OK, so as you all could see with my last article, I clearly, for the first time, created an anti-Bamon/Damon article. For the life of me, I still can't process how on Earth I really did such a thing in the first place. Because I have been shipping Bamon forever since I started reading the books and that was when I was 13 years old and just began menstruating! So, for all of you Bamonators who are freaking out over my last article, chillax peeps. You know that my nickname on this spot is not "Controversy Child" for absolutely nothing. I speak the truth, I'm blunt, I'm harsh and sometimes I'm rather hot-headed and impulsive. -Pauses- OK, maybe quite hot-headed and impulsive. But again, I just would like to say sorry and to apologize to all my fellow Bamonators on here. I over-reacted and it was completely unnecessary. I admit, after last night's episode and watching Damon behave the way he did, I got extremely frustrated and angry. I know this sounds really over the top and extreme for the most part, but when Damon force fed Elena his blood against her will, I feel like that was an ultimate violation against her rights and free will. To me, that is no better then assault or rape. I have even seen some people refer to Damon's action yesterday towards Elena as a form of "vampire rape". And you know, to be quite honest, I don't blame them for thinking such a thing. It sounds really vile to say such a thing about Damon; to call Damon a "rapist", but in my opinion, that word doesn't seem to be a total mismatch when it comes to Damon Salvatore. This is a guy who fed on Caroline and "raped" her (according to some viewers) and in the last episode, fed on Andie like a chew toy and tossed her aside like she was nothing. Last night's episode only proved to me that Damon has some very serious, SERIOUS mental, emotional and psychological issues and last night's episode only proved to me, that Elena Gilbert brings out the ultimate worst in him in all of these areas.
Elena Gilbert is a detriment to Damon's Salvatore's individuality and his journey. She has an incredibly bad influence on him and she makes him act rash and impulsive. I re-watched the entire episode (disturbing Delena scene and all) and I guess last night, what I was seeing was the Damon that he is when he's around Elena. The Damon that is he is around Elena is violent, obsessive, possessive, volatile, angry, psychopathic and aggressive and a person like Elena (whom he is obsessed with on such unhealthy levels to begin with) is clearly not a good influence on Damon whatsoever. I know I said in my last article that Damon is incapable of love, and yes, that sounds pretty damn harsh. I guess what i really meant to say was that right now, Damon is incapable of love....because he's obsessed with Elena. He is obsessed with his own brother;s girlfriend and what makes it so much worse was that this has already occurred in the distant past with Katherine. Damon is making himself become an extremist obsessive nutcase by making history repeat itself and obsessing over his brother's own girlfriend. Because of the behavior that Damon exhibits in regards to Elena and her direct and also, indirect influence over him (because let's face it, anything that is motivated by Elena for him causes him to act like a jackass), I have found myself to downright loathe and hate him. And it sucks, because I really don't like hating Damon. But at the same time, I can't really help it especially right now.
Damon is acting out of control and impulsive and at the same time, he is acting selfish and endangering other people's lives. He's so inherently focused on playing savior to Elena Gilbert that he can't seem to realize all the actual harm he is potentially causing around him. I get that he wants to protect and save Elena, I get that; that's not even the point. It's how he's going about it that really both bothers me and deeply concerns me. Let's get something straight here: ELENA GILBERT IS NOT DAMON SALVATORE'S GIRLFRIEND. Therefore, Damon has absolutely no freaking right to make hard choices and decisions for her. Damon treats Elena like a tool, like an object that he can just possessively and obsessively control and vamp-rape her by forcing her to drink his blood so that she won't die. IT WAS PURELY SELFISH AND TRUTHFULLY, THAT WAS WHAT ANGERED ME ABOUT DAMON YESTERDAY. Damon didn't give Elena A CHOICE. He forced her into something that she doesn't and turns out, NEVER wanted in the first place (which is to become a Vampire). Elena doesn't want to be a vampire. Elena doesn't want to live the eternal life, the supernatural life, yet Damon violated that and took that choice/right away from her and that was what ultimately made me angry yesterday.
