This is the story of my first love. No this isn’t a chick flick well I hope it’s not. I guess I’m only writing this to get all my feeling out about him. Well I guess it started when my older brother brought him home. They were best friends at the time. They did everything together like best friends should. I just thought he was a weirdo with that goofy laugh he had. He always laughed at the most stupidest things. After a while of him coming over I guess feeling started towards him. I always wanted to hang out with him even though he was three years older than me. I didn’t care. He was so funny and cute. I hated when my mother would yell at me to leave them alone because I didn’t want to leave them alone I just wanted to be by him. I don’t think that it was a while that I thought he might had had a crush on me. Crush…I now know why they call it a crush. Two thing were going to happen he liked you or he didn’t. I still remember I laid in my bed listening to love songs imagining him kissing. At this time I never thought of anything but school and everything I had to worry about but now that I look down on it I don’t remember what I had to worry about. He was amazing to me. You know the moves you do to try to get close to everyone well that was the moves I would pull on him every day he came over. Every day at school I thought of his perfect smile even though he had a tooth that was not even straight it was higher than the others. God the smile I could just sit there smiling at him because that smile. Then the way he talked that was a different story he always talked with passion it didn’t matter what he was talking about. He always had a smoke in one hand and talked with his hands. Everything he did seemed to amaze me. He was perfect to me. It wasn’t until a couple of months that I knew he liked me. He pulled me into his lap and made me sit on his lap as he helped me play a video game. God he was amazing at video games. He held my hand and helped me play. With me just being a beginner I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. With the age difference I never thought he would like me. I mean I don’t have the quietest mouth when it comes to try to impress people. I would tell anyone anything that would make them think I was cool. That’s what I did at school. I told my friends. As more months went on I remember everything that happened that day. It was the summer of 09 him and my brother wanted to go bike riding. Of course with me HUGE crush on him I wanted to go. I begged and begged until my bother said yes. At this time I didn’t know any better I helped my brother put back brakes on my bike. No front brakes just back. It was pretty stupid now that I think of it. I even just learned how to ride my bike that last summer. I wanted to learn because of my grandfather. He tried teaching me but I gave up from falling. Well anyways we went down a steep hill and I pressed my breaks after that I don’t know what happened I blacked out. I do remember me waking up in the E.R. my father giving me a huge smile. I was all bruised and hurting. I couldn’t even get up. The first thing that came to my mind when I tried to push the light out of my eyes was him. I asked and my mother said he was at my house wanting to see if I was ok. That made me smile. After that hard night in the E.R with blood leaking in my eye from my scar that I still have I woke up and I was finally able to try to eat anything. I tried but first I had to go get x-rays. On my way there I threw up. There was another day I couldn’t eat. The following day my mother got her lap top and I could see him from Skype. He stayed at my house until he knew I was ok. I didn’t know that to say because I was ugly and my face was still swollen from the accident. He just sat there on my couch next to my aunt and looked at me. I remember that huge smile he had when he saw me. He wasn’t going anywhere until he knew I was ok. When I came home he texted every day to see if I was ok. He said if there was anything I needed to just call him. Even though I had both of my parents in the house I didn’t care just seeing him made my day brighter. He was so amazing. After I healed up he continued to come up we also had a joke around the house. I can’t go on my bike until it’s fixed. With the accident I had broken my nose in three places and my wrist. For 6 weeks I had to wear that stupid thing people call a cast. I hated it so much. I remember taking it off and it smelt so awful. I wanted to jump in the shower as soon as I came home. I even had a conclusion. At this time my younger brother and I were Cyber School so I had to quit doing schooling for a few weeks for my brain could heal. I remember it he came over and my younger and older brother were fighting and he joined. I was lying next to him on my brother’s bed. My older brother was throwing shoes at me and he with my younger brother was hiding on the side of the wall. The way my brother’s bed was that his room has a divert in the wall. My father had made his room bigger by making the bathroom smaller. His room and the bathroom shared a wall. My younger brother didn’t see anything because I and he were hiding under the blanket. I remember my mother calling my older brother and the shoes stopped coming. I looked at him and his gave me a peck without me knowing it. After he did I had a smile that could light up a whole city. He knew what he did because for the next few days all we did was made out. With me just having my first kiss he taught me everything that I know. At the time my brother was dating some girl and this girl parents were assholes. They were mad that my older brother and she had sex. I could care less. It was both of their choices. They both wanted it. Well he let my brother call her so many times with his phone but he didn’t care because he had me in his arms. He was so perfect. Of course with the age difference we couldn’t date. We were so perfect. It felt like nothing could break this. I had dreams of us having kids and growing old. He was my prince charming. With this happening I found out that I fall for him….hard. I thought this would last