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Full Metal Alchemist Fan fiction Article

Edward Elric vs. Edward Cullen!

Fan fiction by Dearheart posted over a year ago
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Title: Edward vs. Edward
Author: Dearheart
Rating: Rated G for Giggles! :D
Summary: Once upon a blank piece of paper, two very different characters from two very different fandoms happened to bump into each other. One was an alchemist with height issues. The other was a vampire with no fangs. Chaos and comical verbal attacks ensued.

This goes out to all of you who are Team Edward...ELRIC!! Because when HE glistens in the sun, IT'S BADASS. No offense to the Twilighters, but our awesome, butt-kicking, short-ranting Ed was around long before Mr. Sparklepants was even a speck of glitter in Stephanie Meyer's eye. (And in my humble opinion, Arakawa totally PWNS Meyer as a storyteller. Heck, Fullmetal Alchemist pwns Twilight in EVERY conceivable way...) Anyway, this is also something that anyone who's familiar with both FMA and Twilight can enjoy. Whether you be Twi-hard or Twi-hater...if you know both Edwards, you should like this. ;-)

Without further ado, I give you...

Edward vs. Edward

Once upon a blank piece of paper, two very different characters from two very different fandoms happened to bump into each other.

One was short (but don't tell him that!), had long blond hair pulled back in a braid and wore a striking red overcoat. The other was tall, bronze-haired and wore a T-shirt with "I'm 2 sexy 4 my sparklz" printed on the front. The only traits they had in common were their genders, golden eyes, first names and the utter shock of meeting each other. Both gasped dramatically, pointed a finger at the other and yelled,

"IT'S EDWARD ELRIC!"

"IT'S EDWARD CULLEN!"

After shouting the obvious truth to the world (hey, this is the realm of fan fiction! Of course they'd recognize each other right away!), the two Edwards stood in stunned silence and scrutinized each other carefully.

Wow, he really IS as short as I've heard he is... Edward Cullen mused, scratching his pale, glistening, perfectly-sculpted chin. (Fangirls across the globe instantly went into cardiac arrest.)

Edward Elric simply gulped. He's ...tall.

After another minute or two of uncomfortable silence and sneaking peripheral glances at each other, at the same moment, one thought flashed through their minds:

I bet he thinks he's the better Edward.

And then:

Hehe. We'll just have to find out then, won't we?

Evil smirks spread across their faces. This could be fun.

They turned to each other, fake grins barely hiding the glint in their eyes.

"Hey there."

"Hey."

Edward Cullen casually smoothed back his hair and flashed a smile. (And in hospitals around the world, thousands of defibrillators were needed for the fangirls I mentioned earlier.) "Dude, I'm a vampire."

Edward Elric snickered. "Yeah, without fangs..." he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" asked the fangless vampire.

"Er, I said I'm an alchemist prodigy!" The teenager's face transformed back into a picture of innocence, complete with a halo and a bright grin. Edward C. raised his eyebrows in suspicion, but soon shrugged it off and graced the universe with another charmingly crooked smile...one that was just a bit smug, if you squinted hard. (And I won't bother mentioning what happened to all the fangirls this time.)

"Hey, do you have a car? 'Cause, like, I have one. It's a Volvo. And it's almost as shiny as I am."

"Pfft. Who needs a Volvo to go places when you got legs?" Edward E. shot him a smile that was twice as smug and reached down to wipe a bit of dirt off one of his well-worn boots in not-so-subtle emphasis; then he straightened and looked his rival full in the face, one eyebrow raised.

Edward C. narrowed his eyes.

This was war.

Before long, the smart remarks were flying back and forth, thick and fast as gunfire.

"I have superpowers, telepathy and hawtness."

"I have looks, brains, alchemy, martial art skills and a personality."

"I have golden eyes and a godlike figure and..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, HOLD IT. There's only ONE Edward around here who's allowed to have golden eyes and that's ME."

"Says who?"

"Says the Edward who had them first, that's who."

"Well, I bet you don't have cold, hard, pale-white skin that sparkles in the sun."

"So? I've got automail."

"I'm practically perfect in every way."

"I don't NEED to be perfect for people to like me. OR fall in love with me."

"I've got the most beautiful, perfect, delicious girl in the world. I live for her; she is my love, my light, my forever, my own personal brand of heroine..."

"Wow, that's disturbing."

"...and her name is Bella Swan."

"Heh, really? I thought her name was Mary Sue."

"Grrrrr..."

"And anyway, I've got a hot mechanic named Winry who could kick her whiny butt ANY day...with nothing but a wrench!"

"At least I know how to woo a woman."

"At least I don't stalk the girl I'm interested in."

"Oh yeah? Well I'm emo and angsty and have a tortured soul."

"Well I'm emo and angsty and have a tortured soul for a REASON."

