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Opinion by elizasmomma posted over a year ago
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Esme’s Diary (Chapter 29: Payback)
August 5, 2012



Dear Diary,

“Not far now,” Edward said as we sped through the woods. It was the middle of the night and usually I wouldn’t have been able to see a thing in the dim barely moonlit sky, but tonight I could see everything — which was probably a good thing at the speed I was running. I was so lucky that Edward had taken the time to check things out before we came here. The last thing I wanted was to bump into old friends or family.

“I’ve told you that won’t happen, he has moved.” Edward smiled, reassuring me.

After some time Edward began slowing. In the distance I could see the downstairs light of a house shining. Crouching down near the house, I asked Edward how we should proceed.

“Slowly. He deserves to pay for what he did to you.” His face was hard like stone.


Walking slowly towards the house, Edward informed me that Charles is on his own.
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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"Please don't do this.' Esme screamed as Aro stood above her. She was lying on the cold, marble floor in her lacy bra and panties completely exposed. Tears ran down her face as Aro's hands moved up and down her body. I struggled against Felix's grasp. My fiancé was about to be raped right in front of me and i was powerless to stop it. I cursed myself for exposing esme to my kind. I had promised her that she would be safe with me. That i would always protect her and here i was standing, as a vicious vampire ravashed her. "Get ready my dear to endure one of the most pleasing sexual intercourses of your life." Aro hissed as he kissed Esme's neck. Esme closed her eyes and struggled to break free. Then when i thought all hope was lost, Edward broke free from Cacius and tackled Aro. Esme immediately covered herself with the remains of her dress and crawled to the corner of the room. With all my strength, i elbowed Felix in the stomach and ran to Esme. "I am so sorry, my love." i told her as i kissed her forehead. Her breathing had slowed and she began to relax in my arms. All i could do was pray that she would forgive me.
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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I know it has been over year since i wrote last but i am getting back into it and i hope you do too. Enjoy :)

I cringed as i saw Aro grab Esme's hand. Her engagement ring glittered in the sunlight as her caressed her knuckles. I could tell by Edward's facial expressions that Aro's thoughts weren't much better. "You don't want her, Aro. You want me. Let her go, if you know what's good for you." I told my former leader. Aro chuckled at my order. "You are hardly in any position to make threats, Carlisle." He hissed. I felt a sense of calmness wash over me. "Thanks Jasper." I whispered. He simply nodded in return. "What do you want from me? I asked Aro. "Simple. I want Esme as my mate." He replied. My thoughts had been wrong. He didn't want me. He wanted Esme. "She's human. What could you possibly want with a human." I questioned. "For the same reason you wanted her. She's gorgeous. Quite possibly one of the prettiest humans i have seen and i want her to be mine." He answered. I carefully thought about my next words. "But you won't be able to resist her blood for long. Your instincts will take over and you will drink her dry. She is safer with us due to our diet." I...
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Fan fiction by Twilightsauce posted over a year ago
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HEY! SORRY I HAVEN’T POSTED ANYTHING IN SO LONG, IT’S BEEN LIKE A YEAR SINCE MY LAST POST. I DON’T REALLY HAVE ANY EXCUSES BUT DON’T WORRY I’M BACK NOW! ANYWAY THIS WILL BE THE LAST CHAPTER IN THE MY TRUE LOVE SERIES- I’M SO SAD! ALTHOUGH I LOVE IT VERY MUCH AND HAVE REALLY ENJOYED WRITING IT, I FEEL THAT I HAVE EXHAUSTED NESSIE’S STORY NOW. BUT I WILL BE WRITING ANOTHER, TWILIGHT RELATED SERIES WHETHER IT WILL BE ABOUT NESSIE OR NOT, I DON’T KNOW. ANYWAY THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME FOR SO LONG AND I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN A VERY LONG MESSAGE BUT IF ANY OF YOU ARE GOOD AT ART OR KNOW ANYONE WHO IS COULD YOU DRAW OR PAINT ME A SCENE FROM THE SERIES I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO KNOW HOW YOU HAVE PICTURED THE CHARACTERS PROPS UP FOR GRABS! SO IF YOU HAVE ANY PLEASE INBOX THEM TO ME OR PUT THEM ON MY WALL. AND FINALLY, BEFORE I SHUT UP AND LEAVE YOU ALONE TO READ, THANK YOU AGAIN.
LOVE TWILIGHTSAUCE/ AMBER
P.S. I DON’T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS SERIES AND I AM MERELY EXPANDING ON THE IDEAS CREATED BY STEPHANIE MEYER!
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Fan fiction by eslisle4254 posted over a year ago
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this is esmes pov u guys might not like who edward likes so watch out btw esme isnt a vampire.......yet (edward isnt a vampire).