for the rest of our lives. While I found out that what goes up must come down. He didn’t come over often. He came over and asked my mother if she could keep me in my room. I felt really bad. I felt like I did something. Turns out I didn’t. He started dating some girl. What’s funny about this is she is now one of my best friends. I went home crying when I found out and I didn’t stop crying until my mother called him telling him he made me cry. I hated the fact she did that but what was I going to do. They dated for a few months then they broke up. He changed after they broke up. He became cruel. That smile that I fell in love with faded fast. I never saw him smile anymore and when I did it was because he was getting high or something. I hated he was getting high. I wouldn’t have expected that from him. He deserved so much better. With the drugs I kept my distance as bad as I didn’t want to I did. He didn’t come over. In fact he hated to come over now. I never saw him again until they fixed the park we went to and live by. He kept dating different girls and with each passing one I hated them more and more. I wanted that to be me. The age was the only thing that kept us from dating before but I didn’t even think he liked me anymore. I didn’t care to ask he seemed so much happier than he did with me. Of course I hated not being with him but I would have did anything to make him happy. He was my everything. With him ignoring me I found someone that was funny and cute. He was also one of my brother’s friends. I never left the house except for school so I didn’t get to see a lot of boys. These two boys were my only crushes. I started liking him and I knew he knew I did. He would kiss me so softly and slowly like my first love did. It was odd that every time I tried to get my mind off of my love he popped up out of nowhere. He was still on my mind even if I didn’t want him to. The odd thing is that these two crushes I had knew each other. I remember that my first love came over and my crush was in the same kitchen together, I felt like something was going to happen. I was worried for nothing. After that I kept seeing my first love often again. He was still as perfect as I remember. My parents didn’t like the fact that I liked him this much. They found out all my secret that included him because my mother read my diary. I didn’t have much of a lead way of where I can talk to. Other than my aunt but my mom hated when I talked to her. Still to this day I talk to her. She tells what the things I have to hear not what I want to hear. She has helped me through a lot. After that I would still call him just to borrow movies. I would just to call him just to hear his voice. His voice was perfect. Seeing him made me smile. He was my prince charming. I could still feel his lips on mine. It wasn’t when we were in his room alone when he had his arm around me when I looked at him trying not to move but he kissed me. I simply said I was waiting for that. He just smiled. With me being a horny girl I got on top of him and we started making out. I trusted him with everything I had. My heart my soul and my life. He was everything. I would give him anything he wanted. I guess this was where our sexual relationship started. We would move to his room with him laying on top of me. I always removed my shirt but never anything after. It wasn’t until I stopped him from going to my pants. We talked and I agreed the next Monday I would lose my v- card to him. I always wanted to he was everything I trusted him with everything in my life. He was my escape from the hell I was living every day. He always made me forget about how I hated my home life. If I could I would stay there in his arms forever. I gave him something I could never get back and I though he was happy that I gave it to him then some boy who would leave me right after. After that in the beginning of the school year of 2013 my dreams came true I started dating him. For 5 months there wasn’t a day that I didn’t bright up his day or he didn’t bright up mine. I loved him more than anyone will understand. I loved kissing him and being able to call him mine. I loved how he would kiss me to shut me up. It felt like nothing could break us. He was happy every time he saw me….that’s what I thought anyways. One day after school he texted me saying he needed to talk to me. I agreed to let him to come over. I sat on my computer when he walked in my room. He sat down and told me he hasn’t been sleeping. He felt guilty for having sex with me. He was crying telling me he was sorry. He was up at night. He wasn’t sleeping and he needed to end it. He said he felt sorry because he didn’t love me and I loved him. I cried after he went to get a smoke but knowing he would still be in my life was enough for me to be happy even if I didn’t get to call him mine ever again. He was an ex boyfriend who I could turn to when I needed something or someone to talk to because he knows how crazy my home life is. My dream ended after 5 months. I thought we would get back together because the last thing he said to me was stop crying I was beautiful but it didn’t happen. He replaced me within the same night we broke up. He started dating his best friend who he told me she didn’t have a lot of relationship advice and that he never looked at her other then a sister. It seemed like my whole dream that I waited for went up in flames and he couldn’t care less. I wish I wouldn’t have did this but I went to his house and I grabbed everything I got him and I gave him back everything he got him. I didn’t want anything he got me. I didn’t want any memories he gave me. If I could I would give this back to him. What the worst part about all of this is I don’t think I will ever love anyone as much as I loved him and I don’t think he knows how much of a scar he has left me when I left his house that night. I still live with the fact that he could live without me and I couldn’t stop thinking about him for a minute. After all of this I will never regret meeting him, liking him, falling for him, or even giving him everything I had because in all of this he was all I wanted.