"Pfft. You're just a dumb anime character..."

"Well you're just a fake vampire - no, strike that. You're a carnivorous disco ball."

"Well I'm invincible!"

"I'm somewhat realistic!"

"I sparkle!"

"I do short rants!"

"I sparkle!"

"Who CARES!?"

"I have more fangirls than you!!"

"I have more character depth than you could ever HOPE to have!!"

"...I'm tall."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO TINY YOU CAN SQUISH LIKE AN ANT, YOU SPARKLY CREEP?!!"

"Pipsqueak!"

"Gary Stu!!"

"SHRIMP!!"

"THAT'S JUMBO SHRIMP TO YOU, JERK!!..."

"Are you in need of assistance, Edward Elric?" A deep, booming, obnoxiously cheerful voice sent the verbal attacks (and the dialog-heavy fanfic) to a big, screeching halt.

Wide-eyed and startled out of their heated argument, the two testosterone junkies turned to see who'd interrupted them.

To put it all in a nutshell, the newcomer had no shirt on and looked like a cross between Mr. Clean and Arnold Schwarzenegger. There was one blond curl sitting atop his shiny scalp. He also had a thick mustache and several pink sparklies floating around his head. (Don't ask.)

There was another person, too; a teenage girl with blond hair and flashing blue eyes. Flip-flops, cargo pants, greasy mechanic's gloves...it was obvious she didn't really care what she wore as long as it was comfortable and good for getting messy in.

"Edward, you idiot!" she yelled, brandishing a wrench in one hot-tempered fist. "If you go and start fighting and wreck your automail again, so help me, I will give you another concussion!!"

Edward E. slapped a palm to his face and groaned, "Why them, of all people? Well, I guess I should be glad that jerk of a colonel didn't show up, too..."

Edward C. just blinked and stared at them in confusion. "Uhh...who are you?"

"Who am I?" boomed the Mr. Clean/Arnold Schwarzenegger/shirtless person, stumping towards them with earth-shaking footsteps like a big, friendly elephant. "I am Alex Louis Armstrong, the Strong Arm Alchemist!" He stopped in front of the baffled vampire (who now looked like a shrimp), struck a pose and happily flexed his bulging muscles one or two times for good measure. The number of pink sparkles increased.

Edward C. shook his head, took another look at the man and promptly freaked out. (Remember how prone he is to bipolar-type mood swings? Uh-huh.)

"Y-y-w-h-hey!" he spluttered, pointing a shaking finger at Armstrong. "Y-you have sparkles! And a godlike figure! That's MY thing! You stole my shtick!!"

"FOOL!" Armstrong thundered. He bent down to meet Edward C's crazed eyes and pointed a large finger right at his nose. "These sparkles and this godlike figure have been PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG LINE FOR GENERATIONS! This was my shtick before you even EXISTED, lover-boy..."

"Hey Ed?" The girl pulled off her gloves and came up to Edward E. (who still looked far from thrilled), stopping at his side to throw a skeptical glance at the other Edward (who was still freaking out about the massive, sparkly bodybuilder).

"Who's that guy? He kinda creeps me out."

"You don't wanna know, Winry," he sighed. "You don't wanna know..."

~ The End ~
PWNED
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Lunatic said:
Funny ^^
posted over a year ago.
 
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heart
Edward Elric Is the Winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!!­!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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Dearheart said:
BELIEVE IT!! =D
posted over a year ago.
 
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heart
Love it!

Though i've got a suggestion:
You know at the beginning when they both exclaim each others' names? I believe Edward Cullen should be the first to scream "Edward Elric!!" for two reasons.
1. Edward Elric is obviously so much better, and his name should always come first (or at least before Cullen's) in a dialogue.
2. Edward Elric is so much more amazing than Cullen, and therefore, Cullen would be the first to be shocked by Elric's presence, thus being the first to scream.
;]
posted over a year ago.
 
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Dearheart said:
Haha, okay. I'll tweak that part, just for you. Because you're absolutely right. =D
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
That was amazing! You made both characters seem just like themselves! It also made me laugh a bunch. Awesome article =D
posted over a year ago.
 
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wooy this was so funny !
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
mrt125 said:
that was so AWESOME~! are you on DeviantArt because i've seen this story ther too just wondering
posted over a year ago.
 
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tammy63 said:
Great article! So funny - Armstrong nicked Edward.C's sparkiles!
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Catberry said:
Hahaha it's so funny :D my hace jurts from grinning like idiot all the time I was reading it ^^
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
WOOOO!!! GO ED!! He totally kicks Cullen's but.
posted over a year ago.
 
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cegervais said:
That made me laugh so hard! Go team Elric!
posted over a year ago.
 
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Go Team Elric!!! Woot!
posted over a year ago.
 
