Maddie: First day of high school!
Abby: Hope we'll be popular!
Guy: Hey, it's the Parker sisters!
Girl: They are so cool!
Girl2: They're, like, the most popular girls in school!
Girl3: They're, like, the most popular girls ever!
Crowd: Parker! Parker! Parker! (etc...)
Principal: In order of they're courageous contribution to society, they're superior grades, and they're extremely fashionable footwear; I hear by declare today, to be Parker sisters day!
Alarm goes off. Abby turn it off
Mom: Girls!? You're going to be late for cheerleading tryouts!
Maddie: Great dream!
Abby: Wasn't it?
Race to bathroom
Maddie: Come on! I was here first!
Abby: I called it last night!
Maddie: Look, there's Brad Pitt!
Maddie: (lock the door)
Abby: Hey! Hey! That's not fair!
Maddie: Work's every time!
Dad: Oh, oh! (blows, blows) Mmm! Just the way I like it! Honey, I'm off to work!
Mom: Oh, honey, wa-wa-wa-wa-wait. I just hate the thought of you out there on the streets.
Dad: That's the life of us men in uniform, Terry. Without me on duty, the very fabric of society would unravel!
Mom: Well, you be careful out there, okay honey!?
Dad: Another day. (Dog barks) Whoa! Nice doggy! Whoa! (open van door) See you tomorrow! (close van door)
Both: (messing up each other's hair)
Maddie: We're freshmen.
Abby: We want to be popular!
Maddie: It's a problem!!
Girl: Kind of a scrawny crop this year. Girls, Halloween isn't until October.
Abby: Well, then why are you acting like such a witch?
Abby: What? It, it just slipped out!
Girl: Go Cougars! Go, go, go! Go Cougars! Go, go, go! Go, go, Cougars! Go, go, go!
Maddie: Uh-oh! Yes! (sneeze)
Abby: That was so close! Here's a tissue!
Abby: Does that mean we didn't make the squad?
Maddie: Our first day of high school, and our reps are already trashed. How are we ever supposed to show our faces again?
Abby: You worry too much! Everything's going to be fine. By tomorrow, no-one will even remember.
Guy: There they are!
Girl: It's the girls who ruined the pyramid!
Girl2: Lets get em!
Both: Run! (run)
Abby: See? I told you we'd be fine!
Maddie: Okay, but eventually, they're going to figure out its us.
Abby: By then we'll have plan B!
Maddie: I hope your right!
Abby: Hot dogs please!
Maddie: Yes please.
Guy: No! No!
Guy2: Yes! Give me that! (break glass, take diamond)
Abby: Face it, we're not like those self-absorbed cheerleaders! We're sensitive, intuitive, picking up on every subtlety, every cue. I'm having a bad condiment'.
Maddie: Let me try. (squirt ketchup)
Guy2: (balloon pops) I've been hit! (fall)
Abby: That's some powerful ketchup!
Maddie: Dude, are you okay? Ick! No wonder he was wearing a mask!
Police: Freeze! Your under arrest!
Both: Look, if this is about the cheerleading pyramid, it was an accident!
Abby: She just sneezed!
Maddie: I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Both: And, and..
Maddie: And, You know how some days are just like, any old day?
Abby: And others change your life forever? Well.
Lady: Did this man have any distinguishing features?
Abby: Well, if you call a gross zit distinguished.
Lady: And if you saw that gross zit again, would you recognize it?
Lady: Your honour, I would like to introduce exhibit 10, the following.
Lady: Let's take a closer look, shall we? Was that the zit that you saw?
Abby: Yes. That's the one.
Judge: In the crime of stealing the kneel diamond, which is yet to be recovered, this court finds you guilty as charged!
Judge: Order! Order! Oh, I give up.
Maddie: Buh-bye! Now this would've been a very happy ending!
Abby: And a very short movie.
Maddie: If that crook, over there, wasn't the nephew of this crook, over here. Emil Hatchew. Head of the notorious Hatchew crime family. From the little-known nation of, Yurugli!
Emil: You girls will pay for this! Nobody crosses Emil Hatchew!
Crowd: Bless you!
Emil: Like that's the first time I've heard that! I'll hunt you down like a dog hunts wolves. Like a squirrel hunts nuts! Like a goldfish hunts those tiny little flakes, at the top of the water! And I'll find you!
Abby: That guy! What a drama queen!
Maddie: Uh, I think he was kind of serious.
Agent Banner: Mr. And Mrs. Parker. The FBI fears for the safety of your family. Until Emil Hatchew is permanently put in the poky, you Parker's are imperil. So, we have brought you down to this secret underground facility, to be placed in the witness protection program. You will be moved to a new city, receive new identity's. No-one will know your whereabouts. Not even your friends and family.
Abby: The whole MCI network? What? I was just asking!
Agent Banner: Mr. Parker! I'm afraid you'll have to give up your job as mailman. And girls, unfortunately, you'll have to go to a new school.
Abby: You mean, we never have to go to our old school again?
Both: (fantasizing about party)
Maddie: Gee, what a shame!
Abby: Well, bring on those new ID's! (smile)
Agent Banner: Wait! Not so fast! If, for any reason, your cover is blown, you'll call my special beeper. And then we'll have to relocate you immediately. In other words, keep, your mouths, shut!
Maddie: (to camera) Okay, you know this whole: "Keep our mouths shut thing?" Well, easier said than done!
