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posted by Aline1102
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Season 3 / Episode 20: - Talkin' About My Regeneration

Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: One time, when we were having sex, I pretended, you know, that I didn't have an orgasm.
Greg Montgomery: You faked, not having one?
Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: Well, I wanted to go again and I didn't want to have to wait in line. I'm sorry.


Season 3 / Episode 4: - Play Lady Play

Dharma: [holds up ice cube] Look, Greg, it's your mother's heart!
Greg: Melt it and we'd have your father's brain!


Season 2 / Episode 9: - Brought to You in DharmaVision

Jane Cavanaugh: [hearing Greg and Larry screaming about a bear in the background] What was that?
Dharma Finklestein Montgomery: I dunno. It sounded like...a couple of Girl Scouts crying!


Season 2 / Episode 8: - Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date

Greg Montgomery: Well, I wouldn't want our marriage to get in the way of your dating.


Season 1 / Episode 10: - The First Thanksgiving

Kitty Montgomery: Oh, Gregory, darling, every bride thinks she wants to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and it always ends up the same. Someone cries, someone is rushed to the emergency room and a perfectly lovely bird gets wasted. Which, if I don't eat soon, will be *me*.


Season 1 / Episode 8: - Mr. Montgomery Goes to Washington

Dharma: [to Abby and Larry] Hey, guess what I'm doing!
Larry: Acid?


Season 1 / Episode 6: - Yoga and Boo, Boo

Dharma: [answering Greg's cell phone] The cellular customer you have called has traveled outside the service area. Please hang up and return to a simpler way of life.


Season 1 / Episode 6: - Yoga and Boo, Boo

Dharma: Greg, don't you understand? This injury is the universe's way of telling you to slow down.
Greg: Any universe that talks to me through my groin can go around the corner and kiss my butt.


Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Ex-Files

Greg: As unusual as this may sound, I'm not really into picking up guys for my ex-girlfriend, with my wife.


Season 1 / Episode 5: - The Ex-Files

Edward Montgomery: Gregory I appreciate you taking a moment to settle this little thing.
Greg: No problem dad. That's why the FBI built the crime lab, to get to the bottom of these critical Gin Rummi disputes.


Unknown Episode

Larry: Hey, Kitty saw me naked.
Dharma: Me too.


Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Dharma: [answering Greg's cell phone, after having slept with Greg] Greg's pants. He's not in them right now.


Season 1 / Episode 1: - Pilot

Greg: You wanna have children?
Dharma: Yeah, unless you wanna have 'em!


Unknown Episode

Dharma: You're gonna be a great Dad!
Greg: How do you know? How am I gonna know what to do?
Dharma: Oh, you'll watch what I do. You'll totally disapprove and do the complete opposite.


Unknown Episode

Greg: Come on,Mother, do you really think Dad enjoyed sitting on a blanket in the park watching Othello?
Kitty: He cried.
Greg: That's because you ran out of wine.


Unknown Episode

Jane Deaux: What's that? It smells like you're frying vomit!
Dharma: Close. I'm making a great big pot of Haggis
Jane Deaux: What have you been drinking?
Dharma: Scotch! Which was invented by the great Scotsman, Angus McBarf when his wife told him what was for dinner.


Unknown Episode

Dharma: Honey, are you OK?
Greg: I'm fine. I'm just lying here trying to decide whether your father is a hole surrounded by ass.


Unknown Episode

Greg: Were you this sarcastic before we met or is this something I have done?
Dharma: A little you, a little your mother.


Season 4 / Episode 20: - The story of K.

Dharma: Your mother is a lusty volcano waiting to erupt!
Greg: Okay, we have to establish some ground rules here. We never use the words mother, lusty and erupt in the same sentence.


Unknown Episode

Dharma: ...but that doesn't change the fact that we have no money.
Marci: Maybe not, but we've got love.
Dharma: Well, I could try to pay the phone bill with love, but I think it's a felony.
Marci: Actually, prostitution is only a misdemeanor.
Dharma: Great, that takes care of the phone bill!


Unknown Episode

Kitty: Come Edward, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
Edward Montgomery: I hope his name is Johnny Walker.
Kitty: It's the archbishop.
Edward Montgomery: I hope it's Archbishop Johnny Walker.


Unknown Episode

Dharma: [about running opponent Karen Love] It's her name. I mean, how can you *not* vote for "care and love"? Guess I might as well change my name to "lower taxes and free balloons for all the kids."
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