♪ I'm Sailing Awayyy ... ♫

October 1st, 1917 - Day 1.

It is Dark.

Dark and Silent.

Well, besides teh occasional cough, sneeze, burp, fart, queef, and sigh of teh other asshole passengers, nothing's happened ... YET!

ugh, weak .

... everyone around meh smells like piss, sweat, and shit. Especially Keenneh.

Poor Boy e_e

Stupid Mothertucker's chained to mah OTHER wrist.

I think 'Hippie,' 'Black boy,' 'ADD kid,' 'Mothertucker's "French" friend,' 'that foreign kid that sits in teh back of class,' and teh 2 crips are around he'ah, somewhe'ah, also …

I HAD tuuu get stuck on a boat with teh people I hate, of COURSE, didn't I?

Yew win again, karma! z.z

Goddamn, it's freezing, he'ah!

South Park is NOTHING compared to this vessel! .

My watch broke about 2, no – 3 hours ago, suuu the'ah's nuuu telling HOW long we've been on this fag ship!

Nestled quietly between Denver and the Rocky Mountains lies the sweet little, Podunk town of South Park, Colorado. Sixteen years ago, South Park was the most perfect place in all of North America! Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation! Not to mention the 24-hour ample parking, and the people spouting “howdy neighbor!” But then, there was a disturbance in the “force.”
Fifteen year old Liane Cartman got knocked up by Jack Tenorman, who already happened to have a girlfriend (who he eventually ended up marrying, but that’s another story!), at the High school’s 21st annual ‘Drunken Barn Dance.’ Long story short, nine months later, Liane was laying in a hospital bed, pantless, cradling her little bundle of devil spawn: Eric Theodore Cartman, and she’s been raising him herself, ever since.

Now, a mature sixteen years old, Eric was sprawled horizontally across his violet living room sofa. He kicked his Nikes Air Jordan’s off his size 16 feet, stripped his XL crimson sweatshirt off, and tossed it over the back of the couch, and wriggled out of his denim skinny jeans, earlier. In his left hand, he clutched the television...

I guess I should start with my family ...

Mom ... Mom, I love you SUU much! Yew knuuw I'm not gewd with words or emotions, suu this is really kinda hard for me ... When I was 3 1/2, you were diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes ... ever since then, it's changed our lives forever! I remember when you were happy ... yew were able to play with me and drive me places, all the time ... now, with your 8 inflamed/missing spinal disks, possible brain/ear tumors, previous bowel obstruction, numbing of your limbs, and SUU much more, yew think yew make our life a living hell ... but, yew are the BEST mom I could ever ask for! I know yew aren't able to stand/sit/lie down for a certain amount of time ... and when you do, it hurts you AND your loved ones SUU much! I wish we could turn back time and go back to when I was 3 ... yew were pregnant with Kristen and everything was kosher ... Yew didn't have to go to the hospital, every week ... yew didn't have to live on a diet of salad and jello, for a year, and yew'd be independent enough to do the things you always wanted to do ... again ... in short, mom ... yew are and ALWAYS will be strong and brave, in my mind.