today was my wedding day finally.I was walking down the isle to be with the love of my life carlisle.Everyone i knew was here.Myfamily,friends and everyone else.And of course edward carlisles best man for the wedding.I never really knew him i have only seen him about 3 times and thats it.i was now with carlisle ready to marry him.He said his vows and as i was about to say mine edward caught my attention and he mouthed i love you 2 me.I fainted and everything went black.i gained consciousness and felt cold hard arms around me.i knew i was with carlisle.when i woke up again i was in the chapels sitting room. Everyone was still in side.Me,Carlisle and edward were in the sitting room.Carlisle was looking at me (he is a doctor).Edward was holding my hand.I tried to pull it away but he gripped tighter.Carlisle i nedd to talk to you in private.We went outside while edward stayed inside.carlisle edward said he loved me.
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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Where was she? Is she ok? Those questions and many more ran through my head as i scurried downstaris to alert the rest of my family. "Esme is missing!" i yelled from the 5th step. "Are you sure?" Alice and Rosalie asked at the same time both with a sense of worry in there voice. "I am positive, i cant pick up her scent anywhere." i replied. "Carlilse, eveything is going to be fine we will find her." Edward reasssured me. I sat down on the couch pondering the many possibilites to explain Esme's sudden dissaparence. "Jane!" i said out loud. "You might be on to something." Jasper said. "Yeah, Jane never liked Esme from the start." Emmett agreeded. "But, it doesn't make sense, why would Jane take Esme if she knew she would become an immortal?" Rosalie asked. "To sucker me into joining the Volutori again." i said answering her question. "Exactly, she is using Esme to get to Carlisle." Alice said. "Well we have to rescue her. There is know telling how long Jane or Aro can resist the smell of her blood." i told them. We all got into our cars and drove to the airport where we flew to Italy. "Wow it's even more beautiful in person." Rosalie said with excitment. "Not as beautiful as you."...
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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The next few days around the cullen house were hetic. Esme was completly absorbed in the wedding arrangments. "The bridesmaid dresses aren't suppoused to get her till friday!, 2 days before the wedding." she said with a growl. I let out a small chuckle as she gave me a glare. "Is something funny, Dr. Cullen?" she asked me playfully. "Your going to look gorgeous in your dress." i replied clearly ingnoring her question. "Apology accepted" she said with a smile. I couldn't help myself any longer i scooped her up in my arms and kissed her with a firey passion. Her hands moved to the back of my neck as mine found her waist. "You seem a bit distracted, Doctor." "I am just so anxious to say i do" i told her as i placed a small kiss on her temple. "Sorry to interupt but Aro and the volturie are here" edward informed me. Keeping one hand around Esme's waist the two of us moved into the living room. "Carlisle, my dear friend so nice to see you again." Aro said as we entered the room. Esme flinched at the sight of her bloodshot eyes. "It's ok i won't let them hurt you." i whispered into her ear. She flashed a small smile before retreting to the kitchen to talk to Alice and Rosalie. Emmett,...
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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"Carlisle i have a question." Esme said as she put her book down. "Ask away." i said with confindence. I was expecting the question to be along the lines of what kind of cake do you want? "Will, you change me into a vampire on our honeymoon?" I couldn't believe she just asked me that. I mean I knew that the discusion was going to come up sooner or later but i would of prefered later. "Esme, this isnt the ideal life." i explained to her. "Carlisle with you it would be and i get older each day while you stay the same way. You arent going to love me when i am an old lady." "Esme i will love you forever." i said as carressed her hand in mine. "Please Carlisle i want to be with you forever and the only way that is possible is if i am a vampire like you." I peered into her eyes. I loved this women more than anything and i knew she was right. "Ok, deal." "Thank you" I couldn't help but smile as i pulled her to my chest. She fell asleep in my arms and i watched her sleep till morning.