Abby: See, our family has a little bitty problem. We're kind of, well.
Moving truck unloading stuff
Teacher: Class, we have two new students with us today: Carla and Andrea Frowenfelter. Why don't you girls tell us about yourselves? Carla?
Both: (stand up) Well.
Abby: I'm Carla!
Maddie: No, I'm Carla; your Andrea!
Abby: Oh. You might be right. (to teacher) She's Carla.
Maddie: So, what was the question again?
Teacher: Uh, what brings you two to Texas?
Maddie: Oh, right. We witnessed a crime.
Abby: And now we're in hiding.
Class: (mouths drop open)
Both: (Cover mouths.)
Maddie: Sorry! It just slipped out!
Maddie: I can't wait for the homecoming dance. The band is so cool.
Girl: Just watch out for the slammers.
Abby: Oh! We just sent some jewel thieves to the slammer!
Girl: (wide open mouth)
Abby: (cover mouth)
Maddie: (put head in hands)
Abby: Sorry. My bad.
Both: (walk out of barn. Look around. Look at clothes)
Maddie: Uh, excuse me! Attention everyone?! We're part of the witness protection program!
Criminal: All right, all right! I'll confess! The money is bu.
Beeper goes off.
Camera shows a map.
Red pieces of paper are being placed everywhere as a beeper goes off.
Agent Banner: (in all white)
Tape: Now, you have finally achieved inner piece.
Beeper goes off.
Camera shows a map.
Red pieces of paper are being placed everywhere as a beeper goes off.
Agent Norm: People! I'm in charge now. You've left me no choice. We're sending you to the last place on the planet. A port so remote, that no person would presume to pinpoint your position.
Abby: You mean Australia?
Agent Norm: Oh, you ruined it! How did you know? I'm easy to read, aren't I? I stink at this job! I knew I should've gone into Ladies Shoes!
Maddie: Uh, duh. (Point to map where Australia is circled)
Agent Norm: Oh. Anyway, if you screw it up this time, you'll be pulled from the program. Permanently!
Maddie in background: So Australia was our last chance. This time, we had to make it work! For mom and dad's safety, and our own.
Maddie in background: Well, the good news; Australia was like one big party. The bad news; we weren't exactly invited yet. (In yard) Our cover this time: The Turlys of Cleveland Ohio. Priotors of the Salvation Shore Inn. Meet Stanley and Shirley Turly. And they're daughters; Abby and Maddie. The Inn was stabled by some pretty colourful characters. There's Katie. The Intersports scuba diving leader. Scuba-diving, wind surfing, shameless flirting. You name it, she does it. That's Shelby Shaw. He runs the introduction zone for Molly May. Likes to work with his hands.
Shelby: (Catches a fish) Beauty! (throws it on pile)
Maddie: And then there's Boomer. The Inn's mascot. He's pretty energetic. Loves potato chips. And watches way too many cartoons!
Both: (Lying on lawn chairs. Boomer hops by)
Maddie: Well, school's tomorrow. Chance for a fresh start!
Abby: We should probably skip cheerleading try-outs.
Maddie: Good plan.
Maddie: What do you think we should wear?
Abby: Don't worry. I've got the whole Aussie fashion thing; under control.
People laughing at they're clothes
Maddie: You call this under control? We look like crocodore Betsy!
Abby: Well, look on the bright side! At least everyone speaks English!
Sheila: G'day mates! Welcome to steak and kidney. What's with the barrow daggy duds? You suppos gone tropi?
Maddie: Subtitles please. (Words come out saying: Welcome to Sidney. What's with those embarrassing ugly clothes? Are you Yanks out of your minds?) Oh. No, no, no. We're just new.
Sheila: The name's Sheila.
Abby: Oh, I'm, uh.
Maddie: And I'm.
Sheila: What brings you Sheila's to our end of the world?
Abby: Oh! We're in the.
Maddie: Mood to, see the school.
Sheila: Oh, no worries. I'll show you around. Now, lets see. That's Victoria and the popular crowd. Rave, Donnie and the rest. Forget them. They'll never talk to you. Oh, and over there, that's the nerds. They'll be friends with you if you bop all work with them. Hi Leonard! Now, let's see. That's the surfies, Pete, Avery, that whole crowd. Don't talk to them if you wanna be popular.
Maddie: But I thought you just said that the popular kids won't talk to us.
Sheila: Oh, right. But in the off turns they might, I'd stay clear. And. that's the jocks, that's the theatre gigs and the brainiacs.
Abby: Which group are you in, Sheila?
Sheila: The Individualists. (Show a group of kids wearing the same clothes and same hair styles, even brushing their hair at the same time)
Abby in background: Australia was great! But, we all had a little trouble adjusting. Dad kind of misses his job as a mailman.
Dad: (to mailman.) It's all in the wrist. See? The wrist.
Abby: And mom, she really missed her friends.
Mom: Be strong, blabber mom. Be strong. (pick up phone. Dial)
Dad: (walks in) Ah! (take phone and hang up)
Mom: What? I was just, ordering a pizza, honey.
Dad: You heard what Agent Banner said. No phone calls, no letters, no carrier pigeons, no-one.
Mom: Just a little email?
Dad: Oh please! I told you: never use the E word.
Mom: I'm going stir-crazy here! No friends, no guests! And I'm sorry, but that kangaroo doesn't like the same shows as me.
