Mark: I used to know this girl who had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it, beat her up so bad she wound up in a hospital on Guerrero Street.
[Johnny laughs]
RiffTrax: Seriously, she's in a coma

Johnny: I'll do anything for you Lisa
Rifftrax: Wait, so he's a human being?

"In his enraged state, he's able to lift the 65-pound CRT TV as if it were a hollow prop of some sort!"

[As Lisa, Mark and Denny cry over Johnny's bloody corpse]
Rifftrex [as Johnny]: Oh hai, Mark. Hai, Denny. Hai, Lisa. I'm dead, you know. Ha ha ha. Now that everybody betray me, I'm gonna come back and haunt you, OK? Maybe float above you while you sleep or shower. OK, bye-bye, doggy.

Johnny: Sure I'll go to the movies
Rifftrex: Think I'll miss a chance to say "Oh hai movie theater".

[Johnny places the barrel of a loaded handgun in his mouth.]
Rifftrex: (as a muffled Johnny]: Oh hai, gun barrel.

Johnny: You are lying! I never hit you! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!
[the guys burst into applause, over how bad that was acted out]

Rifftrex: Lisa's day containes her 11 am sitting on the couch. And her 1 pm... Sitting on the couch.

Drug Dealer: Where's my money.
Danny: I'l get it, okay
Rifftrex: (sarcastically) In fact, you caught me in the middle of "having your money" on this roof wait here.

Michelle: Lisa, remember what I told you.
Rifftrex: Just lie back and think of England.