posted by Seanthehedgehog
Behold, a James Bond parody featuring Fluttershy. Our story starts in the Atlantic Ocean
Equestrian ponies: We got sight of something.
Equestrian ponies: It looks like an oil barge.
Captain: What the fuck are you looking at that for?
Equestrian ponies: Something unusual is sticking out from the bottom.
And suddenly the alarm went off, and the submarine was being forced to go up.
Captain: How is this happening?!
Equestrian ponies: WE have no idea!!
mexican: *drive barge near sub*
Captain: Of course. Mexicans!!
Mexicans: *go past submarine*
Speaking of Mexicans, the mexican secret service had something going on in Australia.
M.L: Where is Double X?
mexican lt: She's in Australia like you wanted her sir.
M.L: What is she doing?
During that, the CIE also had something going on in Australia
P: We got a message about one of our subs.
Snow: What does it say?
P: It says that it was attacked by a mexican barge. We need to inform 0007 about this right away.
S: But sir, he's already on a mission in Australia.
P: Then get him to pull out!
In Australia, which was snowy.
Con: *Laying in bed with a mare*
Double X: You make me feel good Con.
Con: I like doing what I can for mares like you. *recieves message from watch*
0007, report to HQ immediately.
Con: *gets out of bed*
Double X: What's wrong?
Con: I have to go.
Double X: But, I need you.
Con: So does the United States. *leaves*
Soon he was skiing down a hill when.................
Con: Oh great.
Danish: Get him quickly!
Con: *going faster*
Mexicans: *shoot at Con*
Danish: *grabs gun*
Con: *turns around*
Danish: *aims gun*
Con: *shoots something from ski pole*
Mexicans: *get in front*
Con: *jumps around*
Mexican: *aims at Con*
Con: *pushes mexican*
Mexicans: *shoot at Con*
Con: *going toward cliff*
Mexicans: *stop shooting*
Con: *goes off cliff*
You think he'd die after falling off there. Correct, he would, but he had a parachute and deployed it. It was also one of those things where you could control which way you went :D
Sean The Hedgehog presents
A Con Mane story
The Shy Who Loved Me
Doughnut Joe........................Con Mane
Princess Luna........................Nightmare Moon
Sydney. P Johnson.................S
Back at the mexican base
M.L: Send in Double X
Double X: *walks in*
M.L: I'm sorry, but Danish was killed during a mission.
Double X: Who killed him?
M.L: We have no clue, but now we have another problem. A pony named Isosceles has some kind of micro film, holding info on a special weapon that can get rid of submarines. He's been making us lose a lot of them. You have to find it immediately.
While as in CIE headquarters.
Snow: He'll see you now Mr. Mane
Con: Thanks. *walks in office*
P: Ah good, you're here. What do you know about a pony named Isosceles?
Con: As I heard, he's been making us lose submarines, and has plans to make some kind of.. New World.
P: Right. And now, he has this micro film that needs to be brought to me.
Con: Don't worry. I'm on it.
And while Con was on it, there was this thing emerging out of the water somewhere in the atlantic.
Isosceles: Voila. Atlantis is operational!
mexicans: Sir, we have Nightmare Moon.
Isosceles: Excellent! Send her in.
Nightmare Moon: *enters*
Isosceles: Now listen carefully. I want you to find anyone that tries to prevent my plan from being succesful. If you do find anyone, you have my authority to kill them.
Nightmare Moon: With pleasure sir.
Isosceles: Wonderful. Now get going
Nightmare Moon: *teleports out of room*
Isosceles: Nothing can ruin this plan. *laughs*
The first spot Con had to go for his mission was a place Egypt. He had a sweet hotel, and was relaxing in it.
Con: *laying in bed*
Double X: How about you have me accompany you?
Con: Weren't you that pony I was with in Australia?
Double X: Maybe.
Con: I have to find a pony named Peckish though.
assassin: *shoots at Con*
Double X: AHH!
Con: *runs after assassin*
The two were out on the balcony when the fight scene started
assassin: *comes out from hiding*
Con: *kicks assassin*
Assassin: *grabs gun*
Con: *hits assassin causing him to lose gun*
Assassin: *kicks Con*
Con: *pushes assassin toward ledge*
assassin: *runs back*
Con: *dodges assassin*
assassin: *runs again*
assassin: *goes over ledge*
assassin: *grabs Con, slowly losing grip*
Con: Where's Peckish?
assassin: Pyramids! *falls*
Con: A helpful pony.
On a really dark night at a bunch of pyramids, there was a show going on
Announcer: Welcome to the periods.
