Peyton's funniest quotes from three random episodes. Just tell me on a message if you want me to write an an article with ALL her funny quotes! :)

"One Tree Hill: All Tomorrow's Parties (#3.14)" (2006)
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: You never worked so hard for anything in your life, except your fake ID!

Lucas Eugene Scott: You know, Peyton, you can learn a lot from Ellie. She struck me as tough.
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: Yeah.
Lucas Eugene Scott: And that's important. But, I also think you can learn a lot from her mistakes. Don't live your life alone. Let us in.

Rachel: Look, I was trying to help you out. I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted.
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: You know what? Ya can't see it, but underneath my sunglasses, I'm rolling my eyes.

Rachel Gattina: Well, well, looks like somebody had a rough night.
Peyton: Says the girl who poured drinks down my throat, and then dropped me off in my best friend's boyfriend's bed.
Rachel Gattina: Look, I just led you to the door sweetheart.
Peyton: We're not giant pandas, you know? You can't just put us together and expect us to mate, and do me a favor, talk soft, you got a terrible voice.

Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: How drunk was I last night?
Lucas Eugene Scott: Drunk enough to puke six times.
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: Lemme guess. Rachel?
Lucas Eugene Scott: Yeah. Rachel's probably not the best person to use the buddy system with.
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: I feel like you're always rescuing me. Also like there's a giant elephant standing on my head.

Lucas Eugene Scott: Are you drunk?
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: Are you wearing eye shadow?

Rachel: Sorry I'm not good for a shoulder to lean on.
Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: That's okay because I'm not looking for one, but I am looking for another drink.

Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: Ellie would have love this.
Brooke Penelope Davis: And Rachel will hate this. Win Win.

Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer: And Brooke doesn't trust you.
Rachel: And you do?


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"One Tree Hill: Don't Dream It's Over (#5.6)" (2008)
Mia: [to Peyton, arriving at Tric] Hey!
Peyton Sawyer: Hey!
Mia: Thanks for the invite. I'm usually home online on a Saturday night.
Peyton Sawyer: OK! We're gonna have to work on your 'rock star' image!

Mia: [worrying about her performance] What if I fail?
Haley James Scott: Well, people fail sometimes. Look at Peyton!
Peyton Sawyer: Hey!

Peyton Sawyer: [approaching Brooke at the bar] I need a new office.
Brooke Davis: Yeah, the one you have right now is far too big and free.
Peyton Sawyer: Well, I will settle for a small and expensive just as long as it's not Lindsay adjacent.
Brooke Davis: Tell me I don't look like her when I dance!
[Peyton looking inquiringly]
Brooke Davis: [shouting, pointing at her mother on the dance floor] Tell me I don't look like her when I dance!
Peyton Sawyer: Okay, if you tell me that Lindsay's a bitch.
Brooke Davis: Oh, my mom's a bitch, Lindsay's a bitch, is there a woman here tonight you haven't called a bitch?
Peyton Sawyer: [smiling] Why, I can think of one.
Brooke Davis: Lindsay is just threatened by you.
Peyton Sawyer: Why? It's not like I'm even after Lucas!
Brooke Davis: So you keep saying...
Peyton Sawyer: What, you don't believe me? Okay, fine, whatever, but for the record, you look exactly like her when you dance! Bitch!
[walks away]
Brooke Davis: [pauses, looks at her mother dance]
[to herself]
Brooke Davis: I do not.

Peyton Sawyer: [to Haley, asking about Mia] Okay, she's almost on. How's she doing?
Haley James Scott: Umm, I think she'll be OK as long as the only lyrics to her song are 'Why is Jason here? Why is Jason here?'
Mia: Why is Jason here?
Peyton Sawyer: Because I invited him.
Mia: I'm sorry, you what?
Peyton Sawyer: Mia, most people dream of the chance to stand up to the person that's kept them down. This is yours.
Mia: Someone just tell me the first line of my song, please.
Haley James Scott: Um, it's 'I never fear the unexpected'.

Peyton Sawyer: [Lucas entering her office] Oh, God, you know, just rip up the cheque, I'm moving offices anyway.
Lucas Scott: Let me ask you something. Do you have an alarm in your head that goes off every time I'm happy with someone else?
[shouting]
Lucas Scott: What do you want from me? I flied to L.A., I asked you to marry me, you said 'No' so I moved on. Why haven't you?
Peyton Sawyer: 'Cause I should have said 'Yes'.

Peyton Sawyer: [entering Brooke's store] Your mom's a bitch!
Brooke Davis: What happened?
Peyton Sawyer: She went to the recording studio and freaked out Mia who is MIA, imagine that, and now I don't have an artist.
Brooke Davis: I'm sorry Peyton, I'll talk to her.
Brooke Davis: It's either that or my fists talk to her face and that's gonna be a longer conversation.

