Here is an 5 Part Essay wriiten by someone on livejournal that proves Edward isnt abusive.
I have been having feelings of guilt off and on about shipping Edward and Bella. I'm sure the majority of us Twilight fans of have heard about the accusations of Edward being an abusive boyfriend. The accusers are able to back it up with proof of certain behaviors that count as abuse that you can read off of a red flag list. What they refuse to do though is look at the big picture. All they see is the surface and refuse to ask why. They even go to such far lengths to make up things that aren't truth (i.e. claiming Edward attempted suicide as a way to control Bella.) Which of course we know isn't true, because he believed Bella was dead and how would he control her beyond the grave? Besides that in order to control her by use of suicide threats, he'd actually have to tell her. Alice told Bella after she had a vision of Edward getting himself killed. If you read the outtake from New Moon in Edward’s POV after Rosalie called him, you’ll notice that his intentions were never to use suicide as a means of control.
The most popular example they use is Edward breaking Bella's truck in Eclipse and having Alice kidnap her in attempt to prevent her from seeing Jake. When they use this example they always call Jake her best friend, and conveniently don't bring up the fact that he's an immature werewolf. We in return point that Edward was only trying to keep her safe from that immature werewolf. They respond with such reactions as: "I'm not buying that keeping her safe crap for a minute." "He wasn't concerned with her safety; she hangs around with vampires." The last line is where they gain the upper hand.
Many of us don't know how to respond to that point. Well let's look at this objectively and from all sides. 1. Edward claims that he was protecting Bella from an immature werewolf. 2. Edward was able to see that immature werewolf almost phase in front of Bella during New Moon. 3. Since werewolves are the mortal enemies of vampires; Edward has prejudices against them (which he admitted in Eclipse.) 4. Edward went for 24 hours thinking Bella was dead; it's only natural that he would go to extreme measures to prevent her from any type of danger. 5. Alice can't see Bella when she's with the werewolves; and Edward has no way of knowing if she's safe or not. 6. Bella doesn't always make the best choices. For example: on page 381 of Twilight when she is trying to get out of harness while Edward is attempting to get her away from James. Now Bella never told us what she was trying to accomplish by getting out of the harness, but we know that Bella will put her life on the line in attempt to save those she loves. This time she was trying to save Charlie and didn't want the Cullens to have to move because of her, ergo, I wouldn't have put it past her to jump out of a vehicle going over 120 mph, and neither did Edward. 7. Yes Bella does run with vampires; but these aren't newborn vampires. They are vampires with decades and even centuries of self control under their belts. The one vampire that has the least amount of self control; Edward has never left him alone with Bella. 8. When Edward realize she was putting herself in more danger by sneaking off to go see Jacob; he backed off.
Another point that comes up a lot is that Edward threw her in the back seat of the jeep and had Emmett strap her in when they were running from James after playing baseball in Twilight. I can see the concern about Edward "throwing" her in the jeep. Did he really throw her though, or was Bella over-exaggerating? This is Bella we are talking about here. If Edward actually threw her in the jeep, what would be the likelihood that she'd land on her romp? It wouldn't be very likely at all. I'm not saying he put her down gently and carefully; but he didn't throw her. He was panicking of course he wouldn’t have put he down gently, he just wanted to get her the hell away from James.
Next we come to the point where he had Emmett strap her in without asking her for her consent. Honestly people, there was a sadistic vampire out to hunt her - do you really think he should have wasted time by asking her if she wanted to stay?
Yes Edward refused to listen to hear Bella's plan, but if you're going to judge Edward for being stubborn then you should judge Bella. Neither one of them was listening to the other. That isn't abuse - it's called a communication problem.
Another popular accusation is that Edward left her in New Moon to use abandonment as a form of control. Abusers need victims. If that was the case he wouldn't be able to stay away from her for nine months, or he'd seek out another victim.