OK, so now that I am through with my Damon ranting for now, I am going to start to express why i feel Bonnie will actually be the one to pull Damon out of the dark hole or the abyss that he has been in for the past century and a half. First of all, let's get something straight: DAMON SALVATORE IS FUCKED UP. Everyone knows that. Every TVD fan knows that. Every Delena fan knows that. Every Bamon fan knows that. Every Damon fan SHOULD know that. The problem is that while I'm sure most Damon fans know that he's fucked up and has some serious isshes, they still choose to deny it instead of actually admitting that Damon has a lot of problems. As someone who actually loves the character of Damon and has since the beginning (I swear, I really do!), it just makes me beyond angry watching Damon act like this. Because this is not the Damon that I know that he can be. Katerine really fucked Damon up even worse during his human life. She played games with him constantly (and also played games with Stefan as well), but it's not even about that. Katherine was ultimately playing games with a guy who had serious issues as it is. Katherine was psychologically harming Damon more then he already was from all the shit that he had already endured in his life. Damon has self-esteem issues and I think Katherine ultimately heightened his low self-esteem and made him feel unworthy for all of those years that he has been an immortal. But that's the past. Now we come to the present, and he has decided to transfer all of those excessive, O.T.T feelings that he had for Katherine back in 1864 + 145 years combined onto her uncanny, look-alike Dopple, Elena. And what do you get when Damon transfers all of those intense obsessive feelings that he had for Katherine onto a girl who is the spitting image of his obsession of over 145 years? You get a DANGEROUS OBSESSION. The only reason why Damon even loves Elena Gilbert is because she is the spitting image of the girl he loved over 145 years ago. And also, Damon has these obsessive feelings for her, because Elena embodies what he wished Katherine was back in 1864 and also in the current times. I for one, don't believe he is 100% over Katherine. Therefore, that is why I don't believe that Damon actually really, truly loves Elena. You can't just all of a sudden stop "loving" someone in such unhealthy proportions and then all of a sudden, confess your undying, eternal, immortal love to someone else, who just happens to be the spitting and uncanny image of your previous object of obsession. Come on, Damon! Stop living in la-la land and stop fooling yourself. You can't tell the difference between Elena Gilbert and Katherine Pierce and you will never be able to tell the difference.
I can't help but feel that Damon still has a tendency to confused Elena with Katherine and Katherine with Elena. The difference with Stefan when it comes to the subject of Elena/Katherine and the fact that these two girls share a uncanny physical resemblance is that Stefan KNOWS Elena, THE INDIVIDUAL. Because Stefan knows Elena's heart and soul and her essence and what she stands for as an individual (hey, Stefan and Elena are Soul Mates/Twin Souls after all), Stefan is able to distinctly tell the difference between Elena and Katherine because of it. Also, because Stefan has not spent an eternity of over 145 years as an immortal obsessing over someone who never loved him in the first place (145 years). Stefan lived his life and he grew to have an animosity towards Katherine because Stefan felt that she was solely responsible in coming between the brothers (in which she was, there is absolutely no argument there). Damon, however, instead of resenting Katherine, the person who caused the drift between him and his younger brother, chose to still obsess over Katherine because during his human life, Katherine did a good job of manipulating him and playing mind games with him to the point of fucking him up so badly that when he transformed into a vampire, everything that Damon had felt before as a human, feelings of anger, hurt, confusion and abandonment, became heightened and excessive, causing him to become the murderous and impulsive monster that we saw in season 1 and way before the story even began.