Announcer: Sorry. I mean pyramids. If it were periods we'd be drowning in blood. Anyways. It's time for the dances- What? What do you mean I'm fired?!
crowd: *listen awkwardly*
Announcer: I made a mistake, so what?! Fine, fuck you. I hated this job anyway!
Con: *sees Nightmare Moon* Great. First I had to fight her on a cable car, and now she's back probably planning to kill me. (Reference to Nightmare Moonraker)
Nightmare Moon: *follows*
Con: *also follows*
Nightmare Moon: Hello
Peckish: Ahh! *runs*
Nightmare Moon: *kills Peckish, then disappears*
Con: *sees Peckish* No! He had that microfilm.
Double X: *arrives* Where's Peckish?
Con: With the Pharoahs.
Double X: You killed him?
Con: No, he was like that when I found him. *leaves*
Secretly, Con followed Nightmare Moon to a casino.
Con: *goes to bar*
Double X: Hi
Con: Where did you come from?
Double X: I followed you following Nightmare Moon.
bartender: May I help you two?
Double X: The stallion would like a milkshake. Stirred, not shaken.
Con: And the lovely mare will have a Corona Light mixed with crack.
Bartender: Very well. (Of course the mexican wants drugs in her drink)
Con: How did you know what I wanted?
Double X: I know a lot about you. You work for the CIE, have a license to murder, and was only married to one mare. Your marriage was short when-
Con: I get it. *leaves*
Nightmare Moon: *playing poker*
Con: *turns invisible*
Double X: Con.
Con: *re appears* What?
Double X: You forgot your drink.
Con: Oh, thanks. *takes drink*
Nightmare Moon: *leaves*
Con: Come on. If you're going to follow me we better follow her.
Nightmare Moon: *gets in van*
Con & Double X: *sneak in back*
Nightmare Moon: *drives*
After Hours of driving, Nightmare Moon got to where she was going.
Nightmare Moon: *leaves van*
Double X: Now we follow her.
Con: *takes keys to van* Yup. Right behind you.
Nightmare Moon: *walks through maze*
Con & Double X: *Follow*
Nightmare Moon: *goes left*
Con & Double X: *follow*
Nightmare Moon: *goes through wall*
Con Where did she go?
Double X: I don't see her anywhere.
Nightmare Moon: *standing on wall*
Con & Double X: *walking to van*
Nightmare Moon: *jumps from nowhere*
Con: *grabs gun* FREEZE!!! Give us the microfilm.
Double X: *grabs gun* We're not joking. Give it to us, and we'll leave you alone.
Nightmare Moon: *puts microfilm on ground*
Double X: *reaches for it*
Nightmare Moon: *steps on Fluttershy*
Con: *pushes Nightmare Moon into wooden pole*
Once Nightmare Moon hit the wooden pole, it collapsed, and a lot of planks, and huge stones fell on top of her.
Con: Egyptian builders. *leaves*
Nightmare Moon: *sticks out hoof*
Double X: Where are the keys for this thing?
Con: Oh I have them. But you'll only get them if you give me the microfilm.
Double X: Here *gives Con microfilm*
Con: *gives Double X keys*
Double X: *tries to start van* What's wrong with this thing?
Con: Try again. It should work on the second try.
Double X: *starts van*
Nightmare Moon: *jumps on van*
Double X: *drives*
Con: Use the wipers
Double X: *uses wipers*
Nightmare Moon: *tears off wipers*
Double X: What else do you suggest?
Con: Don't wreck the van
Nightmare Moon: *tearing off roof*
Double X: She doesn't seem to like your plan.
Con: *hits Nightmare Moon*
Nightmare Moon: *falls and grabs side of van*
Double X: We're near the exit *hits wall*
Con: Mares suck at driving
Nightmare Moon: *tearing off hood*
Double X: *tries to drive*
Nightmare Moon: *pushing van*
Double X: *runs nightmare moon over*
Con: Well that worked.
The two kept driving through the desert trying to reach Cairo.
Double X: *stops*
Con: What's wrong?
Double X: We're out of gas.
Con: Well, then we continue on foot.
It was three hours since they've been walking, but Con & Double X soon got to a boat.
Con: Let me talk to the owner *goes to boat*
Double X: *waits*
Double X: What did he say?
Con: He think's we're a bit overdressed, but he'll take us.
boat owner: *drives boat*
Double X: I need that microfilm!
Con: No you don't. I have it, and you can tell your boss it's in good company.
Double X: *shivering* I'm freezing
Con: Well, take this *gives Double X coat*
Double X: *takes coat* Now what?
Con: Why don't you tell me how you mexicans learn some survival skills?
