You know you're Greek when...
You have had eaten loukoumades.
You can distinguish between kefalotiri and kefalograviera.
You can spell kefalograviera.
You make frappe before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.
You call an older person you've never met before "Thio" or "Thia".
You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.
When you arrive home from a foreign country you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.
You always curse at Greeks and then when you travel to Europe or the States you only make Greek friends.
Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
Everyone is a family friend.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
You teach Europeans/Americans swear words in your language.
You always say "Open the light" instead of "Turn on the light".
You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school with no shoes.
Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.
You have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.
At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.
Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, "katse kala" in public.
You have been hit at some point with a "pandofla" or a "koutala".
You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music.
You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.
You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or in-laws.
You have at least 5 Maria's, 7 Dimitri's, 5 Niko's, 6 George's and 4 Yanni's in the family.
Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they're from.
You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now.
You know what a "komboloi" is.
You know how to work a "komboloi".
When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on someone's lap in the front or back seat.
You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move).
You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have it legally.
You arrive 2 hours later to your appointment and think that is normal.
When you are busted in US customs for carrying a rather big amount of olive oil, feta, ouzo or frape and mom's spanakopita.
You have ever been threatened by a Greek School teacher.
Still get threatened by a Greek School teacher even though you're 30 years old.
You know about the concept of freedom of speech but you think it applies only to yourself.
You're very familiar with popular culture figures such as Despina Vandi, Anna Vissi, Sakis Rouvas, Helena Paparizou, and you probably know all the nasty little details of their (ex-)private lives.
You're familiar with Thanasis Veggos, Aliki Vougiouklaki, Giannis Dalianidis's films, and a whole series of black and white films dating from the late '50's to the early '70's.
You are a soccer fanatic and you probably deem yourself qualified to give advice to the coach of the National Team.
It would be unthinkable for you not to support one of the major Greek teams.
Baseball, cricket and American football are exotic kinds of entertainment, widely (and inexplicably) appreciated beyond the seas.
You expect to have at least three weeks of vacation a year.
You take it for granted that Greek cuisine is the best in the world.
You put salt in your food before you taste it.
Next to the toilet you keep lots of newspapers and magazines, since you spend a great deal of educational time in there.
When leaving a house, you stand at the front door for a half hour more and talk.
You're home an hour late and you're already listed as a missing person.
Your parents have never realized phone connections have gotten better in the last 20 years and still continue to scream on the phone.
You tell mama you're not hungry and she thinks you have an eating disorder.