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heart
jedi145 said:
Team Elric !!!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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may i add how much more amazing full metal fans are than twilight...
we're at least creative enough to make names such as Miniskirt Army and Risembool Rangers.. not just Team Edward and Team Jacob
posted over a year ago.
 
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cool
Ed Elric FTW!
Nice, really nice.
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
hahaha that was funny. Go team Elric!
posted over a year ago.
 
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omg that was awsome!!!
P.S edward.e is sooooooooooo much koolier
posted over a year ago.
 
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hahaha take that fake vampire go team Elric
posted over a year ago.
 
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smile
EDWARD ELRIC FOR THE WIN
posted over a year ago.
 
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smile
awesome!!!!!!!love it!!!!!elric is SO the winner!!!!cullens r all such losers!!!!!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
iv read this same thing somewere else. ilove it ^^
(go edward elric)
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
AmeShouta said:
Go Team Elrics!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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mischievous
CullenSux said:
You kick ass, Dearheart!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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smile
ADORABLE
posted over a year ago.
 
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crying
LOL...nice...go Elric!! I mean who really likes Cullen??? Those who've seen New Moon see how hairy his chest is?! o.0 *Shudders*
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
hahahaha very funny!!!!!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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Awesome job, Dearheart! Go team Elric!
posted over a year ago.
 
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crying
GIRGIRGIR said:
so edward c. had sparkels all on his face then arm strong came and freaked out cullen BECAUSE HIS SPARKLES WERE BIGGER.Hey why didnt AL <3 come too HE IS INPORTANT TOO THE SHOW.BTW THAT WAS AWSOME!!Poor Al u left him to die DIDNT YOU THEN YOU JUST HAD TO MAKE ME COME to save him hu well still funny im gonna use G for exstrem giggles or at least that what u shoud of done btw U MADE EVREY ONE LOOK AT ME FOR LOLING
posted over a year ago.
 
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LunaShay said:
Rofl this is well thought out and stuff,i LOVE it!
posted over a year ago.
 
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heart
LOVE IT
posted over a year ago.
 
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GIRPIGGS said:
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO­O EDWARD ELRIC ALL THE WAY. OH YOU SHOULD HAVE ADDED THAT NUMBER ONE, FMA PWNS TWILIGHT, AND THAT VIC MIGNOGNA(DUDE THAT VOICES ED) IS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY BETTER THAN ROBERT PATTINSON.
posted over a year ago.
 
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YUUHI said:
That was the greatest article in Fanpop that I've read. Really funny.
However I think Romi Paku (Ed Elric's seiyuu) is better than his english voice actor. No offense to people who love the english dub.
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
LOL!! How funny was this? Majorly! I'm not a Twighlight or however the hell you spell it fan! I LOVE ANIME!!!! Haha, and when Armstrong came in lol. Hye if any of you know or have an account of Fanfiction look up Edward got Run Over by and Armstrong. It's a funny little christmas thing.
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
Yep, literally laughed out loud all through this....Good job!
posted over a year ago.
 
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cutebunny said:
i love it!
posted over a year ago.
 
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kiss
edward565 said:
1 reson why edward e. should win 1. his so hot
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
edward565 said:
btw EPIC KICK EDWARD E.
posted over a year ago.
 
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hmmm
edward565 said:
MABY HE KICK HIM BECUSE HE CALLED HIM SHORT (dont tell him that i called him short)
posted over a year ago.
 
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heart
edward565 said:
i cant get inof of this story
posted over a year ago.
 
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rofl!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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dude. edward cullen-- the guy sparkes. he eats animals. he can almost fly, the guy's obviously a pixie.
posted over a year ago.
 
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wink
@victoriya121212-That is offensive to the pixies. Cullen is actually a gay, emo, zombie fairy that will melt if he touches water.

posted over a year ago.
 
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When I first read this I thought it was so perfect.

Epic win for.....Edward elric? Maybe I should say Armstrong instead. Lolz
posted over a year ago.
 
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monkey
Simmeh said:
LOL I love the picture at the end! Oh, and great story, too! I really liked how you described Alex Armstrong as a "friendly elephant". xDD
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
How can Twilight compare with something like FullMetal Alchemist? FMA has a much better written story as you kindly pointed out, and it isn't sexist which i love, the women don't play the victim. The character's are believable with all the mental problems they face and each one of them feels like family. And Edward Elirc has TEN TIME'S the character development and personality Cullem has. Winner:FULL METAL ALCHEMIST!
posted over a year ago.
last edited over a year ago
 
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AWESOME!!!!!!!!!I LOVE this fanfiction!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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mischievous
Screw cullen!!! Ed wins hands down!! Elric completly powns cullen
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
Weee! Edward Elric for the win! Boo Cullen! I was laughing so hard while reading this.
posted over a year ago.
 
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mischievous
elric sucks Cullen all the way
posted over a year ago.