Double X: We carry small, but powerful handguns for defense, kick others between the hind legs, and when neccesary we snuggle to share body heat.
Con: Well, why don't we do that?
Double X: Not without a cigarette first.
Con: Sure *takes cigarette*
But when he tried to smoke it, he soon fell asleep. Double X soon searched his body. She was looking for the microfilm, and soon she found it.
Next morning Con woke up to find himself in Cairo, but Double X was nowhere to be seen.
Con: Where did the mare go?
boat driver: ??
Con: Where did the mare go?
boat driver: ???
Con: For crying out loud. Waar het die merrie gaan?
boat driver: Sy het op die manier, die rigting van 'n paar ou gebou *points south west*
Con: Thanks *walks*
He was soon inside the building, and saw Moneybit sitting behind a desk.
Moneybit: Hello Mr. Mane.
Con: Where is P?
Moneybit: He's in his office with M.L
Moneybit: Go to his office, and you'll soon find out.
Con: *goes into P's office* What's all this?
P: We're teaming up with Mexico to stop Isosceles.
M.L: Si. With the microfilm in our possesion thanks to Double X, we can now see what we're dealing with here.
Con: You're saying I have to team up with a theft, and liar.
Double X: Don't be like that Con.
M.L: This building is nothing like I've ever seen before.
Con: *Looks at blueprints* I'll see if S can identify where this building is located.
S: *walks in* Did somepony say my name?
Con: I did.
S: Perfect. Now, let's see what I have to deal with. *looks at blueprints* This looks so unrealistic.
Con: Because it is. Now prove these mexicans that we're better by showing us what type of building this is!
S: Oh yeah. This is an amphibious building. One that can be underwater.
P: I guess that explains the designs.
M.L: Ok. Now listen Double X. For this assignment, you'll be partnered with 0007, and destroy this building, and or the creator.
Con: That must be the reason for the missing of our submarines.
M.L: That could be it. Or it might be for something else. You'll have to find out.
On a warm summer night in Italy, a fast moving passenger train was going fast down the tracks. Con & Double X were on it.
Double X: What do you wanna do now?
Con: What about that snuggling you mentioned earlier?
Double X: Oh yes. That would be nice.
Nightmare Moon: *appears from nowhere*
Double X: AHH!
Con: *turns around* If you're scared of Nightmare Moon, I don't blame you.
Nightmare Moon: *starts to attack*
Double X: *falls on floor*
Nightmare Moon: *chokes Con*
Con: (Wait a minute. Her teeth)
Nightmare Moon: *continues choking*
Con: *reaches for electrical outlet*
Nightmare Moon: *still choking Con*
Con: *zaps Nightmare Moon's teeth*
Double X: *watching*
Con: *pushes Nightmare Moon out train*
Double X: That was amazing. Snuggle time!
The next morning Con, and Double X were walking to the docks. Nearby there was a boat that had cars being offloaded.
S: *driving Lambronyni* Hello you two.
Con: Look what S got for us.
Double X: *notices* Oh wow.
S: Excuse me miss. The rest of what I have to say is between me & Con
Double X: Of course *walks away*
S: *telling Con information*
Double X: *watching*
Con: *walks to Double X* It's okay now. Let's go for a drive.
S: Be careful with that car.
Con: S, when have I ever let you down?
They were going to rent a hotel.
Con: *parks car*
Double X: What do we do here?
Con: We wait for somepony. We'll use our fake names, and we get on board Atlantis.
Double X: That sounds nice.
Winx: *driving boat*
Con: There's our ride. *gets on*
Double X: *gets on*
Winx: *drives boat*
What will the two find? Is it a trap, or will they not get enough of what they wanted?
Winx brought Con & Double X to Atlantis, and they got to go inside.
Isosceles: Ah, the two oceanologists are here. What are your names again?
Con: I'm Wilson Wilson, and this is my lovely wife, Olivia Wilson.
Isosceles: Nice to meet you both. As you probably know, I am Isosceles. The creator of this very building you are standing in.
Con: We heard. What caused you to make this fine establishment?
Isosceles: This. *shows view of ocean* This world underwater is so perfect. So calm, not like the one we ponies have to go through.
Con: *sees shark*
Isosceles: Of course, there are a few drawbacks
shark: *Eats fish*
Isosceles: But, my plan will work perfectly. I have decided to create an underwater world for ponies to live through, so they can have better lives, and not worry about any of the major conflicts we have to resolve today.
Con: And that is?
Isosceles: War. If any of that were to happen here. We'd be all dead, so everyone would be forced to live a happy life.
Con: Well, that could work out on preventing others from killing theirselves.
