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Article by Directioner3300 posted over a year ago
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Ok so here are three of my jokes that I came up with.They just popped into my head a couple of times and when I wanted to post it somewhere I decided to post them right here.
So I hope you like the jokes!! :)
Ok so here's my first one that I came up with.
1.What kind of creature do you see in a dark alley?
An alley-gator!!!!

2.What does a parrot use to get out of an airplane?
A parrot-chute!!!!

And last but not least.
By the way those who aren't Jewish the Hora is a dance that Jewish people do for Hanukkah.And this joke is based on the Hora.

3.What did the man say when he said something bad during the dance?
That was Hora-ble!!!!
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Article by KyoyaTategami01 posted over a year ago
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Yo Moma so fat that she needs cheat codes for Wii Fit

Yo Moma so fat,when she dies in Call of Duty,the player get's the 5 person kill streak

Yo Moma so stupid that she played got your nose with Voldemort

Yo Moma so fat,the sorting hat has signed her to the house of pancakes

Yo Moma so stupid that Rebecca Black told her Thursday comes before Friday

Yo Moma so fat,she's a map on Call of Duty

Yo Moma so ugly,she's the reason why Waldo is hiding

Yo Moma so stupid,she brought tickets to Xbox Live

Yo Moma so ugly,she makes blind kids cry

Yo Moma so fat,when she sat on the iPod,she made the iPad

Yo Moma so stupid,she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth

Yo Moma so ugly,when she joined MySpace,everyone switched to Facebook

Yo Moma so stupid,she got fired at the M&M factory for throwing out the W's

Yo Moma so fat,she's on both sides of the family
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Article by ChiliPepperLuv posted over a year ago
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1. Why did the turkey cross the road? He wasn't a chicken.
2. Knock, knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee, I ring the doorbell.
3. If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European (you're a peein')!
4. What did the science book say to the math book? Boy, do you have problems!
5. When I fell down, a friend asked, "Are you all right?" I replied, "No, I'm half left."
6. What do you get when you cross a hedgehog with a turtle? A slow poke
7. Why do skunks like Valentine's Day? They're scent-imental.
8. Knock, knock! Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine for a big surprise. I peed myself laughing at these jokes.
9. Knock, knock! Who's there? Britney Spears. Britney Spears who? Knock, Knock! Who's there? Britney Spears. Britney Spears who? Oops! I did it again.
10. Knock, Knock! Who's there? Interrupting Chili Peppers. Interrupting...Give it away, give it away, give it away now!
11. What did one meteor say to the other? Help me! I'm falling!
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Fan fiction by pipiqueen posted over a year ago
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here is one of my fav jokes-

teacher- students,as a part of literary week celebrations, we have decided to hold a competition!

(children starts to look at each other and whisper)

teacher- silence! the contest is, each day you have to read a well known book! and i'll say the names of some well-known books,and those who have read it should raise their hands, and the one who has read most books,will get extra recess time

(children cheers!later at the end of the week)

teacher- how many of you read , hamlet?

(the whole class raise their hands!)

teacher-good! now how many has read oddissi?

(again the whole class raise their hands!the teacher is suspicious whether they r lying,so she decides to test them)

teacher- exellent!now how many of you have read the biography of aristotile?

(as expected,the whole class raise their hands again!)

teacher- good,but may i inform you that there is no book yet,called biography of aristotle?
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List by FLUFFYMUFFIN posted over a year ago
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Ok this is my list of jokes I made. 1.Why does Russia have fast runners? Cuz their Russian! 2.A famous track runner is questioned by 2 reporters. on of the reporters asked,"were did you run your last race?" and the second one said,"How did you win the race?" the runner said 1 word to answer BOTH of the reporters questions! what was the word? (the answer is Iran) 3.tell a friend,"may i ask a question?" when they say yes you say,"out?" then they will be confused right? then tell them,"I jest asked you out." 4. If your friend says anything positive about himself say,"friend...if you were locked in a Food Market...youd STARVE to death!" 5. If someone says to pickup your room, then say,"its WAY too heavy!!" 6. were do elderly people like to Rock-out? In their ROCKING CHAIR!! >.<
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Fan fiction by Gokussj173 posted over a year ago
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1.One day a man noticed that his Credit Card is stolen...But he didn't report it to Police.
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Guess WHY????? ;D
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Because the thief was spending less than his wife.....Hahahahha!!!!

2.Friend no.1:Hey dude,what are u lookin for so intensly in the keyboard?
Friend 2:I'm playin a game and it says "Press any key to continue".But I cant find the "any" key here...