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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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She could barley talk as i held out the diamond ring. I could tell that she wasnt expecting this. But, after last night i knew that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with Esme. Then she cleared her throat, and said one simeple word. "Yes!" I repeated her answer over and over in my head. It was official yes was now my favorite word. "I love you" i said as i pulled her close. "I love you too." I kissed her forehead and we sat there in each others arms for who knows how long but just enjoying each others company. A knock on the door interupted our time together. "Come in" i told the knocker. Rosalie, Edward, Jasper, Emmet,and Alice stormed into the bedroom with ballons and a cake. "Congatsulations!" they all shouted at the same time. Esme was overtaken by the celebration and she just shielded her face behind my arm. "Carlisle you were right she is hot." Emmet said looking at Esme. "Emmet shut up" Rosalie told him while elbowing in the ribs. "Well we are going to leave you to love birds alone." "Esme" alice called. Esme came from behind my arm and managed to say "Yes, Alice". "I would like to meet with you to talk about wedding specifics and a date." "Sounds great, how about right...
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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"Good Morning, Sleepy Head." i said as i kissed her forehead. "Good Morning, smells good." she said as she laid her head on my chest. "Well thank you, hope your hungry." "I am since we didnt get a chance to eat last night." she said playfully. "Well, go sit down and i will serve you." "Here you go, sweetheart." i said as I handed her a plate of eggs and bacon. She ate like a horse while i didnt even touch my plate."Carlisle are you feeling ok?, you havent touched your food at all." "Esme, i think we need to talk." Esme began to cry and she left the room. "Esme, Esme! i screamed as i chased after her. I found her on the front porch with her face in her hands. "Esme what happened? Did i say something to upset you?" "You said we needed to talk and that usually means you are going to leave me." she explained through her tears. "Esme, i would never leave you in a million years because i love you more than anything in the world." I scooped her up and bought her to the bedroom where we made love. After we made love I told Esme about my hidden secret. "Well that explains why you didnt eat breakfast or dinner." I just smiled and kissed her. I knew the time was right. I got down on one knee...
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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I decieded that i would cook dinner for Esme when we got home. "Why don't you go in the living room while I make dinner." i asked her. "May I help you i love to cook!" she said with a smile. I couldn't help myself I gave into her. We were going to cook spagetti and a salad. While i was washing the lettuce, Esme sliced up some onions. I sprayed her and she sprayed me back. I totally forgot about dinner and scooped her up in my harms. "Carlisle, please don't!" she screamed as i headed to the pool. "Too late!" i said as i jumped into the cool water. "I can't believe you did that!" she said as she wiped her eyes. Her eyes were blue as the ocean. I put her hair behind her hears. Then i kissed her with more passion then I had ever kissed anyone else before. "I love you, Esme." i whispered in her hear. "I love you too." she said as she layed her head on my chest. I was ok to stay this way forever. She fell asleep a couple of mintutes of later. I carried her to the guest bedroom where she stayed till morning.
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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Charles face was filled with raged as he stared at me holding Esme. Yes, i have to admit that i did feel bad for kissing another man's wife but, he didn't deserve her one bit. "Esme, you little slut what are you doing?" he screamed. "Carlisle you need to leave right now?" Esme whispered in my ear. "I will not leave you with him this angry." I told her. She gave me a quick smile. "Sir, this is all my fault, i kissed your wife she had no intention of my visit going this far." i explained to him. He stepped closer to me. His breath smelt of acholal. "Esme, go to the bedroom I will be there in a minutes after I take care of your friend." Charles instructed her. She made her way towards the stairs. I pulled her back placing her head on my chest. Her breaths were warm against my cool skin. I kissed her forehead letting her know she was safe. "Go sit on the couch i will take care of this." i reasured her. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips as she moved to the couch. "How dare you kiss my wife in front of me!" Charles screamed as he swung at my face. I dogded the punch and retatliated with extreme force at his torso. The blow was to much for him to handle. He fell to the ground knocking...
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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When i got to work the next morning i decieded to look up Esme's address in her medical files. It said she lived at 234 Apple Street. The house was under the name Charles Evenson. I sneared at the sight of his name. How dare him beat her and get away with it! All day images of Charles hitting, punching, and kicking my poor Esme. The thoughts made me want to puke. "Mary i am clocking out i have some personal business to attend to" i told the nurse as i walked out the hostpital door. I typed Esme's address into my navagation system. Her house was about 15 minutes away from the hostpital. I parked my car across the road from her house so her husband wouldn't notice. I hoped that he was at work so i could talk to Esme alone. Without hesitation I knocked on the large front doors. I could hear foot steps on the other side i prayed that they belonged to Esme. When i saw Esme my face lit up with joy. "Hello, Dr. Cullen what are you doing here?." "I think we need to talk Esme" She invited me in and gave me a glass of lemonade. Her house was extremley beautiful, Esme had an eye for decoration. "What do we need to talk about?" she asked flittering her eyelashes. I melted. She was extremly...
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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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Esme, Esme, Esme i said her name over and over in my mind. I loved the way it sounded as it rolled off my tongue. Rosalie interupted my thoughts when she asked me "Carlisle, are you ok?". "Um, yes i am fine, how are you?" "I know that look Carlisle your in love!" I shurdded at the sound of her question. "No, i am not!" i lied. Was it really that ovibious? " Yes you are i can read it on your face." she explained to me. "What's her name"? she said with a grin on her face. "Esme i put i sling on her arm this morning" i told her with a frown. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Well while i was putting the sling on her arm i examinded her body. Her body was covered in brusies and small cuts. I have a feeling that she is being abused by her husband". i explained. "I could see the fear in her eyes while i was touching her body like she didnt trust a man." Rosalie told me everything was going to be ok. But, how could it be when the love of my life was possibly being beat by an ungratful man?

