Author's Note: The following are short little short stories—or skits—that I've come up with. They're just small ideas that I've had in my head but don't know what to do with. I hope you enjoy them and I hope I succeed in making you laugh. Any title with a Roman numeral in brackets next to it has an skit note associated with it, which will be displayed at the end of the article. I hope to do more things like this in the future.

1) Cloning Crisis [1]

    During a quiet morning, the penguins were in the HQ relaxing. Skipper had just brewed a cup of coffee and added his choice of fish when Julien dropped through the hatch with his subjects, Maurice and Mort.

    "Hello, my smelly subjects!" he called. Though his remark annoyed Skipper, he ignored it.

    "What do you want, Ringtail? We've already told you thousands of times, we're not giving you a sponge bath," Skipper said, suddenly losing his appetite for his fish coffee and setting his mug on the counter.

    "No, silly water-bird. You see, as your king, I must always be fashionably perfect! So, I am in needing of a new crown," Julien explained.

    "And what does this have to do with us?" Skipper asked folding his flippers over his chest.

    "Isn't it obvious? I am needing the crazy one to destroy my old crown before someone finds it and tries to harness my fur cells to create clones of me! There can only be one king, which is me!" Julien answered.

    "Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Ringtail," Skipper said rolling his eyes.

    "And what makes you so sure?" Julien inquired.

    "Because, trust me, no one in their right mind would want to make more of you."

2) The King of Hearts

    "So, do we have anything else to deal with, Kowalski?" Skipper asked his second in command.

    Kowalski looked over his clipboard. "Just one; we need to fix the pump on Julien's bouncy. It's been slowly deflating for a little over a day now and Alice hasn't taken notice," he informed his leader.

    Skipper nodded. "Alright. Let's get a move on, then," he ordered his team.

    Upon arrival, Julien came bounding up to them. "There you are! I've been waiting for you for forever! Are you going to fix my bouncy pump, now?"

    Skipper rolled his eyes. "Yes, Ringtail. We're here to fix your pump. Now, move aside."

    Julien did so as Kowalski set to work on the pump, opening a control panel and examining the wires.

    "Ah, I see the problem. Rico, hand me some wire cutters," Kowalski requested. Rico fulfilled it and Kowalski reconnected a set of broken wires. The pump came to life and started pumping air into the bouncy once again.

    "Well, I guess that means we're done. It's good as new," Skipper said to Julien. Julien approached the bouncy as it regained its form.

    "I will be the judge of that!" Julien said hopping atop the bouncy and performing a series of bounces. He laughed in triumph. "Yes! Being bounceless for twenty-four hours has been leaving me bounce-depraved!" he cried.

    Kowalski was about to correct him—since he should have used the term deprived instead of depraved—but was interrupted when Julien continued.

    "Thanking you, penguins! Thanking you from the heart of my bottom!"

3) Everyone Has Limits [II]

    "No, you hang up first! No, you hang up first! No, you! No, you!"

    It had been a week since Kowalski and Doris had finally become a couple, and Kowalski had helped Doris gain access to a phone on the coast. Now, the two of them were on the phone having a seemingly endless goodbye. They'd been going on like this for almost an hour, and it was getting on the team's last nerves.

    "No, you! No, you!" Kowalski said over and over again from the side of the HQ, leaning over the table like a lovesick teenager.

    Skipper rubbed his temples. "I don't think I can take this much longer…" he muttered to Rico, who was sitting next to him with earmuffs over his earholes. He didn't even realize Skipper had said anything.

    "No, you! No, you hang up! No, you hang up first!" Kowalski continued…Still.

    Out of nowhere, Private took the phone from him and held his flipper over the receiver. "No, me!" He held the phone to his beak. "Sorry, our HQ is going through a tunnel. Goodbye," he said before hanging up.

    "Private! Why did you do that!?" Kowalski asked pulling the phone back and punching at the buttons.

    Skipper stepped in between them and pulled the phone from Kowalski. "Sorry, Kowalski, but you really need to get off for the night."

    "Why? It's not that late!" Kowalski protested.

    "Kowalski, it's almost midnight," Skipper told him.

    "Oh…Sorry, Skipper. A simple 'please get off the phone' would've been enough, though," he muttered.

    "Sorry, Kowalski," Private said, "I just couldn't take it anymore!"

    "Really, Private? I figured you would understand, considering you're the most tenderhearted out of all of us," Kowalski inquired.

    "Sorry, Kowalski. But even sensitive guys have their limits."

4) Relationships [III]

    As usual, King Julien and Skipper were having yet another argument at the zoo meeting that was taking place at the Zoovenir Shop.