The last popular accusation that I'm going to hit in full of detail is that Edward is verbally abusive. Yes he does call her silly Bella. Yes he does comment on her clumsiness quite a bit (so does Emmett.) Yes he does bring up the fact that she's a danger magnet. Personally for me I don't see silly as insult. I find it to be a compliment. I've been called silly all my life and never once was I offended. You also need to take in account the tone of voice her uses with while calling her silly Bella; it's a tone of love. I'm not saying that you can't insult someone while make it come off as a term of endearment; but I honestly don't think that is what Edward was doing here. Even though I have a lot of knowledge and experience this area (I'll reveal how at the end of this essay), I'll admit that I don't know everything. Some people think Edward constantly comments on her clumsiness and brings up the fact that she's a danger magnet in attempt to make her dependent on him and believe she can't do anything without him. If Edward is verbally abusive by ribbing on her about her clumsiness then so is Emmett (verbal abuse can happen in any relationship.) I think that Edward finds her clumsiness enduring. Edward, for me, comes off as person who thinks perfection is overrated, so when he sees Bella do something imperfect like tripping it's probably like a breath of fresh air for him. Now when he states that she's a danger magnet over and over again, well she is. He's stating the obvious. I don't see that as an insult or means of control at all, but as a fact. If he had a tone that came off as condescending while saying she was a danger magnet then I would question his behavior. Since we're on the topic of verbal abuse; I'd like to point out that it is a very broad category and I've seen verbal abuse happen within the fandom (example when fans are accused of being overly sensitive after being insulted by other fans.) Yes I know Edward has called Bella overly sensitive, but it was NOT after he insulted her - it was after he wouldn't have sex with her out of fear of hurting her. Accusations are only abuse when they are false. Bella admitted herself that she was being irrational on page 444 of Eclipse.
Now I want to comment on Edward's controlling behavior. I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that there was more proof to back up that Edward was controlling then there wasn't. Edward until the end of Eclipse was set in his ways of what he thought was right for Bella, and that is where much of his controlling behavior came from. Abusers are very selfish. They don't give a damn about what's best for their victims. Edward isn't nor ever was an abuser - he was acting like a know-it-all.
Here is Stephenie's answer when asked if Edward and Bella had an abusive relationship:
I was wondering, like, I’ve seen websites dedicated to accusing that Bella has a physically and mentally abusive relationship, so what’s your opinion on that?
Stephenie Meyer: Um, she asked about my opinion of the kind of theory that Bella and Edward’s relationship isn’t very healthy. And I have seen things from different sides. I’ve seen things that say Edward is too mean, Edward is too nice. Bella is too mean, Bella is too nice. I mean, that’s an oversimplification, but people seem to read it exactly the opposite way from each other and both find something different. For me, their relationship isn’t perfect because they are learning how to do that, how to be in a relationship. And they keep making mistakes. Edward in particular. Bella is a very focused person. She kind of has her eyes on the prize and she doesn’t deviate from her course, and she also doesn’t stop to look at her alternatives, which is one of the reasons I wrote Eclipse the way I did. I almost felt like a mom in that book, saying “Bella, look at what you’re giving up. You think this through, Missy, before you make a decision!” That was kind of where I was in that book.
Edward does a lot more changing, you know, he is a ——- loss. From the moment he meets Bella, everything he’s ever thought about how he should live his life is challenged. And so he kind of, if you watch him, he goes back and forth, you know on the one hand he’s like very overprotective and he’s like thinking “I can maybe shelter her from what I am and from the world,” and then he realizes “I can’t so I’d better get out of here”.& He’s very extreme. “I’m going to leave and I’m not going to be a part of it, and she’s going to have a normal life.” And then that doesn’t work out either, and Eclipse he goes back to the overprotective and he’s like this isn’t working; he’s trying to figure out the best way to be what Bella needs and he gets it wrong a lot. I know there’s a lot of people that Edward’s perfect in their mind, but he’s not, he makes a lot of mistakes, but he does learn from them and tries to be better. So I think they have a healthy relationship. They’re both trying. They’re trying really hard to do what’s best for the other person. OK, in the blue." - credit goes to stepheniesays
There are other examples of Edward's controlling behavior throughout his relationships with his family. The only opinion on this subject I can offer without having read Midnight Sun - is that Edward's seniority in the family and self control put him in a position where others look up to him and listen to what he says (except Rosalie when he told her to trade clothes with Bella.) I don't think his commands are the best way to go about things when he's either protecting Bella or his family. I think it would be better for him to ask. Asking Rosalie wouldn't have made a difference, but instead of telling Alice she couldn't drive the Porsche in Forks he should have asked her to not because they couldn't afford to attract anymore attention to them than they already had. Alice being as levelheaded as she is would listen to reason. When it all comes down to it, Edward's problem is a lack of interpersonal communication skills.