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Fan fiction by EsmeCarlisle posted over a year ago
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This story is told from the point of view of Carlisle. I hope u guys like it please no negative comments.:)

"How did you break your arm,miss?" i asked the beatiful women. Her eyes filled with fear at the sound of my question. I could tell she was searching for a proper excuse. "I tripped over a tree limb while running this morning, i am such a clutz." she said with a small chuckle. I examined her fraile body. It was covered in brusies and small cuts. I saw a wedding ring on her finger. If i wasnt mistaken she was being abused by her husband. I decieded to just leave it alone if she didnt want to tell me that was her choice. "Well, i am going to put you in a sling for 6 weeks and i suggest you take tylenol or alieve twice a day to relieve the pain" i told her. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen." she replied. Her voice was like an angel's. She got up to leave and i placed my hand on her shoulder. Her skin was warm against my cold hand. She quiclky turned around as her carmel hair brushed my face. "I didn't get your name earlier." i informed her. "My name is Esme" she replied. Esme. What a gorgeous name. "My name is Carlise". She grinned and left my office. For the rest of the day...
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Fan fiction by pebbles1213 posted over a year ago
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ok so this story is not by me i found it but i thout more people should read what this girl has wrote.

Who knew a bet could change the course of your life so drastically? I didn’t. But then again I was only sixteen, and being as spirited as I had been was seen as a defect on my character. Girls were supposed to behave, cook and clean, and marry as soon as they were of age. But not me. I was too spirited for that. I had too much life within me to just cage it inside my soul. But I digress. Here is how it all began for me.
My brother Theo, older by just under two years, and I had been in a heated debate.
“It’s as simple as this, Es,” Theo had begun as we sat on the front porch sipping lemonade. “Women just can’t do what men can. They’re weaker, both of mind and body, to do the things men do.”
I had been infuriated by this. I was infuriated that he could be so ignorant and condescending just because he was in college and I wasn’t, though I wanted desperately to be. Ever since he’d been away at Ohio State University, studying in business, he had taken it to habit to make it known that he was superior to the rest of us…or so...
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Opinion by pebbles1213 posted over a year ago
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I would sing to my baby. Now, I’ll admit, I didn’t have the greatest singing voice but it wasn’t terrible. I made up lullabies and songs, singing them as I rubbed my abdomen. It was peaceful and I felt such a powerful connection to this thing inside my womb. I had never met it. I had never seen it. Yet I loved it with all of my being. It was the strangest thing, yet it felt so completely natural. I was pregnant. I was going to have a child. My child. And everything was going to be okay…but then I got the letter. Dear Esme, What have you done? I don’t understand what compelled you to drug your husband and leave the city as well as your home. I don’t understand how bad things could be. Life is not easy no matter what situation you are in but you must own up and execute your responsibilities no matter what. Charles is furious. I am furious. We are all furious. Why would you do this to us? It’s no matter. Charles is going to come for you and bring you home. He’ll be leaving within the next few days so expect him by Sunday morning. I hope to see you come to your senses and rethink everything you have done and put us through in the past two months. I love you, Esme, no...
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Opinion by pebbles1213 posted over a year ago
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And I smiled weakly, trying to show that I was okay. Charles helped me stand up, lifting me easily due to my small size. He smiled back at me and took my head in his hands. When he kissed me, I kissed back, however nauseating it may have been for me at the time to put effort into kissing the man who’d just moments before nearly strangled me. But, just to make him happy, I did and I did it convincingly. As he kept his lips to mine, he led me to our bedroom, where I knew he would want more than just a kiss. I dreaded the fact that I would have to sleep with him, even though he was my husband and this wouldn’t have been the first time I’d had to suck it up and please him. I only hoped that it wouldn’t be long and that he’d fall asleep soon so I might have the chance to go into out bathroom, and scrub my body raw, crying the entire time like I always did after we had sex. Because it wasn’t making love; Jack and I made love, not Charles and I. Between him and I, there was no real love. No real feeling. Our marriage had been one to convenience and I knew that. There had never, ever, been actual love there. As I cleaned myself, I thought about the fact that Charles had been...