Dad: Until Emil Hatchew is locked up, we just have to stick with this. As tough as it is for us, imagine how difficult it must be for the girls!
Mom: Yeah, your right, honey. I need to set an example. (Smoking)
Dad: And you might wanna start with that.
Mom: Your right. I know, you're right. Okay. (phone rings) Hello? Salvation Shore Inn. (pause) Uh, let me check the books. (use water to light-out the fire in trash can)
Maddie in background: While mom and dad were sorting through their troubles, Katie was helping us sort through ours.
Maddie: Come on, Katie. We're never gonna fit in here anyways!
Katie: Okay, here's my advice.
Shelby: (walk up) Girls! You wanna make friends here in steak and kidney? Do what I always do. (finish can of pop and smash can of head.) Well, if goes over big at the shark-honours reunion. (leave)
Katie: Girls, if you wanna fit in with the Aussie's, here's the secret. Stop worrying, and have some fun. (smile)
People playing volleyball and having some fun. Show Maddie and Abby. They are sitting there.
Abby: Are we having fun yet?
Maddie: No, they are. (Point to Victoria and popular crowd. They are laughing and having fun)
Maddie in background: While Victoria and her popular crowd were having shrimp of the barbecue, we were having sandwiches. Heavy on the sand!
Sheila: (walk up) G'day, Maddie, Abby. Hello! Earth to Sheila's!
Abby: Oh, right! Abby and Maddie!
Maddie: That's us! Duh!
Sheila: Glad you could make it. I want you to meet my gal pals. This here is Sheila, and this is Sheila, and this is.
Aricele: Aricele. But my friends call me Sheila.
Sheila: You girls are gonna love our gang.
Abby: Hey, uh, what's wrong with your friend Leonard?
Sheila: Actually, he's more than a friend.
Abby & Maddie: Oh.....
Sheila: But please, don't tell anyone. I don't want them giving me the raw prod over it.
Abby: Hey, do you think you could introduce us to them?
Sheila: Are you sheep short of a sation? Those guys wouldn't talk to us if we were the last Sheila's on earth!
Guy: Heads up! Heads up!
Maddie: (Boomerang lands in front of you. pick it up and throw it. It comes back to her.)
Guy: How'd you learn to ring like that?!
Maddie: Uh, your Frisbee's broken.
Guy 2: Where'd you learn to ring like that?!
Maddie: I, uh.
Abby: Oh! She's the boomerang champ of Chicago!
Maddie: Hi! I'm Mellie.
Victoria: Whatever? Is that like a big saying with you Americans?
Abby: Well, cool Americans!
Guy: Um, we're just going down to the beach for a surf. You wanna give it a go?
Maddie in background: It was suddenly clear. We wanted to fit in, we had to do the Aussie thing. Step 1. Speak the lingo.
Abby: So, I put on me jumper and hoed into some tucker, but me breakie had chicken snacks. Well, I don't like to winge, but I said, bring on me tamper and hot chocie!
Maddie in background: It seemed the royal court thought we were pretty awesome! But the queen needed some convincing. Step 2, eat the local grub. (Brown stuff on spoon. Lettering shows up saying: Vegemite. Brown disgusting, sticky goo. Aussie's love it.)
Maddie: (Eats it) Mmm!
Aussies: She likes it! (look at Victoria)
Maddie in background: Step 3, Catch a Wave.
Victoria: Since when does she know how to surf?
Maddie: (to camera) Since this scene, apparently.
Maddie in background: And when that doesn't work, there's step 4, Use You're Head!
Maddie & Abby: (hold out pop cans. Smash against heads)
Guy1: You girls are awesome Aussie's!
Sheila: Well, we lost some good ones to the forces of evil, mates!
Victoria: (looks around. Nobody is watching. Smash pop can against head, but it doesn't work!) Ow! (walks away)
Night Man: (walks in looks through file cabinet. Finds Abby and Maddie's file. It says: Stop looking at this! I said stop! Alright, if you insist. The End.) (Slam down file and find map where Australia is circled.)
Emil: Australia is a discreet apparition. I need someone I can trust. It has to be family. Get me my big brother, Shorty, and cousin Crusher.
Man: Uh, they're on a salement, boss. The thing with the, uh, thing.
Emil: What about my first cousin Slasher.
Emil: Second cousin Basher?!
Man: A movie deal!
Emil: Third cousin twice removed Slackie!?
Man: He gets three weeks this year!
Emil: Well, would you mind telling me who is available in this family for a dishonest depwa?!
Man: I'll check. Let me see, uh. These guys! Twelve cousin Mac and great uncle by divorce, Sidney!
Emil: Well. At least it's family!
Mac: (pick up phone) Mac here. (pause) We're on our way!
Man: G'day mates, welcome to Sidney, what can I do for you?
Mac: We need a car.
Man: Not a problem, I've got one left!
Sidney: Plus we need directions to the Salvation Shore Inn, near manly.
Man: No worries! What you do is you come out of the airport, make two lefts and then a right, then you drive four times beyond the black stop but, if you miss the turn off there you've got a bag on a woppop! Ha, ha, ha!
Sidney: We're lost.
Mac: No we're not. I know exactly where we are.
Sidney: What is that?
Mac: It's my wireless positioning system. It tells me exactly where we are anywhere in the world within three inches.