Victoria Davis: Penelope Davis!
Millicent: I'll be in the back.
Victoria Davis: Did you schedule a conference call with Macy's?
Brooke Davis: Yeah. 'Cause I was thinking...
Victoria Davis: Well, don't! In case you have to hear it, you have zero business sense!
Brooke Davis: Mom...
Victoria Davis: Let me finish. For the last three years I've been calling the shots and look how this company has grown. You're a talented designer, Brooke but you don't spin the straw to gold. I do. Truth be told, you're not smart enough to do it.
Peyton Sawyer: [running outside after Victoria] Hey, Ice Queen! Stop being such a bitch to your daughter.
Victoria Davis: And did my daughter pay you to say that?
Peyton Sawyer: No, I came up with that one for free.
Victoria Davis: Well, I advise you keep your little underachieving mouth shut. Because my relationship with my daughter is none of your business.
Peyton Sawyer: No, it is, when you tear her down and call her stupid. See, the truth is, you're actually worried she's smart. And that's a threat you to because when she figures out how to do the business side of this company - Goodbye, Victoria.

Victoria Davis: As a matter of fact, it's quite clear you never had a mother.
Peyton Sawyer: Yeah? Neither did Brooke.


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"One Tree Hill: Every Night Is Another Story (#1.6)" (2003)
Brooke: What's your name?
Haley James: Haley.
Brooke: Yea, I don't like that name. Lets call you... Brooke!
Brooke: [later]
[the car runs out of gas]
Brooke: [beeping to signal that there isn't gas] I hear birds.
Peyton: Unbelievable! Brooke, did you not think to put gas in the car?
[Brooke says nothing]
Brooke: [to Haley, who she calls Brooke] Answer the question Brooke!

Brooke: [pointing to Haley] So what's the deal with that one anyway?
Peyton: She's tutoring Nathan... supposedly.
Brooke: And hanging out with Lucas? And we're supposed to believe she's just friends with both of them? Right...
[Nathan walks over to Haley and nods]
Brooke: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Peyton: See what?
Brooke: He just gave her the nod!
Peyton: What nod?
Brooke: The "let's hook up after the game" nod. You wanna know what I think? I think Nathan likes tutor girl, but I think tutor girl likes Lucas, and I know I like Lucas, and I don't know who the hell you like any more this is all turning into one big love... rectangle plus one... whatever that is!

Peyton: What are you still doing here?
Haley James: [sarcastically] I'm thinking of transferring... what's you're excuse?
Peyton: Brooke... she's been in there forever.
Brooke: [High on pain killers] Peyton!
[stumbles over to Peyton]
Brooke: This is my best friend in the whole wide world, don't you think she's pretty?
Peyton: What the hell is this?
College Guy: She found some pills... on the floor, just let her sleep it off and she'll be fine, I should probably go.
Brooke: Call me!
[Brooke trips and Haley catches her]
Brooke: Hey what's your name?
Haley James: HALEY...
Brooke: Yeah I don't like that name, let's call you Brooke...
[Haley puts Brooke in the backseat]
Peyton: Thanks... so where are you going now?
Haley James: I was gonna catch the last bus out.
Peyton: It just left...
Brooke: That's perfect! Brooke you can come with us!
[Peyton looks at Haley strangely]
Haley James: Yeah she named me Brooke...
Brooke: Can she come? Please Peyton?
Peyton: Fine, but don't touch the stereo or else we're gonna have a problem!
Brooke: [singing and shaking her pom-poms] We're goin' on a road trip, we're goin' on a road trip...

Brooke: [looks at Haley] What is she doing here?
Peyton: [laughs] You invited her!

[the low fuel light comes on]
Peyton: Oh, my God... Brooke, didn't you think to put gas in the car?
[Brooke looks at Haley]
Brooke: Answer the question, Brooke!
Haley James: [gets out of the car] Hey, Peyton, pop the trunk.
Brooke: Peyton, don't listen to her! It might be a trick!
[Peyton pops the trunk anyway]
Haley James: [pulls out a gas can] Great... it's empty! I saw a gas station about a mile down the road, if I'm not back in an hour, tell my mom I loved her.
Brooke: Don't you mean Nathan?
Peyton: I'll go with you.
Peyton: What about me?
[Peyton locks the doors]
Brooke: Peyton... come back! Someone might come...
Haley James: You did remember to crack a window didn't you?
[Peyton and Haley laugh]
Brooke: Come on, you guys, I'm scared!

Brooke: What's your name?
Haley James: Haley.
Brooke: I don't like that name. How 'bout we call you Brooke?
[later] [the car runs out of gas]
Peyton: Brooke, didn't it ever occur to you, to put more gas in the car?
[Brooke says nothing]
Brooke: [to Hailey, who she calls Brooke] What are you gonna say, Brooke?