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Opinion by pebbles1213 posted over a year ago
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I stayed out of it, not wanting to get too into it for fear that I might bring up Jack, which would ruin the entire evening. So instead, I began talking with Violet. “How long have you and Charles been married?” she asked me, her voice being much more mature than she appeared to be. “Oh, going on four months now,” I replied graciously, noticing how she was sizing me up, as if I were competition of some sort. Maybe I was just a little impaired from the wine I’d had while eating in the sitting room, but then again… “Well I think that that is just splendid,” she said, smiling with a smile that shone like the stars in the sky. “You two are a stunning couple. And what a catch, if I may say so myself.” She eyed him for a moment and they made contact for less than a second, as if passing some secret message with their eyes. I truly was jealous of this gorgeous woman who sat beside me. I was even more jealous as to the effect she was beginning to have on my husband and I tried to keep her busy to prevent further bewitchment. “Thank you. I think that Phillip is quite a man as well,” I exclaimed, smiling a look-at-my-husband-like-that-again-and-see-what-happens smile....
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Opinion by pebbles1213 posted over a year ago
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Because we freely love, as in our will To love or not; in this we stand or fall.And some are fallen, to disobedience fallen, And so from Heaven to deepest Hell- O fallFrom what high state of bliss into what woe! I mostly liked that verse because of how I could relate to it. I loved Jack freely as was natural to me and him. I had chosen to love him and rather than surviving, I fell into the deepest corners of Hell from the beginning’s bliss to the end’s woe. And I wallowed in that woe for what seemed like ages. I felt like I would never love another…even, I will admit, Carlisle, the one who I never thought I would not be in love with but who, in my time of grief, was pushed out of my heart to make way for the swelling that occurred from the pain I felt. It was as if my heart would explode with sadness that I kept in and it only stayed controlled because I didn’t let it out. It was inside and I kept it there. But nevertheless, Charles continued to come everyday to read to me as if he hoped that of all the people I could speak to and release my pain, it would be him that I would choose. And that made me feel thankful that I had him, seeing as everyone else kept their distance...
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Fan fiction by pebbles1213 posted over a year ago
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never to return to me. I feared about myself and what I would do everyday that I didn’t know if he was alive or dead or if he’d ever come back to me. But most of all, I feared for the child that was growing in my womb and how they might never know what an amazingly good man their father was if Jack did, indeed, die. I hadn’t told anyone that I was with child. Not even Jack. I had been planning to tell him that night when he came to my window but this had completely thrown me off my original plan. A million thoughts were running through my head like flashes of light and dark before my eyes. Jack might die. I might be left an unmarried mother, shamed by the fact that I might be having my future son or daughter out of wedlock. We weren’t married yet and my family would surely disown me if they found out. But the most frightening thought was that I might say good-bye to my dear Jack, the most important person in my life, and never see him again. And then, I collapsed. This time Jack was at my side before anyone else, holding me in his arms. But when I looked into his eyes, I saw something that shocked me more than anything: fear. Jack, my strong, enduring Jack was afraid, as I...
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Fan fiction by pebbles1213 posted over a year ago
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Who knew a bet could change the course of your life so drastically? I didn’t. But then again I was only sixteen, and being as spirited as I had been was seen as a defect on my character. Girls were supposed to behave, cook and clean, and marry as soon as they were of age. But not me. I was too spirited for that. I had too much life within me to just cage it inside my soul. But I digress. Here is how it all began for me.
My brother Theo, older by just under two years, and I had been in a heated debate.
“It’s as simple as this, Es,” Theo had begun as we sat on the front porch sipping lemonade. “Women just can’t do what men can. They’re weaker, both of mind and body, to do the things men do.”
I had been infuriated by this. I was infuriated that he could be so ignorant and condescending just because he was in college and I wasn’t, though I wanted desperately to be. Ever since he’d been away at Ohio State University, studying in business, he had taken it to habit to make it known that he was superior to the rest of us…or so he had come to believe.
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Fan fiction by alicecullenrox1 posted over a year ago
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Chapter 1- That's Life