Now that we have an understanding as to why Damon is the way that he is, this is where I'm going to bring Bonnie Bennett in. I know I said that Damon is not capable of love and yes, I know that was a harsh and over the top. I completely over-reacted and I never should have said what I said. I was angry and I guess, like Damon, i do end up saying things I don't necessarily mean. The truth is, I don't really hate Damon. I actually love Damon, I really do. I've loved the character of Damon Salvatore since I was 13 years old. But here's the deal, Book Damon is completely different than Show Damon. Out of the two, I would most definitely say that Show Damon is significantly more hot-headed, impulsive and hurtful then Book Damon. IMO, Book Damon is tame compared to Show Damon. Ironically, i find it interesting that the name Damon means "to tame or subdue" in Greek. Since in regards to Damon's actions, he is the complete opposite of this. I don't know if L.J. Smith gave the character Damon his name on purpose because of it's meaning, but I do think that it is highly significant and symbolic to the story.
Even though I don't believe that Damon is worthy of Bonnie Bennett right now (and probably won't be for a while), i do strongly believe deep down inside of myself, and I can never deny it ever again, that Bonnie Bennett might be the one to ultimately save Damon from the "Dark Hole"; from the deep abyss. An abyss which Damon Salvatore has been in for centuries (in the books) and over a century (on the TV show). The truth is, even though I managed to create an anti-Bamon/Damon article (and I STILL cannot believe I managed to actually pull it off successfully and still make a lot of sense at the same time), I STILL LOVE BAMON. I still believe in Damon/Bamon. I know that I may sound like I believe the complete and total opposite or did in my last article, but I really do. I really think Bonnie could be the light in Damon's light. This is not to say that I think he deserves to have "the light" yet (Bonnie) but I believe that she will be his guide onto the path of lightness and ultimate happiness at the end of it. But in my opinion, Damon has a long way to go. Damon has so much to prove before I feel that he is ever worthy of Bonnie Bennett.I really hope the next few episodes, Damon really starts to do some things that will add some points for him in my book and redeem him a little bit in my eyes before the season ends. Because in the past few episodes of this season, my anger and frustration towards Damon has been building and building and I think yesterday was my boiling point when it came to Damon and his behavior. I do hope that if he redeems himself in the upcoming episodes, that it does involve something with Bonnie, because that would most definitely win him some points with me.
Now when it comes to Damon in the books, there is no doubt in my mind that Damon possibly does love Bonnie. What makes me unsure is the fact that Damon has been so obsessed with Elena and because of it, it feels as though to me, as a reader, that Bonnie has ultimately been in the shadows next to Elena when it comes to Damon. Because let's face it, DAMON HAS BEEN SO FOCUSED ON POSSESSING AND BEING WITH ELENA. And for some reason, watching last night's episode, and watching how obsessed he is with Elena, made me lose a little bit of hope for Bamon. I would be lying if I said that sometimes I don't have a habit of mixing up the TVD novels with the TVD CW show. I know that sounds strange but since the show is based off of the novel series by L.J. Smith, it can be hard to differentiate the two from time to time. Now, back to what I was saying regarding Damon/Bonnie in the books, again, I do believe that Damon has a lot of tenderness for Bonnie deep down inside of him. I mean, this is the girl, actually, the ONLY GIRL, to actually crack the outside of The Great Stone which has been encasing Damon's soul, a stone which has been rock solid for over 5 centuries and in which no one has successfully been able to crack open and break (until Bonnie, of course). The reason why I feel and said that Book Damon is incapable of love is because...if you really look at the whole picture, Damon has actually never really, truly BEEN IN LOVE. Sure, he's had numerous affairs. Sure, he's had lots of women chasing him (he's a Don Juan/Casanova for Gods sake). But Damon has never actually been in love with someone before. And no, sexual affairs are not love. Having lust and tons of passion and desire for someone is not and has never equated to real love. If you look back at Damon's mortal life, Damon was a womanizer. Which only suggests that Damon has never actually been in a long term love relationship with a girl before. Womanizers don't do long term love relationships. They go through women like crazy and as if it's nothing. I think I may have said that Book Damon is incapable of love, not because I think that Damon can't actually and potentially love someone and give love to someone else in a relationship, but because for over 5 centuries, Damon has never been in THAT kind of love. Has Damon been in lust? Yes. Has Damon had desire and passion for a girl? ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY. Damon Salvatore IS lust, passion and desire. But the one thing that Damon Salvatore isn't and never has been is LOVE. Real, true, genuine love FROM THE HEART AND SOUL. This is actually really what I intended in saying when I said that Book Damon was incapable of love. I know at the time that I was writing my last article, no, more like rant, I was feeling angry and overwhelmed by what happened on the show in regards to Show Damon's behavior and unfortunately, I happened to make the conscious mistake of over-lapping the two Damon's with each other, in which I should have never done in the first place. Even though I did say that Bonnie is just another girl to Damon, I take that back. Again, I said those words because I was upset and angry about last night's episode regarding Damon on the show. Bonnie is the one girl, the ONLY girl, who has ever been considered special in Damon's eyes. Wanna know why I say this? Because in Nightfall, when Damon was talking to Shinichi about both Elena and Bonnie and Damon saying that he didn't want either of them hurt, Shinichi mentioned something to Damon about wishing that there were two Bonnie's around. And Damon's response to him was "There aren't two like her. I don't care where you look. I won't have her hurt." That line alone re-assured me (and today, I re-read that line a few times from Nightfall) that Damon does see Bonnie as someone who is very important and special to him. Also, another part from the books that proved to me that Damon does see Bonnie as special was a moment in Midnight, when Damon was searching frantically for Bonnie in the Dark Dimension and he was terrified and scared because he couldn't find her. TERRIFIED. Like sickeningly scared. And when he tried to look for her, he told a lady that Bonnie was worth infinitely more―and he didn't finish the sentence, because he was so busy calculating how many ordinary girls Bonnie McCullough was worth (I admit, I fan-girl squeed when I read that part). So, I know that Bonnie most definitely means something significant to Damon in the books. I'm just really worried about Bonnie in all of this. She is very fragile and she is highly emotional and sensitive, especially when it comes to Damon and her feelings for him. She's been through a lot when it comes to Damon and herself and because she loves him so much (in such a selfless and unconditional way), she ultimately forgives him easily even when he treats her like shit.
Bonnie is my favorite character in this series and honestly, in the books, Bonnie and Damon are my favorite characters. I just want Bonnie to be happy and in truth, I really do think Damon makes her happy. And I can tell that Bonnie makes Damon happy as well. But I guess Bamon is a journey, in both the books and in the show. I don't expect Damon to confess his undying love to Bonnie in the books any time soon and I don't expect Damon to admit that he has the "soft spot" for Bonnie on the TV show (even though it was so evident and obvious in 2.18 The Last Dance). What I would like to see and do expect is Damon to start smartening up and start to prove that he is actually worthy of a healthy, stable love relationship which will equate to happiness. Because so far, Damon on the show is not worthy of a thing, hence why I don't believe he is worthy of Bonnie Bennett right now. In all honesty, Bamon is a "FUTURE" ship. It's not a current ship. The same way that Clark/Lois (Clois) on Smallville was a future" ship on Smallville, is the same way that Damon/Bonnie (Bamon) is a future ship on TVD, both in the books and on the show. I guess the key to shipping Bamon is patience. Although I admit, there have been many instances where I have really felt like giving up and giving in. Because of so many outside factors such as Delena shippers, the TVD fandom, TVD episodes and the writing, etc, I admit that it is rally hard being a Bamon shipper/supporter. It's simply not easy at all. Any Bamon supporter who says that being both a Stelena/Bamon/Stefan shipper within this TVD fandom is easy, IS LYING. It's not.