Sidney: Yeah, well it tells me that we're three inches from Boston!
Mac: That's state of the art! Cost me a thousand bucks!
Sidney: Next time buy a map like a normal person!
Mac: I know Sidney, we're not lost! But we are about to hit that truck!!! (turn and car goes down a ditch)
Mac: Uncle Sidney?
Mac: I think we're lost!
Abby in background: We knew we had really made it when Victoria invited us on her father's boat.
Abby: So, Vic, this is your father's boat?
Victoria: No, that is. (point to big boat)
Abby & Maddie: Whoa.
Maddie: Oh, thank-you.
Abby: Mmm! What is this stuff?
Waiter: Fish eggs!
Abby: (about to puke)
Maddie: Ah! No spit-takes in this movie! (they put it back on tray)
Upstairs On Boat
Vic: Great boat, isn't it?
Vic: Did you have a boat back in the states?
Maddie: No, we lived. Not near the water!
Vic: Oh.. This is Daddy's favourite. He likes it better than the jet!
Maddie: I'll bet!
Abby: (lie down of seat)
Maddie in background: So, on the good news front: Things were really working out great for us. Little did we know.
Sidney: What the heck is that?
Mac: Oh, I'm checking my email! It's a wireless internet connection!
Sidney: (take it away, throw it on ground and stomp on it)
Mac: Oh, gosh, Sidney, are you whacked?! How am I gonna check my joke of the day?!
Sidney: (to self) He wasn't here, I wouldn't have to put up with this.
2 days later.
Mac and Sidney: (waiting)
3 days later.
Mac: My feet hurt.
Sidney: Your feet hurt?!
5 days later.
Mac: I'm hungry. You hungry?
5 minutes later.
Sidney: I'm hungry. You hungry?
Popular crowd is walking.
Sheila: Hey Maddie, Abby!
Maddie & Abby: Hi Sheila!
Ron: Hey, there's Lenny the spas boy. Hey Lenny!
Lenny: (wave. Ball hits him on head) Hey, who did that?!
Victoria: I can't believe Sheila's really friends with that guy!
Abby: Actually, they're more then friends!
Vic: They're doing the lip match?!
Abby: Well, yeah, but, don't tell anyone.
Ron: Lenny, Sheila! (make smooching noises)
Sheila: (mouth drops open as she looks at Maddie and Abby. Run off)
Pete and Avery: (walk by)
Victoria: Since where do you surfies think you're going?!
Ron: This is our beach!
Avery: (sarcastic) Someone talking to us, Pete?
Pete: Nope. Nobody that I can see.
Guy: Well, you better listen or there's gonna be trouble.
Pete: Right. You've been watching too much Baywatch.
Maddie & Abby: (laugh)
Vic: (look at them and look back)
Avery: Look, boys, we just wanna surf. Why don't you go back to looking in the mirror, or whatever it is you do for a living.
Boys: (all walk away)
Victoria: Hey, girls, I'm having a party on my dad's boat this Friday. I'd love for you to come!
Vic: But, in case I forgot to lay out the rules of the game: Hang with them, (nod at Pete and Avery) and you can forget about the party, and, everything that goes along with it! (walk away)
Maddie & Abby: (look at Pete and Avery)
Abby: Don't go there.
Maddie: Too late!
Maddie and Abby lying down on beds
Abby: Good day, huh?
Abby: Well, at least we're part of the biggest group now.
Abby: Those surfer boys are pretty cute!
Abby: I'm gonna wear your new shoes to the party!
Abby: All right, you've been mm-ing all night! What's the deal?
Maddie: (turn over) I was just thinking. Don't you feel the least bit bad about what happened today? Blabbing about Lenny and Sheila?!
Abby: Well, yeah, but it was just an accident.
Maddie: I know. It just slipped out, right? Don't you ever ask yourself why things are just, slipping out of our mouths?!
Abby: Don't get all over on me; I blew it, okay? (lye down)
Maddie: (do the same)
Both: (clap once and lights turn off)
Sidney & Mac: (walk in)
Sidney: Two bags of fries with ketchup, and one beer.
Mac: (holds up 2 fingers and mouth two)
Counter person: Two balle'ts and due ba'. Tourists, eh? Where you from?
Everyone stops and looks at him.
Counter person: Come again, mate?
Sidney: I said, Yurugli. Would you like me to spell it for you?
Mac & Sidney: (get kicked out)
Both: (Roll over)
Katie and Maddie on tiny boats
Both: (stop beside each other)
Katie: So, what's his name?
Maddie: Pete. And he is totally cool, but, if Victoria ever caught me hanging out with him, I'd be history!
Katie: When I was your age, there was a girl just like Victoria.
Katie: Yeah, there's always a girl like Victoria. Anyway, I wanted to be in her group so badly, that I stopped doing all the things I wanted to do, and picked up all the things she wanted to do.
Maddie: Oh, I know this one. You were completely miserable because you weren't being true to yourself.
Katie: No, I was totally popular! It was a blast! But, I wasn't being me. I was being who they wanted me to be. And that's not good.
Abby: Have you ever asked yourself, what price is a girl supposed to pay for, popularity?
Shelby: Can't say that I have, missy!
Abby: Is that alive?!
