon. damon who is the most gorgeous man on the face of the planet. damon who could get any girl he wanted. but that’s the thing. when he loves you, he really loves you. and yes he will fuck up many times, but i don’t think that makes his love any less real. you can also tell this about damon through his reactions to stefan. early on in season 1, damon seemed like he hated stefan. but there was never any doubt in my mind that he loves his brother. in episode 3, stefan asked damon why he hasn’t killed him yet. damon laughed and said that it was tempting but stefan told him that he wouldn’t do it. he’s had all those years of hatred between them to get rid of stefan, yet he never did. then as the season progressed, it was very clear just how much damon loves stefan. he was even willing to let go of his dream of being with elena for stefan. i know a lot of DE shippers think he did this for elena’s benefit, but using the sequence clues of the episode, it is clear what motivated damon to do this. it was right after stefan told damon he was sorry for turning him all those years ago and that he just needed his brother. the next scene of damon is when he is in elena’s room. is it any coincidence why? damon’s love for stefan is rooted very deeply just as bonnie’s love for elena is rooted very deeply. even when bonnie tried to part ways with elena, she could never fully do it. it’s the same with damon and how he feels about stefan. if you are somehow one of the people damon decides to care about, they should never take it for granted. it doesn’t happen too often. same with bonnie. it’s one of the many reasons why i ship bamon. because they need each other. they are both two broken halves that could complete one another. nothing showed this more to me than the closing montage of episode 14. bonnie’s grams dies in the same episode that damon is heartbroken over katherine never being in the tomb. the two scenes were played back to back, bonnie breaking down with elena holding her, and damon sitting in front of the fire with stefan as silent support. my heart broke for both of them. i think that was the moment that i started shipping bamon."
posted over a year ago.
last edited over a year ago
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Minaftw said:
wow you took the words right out of my mouth, this is exactly why I feel Bonnie and Damon are destined to be together. Yes, they are one in the same, both lost in the shadows of others, both misunderstood and lonely. I love how both of them are so alike, I love how they get emotional at the same time, be loving at the same time, be strong at the same time, they just have to look above the foggy haze that covers there eyes and learn that they have a lot in common and together both can fill the missing peace each other longs for. I compare it to Sabrina the Teenage Witch, when she was getting married sure she was happy but she still had that nagging feeling in the back of her mind, that something really big was missing. Turns out she wanted to marry the guy who wasn't right for her, she felt that she couldn't connect with him like she would her inner soul mate Harvey. I loved the metaphor they used to show how Harvey and Sabrina connected, it was half of a cyrstal rock, and if you matched the rock together it would fit perfectly and the two people on each side of it could come together in harmony. When Sabrina had tried to match her cystal half with the supposed "right" choice in her mind she saw that the two halfs didn't meet and that it was close but inside they couldn't fully connect, unlike Harvey, which when Sabrina and Harvey put their crystals together they became one, they were soul mates. This is exactly like Damon and Bonnie, they are soul mates, yes I admit Damon might be happy with Elena, but he will never truly feel loved and accepted like he will if he was with Bonnie. Bonnie and Damon are destined to be together, they both are longing for what each other has, and they need to come together like Clois, like Sarvey did and find true inner peace.
posted over a year ago.
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^^^love the Sabrina reference!!!!!! i remember the series finale so well :)
posted over a year ago.