I’m not kidding. I am dead.

This must be how David felt after the dentist. It feels too freaking good to be real. I remember watching previous seasons of the show with wistful sighs whenever Dan and Blair interacted, because I truly thought they didn’t have a chance. The Chair fanbase was too vocal for the writers to take a risk like that, right? Well, I’ve never been so glad to be wrong in my life. Tonight’s episode more than made up for all those times I felt I was hoping for the impossible.

Let’s start with the beginning scene - waffles were mentioned. There were two very satisfied smirks. I squealed. ‘Nuff said.

Next we have Blair’s confrontation with Chuck (so many confrontations between those two). First of all, I love that she was very clear with Chuck from the beginning about the fact that she didn’t want to play games. That’s a huge deal, considering the entire foundation of their relationship was built on those games. It proved not only that Blair is growing up, but that she’s outgrown Chuck. The one thing they truly had in common is gone. Secondly, did anyone else’s heart skip a beat when Chuck called Dan her boyfriend and she didn’t contradict him in any way? There was no eye-rolling or scoffing or denial and I loved it. Though there’s been no official conversation on the subject between them, Blair obviously feels that (in the words of Buffy), Dan is her boyfriend in her heart…

Which is why my heart broke the instant Blair looked at Dan, and you could just tell she was praying with all she had that Chuck was wrong or was lying to her. The guilty expression on Dan’s face followed by the hurt/astonished/angry look on hers completely wrecked me. After all she’s been through, I really hated that Dan was the one that put that look on her face. But I still believed that whatever his reasons for leaking the video were, he did it for her.

When Dan chased after her and apologized (kudos to him for simply apologizing and not going overboard to defend himself, by the way. Chuck would have had an entire list of excuses memorized by then, most of them blaming Blair for his actions, I’m sure), I was struck by the way their argument paralleled the one they had in 5x1 when she nearly left Louis and ran away with Dan. “Tell me what reason you had…” she said to him now, just as she had then. And of course, the answer was the same and you could see it so clearly in his eyes “I couldn’t stand to see you so unhappy”. That didn’t make what he'd done okay, of course, but at least his motives truly were pure, and she realized that. When she said she forgave him, I swear my heart danced a jig. When has Blair, queen of grudge-holding, ever forgiven someone that easily?

Of course Chuck wouldn’t be Chuck if he didn’t go and ruin the perfection by framing Dan and getting Blair mad and hurt all over again. And then came Georgina, bragging to Dan about all the ways she was ruining his life. His reaction? Righteous anger at what this was going to do to Blair and her family. There was no “How could you do this to me?” or “You’re ruining my life!” As usual, his first thought was of Blair and how this would affect her. As usual, even though everything was falling apart for him, Blair and her feelings was his top priority. Then Chuck stuck his giant head into the mix again just long enough to gloat over what he’d done (right in front of Blair, continuing to prove that he truly has no respect for her feelings whatsoever).

I wanted to hug Dan so hard when he went after Chuck and tried to talk some sense into him, not because he’d been wronged by Chuck, but because, once again, he was angry on Blair’s behalf and was worried about what would happen to her. Of course, it was a hopeless cause and we ended up being offered a list of excuses from Chuck after all. It’s funny how he always finds a way to blame someone else for the consequences of his actions. It’s always Dan’s fault or Nate’s fault or Louis’s fault or Blair’s fault. There’s no way it could have anything to do with the fact that he psychologically abused Blair for years and years, right? And then, to top all that off, he had the nerve to look at Dan and demand that he tell Blair the truth “because she deserves it”. Really Chuck? Where was that conviction when she needed the truth from you?

But Dan, being the incredible man he is, didn’t lash out at Chuck or blame him for what was happening. Instead, he turned to Blair and told her the truth, because unlike Chuck, he truly does believe that she deserves to know everything, even if it means that she’ll hate him for it. So he looked her straight in the eye and finally admitted out loud that for once, Chuck was right and that all this time, he’s loved her and secretly dreamed of having her for himself. And then he walked away, without even defending himself, and simply let her make her own decision.

Can I just gush about the perfection of that for a moment? Dan willingly and purposely put all of the power in Blair’s hands and gave her a choice - something Chuck has never done - even though he knew it could mean losing her forever. After all he’s seen Blair go through and all the times Blair felt like she didn’t have a choice in what was going on around her, that was the sweetest gift Dan could possibly have given her. He could easily have used that opportunity to remind her of all the ways Chuck had screwed her over in the past and all the ways Dan was there for her when know one else was…but he didn’t. There was no excuses, no manipulation or blame-tossing. There was just Dan, loving Blair enough to give her power over her own life for once. He didn’t see her as a possession or a toy or something he wanted and would have at all costs. He saw her simply as another human being - an equal, and like he’s stated so many times before, he genuinely just wanted her to be happy, even if it meant misery for himself. Gah, it’s too much for my Dair heart to handle.

