We had sunk down across the two front seats of the car with me on top; every part of me blended with his. He had unlocked the handcuffs I guess sometime when we were kissing and now those wicked wretches were locked around his neck. His face tormented me with our close proximity and I could feel his heart pulsing underneath me.
I scurried to escape hiding my red cherry face from his view. From the corner of my eye I saw him sit up and began buttoning his shirt?
“Yup you did that too” he said with that stupid smirk again.
It was like I had been taking drugs and knew or remembered nothing from what I had done. I had let those tamed emotions out of their cage and like a hangover was the penalty for over drinking; my penalty was the embarrassment or shame for them. Even now, my gaze was padlocked on his toned abs as he continues buttoning his shirt.
“Awe you like?”
Even his conceitedness did nothing to attract from those feelings. Feelings, I say for I knew not what love is or felt like. I had no parents to show it to me or had I let in any boy at school. Let most, my brother. Even if Taylor had loved me or still does, I couldn’t put him in a different category than what he was in: a stranger.
Seriously to my concern, I needed to find out what had made me a slave to him.
“Why are you so bipolar? One minute you’re threatening, the other you behave arrogant and flirty. Which is the real you?” I said.
He stared at me pensively as if trying to understand the question before he snapped his head like a turtle away from me.
It was a simple question in my opinion but it had literally made him a mute. I suppose it gave way to a specific importance of something. I saw him twist the ring on his finger as if recalling a memory before he completely took it off and placed it in the compartment under the armrest.
Maybe the memory became separated from reality?
“Which is the real you? The innocent girl I saw lost in a prison, left behind by her gang or the badass that belongs there?” he replied in a needle sharp tone.
He had placed the beatings on me in just an instant and I could already feel my body begin to roll through the ruble it was barely standing on. I couldn’t think just stutter.
“As you can see, some of us go through life hardly knowing ourselves or losing them on the way. Some by relationships and mishaps, others by adoring and wanting to be like the other person. We hide behind this big lie but only those who are skeptical or shrewd enough are able to penetrate the walls. What’s the ending? Only you can create it, but others have permanently lost their way and are bounded to a life of sorrow” he said, now running his hand along my right cheek.
“What you did to me was just by fright and force; I believe and forgive you for that. You were taught the only way to escape and to get what you want was by force that I don’t forgive you. For doing stuff you knew was wrong just at the orders of someone else. What about being a three among a set of twos? You should not be afraid to let go and find yourself”
To my surprise a tear slipped down my cheek which he quickly wiped with his thumb.
If only he knew I was the one that caused this on me. I wanted this. If only he knew that they were my family, we had mixed blood to show that and they were not that easy to let go of. Maybe because the attitude of my brother, he would always come after me and drag me away. Even Selena, he called her every day. She had to leave every month on the weekends from college to visit us at the warehouse where everyone lived to make sure she didn’t forget us or who she was. Also she went on some night missions with us. I could not break free of that chain or might end up like Alyson Stoner. An old member of the gang who was my brother’s lover but who he killed in cold blood because she had tried to go to the police for escape. I have no doubt because I was there, I saw him do it. Continuously hitting her while she begged for him to stop; and so he complied with her request, he took out the gun and shot her.
Whether sister or not, Cody would do it.
A beautiful smile broke out on his face while my heart collapsed.