Glamour recently asked a bunch of guys what resolutions they wish women would make, and here they are. *facedesk*. In bold are the "translations" of these "resolutions".
1. “I’d like it if in 2012, women would stop chatting on the phone, checking their teeth in the rearview mirror, flipping their hair and drinking coffee—all while driving.” –Umberto, 29, Monroe, Conn.
“It’s ok for me to multitask while driving, but not you.” –Umberto, 29, Monroe, Conn.
2. “I wish my girl’s New Year’s resolution would be to take herself less seriously when I ask her to do fun things to spice up our lives. Why can’t we have a little harmless fun?” –Jon, 25, Studio City, Calif.
“I want her to do whatever I want, but she doesn’t want to.” –Jon, 25, Studio City, Calif.
3. “I want my wife to stop adding to the degree of difficulty in life. She just can’t say no to people, which means she gets overwhelmed. In other words, I want my wife to be more selfish and do more for herself. She deserves it!” –Josh, 34, Jacksonville, Fla.
“I want my wife to be more selfish. Honey, do I have a clean shirt?” –Josh, 34, Jacksonville, Fla.
4. “My girl keeps our social calendar packed to the point of exhaustion. Even though sharing occasions with friends and family should be fun, sometimes it can seem like a never-ending party that leaves us with little time to ourselves. I wish she would make 2012 the year we spend more nights alone together in our home.” -Ben, 37, Vero Beach, Fla.
I want to watch TV/play videogames/ sit on a couch. How dare you want to see your friends? -Ben, 37, Vero Beach, Fla.
5. “My girlfriend is absolutely amazing. I want 2012 to be the year she realizes that New York is where she belongs and stops thinking about returning to England (though I hope she never loses her accent).” —Marc, 30, New York City
I want the sexy accent without all those pesky ties to country of birth. —Marc, 30, New York City
6. “I would like my girl to make more of an effort to force me to stop working.” –Alex, 26, London.
I would like my girl to serve more as my personal secretary rather than being so damnably independent.-Alex, 26, London.
7. “My lady can’t go more than five seconds without checking her BlackBerry. I hope this year she ditches the habit so we can actually have a conversation.” –Andrew, 28, Detroit
She’s not paying enough attention to meeeee. Somebody call a whaaaambulaaaance!! –Andrew, 28, Detroit
8. “My New Year’s resolution for my girlfriend is for her to stop pretending to understand my obsession with sports and just take my word that I need to be alone with the TV on Sunday and Monday nights.” –Roof, 29, Atlanta
Your feeble female brain cannot possible grasp the intricacies put ball through basket or move ball across field while slamming your head into someone’s stomach. –Roof, 29, Atlanta
9. “My resolution for my girlfriend is for her to tell me that she’s upset the first time I ask, so that we can address the real problem and move on.” –Austin, 23, Boston
I’m a jerk and I can’t help it. –Austin, 23, Boston
10. “I want my girl to resolve not to be so smart all the time because it’s making me look bad.” –Patrick, 19, Chesterfield, Mass.
I’m stupid and reading is boring. –Patrick, 19, Chesterfield, Mass.
11. “My girlfriend is incredibly successful at a very young age, and I hope she’ll be able find time to relax in 2012. Movies and shopping should be as important sometimes as work e-mails.” —Brandon, 27, Columbus, Ohio
See number 7 —Brandon, 27, Columbus, Ohio
12. “I’d like my girlfriend to stop worrying so much about how she looks. I don’t care if she has a pimple or some stretch mark I need a magnifying glass to see. I wish she thought she was as beautiful as I do.” –Nick, 21, Maui, Hawaii
Ok, this is half-decent.