Shelby: Not anymore! I'll give you some advice, youngen. You follow your heart. Be true to yourself. And always use a number five hook! That's the key to happiness. (A whole bunch of stuff falls out of shark)
Abby: I'm glad we had this talk. (grossed out. Shelby nods. To camera) You know how I said there were gonna be no spit takes in this movie? Well, this is an acception! (in background, off camera, puking noises)
Shelby: Ha, ha, ha. (pick up shoe) I've been looking for this!
Mom: Hello? Salvation Shore Inn.
Sidney: (mumbling on other line)
Mom: Yep. As a matter of fact, we just had a cancellation. Like, two minutes ago.
Maddie: Look at me! I'm Ally McBeal!
Pete: And look at me! I'm Mini-me!
Pete: So, what's the story about you guys wasting your life with Victoria and the dumbbells?
Maddie: Well, she's not so bad once you get to know her.
Pete: You mean, she's not so bad until you get to know her.
Maddie: (looks at him)
Pete: Later guys! Well, what brought your family to Sidney?
Maddie: I, uh, um. My parents inherited the Inn.
Pete: Really? From who?
Maddie: Oh, uh, some dead guy.
Pete: Dead guy?
Abby: Why does everyone take surfing so seriously around here? It's just a sport!
Avery: Oh no! Surfing is much more than that! It's a way of life! It's not about competition! It's about you, the board, and the wave. Communing with nature.
Abby: (to camera) Okay, so its a bit much, but, he's cute, right?!
Maddie & Pete: (on one seat)
Avery & Abby: (on another seat)
Avery: Ready to hurl?
Maddie: Almost! (they all go on again)
Maddie & Pete: (on one seat)
Avery & Abby: (on another seat)
Mom: She would never stay with him. He's having an affair with his mother and two sisters! (watching TV)
Dad: Honey?! Where are you?!
Mom: I'm out here honey!
Dad: There you are! (pull out flowers) Happy Anniversary!
Mom: Sweetheart, they're beautiful! Honey! Oh.
Abby: (walk in with Maddie) Mom, Dad, your freaking us out.
Mom: Where have you two been all day?
Maddie: The roller coaster of life!
Maddie & Abby: (walk in laughing)
Maddie: What happened?!
Abby & Maddie: Boomer!!!!!
Dad: What's the matter, Terry?
Dad: Whatever. Hey. Hey, is something wrong?
Mom: It's not the flowers. I just. I miss our old life.
Dad: Maybe next year, have our anniversary at home? Well, whatever our name is, we're family. We gotta stick together.
Maddie: (to camera) This is the part of the movie where we feel really guilty for all the trouble we've caused. (to Abby) I feel really guilty for all the trouble we've caused.
Abby: I know! We've been having the time of our lives, and mom and dad are running an Inn with two guests who seem like they've warped in from another planet!
Maddie: Hey! I've got an idea!
Dad: That's out of the question! There's way too much to do around here! I'm not gonna leave you two alone near the Inn.
Maddie: But dad, we're like, 14! We haven't had a baby-sitter in weeks!
Abby: But Katie promised that she'd look after us and the Inn!
Dad: No! Ow! Mm!
Mom: Honey, it is our anniversary.
Dad: No, and that's it! (shade falls) Maybe a couple days off wouldn't be so bad.
Maddie & Abby: Bye!
Maddie: Bye dad!
Both: Love you! Bye!
Maddie: Have fun!
Abby: We convinced mom and dad to go on a camping trip. For they're anniversary.
Maddie: For they're sanity!
Abby: Wrong side!
Maddie: Come on, we're gonna be late for the party.
Mac: It's like taking money.
Sidney: from a baby.
Abby: Okay, Boomer, we're going to a party, but please don't trash the room again!
Maddie: And only ten more minutes of TV.
Abby: Later Mac, Sid.
Mac & Sidney: Bye-bye!
Sidney: Have fun. Uh, where are you going?
Abby: Yacht party!
Mac & Sid: (see diamond around her neck)
Ron: Come on! We're gonna be late!
Johnny: You girls look nice!
Mac: Was that-
Sidney: Yes. That was the kneel diamond. Wait! We're going to a party!
Mac: But I'm not dressed right.
Sidney: You weren't here, I wouldn't have to put up with this!
All dancing. Music stops
Maddie: What do you call Australian boxer shorts? Down underwear!
Music starts again. It stops.
Donny: Surf a dilly baby!
Music starts again. It stops.
Victoria: Why did the crocodile cross the road? Ugh! Like I care!
Music starts again. It stops.
Abby: Oh! Am I supposed to say something funny? Something funny!
Mac: Okay, here's a plan. (mumbling)
Sidney: Why am I being distanced?! Why?! Listen Mr. Bill Gates! We climb up the ladder, we get the diamond, and we get back in the boat!
Mac: Fine. Fine. Do it your way.
Ron: Do you wanna dance?
Abby: Um, I'll be right back.
Johnny: (starts dancing with Maddie.) Maddie, your really pretty.
Maddie: Thanks! You're really pretty too! I mean.
Johnny: (kiss her on cheek)
Maddie: I'll be right back.
Abby: You just gave him the cheek?
Maddie: I gave him the cheek! Defensive manoeuvre 41. Well, I don't care how popular Johnny is. He's a dorko-danso with bad breath! I mean, I'd rather hang with Pete and Avery any day of the week!
Pete and Avery: (walk up steps onto boat)
Victoria: This is a closed party! Invitation only!
Pete: Must have left it in my other wet suit!