Isosceles: Yes it does.
Con: Ok. That's about all we need. *sees model ship* What is this?
Isosceles: Oh that? A barge known as the mexican. It's operated by you know who..
Isosceles: And delivers oil to it's thriving country.
Con: (Thriving? Bullshit.) Well, thanks for the info Mr. Isosceles. We better get going now.
Winx took the two back to their hotel. And soon, Con went to his car.
Double X: What is it?
Con: There was something strange about the way he was talking.
Double X: What do you mean?
Con: I mean there's more to that building then he said there would be. Let's go
Double X: *Gets in car*
The two were soon on the road
Winx: *following on motorcycle*
Double X: Con, that bike
Con: Has been following us for at least a mile. We'll get rid of whoever it is.
Winx: *getting closer*
Con: *going faster*
Winx: *grabs gun*
Con: *weaves through traffic*
trucker: *Gets in the way*
Con: *honks horn*
Winx: *shoots at Con*
Con: *goes past truck*
other trucker: *going the opposite way*
Winx: *drives off road*
mexicans: *turn onto road*
Con: Now we have more ponies following us.
Nightmare Moon: Get closer *grabs gun*
Con: *goes faster*
Nightmare Moon: *shoots gun*
Con: *drifts on turn*
Mexican driver: *follows closely behind*
Nightmare Moon: *shoots at Con*
Mexican: *aims at Con*
Nightmare Moon: *Steals mexican's gun*
Nightmare Moon: *shooting at Con again*
Con: I didn't wanna do this, but they leave me no choice *pours oil onto road*
Mexican driver: *goes off road*
Italian pony: *making wine*
mexicans: *fly into shed*
Italian pony: *Watches* Gesù Cristo! Ci sono auto volanti dal cielo!
Nightmare Moon: *walks out of shed*
Back to Con
Winx: *appears in helicopter*
Con: How did she survive?
Winx: *shooting at Con*
Double X: After all those shots toward us, this car doesn't take any damage
Winx: *gets in front*
Con: I think that may change
Winx: *shooting hundreds of times and misses*
Con: *drives onto dock*
Double X: *shocked*
Con: Can you swim?
Double X: WHAT?!
Con: *drives into water*
Double X: *getting nervous*
Con: *turns car into submarine*
Double X: ?
Con: It's time we said goodbye to an uninvited guest.
Winx: *flying helicopter*
Con: *aims mortar*
Double X: *Watching*
Con: *shoots mortar*
Winx died. But Con, and Double X would be facing more enemies.
Con continued driving the car/submarine through the ocean, as he got toward Atlantis.
Con: There's what we came to look at.
Double X: What?
Con: Toward the bottom, there is a place that shoots missiles.
mexicans: *swim toward car*
Double X: Con, look!
Con: *shoots mexican swimmers*
Double X: Now there's more
Con: They're armed too.
mexican 1: *shoots explosive arrow*
mexican 2: *shoots another explosive arrow*
Double X: *deploys oil*
Con: What are you doing?
Double X: *deploys mine*
Con: How did you know about that?
Double X: I saw the blueprints for this car two weeks ago.
Towards a beach, Con was emerging from the water, when a bunch of ponies were watching in total disbelief.
Con: *drives out of water*
drunk pony: *pours alcohol out of bottle*
Back at the hotel
Double X: Can I ask you a question?
Con: What is it?
Double X: When we were in Australia. Did you kill a pony named Danish?
Con: It's very hard to tell what a pony looks like when you're going 40 miles an hour on skis. What did Danish look like?
Double X: He was a purple pegasus with a yellow mane.
Con: Yes, I killed him.
Double X: Then. When this mission is over I'll have you killed.
Con: Sure. Now we better find a way to sneak onto the Mexican. I have a suspicion that's what's making our submarine's dissapear.
Double X: How are we going to do that?
Con: The Germans are my allies, we'll probably find a way on one of their subs.
Speaking of german subs
Germans: Sir, Con Mane is here.
German colonel: Let him in.
Con: *enters sub* Hello colonel.
German colonel: Hallo Con. How's life in the CIE?
Con: Good. How's Fenix Lighter?
German colonel: He's on leave in England. He'll return in two weeks.
Con: Good for him
german leiutenant: Hey! Why's the alarm going off?
German colonel: Everything is turning off! GO UP!!
germans: *make submarine go up*
Double X: What is it?
Con: The oil barge.
german colonel: What?
Con: There's something on that barge making us go up!
mexicans: *drive barge toward submarine*
The front of the barge soon opened, and the submarine was stuck.
Double X: What do we do now?