    “You cannot just barge in on all and any penguin operation like that! You could’ve ruined everything! Not to mention that it’s completely classified!” Skipper was saying.

    “But I am king! I am entitled to do whatever I desire whenever I desire!” Julien argued.

    “I’ll show you what I desire—”

    “Guys! Do you really have an argument at every single meeting?” Roger asked. It was the first meeting he’d attended since he'd been a resident at the zoo.

    “It’s not my fault that he has to stick his royal nose into everything!” Skipper protested.

    “I’m sure there’s something we can do to work this out, here,” Roger said.

    “Eh, sorry, my amphibious neighbor, but it is the smelly penguin who is not wanting to work this out!” Julien told him.

    “Um, first off, I’m a reptile,” Roger corrected. “Second, I think you both are the problem.”

    “Both of us? Have you been paying attention? He’s the one being difficult!” Skipper protested.

    “Can’t you two just learn to get along?” Roger asked.

    “No, I’m afraid Ringtail and I have a very complicated loathe-hate relationship,” Skipper answered.

    “Um, don’t you mean love-hate relationship?” Roger asked, recognizing the phrase. Skipper shook his head.

    “I meant what I said.”

5) Payback [IV]

    The penguins were getting ready to turn in on a late Friday night when the lemurs dropped down into the HQ.

    “Hello, flightless waterbirds! I am here only to be using your TV for my entertainment purposes,” Julien told them.

    “Well, Ringtail, go right ahead,” Skipper permitted.

    “Oh, come on! You have to be…Wait, did you just say yes?” Julien asked, not quite sure he heard Skipper correctly.

    “Well, I don’t see why not,” Skipper answered glancing at the team, who were staring at him with their beaks hanging open.

    “You mean to tell me, that you are going to allow me to use your television? No lecture on boundaries? No shoving us out of your penguiny HQ?” Julien asked.

    “Nope. Enjoy yourself,” Skipper assured him.

    The lemurs exchanged a glance and shrugged, then made their way to the television. When they were occupied, Kowalski leaned in closer to Skipper and lowered his voice.

    “Are you really going to let them do this? You know they’ll expect to be able to come back in the future,” he said.

    “Oh, I’m not worried, Kowalski. After tonight, I’m sure they won’t want to come back for a long time,” Skipper said with a grin.

    “What makes you so sure?” Kowalski asked.

    “Because, the remote just happens to be out of batteries and I have the television set to show Friday the 13th.”

6) Mutual Feelings [V]

    While Marlene was busy relaxing in her habitat, Julien hopped in trotted up to her.

    “Hello, Marlene! How are you to be doing today?” he asked.

    Marlene propped herself up by her elbows, lifting herself from her laying position. “I’m doing alright, I guess. What are you doing here?”

    “I was just seeing how you were doing. Oh, by the way, can I borrow your beach ball for a party I am having tonight?”

    “Well, I’m kind of busy right now. I’ll come to your habitat and let you know my decision later on,” Marlene replied relaxing back down into the grass.

    “But…I need to know now…" Julien said.

    “So, you’re saying you don’t want me to bother you at your habitat later on?” Marlene asked.

    “Well, now that you mention it…"

    “Good. Now you know how I feel.”

7) Ultimate Staring Contest

    Maurice woke with a yawn and a stretch on an early Saturday morning. When he turned to wake his king, he wasn’t next to him where he’d turned in for the night. However, Mort was still snoozing away on the bouncy, snuggling with his tail. Maurice nudged him.

    “Mort? Mort, wake up,” he called.

    “No, no, Rodney…The feet are mine only…” Mort replied in his sleep. Maurice rolled his eyes.

    “Mort, you’re dreaming. Wake up!” he said nudging him a little harder. Mort slowly woke up and rubbed his eyes.

    “What?”

    “Do you know where King Julien went?” Maurice asked. Mort shook his head and Maurice sighed. “Well, let’s go see what he’s up to so early in the morning.”

    Maurice trusted his first instincts and checked his majesty’s throne. Sure enough, Julien was sitting in his throne…Staring intently into a mirror.

    “King Julien? What are you doing up so—”

    “Sh!” Julien interrupted. Maurice’s expression twisted into confusion and he lowered his voice.

    “What’s wrong? What are you—”

    “I said sh!” Julien repeated.

    Maurice cocked his head in curiosity and jumped when Julien threw his head back with a cry frustration.

    “Darn it, Maurice! You broke my concentration!” he cried, refocusing his attention on the hand mirror.

    “What are you doing?” Maurice asked.

