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Some funny HP jokes

Article by fanofh2o posted over a year ago
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I will not skip to the headmaster's office singing 'we're off to see the wizard' ... lol

"I will not make jokes about Lupin and 'his time of the month'"

Knock knock.
Whos there?
You know.
You know who?
He's dead, you can say his name now.



How many deatheaters does it take to light up a wand?
One, but you'll have to find one with a hand.

How many snape's does it take to light up a wand?
WAIT! HE'S ABOUT TO INVENT THE NEWEST REMEDY FOR GREASY HAIR!

The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm. (luv this one)

House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium".

I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.

The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

When I get sent to the headmasters office, I will Not sing 'We're off to see the wizard!'

how many slytherins does it take to screw a light bulb
5. 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster

Whats snapes boggart?
and he was like what?
And i said " A cauldron full of Shampoo!"

.-Knock, knock
-Who's there?
-Cornelius
-Cornelius who?
-Well, that's politics for you.........

Why did Potter cross the road.
No reason, but someone will write a book about it.

Why did Draco cross the road?
So he could swing his hips at Potter.

Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
Draco did.

Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?
Because Potter couldn't stop him.

Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.

Why did Trevor cross the road?
To get away from Longbottom.

Why did Dumbledore cross the road?
He was following the poisoned lemon drops.

Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?
So no one could tell what side he was on.

Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
Because they are doublecrossers.

How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What's a lightbulb?

How many witches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, the Wizarding World doesn't use lightbulbs.

How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.

How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.

How many aurors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The Dark Lord already killed the ones with that kind of know-how.

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XD this is great
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
how many slytherins does it take to screw a light bulb
5. 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster

I think you need to rephrase that.
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
its funny
posted over a year ago.
 
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hilarious
posted over a year ago.
 
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heart
Is that hole get a room thing good for Romione shippers or bad??????????
posted over a year ago.
 
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nany5755 said:
lol!
posted over a year ago.
 
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hmmm
I don't get the one "I will not refer to the potions classroom as "kitchen stadium"
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
haha
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?
So no one could tell what side he was on.

One of my favorites :)
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
123Fun34 said:
LOL
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
When I get sent to the headmasters office, I will Not sing 'We're off to see the wizard!'
Funny!
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Lol hilar!!!!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
medouri said:
very funny!!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
lol
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
LolzZ so funny!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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KateB42 said:
How many Weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Weasleys don't screw in a lightbulb, they screw in the burrow!
posted over a year ago.
 
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gonnie said:
hahaha! thats awesome....
posted over a year ago.
 
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smile
My favorite's the one about Snape's boggart
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
sydcamp7 said:
Luuuuuuuuuv this!!!!!!!$
posted over a year ago.
 
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monkey
Iv got one,Hermione says: I'm going to bed
Malfoy says:Slytherin
posted over a year ago.
 
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zar_far11 said:
@RaennaPotter: it would be better if you said that Malfoy says "Can I Slytherin?"
I really lobe the joke- Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? So no one can know what side he's on.
XD
posted over a year ago.
 
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mischievous
Remus: Harry, I'm a werewolf
Harry: Are you fucking serious?
Remus: That too
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
LOL!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
LOL!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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cool
dooodle said:
Love dis. :D
I may be obsessed with the hunger games now, but I still love HP. :D
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?
So no one could tell what side he was on.

Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
Because they are doublecrossers.
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
why did Potter cross the road?
No reason, but someone will write about it anyways.

LOL ;D
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
wml777 said:
ha ha: Knock knock.
Whos there?
You know.
You know who?
He's dead, you can say his name now. I love this one.

posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
jfren43 said:
funny i love the first one
knock knock
who's there
you know
you know who
he's dead you can say his name
very very very funny
posted over a year ago.
 
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This is amazing
posted over a year ago.
 
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Hahahaha this totally cracked me up!
posted over a year ago.
last edited over a year ago
 
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laugh

LoL
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
"knock knock
who's there
you know
you know who
he's dead you can say his name"
this cracks me up
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Me too, i loved that one.. Im gunna tell it to everyone I know! Even If they have no clue who harry potter is!..lol
posted over a year ago.
 
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"I will not make jokes about Lupin and 'his time of the month'" is my favourite, that cracked me up :D
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Why did Harry cross the road?
I dunno but someone will write a book about it.
LOL!
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Remus: Im a werewolf
Harry: Are you fucking serious?!
Remus: Yes, that too..
Harry: O.O Err..

XDDD
posted over a year ago.
 
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smile
Lol
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Why did Potter cross the road.
No reason, but someone will write a book about it.LOL ROFL HAHAHAH
posted over a year ago.
 
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lalaland21- it means you need 5 Slytherins to screw in the light bulb! 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their Fathers at the Ministry to screw faster...you didn't get that?
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
Draco did
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
hahahah funny as
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Love this it's awesome and hilarious!!!
posted over a year ago.
 
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Dumbledore: what do you say when you answer the phone?
Hermione: what's up?
Ron: who dis be?
Harry: no she's dead this is her son.
posted over a year ago.
 
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Dumbledore: Yo momma is so fat her Patronus is a cake.
Voldemort:......bitch.
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
"I will not make jokes about Lupin and 'his time of the month'"
XD
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
Voldemort: Why so Sirius?
Sirius: Why so Nosy?
[Voldemort looks at him with a shocked face]
[Sirius holds up his glass to him and smirks]

Ron: Hi I'm Ron Weasley
Harry: Your sister will bear my children.

posted over a year ago.
 
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hmmm
posted over a year ago.
 
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laugh
Here's an addition for the list of things not allowed: I will not sing, whistle, hum, or in any way reference Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" when Remus Lupin is within earshot.
posted over a year ago.
 
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big smile
Harry Potter: Best friend gets the girl so I nail his sister.
Hilarious
posted over a year ago.