(Spin-off of the Card Table Dating skit by Richard Jeni)

I say when you meet your other self you don't want a dinner table, what you want is a card table! A 1p and a 2p meet up at a card table, write all their emotional problems on little cards, and take turns slappin' em on the table and being honest. First time they're scheduled to meet, the first guy's got his card, he goes:

2p: "Hello it's nice to meet you, my name is Oliver, and I'm a baker!"

1p: "Hello, my name is Arthur, and I'm a WiZaRD!"

2p: "Uh, okay then... Well, my turn-"

1p: "I used to lock my brother in the closet when he was three!"

2p: "... My brother came out of the closet when he was four."

Both: *awkward staring*

2p: "Well I can't have an orgasm unless I'm on top."

1p: "I can't have an orgasm unless I'm on cRAck!"

2p: "... Alright, listen now... I have an imaginary friend that's a flying bunny."


2p: "... I'm neurotic, I need to see other people."

1p: "I'm schizophrenic- I aM OtHer pEOpLE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

2p: "Okay...um, I'm just gonna... go now, see you poppet!"

((Note: ...Don't. Don't even ask. I thought it was funny. ... That is all.))