Victoria: Since what do you think your doing here?
Avery: Heard there were some babes on board!
Pete and Avery wink at Maddie and Abby
Ron: If I catch you on our beach again, or anywhere near us I'll.
Pete: Finish your sentence?
Johnny: That's it! We're done talking!
Victoria: Wait! No fighting on daddy's boat, too messy! I've got a better idea. A surf war, on Sunday. Winner takes the beach, loser moves down to Deaway.
Vic: Shake? Now get off Daddy's boat!
Avery: Our pleasure.
Pete and Avery leave
Vic: All right everybody, back to the party! (nod at DJ. To father) Down the weight.
Father: Yes, Miss Victoria.
Mac & Sid: No! No! No! (fall out of boat)
Mac: Sharks! Sharks!
Sidney: David Hasselhawk never had to deal with this!
Maddie: Over here.
Abby: No! I'm not going! No! I'm sorry! No!
Abby: No! No, these are my new boots!
Action scene of Maddie & Pete on one water skier thing, and Avery and Abby on another one.
Maddie: That was fun!
Maddie: Thanks for the ride!
Pete: Sorry about your shoes!
Maddie: It's okay, they were ugly anyway!
Avery: Uh, we don't want to rush anything, but, tomorrow's Saturday.
Pete: You got any plans?
Abby: No. What'd you have in mind?
Pete, Avery, Abby and Maddie are climbing-Bench
Maddie: I don't see why we can't tell them.
Abby: You mean that we're in the witness protection program? Oh, that's a BIG transfer guide. Hey, wanna go see a movie? Oh, and by the way, we want a better life!
Abby and Maddie: No condiments!
Maddie: I mean, we've been here for 2 months already and nothing has happened! I'm sick of living a lie!
Mac & Sidney: (come up)
Maddie: You guys! I knew they were the bad guys!
Mac: Keep your mouth shut and you might live to talk about this.
Abby: Oh, that's such and old line!
Mac: Honey, I got a license to kill.
Abby: Oh yeah? Well I have a learners permit!
Maddie & Abby: (kick them and run) Run!
Abby: (to Pete and Avery) Run!!
Abby: We'll explain later! Come on!
All: (Running. Run into bathroom. Run out. Run past popular crowd)
Abby: Hi Vic!
Maddie: Bye Vic!
Avery: Hey, what's up?
All: (run into car)
Avery: Get in!
Maddie: Since when do you know how to drive?
Pete: Since this scene, apparently!
Maddie and Abby: (get out)
Maddie: Well, thanks for the ride, guys!
Abby: Yeah, see you later!
Avery: Uh, girls? Is there something you wanna tell us?
Pete: Like why we're being chased by two inept thugs?
Abby: Right! Excellent question! Molly?
Avery and Pete: Whatever!
Maddie: Look, you guys are cool.
Abby: And we like you a lot but. we're in. we're in.
Maddie: Trouble. But we can't say anymore than that.
Pete: Well, is there anything we can do to help?
Maddie: Right now, we kind of just have to help ourselves. So we'll tell you about it when the time is right. But for now, you guys are just gonna have to trust us.
Avery: Done. Say no more.
Pete and Avery leave
Abby: We're working on that still.
Abby: Well, guess it's time to call the FBI.
Maddie: We can't ask mom and dad to pick up their lives again! I mean, I'm tired of running! We made this mess, now let's clean it up!
Abby: I'm open!
Maddie: Okay, well, first we have to get rid of Katie.
Katie: I'm off to a swim lesson now, can you manage the reception for the rest of the day? Bye! (Leaves)
Abby & Maddie: Sure!
Maddie: That was easy!
Abby: Now what?
Maddie: We cool our resources!
Camera shows Maddie and Abby setting up booby-trap.
Mom: (in tent) Honey? You think the girls are all right?
Dad: I'm sure everything's under control. I'm so glad you talked me into doing this! It's so relaxing!
Mom: Are you sure you've got this tent set up right?
Dad: Oh, honey! I've done this a million times! Now, carefully.
Mom: Whoa! (say that as Dad tries to come in and tent topples over)
Mac and Sidney: Walk up to house
Maddie: Let's get ready to rumble!
Mac and Sidney: Try to open front door, but it's locked. Open back doors. Step in and two boards hit you. Fall backwards
Abby: Hmm! That was easy! Lip gloss?
Abby: Now what?
Mac and Sid: (Tied to surf boards.)
Maddie: You gonna talk? I don't wanna have to get rough here.
Maddie: Tell us why your after us!
Abby: Looks like someone's giving us the silent treatment! Is there anything you wanna say?
Sid: Mm, mm, mm.
Abby: Are you looking for a way to go glam one day, (hold out brush) and, natural the next? (hold out hair spray)
Sidney: You wouldn't dare!
Abby: He obviously doesn't know us very well!
Maddie: Smile. Mmm.
Maddie: They still won't talk. Okay! (pull out nail polish) I didn't want to have to result to this!
Mac: You wouldn't dare!
Maddie: Wouldn't I?
Maddie and Abby: Smile.
Maddie: Okay Twinkle Toes, spill it! They still won't talk. Now what?
Abby: (Hold out bikini's) Ta-da! I like it!
Maddie: Me too!
Mac and Sidney: No! No! No!
Maddie and Abby: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh!
Phone starts ringing.
Abby: (Pick it up. In deep voice) Hello?