But all in all, I do believe that Bonnie is Damon's light at the end of it all. But for Damon, both in the books and the show, HE HAS TO EARN THAT "LIGHT". He has to become worthy of it. If any of you Book TVD readers/Book Bamon supporters have read the short story Damon & Bonnie: After Hours, then I'm sure you can recall a line or reference to Damon and Bonnie in the story: "The Maiden and The Vampire, or more poetically, "The Last Reach Towards Light". Well, the way that interpret that reference when it comes to Damon and Bonnie, both on the show and in the books, is that Damon is the reach and Bonnie is the "light". This line basically implies that Bonnie is Damon's last hope; his last chance for ultimate bliss and happiness after all of the many centuries (in the books) of living in deep darkness, hatred and anger. Bonnie is Damon's last chance at knowing what real true love is. Because in my opinion, Bonnie is Damon's ONLY chance. That goes for the books and the show as well. This might sound a little out there, but I don't believe that there is actually another girl out there, who will ever love him unconditionally, selflessly and wholly as much as Bonnie McCullough (Bennett). BONNIE IS DAMON'S LAST HOPE AND ALSO, HIS LAST CHANCE. And his last chance happens to be a chance at ultimate freedom and happiness. Damon can either choose to take it or not, and if he doesn't take it, that means that he has chosen a path of misery and unhappiness and he has chosen to consistently screw up. But if he does choose to take it, he has chosen a path of freedom, of light, of endless opportunities and many adventures to come; a life full of happiness and contentment; something that Damon Salvatore has never, ever felt in his entire existence both as a mortal and as an immortal. I really hope that Damon, both in the books and on the show but especially on the show, chooses to take that chance, that path of "light" (Bonnie). Because in my opinion, it will be the only thing that will ultimately cleanse Damon of all his past hurts, grief, pains, abandonment, feelings of loneliness and emptiness which he has kept locked inside forever. Elena won't and will NEVER be able to do this for Damon. Bonnie is the last chance, his ultimate last chance at redemption. L..J Smith, the own author of the TVD series, said that this series is about redemption, mostly for Damon. And my strong belief and the belief that I have always had is that Bonnie is Damon's ultimate redemption. And because this is so in the books, I have a strong feeling that this will be so on the TV show. I know that there have been some times when I have wavered and felt unsure, but deep down within myself and with the help of insightful and intelligent Bamon supporters within this fandom, I am certain that Bonnie is IT for Damon. I believe that Bonnie is Damon's light.
I know this article is a complete contrast from what I wrote yesterday but again, I said a bunch of things that I didn't really mean. When I'm upset, I tend to say things I don't mean (I am a bit of a hot-head LOL). I do believe that Damon Salvatore can love, but he needs to undergo a huge transformation of individuality before he can ever express love in any way, shape or form. Damon has serious issues and he needs someone to stabilize him. I have noticed that on the show, when Bonnie is not near Damon or even in his mere presence, Damon started acting like a crazy, impulsive and obsessive wacko, like the way that he was acting in the last two episodes specifically. Damon's behavior in the past two episodes without Bonnie present, really made me believe that Damon NEEDS Bonnie. He needs her in his life. Without her and her influence on him somehow and her challenging him (whether it is directly or indirectly), Damon becomes an intolerable nut case for the most part. And being around Elena DOES NOT, under any circumstances help Damon as a person at all. So, yes, I do believe that Damon can love after all, but I believe that the only person whom Damon can love and RESPECT is Bonnie Bennett. Once he has grasped the concept of loving and respecting Bonnie, it is then when I feel that Damon might be and will be capable of loving other people other then Bonnie.
Again, if any one was offended by my last article, I strongly apologize. I know that my words were rather harsh but again, i was just upset and I said things about Damon/Bamon that I didn't mean. However, with that being said, just because I generally love Damon's character, doesn't mean that I won't excessively criticize him and call him out on his BS. Because the truth is, I tend to be the MOST critical of characters that I love the most. So, please, try not to take my last article too seriously. Again, I was just saying all of that out of pure anger.
Thank you for reading.