Columbus, Ohio
September, 1911

Thomas was running after me. He'd left Lily far behind him. It wasn't my fault I was faster than both of my best friends. He called after me. “Aw. Come on Esme! Give me a chance!! We all know you're the fastest. You don't need to rub it in!” I giggled.

“Yes. I am fastest. This is called Tag, Tom. The point is to run away as fast as you can,” I kept going at a pace faster than his. Once he was far enough behind, I began to scale the giant oak tree that was convenient placed in my backyard.

“What are you doing Esme?” he asked panting as he approached the tree.

“Getting a safe distance away from you. We all know you are deathly afraid of heights,” I called down triumphantly. Just then Lily approached us.

“Esme,” she told me in a stern voice “You get down from that tree this instant. Climbing trees is NOT ladylike!”

“Aw. Lily come on! Having a little fun will not kill you!” I smiled climbing up higher.
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Fan fiction by alicecullenrox1 posted over a year ago
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Chapter 2- The Doctor

It was a ten minute drive to the hospital in Columbus, I sat and stared out the window of my father's farming truck that was for emergencies only. My mother had stayed at home to finish dinner and tend to the younger children.

My father carried me inside and sat me down on one of the hard wooden chairs. The emergency room was empty apart from the two of us and a mother and her screaming infant. I tried to focus my thoughts on something other than the horrible pain in my leg. I thought about the grand adventures Tom, Lily and I had gone on in the past few days. My father came and sat next to me. “The doctor will be able to see you within the next ten minutes,” he informed me. I nodded and swung my good leg back and forth.

“I'm sorry,” I told him, turning my head to glance at him.

He sighed as he thought of what to say. “Esie.” he used the nickname I had given myself at two years old. “You need to learn to be more responsible. You are practically a woman now. You are going to have to get married and have a family,” he didn't look at me as he said this. Father, daughter talks had a history of...
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Opinion by emmett posted over a year ago
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10 Ways to Annoy Esme Cullen

10. Let it slip what Carlisle really does during his night shifts at the hospital, with all of the pretty nurses.

9. Tell her all about the names of your future children, when you want to have them, what genders you want them to be, etc.

8. Ask her if her hair looks like caramel, does it taste like caramel?

7. Politely ask if Carlisle asks her to dress up as “Nurse. Naughty” in the bedroom and if he demands she calls him “Doctor. Dreamy”

6. Tell her that Carlisle is much too old for her, and that he is clearly a cradle-snatcher or pedophile.

5. Take a chunk of her hair, put it in a blender with milk and hand back the final product, claiming it’s a caramel milkshake.

4. Tell her what the nurses at the hospital really think of Carlisle – then smudge lipstick on Carlisle’s shirt collar and spray him with perfume. Laugh loudly when Esme notices, and videotape the reaction.
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