I haven't written an article for this spot in five-ever and I'm pretty sure this list has changed for me since so here I go, whatever. It's 4:30am so please excuse any hideous typos that make you cry blood that I don't see until I've read it back through 50 times.


















10. Sleeping Beauty

Surprising absolutely no-one, this movie has remained at the bottom of my list. Why? Because it's dull as fuck. Sleeping Beauty sounds like the title is trying to compliment its audience, who will no doubt be well into the land of nod by the time the credits are anywhere near. The characters are pretty basic and dull, the storyline isn't overly thrilling, and whilst it's pretty to look at and sports some good pieces by Tchaikovsky... It's still a no. Or it would be a no, if I wasn't too blissfully unconscious to say so.






9. Cinderella

Unlike Sleeping Beauty, I do have to admit that I like this movie. It's sweet and iconic but... it's still a bit dull. It's a lot more entertaining and thrilling than the bottom rung of this ladder but I often find myself waiting for certain scenes *cough*Sing Sweet Nightingale*cough* to end with a harrowing expression of incomprehensible boredom plastered to my face. The thing that really saves it from being as boring as Sleeping Beauty though, in my opinion, is Charming. I like him a lot more than most of the other fans because he's a total dick and that entertains me. A Charming by any other name would still be an utter penis but that's why we have to love him.







8. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Oops, all the classics ended up at the bottom. My bad. Snow White is a lovely movie, though. It's got everything a Disney Princess movie needs and even though it's getting closer and closer to reaching 80 years old, it still entertains people today. It has humour, nice songs, good strong characters, and a story that is both simple but not dull. This movie is really just suffering from a case of Disney improving over time. Well, that and a prince with a necrophilia fetish that stalks 14 year old girls.






7. Beauty and the Beast

This is probably one of the lowest rankings this movie ever gets on this spot but I definitely stand by my choice here. I never liked this movie much at all. I don't like a lot of the characters, I don't ship the pairing that the movie centres around, and I can't stand a lot of the songs. I hate the inconsistency in some parts of the animation and I just find it so dreadfully overrated. The only aspects that really ever stood out to me were Lumiere, particularly during Be Our Guest, and Gaston. Gaston is actually my favourite Princess villain. I really love his character and his inclusion in the story is a wonderfully unique take on the original fairytale. Plus, he's hot as fuck and sings a fantastic song. I'd wish for everyone in the movie to be as great as him, but everyone knows that nobody does it as well as Gaston.







6. The Little Mermaid

I really love this movie. It's fun and entertaining and sports not only my favourite princess but a lot of other enchanting characters and catchy songs. I don't think there's really anything I outright dislike about this movie... apart from the end. I always found Ursula's death really lame. She gets stabbed with that boat and it just sort of... punctures her. What is she, a fucking octopus balloon? Is she being pumped up to that size like a bouncy castle? Were the children sliding down her body on mats just too small to see? There's also the fact that, immediately after this stabbing, she withers and dies straight away. Oh look, Eric's riding a magic poisonous ship of doom!
I mean, I get that it's a children's movie about a mermaid magically obtaining legs in exchange for her voice. I understand that an octopus woman just became 50 times her normal size. I can see that, in the light of things, this probably isn't a situation that is dripping in logic. But puncturing Ursula with a tiny little boat? Bitch, please.







5. Aladdin

Even though I prefer King of Thieves to this movie every single time, it still reaches the middle spot of my list. I really enjoy this movie - it's a good story, great characters, amazing songs, and some wonderful humour from the one and only Robin Williams. I don't really dislike any of it outright - we're just looking at a movie that I personally wouldn't choose to watch over the ones above it. I guess Aladdin's a bit of a dick when you think about it, though... However, he's a loveable dick. That wears a fez.






4. Pocahontas

This is without doubt one of my favourite movies of my childhood. I really enjoyed both Pocahontas and its sequel (a movie I still enjoy until about 5 minutes before the end for horrifically obvious reasons) and my love for the original has never dwindled over all these years. I love Pocahontas, I love John Smith, I love Ratcliffe, I love Wiggins, I love the songs, I love the story, I love the setting and its vast difference to most other Disney Princess movies. I guess the not-so loveable sidekicks aren't so great but really, they're not capable of dragging the movie down. Sidekicks are exactly what they say on the tin. Y'know, if you got sidekicks in tins. That'd be an interesting purchase at the store, to say the least. Maybe Meeko, Flit and Percy were those cheap ones on the special shelves that were damaged on transit. And by damaged, I mean someone stuck a vacuum into them and sucked out all the funny.







3. Tangled

This movie is really sweet. It's funny and charming and I loved the characters. The songs were nice and the animation, which I doubted at first, turned out much better than I could ever have imagined. I watched this movie online and then went out of my way to take a friend to see it at the cinema when it finally came out here. I enjoyed it enough to do that happily and it became a sensation with my friends at school. Our favourite part was Flynn and we talked about him non-stop. He's funny and handsome and a real daring bad boy. I have always loved a bad boy. Overall, I can't really find fault with this movie. I just prefer the last two remaining.







2. The Princess and The Frog

I saw this movie expecting to be disappointed. I have high hopes for Disney movies and thought this wouldn't be able to reach it but it did. I know this movie gets a lot of shit sometimes, particularly from some of the people on this spot, but I really enjoyed it. It was beautifully animated with charming characters and really, could we place a movie that had Charlotte, Naveen, and Facilier in it any less than second? It perhaps didn't have the best songs and there were a few sections that weren't all that memorable to me, but despite these flaws that logically should be landing it further down the list, it just sort of enchanted me. The southern accents and sweet story drew me in and everyone here gets their dream. They work together and they work hard and everyone gets a good result, even if it's not exactly the one they were expecting. That closure and overall happiness really made it a great movie for me.









1. Mulan

Well, what else could it be? This movie has been one of my favourites for a really long time. Before I can even remember. The story, the songs, the characters... there's not a single fault. Anyone that says they don't sing along to I'll Make A Man Out Of You is a liar and it's practically impossible to not love Mushu and his funny as fuck lines. Who thought of that character, seriously? Who turned around and thought "fuck me, China needs some Eddie Murphy dragons fucking shit up but then inadvertently saving the day"? Because whoever they were, they were a fucking genius. I can watch this movie over and over again and never get bored. It's truly wonderful and I love it. I love it a hell of a fucking lot. Disney's Chinese baby is all grown up and... and out getting to the top of ranking lists!