Me, back in the depression days :/
Some of you may already know it, a few may have an idea, others probably don't even care, but I'm gonna tell you anyway, tell you how love saved my life
. Well, I've always been a shy person, and it was hard for me to make friends, I ended up being alone in the end. School was hell for me for some years, people I thought were real friends started making fun of me, making my school time an horrible one. The fact that I would start crying easily made it worst, I had the feeling that something was wrong with me, that I was not normal, I started hating myself. Some years later it got better, but still the scars were there, and I still had a hard time trusting people, so I was like "only talk to the ones who talk to you" at the beggining. Of course, I felt left out most times, it was kinda hard, but in my point of view it was safe, and I would suffer less that way. I still suffered inside. After a girl that I thought I was in love with totally broke my heart, I totally broke down. I constantly felt like no one would ever understand me, no one would ever love me, "I'll always be alone" I thought many times. I hated myself so much that at one point I decided to stop sleeping, maybe that way I would lose my mind or something, stop being who I was, I wanted to do something, anything to be different than who I was. I didn't like my sensitive, romantic side, I thought like "This is so weird for a guy", and I tried to eliminate it, I was only fooling myself. The non-sleeping only brought me to the hospital and concern to my family. After recovering from that fase, I was alright for a while. But later when I had internet, it all came back, with some girl I fell for, she looked like a very nice person to me in the beggining, that's all it took... She ended up not feeling the same for me, and I became obssessed, I really did and I kinda overreacted in some situations, she did too and it didn't help a bit. At the time I was at a course, and I couldn't finish it because I was so depressed, I wasn't sleeping much again, and somedays I didn't even sleep, I was very sleepy on the course time. After quitting the course I felt useless, I really did, and I even thought about suicide at one point, the thoughts that no one would ever understand me were coming back. Fortunately all became a little better when I got a job at a library, it distracted me and made me feel useful in some way. On the mean time the most amazing thing happened to me. And that's what saved me and helped me more than any psichologist ever did. I was talking again with a friend I didn't talk for sometime, a girl I only knew throught the internet. She always understood me so well and I always liked her a lot. I started to realize how important she was to me and how happy she made me when I talked to her. The day she declared her love for me was the happiest day of my life. We are a couple for 3 months now and it's still amazing, even more than before, my love for her grows with each passing day. We already met personaly, she came to Portugal one month ago and she stayed for 2 weeks, the most amazing weeks ever. Now I feel so happy, I like me for who I am, I learned that being different is not bad, it's actually good. And who I am is who she loves so why would I want to be someone else? Now I'm trying to "fix" my life, getting a good job, trying to ensure my future, a future I want to spend with her. Thank you so much for saving me Vanessa, my love for you is huge, you have no idea how much I love you.
The amazing girl who saved my life *-*