3.(A teacher to a student)
Teacher:Dave,tell the name of 1 thing that has NOT been used since 10 years...
Dave:Sir,my brain!!!
Teacher:FOOL!!!
Dave:Thats why I told "Brain"...

4.One day a bank was robbed.The robbers succesfully managed to escape from there and hid in a truck.
Thief 1:Boss,I forgot to count how money we stole.!
Thief 2:Yeah boss,I also forgot to count!
Boss:Dont worry,we can find it out in the newspaper tomorrow!!!
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Article by x-menobsessed26 posted over a year ago
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your mum is so fat when she stands on the rainbow she makes skittles

ur mama's so ugly she called bob the builder and he said, I cant fix that-

Your mama so fat, when she went to the airport the cops arrested her for having ten pounds of crack

Your mama teeth is so yellow, when she went outside and smiled, cars slowed down

Your mama so fat, when she went into the ocean whales stared singing, "WE ARE FAMILY EVEN THOUGH YOUR FATTER THAN ME"

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the moon it broke

Your mama so ugly, when she looked out the window she got aressted for mooning

You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you **** Happens.

You're so ugly, you have to put a bag on your head to get your dog to hump your leg

You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.

You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application
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Article by twilightlover73 posted over a year ago
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#1 Man Talking to a King
Man: Your majesty, what do a million years count for you?
King: For me, A minute.
Man: What do a million dollars count for you?
King: For me, a penny.
Man: Can I have a penny?
King: Wait a minute.

#2 A man talking to a doctor.
Man: Doctor I feel like everyone is trying to get rid of me.
Doctor: Next!

#3 (WARNING: rude joke) A man got, married. He opened his wife's lap top. He entered the password "penis". The computer says: ERROR! password too short!

#4 Santa talking to Banta
Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

#5 Q:Why do some idiots take a car door with them when they go to the desert?
A: So they can open the window when it gets hot.

#6 Q: Who can jump higher than a mountain?
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Article by natty13 posted over a year ago
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A young Aussie joins the navy. On the day he is about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware of gay sailors.
"But dad, how will I know?"
"Trust me son, you will know.
After 6 months at sea, the ship comes into port. The father was on the dock waiting for his son. The son, seeing his father, got off the ship and s...hook his fathers hand.
"Well son,how did it go?"
"Dad, I found out what you ment about gay sailors. One night I was out on deck all alone when a man came by and put his hand on my shoulder so I threw him overboard."
"But how could you tell he was gay?"
"Well, for 3 days he swam behind the boat yelling "THROW ME A BOUY, THROW ME A BOUY"
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Article by natty13 posted over a year ago
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1 day 2 very lovin parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".

Their son wlked in n said "Wat doz bitch n bastard mean?" n d parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

d nx day d parents decided 2 hav sex, d women said "feel my titties" n the man said "feel my dick".

Their son wlked in n asked "What doz titties n dick mean?" n d parents replied "hats n coats".

On Thnksgivin d dad was shavin n cut himself, "Shit" he said, d kid came in n asked "What's dat mean" n dman said it was d brand shavin cream he was usin.

Dwn stairs d mom was preparin d turkey, n she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's dat mean" the mom said dats wat she calls stuffin d turkey.

den d door bell rang. d kid answered d door to his relatives n said "Alright u bitches n bastards, put ur dicks n titties in d closet, my dad is upstairs wipin the shit off his face, n my mom is in the kitchen fuckin d turkey!
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Opinion by chowjoyi posted over a year ago
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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship‚ holding her hat on tightly so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me‚ madam. I do not intend to be forward‚ but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes‚ I know‚" said the lady‚ "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But‚ madam‚ you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down‚ then back up at the man and replied‚ "Sir‚ anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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Article by harold posted over a year ago
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"Then you show up and drink my poison!"

Barnaby laughed with the others, but his heart wasn't in it. He was concentrating too hard. Should he have picked one that was more ribald?

"You didn't tell it right!"

He'd heard that one before, but Jim really had a good delivery, and got a big laugh. Barnaby thought he was ready, but just couldn't interject into the flow of jokes of the older guys.

"Don't worry - it'll stretch!"

Every year his brother Al would meet with his friends for their reunion. They each made a point of coming back to Gull Cove the same time each year, just for this night. Al was ten years older than him; Barnaby had grown up modeling himself after Al, always trying to be like his big brother. Al, for his part, had taken the kid under his wing and never tired of his tagging along during his teen years. So Barnaby had become something like a mascot to these reunions, long before he could understand most of the conversation, playing in the restaurants or sitting on a stool watching the men play pool.
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