"You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard."
"I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling."
"I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion."
"I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners."
"I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror."
"I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California...
continue reading...