German colonel: we'll have you in a disguise.
Mexicans: *get submarine in oil barge*
Mexican captain: have your crew come out of your submarine immediately.
Con: we better do what he says.
Germans: *come out of sub*
Mexican captain: stay there.
Double x: Are you sure about this?
Mexican captain: take these new prisoners to the others.
Mexican corporal: Si señor
Germans: *follow corporal*
Con: now for the attack.
Double X: What?
Con: *steals corporal's gun*
Mexican corporal: HEY!
Con: *shoots Mexican guards*
German colonel: take their guns!
Germans: *steal guns*
A fight soon occurred, as Mexicans were fighting Germans on the oil barge.
Mexican soldiers: *throw grenades*
Germans: *throw grenades back*
Con: *shoots corporal*
Mexican captain: They killed the corporal!
Mexican soldier: I thought you hated him.
Mexican captain: He owed me $2!
Mexicans: *Set up machine gun*
Double X: Look out
Mexicans: *Shoot Germans*
Con: give me a grenade
German colonel: what if they shoot it?
Con: just do it.
German colonel: *throws grenade*
Mexican soldier: get ready. They're going to throw a grenade.
Con: *throws grenade*
the Mexicans tried to shoot it, but it was no good. They died.
after killing the two Mexicans that had the machine gun, Con and his German friends went to defeat more Mexicans
German colonel: where are the rest?
Con: I don't know. let's keep looking
Mexicans: *hiding behind wall*
Con: I think we defeated them all.
Mexicans: now *open wall*
Con: more enemies 3 o'clock
Mexicans: *fire guns*
Con: *creates shield*
Mexican captain: kill that unicorn
Germans: *shoot Mexicans*
German colonel: wonderful they're all dead.
German pony 53: sir, look at this.
German colonel: my mother's sock, its a map of the entire world.
Con: what are those blinking lights in the ocean?
Mexican captain: *still alive* those are our submarines, and they will destroy your countries.
German soldiers: *kill captain*
German colonel: we've got to find a way to stop those submarines from destroying our countries.
Con: I have an idea. Why don't we get their targets changed?
German colonel: How will we do that?
Con: we get the two to hit each other. You hack the security, while I find the coordinates of the subs.
They set to work. And soon, they were ready.
Con: alright get one sub to launch it's missile to 40 130
German colonel: *switches coordinates*
Con: Then get the other sub to attack coordinate 50 110
German colonel: *switches coordinates*
German pony 35: There's more lights coming from the globe.
Con: those must be the missiles.
Mexican survivor: No! Look what you basterds did! I'm going to blow this ship up so you'll all die *sets off explosives*
Con: we need to get out of here.
Germans: *run to subs*
They escaped, and soon launched missiles to Atlantis.
Nightmare moon: sir, we have missiles coming towards our position
Isosceles: get defenses set
After a minute, the Germans realized they did not hit their target.
German colonel: what happened?
Con: they must have some defense system
Double X: we'll go in, and disable it.
German colonel: good luck
Con: *teleports with double x to Atlantis*
Double X: how are we destroying this building?
Con: the self destruct system
Nightmare moon: oh no you don't
Con: *fights nightmare moon*
Double X: *takes cover*
Nightmare moon: *fights con*
Con: *hits self destruct button*
Nightmare moon: you...
Con: *jumps to crane*
Nightmare moon: *goes to button*
Con: *lowers crane*
Nightmare moon: *looks up*
Double X: *watches*
Con: *lifts nightmare moon*
Nightmare moon: put me down!
Con: your wish is my command *drops nightmare moon in water*
Double X: let's get outta here
Con: there's an escape pod we can take.
Isosceles: Hold it! Aren't you forgetting some pony?
Isosceles: You need to defeat me if you want to escape alive!
Con: *grabs gun*
Isosceles: Wait, what are you doing?
Con: Defeating you *kills isosceles*
Double X: There's the escape pod
The two got in, and escaped
Nightmare moon: *turns back into Luna* I'm in the ocean, and an explosion just happened. What the fuck did I miss out on?
Con: For an escape pod it's luxurious in here.
Double X: *points gun at con* The mission is over. Any last words?
Con: Why don't we make it worth a while?
Double X: What?
Con: We should make out.
Double X: But we're not allowed to.
Con: No one will know.
S: Sir? Unidentified object coming toward us.
M.l.: let it in
P: *looks in escape pod*
Con & double X: *making out*
Double x: *sees crowd* Con
M.l.: Double X
P: Mane, what do you think you're doing?
Con: *puts hoove on heart* I'm pledging allegiance to the United States sir *closes blinds*