    “If you must know, I am having a staring contest with myself. But it’s difficult because I’m really good.”

8) Apocalypse

    While the penguins were doing their morning exercises, Julien dropped into their habitat in a panic.

    “Penguins! Penguins! You must hide me immediately!” he cried.

    “What did you do now, Ringtail?” Skipper asked rolling his eyes.

    “What? No! I didn’t do anything! Didn’t you hear? It’s the robot apocalypse! I am king! I cannot be turning into a mindless lump of steel!” Julien explained.

    Kowalski leaned in closer to Skipper and whispered into his ear.

    “Probably watched Robots Attack 4 again, sir,” he proposed.

    Skipper nodded, then turned to Julien with a devious expression.

    “What made you think it’d be safe here?” he asked.

    “Well, you are going to be protecting me from the robots with your penguiny commando fighty moves!” Julien answered.

    “Well, how do you know I’m not one?” Skipper inquired, moving toward him in a jerking motion.

    Julien’s eyes widened and he took of running, screaming at the top of his lungs. When Skipper turned back to the team in satisfaction, they were all giving him unamused stares.

    “What?” Skipper asked.

    “Was that really necessary?” Kowalski replied.

    “Well, let’s see. Years of getting on my last nerves and leaving none of my buttons unpushed resulting in immature payback? Uh, yeah. I’d say it was,” Skipper answered with a devious grin plastered across his face that a young boy might wear after pulling a girls’ hair.

    Kowalski thought for a moment.

    “Yeah, good point.”

9) Ambush

    On a bright sunny morning, Skipper and Marlene were walking through Central Park.

    “It’s a lovely morning, isn’t it, Skipper?” Marlene asked admiring a colorful butterfly that flew across their path.

    “It’s fine, I guess. But I still don’t understand why you brought me out here,” Skipper replied.

    “Because! You need to learn how to relax a little!” Marlene replied giving him a hard stare.

    “I don’t have time to relax! Who knows what dangers are prowling out there right now while I’m on a nature walk!” Skipper argued.

    “Skipper, I think if there were anything to worry about, you would’ve known by now,” Marlene said rolling her eyes.

    Skipper laughed.

    “Marlene, you’d be surprised how many situations arise in the blink of an eye. Someone could be watching us this very moment…” Skipper said eyeing the bushes suspiciously.

    “Skipper, I think we’re safe right now,” Marlene insisted.

    “That’s exactly what I’m talking about, Marlene! You don’t think. You feel. And I feel like we’re being watched!” Skipper shot back.

    “Skipper, you’re just paranoid! Can’t you just enjoy what life has to offer you for once?” Marlene begged.

    “Because I—”

    He was interrupted when a rustling sound erupted from the bush they were passing by. He pushed Marlene behind him and poised himself for combat.

    “See, Marlene? This is what I’m talking about! You never know when you’re enemies are about to attack! A few more seconds and you and I wouldn’t be having this conversation,” he explained over his shoulder. “Show yourself!” he ordered turning back to the bush.

    Marlene peered over his shoulder just as something emerged from the bush and she sighed.

    “Oh, I’m sorry, Skipper. I didn’t realize that it was inevitable that we were going to be mauled by a bunny.”

10) Rise and Shine

    The alarm sounded for wake-up at precisely 0600 and Skipper, Private, and Rico pulled themselves out of bed. When Skipper realized that Kowalski remained in a slumber, he nudged him.

    “Kowalski, it’s time to wake up!” he called.

    Kowalski stirred.

    “Stop it, Doris! I’m ticklish!” he said in his sleep.

    Skipper rolled his eyes. “Kowalski, it’s me, Skipper. Wake up!”

    “I love you, too!”

    Skipper smacked his forehead, then leaned in closer to Kowalski’s face.

    “Kowalski, I have an electromagnetic quantum disintegrator ray with dynamism settings for you,” he called. Kowalski’s eyes popped open and he sat up with a start.

    “Where?!” he asked eagerly.

    “Welcome back to reality, Kowalski. I wonder how Doris would feel about you ditching your dream about her for a ray that doesn’t exist.”

***

[1]    I actually had two ideas for this one. The one I decided to use, and the other was to end it with Skipper asking Julien how he knew he wasn't already a clone just to get him to go away, and Julien replying with, "It is very possible…I look exactly like myself!" But I assumed that Skipper would more likely respond with what I left it at.

[II]    This takes place after The Penguin Who Loved Me.

[III]    This takes place following the Operation: Neighbor Swap episode.

[IV]    For those who don't know, Friday the 13th is a horror movie.

[V]    Inspiration from this came from Seinfeld.