Emil: (On other line) This is Hatchew. Have you received the kneel diamond yet?
Abby: Please hold. (To Maddie) He thinks we have the kneel diamond! What would make him think that?
Emil: (On other line) Hello?! Hello!?
Maddie: (Point to Abby's necklace and to her own)
Abby: No! (Maddie nods) You mean, we've had it all along!
Emil: (On other line) Hello?!
Abby: That what you've been after?!
Emil: This is a long distance call!
Abby: (Back in normal voice) Hey, Hatchew? Now, don't be mad, but I've got both your men tied to surf boards.
Mac: No! Don't say that!
Abby: Oh, and the kneel diamond looks great around my neck, especially with casual wear.
Sidney: What are you? A blabbermouth?
Abby: So, I guess your just gonna have to come over here and get it yourself! Otherwise, I'm gonna go Titanic on you, and throw the diamond into the ocean! Oh, and by the way, I recommend Quanta. It's a long flight. (hangs up)
Maddie: I assume you've got a plan?
Abby: Uh, sort of!
Emil: (hang up, grab plate of spaghetti and throw it against wall) Youri. Get me my travel agent, cousin Boris. I'm going to Australia.
Man: Oh, you know, when you flush the toilet there, the water spins the opposite way!
Abby: You two seem like nice guys. How'd you ever get into this kind of work?
Sidney: Family business.
Mac: Well, actually, I'm, uh, I'm starting up an Internet business!
Sidney: Again with the Internet?
Abby: It seems like you guys just play to your strings!
Abby: Like your bad guys? Duh! So what about. badguys.com
Maddie: Like a temp service! But for goons! No offense.
Sidney: None taken.
Victoria: (Walk up to house)
Abby: Oh! And you guys could have, like, bad guy stuff! What kind of stuff do you guys use?
Sidney: Brass knuckles. Thumb screws.
Mac: SP43 eve's dropping devices! Shiny suits, dark sunglasses!
Sidney: Big earrings!
Mac: Yeah! I think we're onto something here, I really do!
Victoria: (Outside) Hello? Hello?! (gets boobietrapped. Walk into kitchen) Look at me!
Maddie and Abby: (Laugh)
Maddie: Our stuff worked!
Abby: Good teamwork! (they high-five)
Vic: That's it, you girls are so out of our group!
Abby: No, Vic, your so out of ours.
Vic: Ugh! (stomp off)
Sidney: Boy, what a crank!
Maddie: I know, isn't she?
Mac: Well, we're off! Before Hatchew gets here!
Sidney: Otherwise he'll throw our buns on the barbie and have us for breakie! I have no idea where that came from!
Maddie: Are you sure you guys don't wanna stick around? Help us catch Hatchew?
Sidney: You mean, go straight? On the side of good? From the darkness of evil? Can you imagine the day when I escort a little old lady across the street? Help abandoned puppies find new homes? And work for the good of all man kind.
Mac: Uh, no.
Sidney: Me neither!
Sidney: Good luck!
Maddie: See you later!
Agent Norm: Oh! Welcome back Agent Banner!
Agent Banner: Thank-you, Norm.
Agent Norm: How are things going?
Agent Banner: Better than ever! (Beeper goes off. It's the Parkers)
Abby: Boomer, can you turn it down? (hang up) I beeped Agent Banner, The FBI should be here within hours!
Agent Banner: (As beeper is going off, throw it in the toilet) That's it! I quit! I'm outta here!
Agent Norm: Hope that wasn't important! (close toilet lid)
Maddie: (getting into bed) Well, the surf war is tomorrow. I really hope the FBI shows up before Hatchew!
Abby: Don't worry! It's all under control! They catch Hatchew taking off with the diamond, he goes to jail, we all go home!
Maddie: Shh! Us going home depresses him!
Abby: No, he just lost the remote.
Next day at beach
PA: Attention please! All Surf War contestants, please sign in if you haven't already done so! The competition is about to begin!
Man: Good day everyone I'm Marlow Meech and I'm reporting for the surf channel. Here we are today live at Manly Beach. The tention is high as two teams rive for the control of the beach! And if I'm not mistaken, here are some contestants now!
Pete: Good day Marlow!
Marlow: Thank-you very much!
Avery: (to girls) He, uh, lives on the beach. Thinks he's on TV.
Maddie, Abby, Pete and Avery: (Walk past popular crowd)
Abby: Hey, Lenny, Sheila, wait up! (walks up to them) Look, I just really want to apologize for. blabbing. What I did was awful and, I hope you can forgive me and, we can still be friends!?
Sheila: It's all right! You've forced Lenny and I to declare our undying love for each other! We're getting married!
Sheila: (laughing) Joking! You specdictates are so gullible!
Victoria: Today, we stick it to those surfies. Barrow those bignoses. Obliterate those budgers, and blood-out those boofheads. Destroy those drongoes, demolish those dipsticks, nullify those nimrads and wipe out those wimps! Arrgghh!!!!!
Man: Shut a spas!
Vic: Uh, all right then, well, lets just win this thing, shall we?!
Pete: This is it. For all the marbles, it's us against them. If we can't take the beach, it'll make surfing history.
Avery: But, it's more than a competition, mates! It's a chance to be part of nature! To float on air! It's not just a sport, it's an art form! See the wave, ride the wave, be the wave!
