Sarcasm's Darkness: Revealed

MIDNIGHT HOUR TRANSCRIPT EPISODE 17 04-02-2009

Greetings, Fanpoppers and Fanpoppettes, and welcome to the Midnight Hour with your host, Cinders. Tonight, we managed to procure an interview with the mysterious and elusive DarkSarcasm, who lurks in the shadows of many spots here on Fanpop. Generally a creature of few words, the strangely captivating user has deigned to answer a few questions for the rest of the community. After our exclusive interview with the Darkest of Sarcasms, we'll also give you a recipe for frying and preparing human placenta, and fashion tips that every goth should know. Here's one right at the top of the show: Black is always in.

Good evening, DarkSarcasm. Is there any particular title you would like us to call you tonight?

I have many titles. To some, I am Dark, Dasm, or DS. To others, I am the Queen of Darkness. Call me what you wish.

Wonderful. Now, I'm sure that everyone in the Fanpop community at large is just dying to know: Where on earth did you come up with that most unusual user name?

Well, I needed something ominous, obviously. It took me days to find the perfect name. I needed it to be perfect... But really, it just kind of happened. No special story here.

Aha, I see, very interesting. And what is it about Fanpop that appeals to you so much?

Impressionable youth.

Ah, yes, they can be a riot!

Also, medals. They make even the darkest of souls brighten up on occasion.

So tell me, which spots are your favorite and why?

I wish I could say the vampire spot, but I cannot. It has been overrun with glittery scum, Cullen fangirls as far as the eye can see. Disgraceful. Moving on... the Supernatural spot has been a nice replacement home. There is always something interesting going on there.

Fascinating. Really, I'm riveted. Can you tell me, what is the average air velocity of a swallow?

Seven

All right, now that all the basic stuff is out of the way, I'm sure our listeners would love to hear all the little personal juicy gossippy details of your life. Let's start with your real name. What is it?

I have not used that name in what seems like decades... I believe I'll keep it that way, for the time being.

Would you consider yourself to be a family person? Have you considered children, for example?

Oh, I have definitely considered children. In fact, they are delicious - I try to keep it to one a week, though. Family... yes, I have a family - my chosen ones. They know who they are. They're quite useful... I mean, I love them.

And what about your love life? Is there a Prince of Darkness in the picture?

Those details are not fit to be released to the public at this time.

Oh, you sneaky little devil! What are your life goals?

I want to sleep all day and party all night. Forever.

Don't we all? You seem like a very pensive person, but you don't often speak your mind. What's going on in that diabolical little head of yours?

*smirk* If I told you that, I'd have to kill you. Or is that what I'm planning anyway?

Ahaha, she's just kidding, folks. So what's your favorite food?
Babies.
*cough*
Just kidding. I'm going to go with lasagna. Yep, that's it.

Here's a call in question: Anna from Stockholm wants to know what your stance is on capital punishment?

I say, go for it. Most people would be lucky to go that easily.

Let's try a little word association:

Donner-- Richard
Scientology-- cult
Bundy-- Ted
Blood-- lust
Garlic-- pizza
Toenails-- ew
Wolf-- moon
Charles-- Manson
Hero-- Villain
Baby-- Trashcan
Bat-- man
Holy-- shit
Cross-- the road
Grave-- digger
Coffin-- sleep
Sunlight-- ow ow fuckity ow
Steak-- *runs away*

Hey! Hold on there, are you a vegetarian or something? Come back! DarkSarcasm? Well, it seems that'll be all for tonight, folks. Curious she fled just as the sun is rising. And here I was, fantasizing that after the show we'd be best friends... or at least go out and get breakfast. Next up on the Midnight Hour: How to spice up your placenta, followed by: Goth Fashion: Do you feel like you wear the same thing every day? Spice up your outfit by dying your hair black to match.