Okay, so, after my Equestrian Vietnam review, I was told to read… THIS! And, I gotta say, I was also warned that this will probably kill me. After reading the title, I’m sure I will. This is a Legend of Zelda fanfic, and it is known as……… I can’t believe I’m saying this……………… Princess Zelda’s… Farting Problem…. Jesus Christ, what have I gotten myself into.
So, it starts with a note from the author, saying that he is tired of getting emails from people telling him to make more Nintendo girls with flatulence problems. What, are you telling me there are more shitty stories like this. And you actually expect me to believe that people actually wanted MORE of this crap. Okay, I’ll just move past this and get on with the story… I suppose… If I have to.
So, it starts off in the Smash Brothers Mansion, because… those just exist. So, Zelda goes to meet Mario, who is playing cards with Waluigi and Lucario. What is this, Super Smash Bro- Oh right, the Smash Brothers Mansion… nevermind. Also, Lucario can talk. Last time I checked, only legendary Pokemon can talk, and Lucario is no legendary type. So, yeah, they are just playing cards… It’s gonna take us a while to get to the plot, isn’t it?
So, Zelda kisses Mario. You think Mario has enough girls, like Peach, Daisy, and Paulene. Now he needs Zelda. I mean, come on, what do girls see in fat Italian plumbers. Anyway, Zelda wishes Mario good luck, or, as the fanfic calls it “godo” luck, because, this fanfic is just AMAZING with spell checks, and Zelda leaves. So, the whole card game scene was fucking pointless. Oh, and there is a scene where Falco and Bowser beat up Ike. It’s totally pointless, so I won’t even bother talking about it. So, after that, Zelda goes and tries to watch TV, and for someone who lives in a sort of medieval time period, she sure knows how to operate the TV just fine. But, after this, she begins to start passing gas.
Then, for some fucking reason, Lucas comes in and Zelda starts shaking him. Oh, and by the way, the whole flatulence thing… the fanfic isn’t going to shut up about it, so… I hope you REALLY enjoy those immature jokes from Family Guy (Which I don’t), because this is the rest of the fanfic. Oh, and Lucas is surprised by this. You know, for someone who’s mother and brother died, I think that girls passing gas would be something that a kid like you wouldn’t care too much about.
And then, Peach comes, and passes gas, and then so does Zelda. Was this made by a fourth grader who finds this stuff funny. I mean, I sure as hell ain’t laughing, so, I don’t know who this is trying to please. The young audience of immature high school students? Because, right now, that is exactly what this fanfic is trying to do. And, then, Lucas starts freaking out. YOUR MOTHER AND BROTHER DIED IN MOTHER 3, AND YOUR SHOCKED AT THE SIGHT OF A GIRL- You know what, fuck it. So, Zelda talks to him about the digestive system, because apparently, Lucas is an idiot in this fanfic, and that’s the end of the fanfic, my god, this was stupid.
I mean, Jesus Christ, this is nothing more than an immature form of humor that you would see on your everyday Nickelodeon cartoon. It is just disgusting, and, if that’s not enough, the other scenes are boring. Oh, and, No, I am not reading any of the other stories in the series before any of you ask. They’re all probably the same, and they all probably suck just as bad. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take