Abby: (to camera) I know, I know! But he's so cute!
Letter on door says Gone To Surf Wars!
Emil: (walk up, see it, and walk)
Man: Well, my a very strong wind has picked up! We're in for some power house surfing! With the whistle blown, air force 2000 is underway!
Pete is surfing now
Maddie & Abby: Whooo! (hands cupped over mouths) Go Pete!!!!
Johnny is now surfing
Avery is now surfing
Maddie and Abby: Go Avery!!!!!! Whoo!!!!!
Ron is now surfing
Victoria: Go Ron!!!!!
Man: In all my years I've never seen finer surfing. This reporter is very impressed!
Sheila: (walk up) Milow! I've been looking for this!
Man: There's only one surfer left. Young Jake Gouligan, here today. But he needs a perfect 10 from all three judges. Wait, what's this? A crisis in store for the surfies.
Avery: Jake, what happened?
Jake: My wigie! I bent my wigie!
Pete: What are we gonna do now? He can't surf in this condition!
Abby: Me?! Enter the contest?!
Jake: (finger being bandaged up) Oh, my wigie! Me poor wigie!
Avery: It's not about winning. It's about trying.
Pete: Yeah, so, just remember to keep your weight balanced on the center of the board.
Maddie: You can do it, Agnes!
Abby: It's Abby!
Abby is now surfing
Cheering going on
Man: In all my years I've never seem surfing so intense! With one competitor to go, the surfies need 3 tens! The fight of Manly Beach hangs in there stall!!!!!
Sheila: Whooo! You can do it, Abby!!
Popular crowd laughs
Vic: We won!
Abby: I'm sorry we lost!
Avery: Oh, forget the contest! You were awesome out there!
Pete: Besides, Deaway's got some pretty good waves, too!
Avery: Yeah. Come on, let's go. Party at Deaway! Who's coming?!
Vic: What's wrong with you? We won! What's the matter with you? This is my beach, I won this beach! Guys! Hello?
Maddie: Come on!
Maddie: Well, all things considered! Things are going pretty well! All the loose ends have been tied up, all the T's have been crossed, all the Is have been dotted, and the cake's out of the oven, waiting for the icing!
Abby: Uh, I think you forgot about something!
Emil: (walk up) So, we finally meet again, girls. I believe you have something that belongs to me!
Maddie: Not so fast Hatchew!
Crowd: Bless you!
Abby: Okay! FBI guys, you can come out now! (Pause) Agent Banner? Agent Norm? Agent anyone?
Maddie: Great plan!
Emil: Lets make this brief. (take necklace)
Emil: Oh. Nice work! You might have a career head in jewelry making!
Abby: Oh, like compliments are gonna make up for all your bad behavior.
Emil: I try!
Maddie & Abby: (smile) Mmm.
Emil: Ah, my ride is here! You girls are meant to shock bait. Bye-bye!
Maddie & Abby: Mmm.
Man: (Walking towards them)
Maddie & Abby: (walking backwards)
Pete: (Avery beside him) You want them?
Avery: (run beside the girls)
Pete: You're gonna have to go through us. Ain't that right, Avery? Avery?! (run back)
Avery: I know I said I wouldn't pry, but, does this have anything to do with that trouble your in?
Maddie & Abby: Mmm!
Mac & Sidney walk up
Sidney: Hey, Frankenstein, why don't you pick on somebody your own size?!
Maddie: What are you guys doing here?!
Mac: We were wondering if you could touch-up our nails. (punch Man) I seem to have broke mine!
Abby: Look! He's getting away!
Maddie: No he's not. (take off sweater. To Sidney) Can I borrow that?
Maddie: (throw boomerang and it hits Hatchew on head)
Abby: (walk up to Maddie) Nice shot!
Katie: (walk up) Nice work, girls! Let's get em! (walk)
Abby: Why is everyone showing up all of a sudden?
Maddie: Duh! Big finale!
Katie: Emil Hatchew, your under arrest!
Maddie & Abby: What?
Katie: Agent Katherine Smith. FBI. At your service.
Katie: I was assigned to look after you all along. Wait for Hatchew to make his move on the diamond.
Maddie: (holding diamond) All this trouble for this?
Maddie: What is the diamond, really?
Abby: Actually, it's confused carbon pressed under the earth's surface, for tens and millions of years!
Emil: She's right!
Maddie: And you thought I had all the brainy lines?
Abby: Well, now, there's only one thing left to do!
Everyone is dancing
Maddie: So, everything worked out after all! Mom and Dad were phsyced to go home. Mom was so happy, she decided to give up smoking once and for all!
Abby: Mac and Sidney got a piece of the reward money. So, Sidney was able to retire to Miami Beach. And write his memoire: I'm ugly? Yurugli too! And Mac was able to start his Internet company! And he finally expressed his true feelings to Katie.
Katie: (slap him across the face)
Mac: Well, you can't blame a guy for trying!
Maddie: And Victoria? Well, she said she was sorry!
Vic: Sorry Sheila. Sorry Sheila. Sorry Sheila. Sorry Sheila.
Sheila: (nod and smile)
Abby: And we finally got to dance with the coolest guys in the movie!
Maddie: So, what have we learned from all this? Crime really doesn't pay!
Abby: And being a blabbermouth is very uncool.
Maddie: And life's not about being popular, it's about being yourself!
Abby: And that's fair-I-tink!