Human psychology can't be used on vampires, just like it couldn't be used on animals. Yes I know they were all human in the past; but humans have no concept of eternity; when vampires wake the human side of themselves up the emotions they feel are much more intense when human experience them.
Co-dependency. Edward exiled himself to Brazil to track Victoria and when he wasn't tracking her he spent his time in a rat-infested attic curled up in a ball on the floor. Yes this does look rather pathetic on the surface. However though, Edward has a sense of eternity. When vampires in the Twilight universe fall in love there is no going back and they only love one person for an eternity. Humans, however, are capable of falling in and out of love with each other. We grow. They are constant. We are capable of healing from such heart ache. They aren't and it is intensified. When Victoria lost James she dedicated her existence to revenge. When Marcus lost his wife he became completely apathetic. None of them went as far to attempt suicide, but none of their behavior was exactly healthy. So if you're going to attack Edward for this then you might as well attack every vampire for it who has ever lost a mate.
Bella's reaction to the break up was scary. She went into a comatose state for weeks and then did stupid reckless things in order to hear Edward's voice. First of all, she just didn't lose some random high school boyfriend. She lost her true love and she lost a whole damn family; to expect her to be ready to move on from that degree of loss in a less than year is absolutely ridiculous. Bella's disregard for her life didn't just come after Edward dumped her. We saw that in Twilight when she ran to James in order to save her mom. I'm not saying that it is healthy behavior, it isn't, and I’m saying though that it can't be pinned on Edward's departure.
Vampires have a connection with their mates that is like werewolves have with their imprintees, but only stronger. Remember how Taha Aki, left his human life behind and stayed a werewolf after his imprintee died? Leaving a human life behind is a pretty intense reaction to someone dying. Since the affections vampires have for their mates are more intense than that of what werewolves have for their imprintees, then how can Edward and Bella be considered co-dependent without considering Emily and Sam co-dependent?
I know that Bella does seem to be obsessed with Edward. Except choosing to be a vampire it doesn't disrupt her life (more on that next paragraph.) She still went to school until graduation. She held a job. She cooked dinner for Charlie. She had a relationship with Angela and Jacob. She read books. She emailed Renee. There was a time when Charlie had to speak to her and tell her not to let her life revolve around her boyfriend, and he was right. She needed to make room for her other friends, and she did. Her behavior wasn’t due to co-dependency, but due to her being a much focused person. Bella Swan has a goal and that goal is to spend eternity with Edward. Up until she started thinking things through more she was obsessing on that goal. I've seen this happen in the case of someone obsess over a materialistic goal. Like Stephenie said above when "Bella has her eye on the course she doesn't deviate from it." And an eternity with Edward was that course. In conclusion I think it's just Bella's personality, she'd act the same way if it was a materialistic goal and no one would think anything of it.
Bella's number is up. She has dodged death many times, regardless if the Cullens were in her life or not. If she didn't choose to be a vampire, it would just be a matter of time before she actually died. Some people tend to think that only thing she is gaining by becoming a vampire is Edward, and that's wrong. Edward's the most important person that she's gaining though. I personally see it as a trade off. If you actually think about it for everything she's losing, she's gaining another. For losing Renee and Charlie, she's gaining Esme and Carlilse. Yes she could have both for awhile, but eventually if she stayed human Esme and Carlisle couldn't stick around because how would they explain the fact that they never age. I'm not going to go any further into this, because it is off topic for this essay. I just encourage you to look at this topic openly. You don't have to become pro-bite if you aren't.
