posted by Princetonlove01
Finally we all got on the bus and were on our way to the zoo. The teacher said that as we traveled we have to do a worksheet as we go along. I sat in the front of the bus by myself looking outside the window. I could feel my lip throbbing. I could feel someone staring at me. I looked to my right to see Jacob on the seat right across from me. See, I told you this chico doesn’t give us easily. I wish I could’ve gotten to know him more though. Oh, who am I kidding?! He doesn’t want me just like Briana said! He only feels bad. Speak of the devil, I turned to my right and saw Briana trying to talk to Jacob. He looked like he was very interested. Hm, I guess he would give up after all. Oh well…
I have to find a way through her. I hate when she blocks me out. She looks so lonely sitting there all by herself. For some reason I just wanna go over there and hug her, rock her and kiss her. I think that I developing serious feelings for her. But I barely know her and that’s what makes me want her more. The one time I saw her smile was the most beautiful thing ever. Seeing her blood made my heart hurt. Making me think about how I was bullied. Her bullying was worse. I just sat there thinking and all of a sudden I felt someone someone plump into the seat next to me. I saw Briana sitting there smiling. “Hello, handsome” she said. I really didn’t want to talk to her with all the stuff she’s put Charlene though but I didn’t want to be rude so I answered her. “Hey…What’s up?” i said not interested. “Nothing…so what a gorgeous boy like you sitting all by yourself?” batting her eyes lashes. She was creeping me out again. “Nothing, just thinking.” all of a sudden i felt her hand rubbing on the back on my neck “Well, how about I get you off what ever is on your mind.” she said trying to sound somewhat sweet. “Um, I’m ok. Thank you though” i said uninterested. I can’t stop thinking about Charlene. I looked at her sitting with her fist under her cheek looking out the window. Gosh, she’s so beautiful it’s not even funny. Briana saw me looking at her and her facial expression immediately changed “Why are you looking at her?! Why do you even like her?! Your suppose to like me I’m way prettier then her and from the looks of it if you guys were ever to be together she would crush you wit her fat a*$!” Again people on the bus started laughing. I looked at Charlene and she just looked at Briana “Got something to say you dirty maggot?!” She just sighed heavily shaking her head with tears running down her cheeks. now I was pissed. Why doesn’t she ever defend herself? Well if she doesn’t want to I will. “Don’t say that about her, you don’t even know her! She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen! You just mad that she has curves that you wish you had!” Charlene looked shocked beyond shocked and scared. “No..” she mouthed shaking her head quickly. Briana looked pissed. She just got up and walked back to her seat not saying a word. Charlene slapped her palm on her forehead and dragged her hand across her face.
Why did he do that?! Now Briana is going to go after me…hard. I can’t believe her did that! But…he defended me. No one has ever done that for me before. He said I had…curves. He said I was the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Did I believe that? HELL NO! Did you not hear what Briana said and what other people laugh at. They agree with her. I honestly don’t know why he said that, but I don’t think he meant it.
After driving we finally arrived at the zoo. I could feel Jacob staring at me still. Each time he tried to get closer to me I tried to get as far away from him as possible. That dizziness was coming back but this time it lasted longer. I haven’t eaten in about 4 days and I’m noticing a difference. I weighed myself and it seem like I’ve lost a couple pounds. Maybe this is working. My stomach hurts sometimes but that’s ok. I’ll do anything to make them leave me alone. But then there’s one thing…my face. I guess i’ll just have to live with it. My mom just sits there watching me. She keeps telling me that I need to stop and that I’m beautiful, like I said bull! But anyway i just wish she didn’t nag me about so much. Anyways, we were right about the end of our trip. i could feel Jacob’s stare again. We were going to one last stop which was to the gorillas. I stood there and admired everything. I was having a little fun. There were little kids everywhere some waving at me I had no idea why but I just waved back. “Is it me or do Mya and the gorillas look exactly alike?! Hey Mya i think we found your family! Maybe you can give you mother a break so she won’t have to look at a ugly fat piece of sh*t all day!” Briana screamed at the top of her lungs smirking. I felt my cheeks burn with frustration with tears running down my face. The class bursted out with laughter some were laughing to hard that they were crying. Adults just shook their head at the comment. You already know I ran out of there embarrassed. I ran down the hallway and finally stopped. i banged my back on the wall sliding down it clutching my knees into my chest. I don’t think I can take this anymore. The torment…the embarrassment…..the abuse…..the hurt. I suddenly felt two strong arms wrap around me. “Shhhh it’s ok bonita…shhhh” he said rocking me. This is all his fault! “Leave me alone, Jacob” I said my voice cracking and shaking. “Stop it, Mya. I’m trying to help you.” “what if i don’t want your help, huh?! Your the reason she’s doing this to me! Why did you have to defend me?! Why couldn’t you just ignore it like I asked you to?!” I didn’t want to yell at him but it’s like he just kept coming back, even when i asked him not to. Plus, I was just so frustrated. “Please…just calm down.” he said rubbing my back again. “No. Just leave me alone like I asked you please?!” “I can’t…I won’t” “Why not?!” I said getting frustrated “Because I-” the teacher cut him off. “C’mon guys. I think it’s time we go.” she said while staring at me. I quickly walked behind her not looking back at Jacob. Why won’t he just listen?! I wonder what he was gonna say before the teacher cut him off though. We got back on the bus and I felt the stairs. I looked back and saw Briana’s smirk. “Why didn’t you stay with your family like we told you? No, no I take that back. The gorilla was better looking then you. I feel bad that I actually compared him to you. Fat, ugly cow.” I put my head down in shame. I didn’t want to face anybody. Tears were uncontrollably coming from my eyes. I looked down at my necklace. It had a picture of my grandmother on it. She’s the only person that gets me but unfortunately she passed away a few years ago. I kissed it, hoping I would find some kind of strength. Nothing. When we got back to the school it was already time to go hime so I automatically started running home, still crying. I got there in no time. My mom wasn’t there she’s probably working late again. I ran up my stairs and slammed my door closed. I through my backpack on the floor in frustration. I can’t take it anymore. it’s too much! I need to let out some frustration. And i know exactly how. I went to my bathroom and opened the cabinet under the sink. I search through it until i found what I was looking for. I unwrapped the paper taking a small blade out of it. I stared at it for a while. All of Briana’s comments echoed in my head. I got so angry. I head the blade against my wrist and began cutting. I felt the excruciating pain on my wrist, but I didn’t care. “Ugly. Fat. Gorilla.” I said while cutting. I felt the blood traveling don my hand over my black nail polish on my nails, onto the floor. It felt warm after a while. Kinda like after you come out from the cold and have a nice cup of hot chocolate. The way the warmness goes down you throat. That’s exactly how I feel. I had done cutting before but not this big. I did it before i found dance and then I just stopped. Cutting was like my drug and my dealer was….the blade. I just sat there, on the edge of the tub near a puddle of blood…soon everything started to became dark.
She’s frustrated. But why won’t she let me help her. They embarrassed her again. Briana called her a gorilla and more. But she was truly gorgeous…but it seemed that she never once believed it. Then it hit me. Maybe that’s why she didn’t want me to call me bonita. She didn’t think she was beautiful because of all the things Briana has said to her. I ran my hands though my fro thinking about our little augment in the zoo. She looked like she was about to crack. My heart clenched when she told me to leave her alone. I can’t do that. i can’t leave her alone. If i don’t do something she might hurt herself. I can’t stand the thought of it. I don’t care if she doesn’t want me to…but I will be there for her. She special…she’s strong….. and weather she likes it or not she’s my Bonita.