Anyway, moving on… Dan’s exit was, of course, quickly followed by even more excuses and Dan-bashing from Chuck. Bad move, Bass. Very bad move.

I gave Blair a full on standing ovation when she finally told Chuck what I’ve been waiting to hear from her for years - Dan isn’t the reason they’re not together and she’s over his sorry Bass. And she did it with class and dignity, despite the fact that once again, he had just attempted to destroy her life. In that moment, she was fierce and courageous and everything she’d always wanted to be. I loved it. I adored it. It was perfect.

Skipping ahead, we find Blair sitting on her couch, obviously thinking about everything that’s gone down. Maybe it’s just me, but I swear when she heard the elevator chime, she thought Dan was on the other side of that door. When she smiled with her eyes and turned to look at him (only to be confronted by Georgina, which would disappoint anyone), my heart melted a little, because it was obvious she wanted to see him. She was worried for him just as he was worried for her.

And finally, we’ve reached the best part - Dan, sitting alone in his loft with a beer and a broken heart, sure that he’d just lost the only chance he’d ever have with Blair. And then, like a dream, she walked through his door, like she’d done so many times before, only this time it was different. This time, she was there to comfort him.

Once more, we’re faced with a parallel as Dan says she doesn’t need to tell him he’s a horrible person (just as he told her in 4x17 that it wasn’t necessary to yell at him), and once more, the scene plays out differently. This time, Blair’s eyes are wide open and she knows what she wants - and she wants Dan Humphrey.

I love the way she studied his face as if she was truly seeing him for the first time, and the way she spoke so softly, as if she was so overcome with love for him, she’d nearly forgotten how to use her vocal chords. My heart ached at the way her expression was so open and trusting and adoring, almost in a childlike way. It was as if being near him allowed all of the pain of the past and all her regrets and mistakes to simply melt away; as if the moment she walked through that door, she was a new person - a whole person. For the first time in years, she could allow herself to feel truly, rapturously happy, because she knew Dan would do everything in his power to protect that happiness.

Even though I’d seen the Canadian promo and knew what was coming next, my heart broke for Dan as he mistook the reason for her hesitation and forced himself to ask if she’d gotten back together with Chuck. I melted at the way she said, “No,” in that shaky, yet slightly chiding tone, as if that answer should have been obvious to him. I loved his sigh of relief and the way Blair slightly raised her eyebrows at him like, “Think about it, Humphrey…why else would I be here?”. And, oh my beautiful starry night, I more than loved the look on his face when it all started to sink in and he looked into her eyes and knew.

All of it, every single second, was perfect. The joyful music that made my heart feel like it was going to burst out of my chest. His joke about her moving to an island - as if they were still the old Dan and Blair and she would consider any horrible thing before considering being his. Her playful smile as he strolled over to her. Him grinning back then biting his lip as if he couldn’t believe this moment was really, truly happening to him - Dan Humphrey, the Lonely Boy. And then came the magic words…“I told Chuck he doesn’t have my heart anymore. I realized it belongs to someone else.” And the look on his face, so serious and intense when he took a deep breath as if he was seriously fighting just to breathe. Then the rapturous smile as he kissed her and she dug her nails into his arm. And then another magic word…his name… “Dan, Dan, Dan…” over and over again as if she couldn’t stop. And finally the brilliant, wonderful, incredible 360 kiss…

And that’s when I died.

I am wrecked, I am ruined, I am dead.

Dan & Blair, once two proper nouns separated by a conjunction - or a comma if mentioned in a list - are now Dair. I am in Dair heaven and anyone who tries to rip me out of it is going to get a swift punch to the…well, whatever would hurt them the most. There is no bitter Chuck fan, no cynical fangirl mockers, no pro-Chair endgame twittetions than can bring me down from this. It was perfection, and no matter what happens in the future, in my mind, this will always be the moment Dair officially became endgame.

Isn’t it genius how we’ve all gone on this journey with them…and how so many of us have seen this through Dan’s eyes? Just like him, we Dair shippers were dreaming of something we honestly didn’t think stood a chance, yet we still couldn’t stop ourselves from hoping. Seriously, the writers have blown me away with this. How can people not love Dair? How?!

My only worry now is how the freak I’m going to get through the next month without them. Hiatus, I hate you! But I love Dair more, and they’re worth the wait :)

xoxo