Edward isn't the only character to show questionable behavior. When Jacob threatened suicide to get Bella to kiss in attempt to get convince her to stay human was questionable behavior. When Jacob tattled on Bella in attempt to get Bella grounded so that she couldn't see Edward was controlling and acceptable behavior. Being 16 isn't an excuse and I will explain why at the end of this essay.
If Edward gets dumped on for being overprotective; then so should Rosalie and Jasper. When Paul almost attacked Emmett Rosalie went to protect him. Don't get me wrong I'd done the same thing, but honestly Emmett didn't need any protection and that is what made it overprotective. During the fight with the newborns when Jasper tried to be everywhere at once so Alice wouldn't have to fight, he was being overprotective. Alice doesn't need any protection; she can see their attacks before they attack. Jasper admitted that himself when they were training.
If Edward gets dumped on for being "mean" to Bella; then Bella should get dumped on when she was so cruel to him when he showed her the ring. I know Bella was conditioned to hate marriage and she wanted to stay loyal to Renee, but she still should have handled it better.
If Edward gets dumped on for being manipulative to Bella; then Jacob and Alice should as well. Bella herself should also get dumped on for it.
Side note: I've noticed in many fanfictions where people think it is funny to have Rosalie hit Emmett or call him an idiot. I don't care if she's female or not, that isn't acceptable behavior at all and it is without a doubt ABUSE.
Now I'm going to wrap this long essay. I know I didn't cover everything, but I have other things I need to get done. I'm going to do a bit of self disclosure. All of the people on my friends' list know that I was abused by an ex-boyfriend, but what they don't know is that I used to be an abusive girlfriend. I'm not going to go into details of my behavior, but I will say I made both Edward and Jacob combined look like saints. (I will be posting later today or tomorrow an entry in my journal about that experience, if you're interest check back. Don't worry it'll be on public so there will be no need to add me if you don't want to.)
While doing research on the internet, I've noticed that there don't seem to be any articles that talk about abusers from the eyes of an ex-abuser (someone who grew the hell up and took responsibilities for his or her actions and stopped focusing the blame on the victim.)
Not all abusers are the same, but they do have some common denominators. They are selfish. They are immature. They are self centered. They may claim to care about their victims, but they can't because they are too absorbed with themselves to care. It is never about the victim, and always about the abuser. Even when they try to put the blame on the victim; it's still about the abuser. The abuser is trying to save him or her from taking responsibility. When abuser acts overprotective and attempts to save the victim from "danger", it's never in the interest of the victim. Regardless of what the abuser says. "Danger" is put in quotation marks to show it's never real danger or even what the abusers considers to be real danger.
Now can you see why I don't consider Edward an abuser, and have good reason not to. I'm sure we're all familiar with this saying, "it takes one to know one." Well I used to be one and see the big differences between the personalities. Besides being on both sides of the spectrum of abuse, I've also watched it from the sidelines.
Guess how old I was when I was an abusive girlfriend. 16. Now do you see why using his age as an excuse for Jacob's manipulative behavior isn't a good idea?
Here are some quotes from people about people judging Edward as abusive :
"people just like to disect twilight for all its worth.
edward cullen is not abusive.
so he's a little protective over someone he loves intensley and who likes to get herself in life threatening situations.
you would be too.
also, people who say he is a stalker, wrong.
bella wants him there just as much as he wants to be there.
she wont allow him to leave.
(and, yes, i get in the beginning he did it without her knowledge, but he was trying to get used to her scent and he was fasinated by her.
plus, "what else is there to do at night?"
2. "Because people are mistaking Edward Cullen for a human and are comparing him to real life human boyfriends. If you were to see him that way, then I can see how he would seem abussive and posessive. However, if one realizes that Edward is an immortal being who has fallen in love with the clumsiest most accident prone person in the universe, then I think his behaviour would be justified and then some. Oh and by the way...he's fictional people.Stop insinuating that teenagers are stupid enough to become influenced by this book and want to go out and get themselves an abusive boyfriend."
So what does everyone one else think?