I dont know why, but somedays I feel like bursting out crying. Im crying as Im writing this because I feel lost and confused and misunderstood. Mostly by my parents. I think when you get a certain age you forget what it is like to be young and naive and have to go through all these troubles and changes that ironically no one ever warned you about. On top of ordinary troubles that 21yr. olds have, I have anxiety, depression, epilepsy and Borderline Personality Disorder. I ask God " Why me?" what have I done to deserve all these sad feelings and problems. I have fought so many times with my parents because whether they admit it or not they have problems too. My mom doesnt like to talk, and my dad has a short temper. I have called the cops on them twice because their frustration with me has gotten so out of hand. They dont realize it doesnt do me any good, it makes me worse. Then they pull what I call " the guilt trip" on me. They say I have the " woe is me" thing, well they have " the guilt trip." They say things like," you should be more appreciative you dont pay bills, or we buy you stuff." Basically mess with my mind even more. Its no wonder I have anxiety. I have it so bad, I cant work or go to college right now. So they call me lazy too. But when your anxious and depressed you dont feel like being around anyone or doing anything. They have threatened to send me to hospitals, but I have seen so many doctors and taken too much medication that all I need is understanding from someone who will listen. They also tell me not to obsess about my hobbies. Well movies, music and shopping are my vice, they relax me just like smoking and drinking for some people. You need something to cling on to. If I didnt, I would probably be gone. I have gotten better, I have a doctor and medication that finally works, but I just hate it when the unexpected bad moments come up and bite you in the ass, and your like " Where did that come from". Lord,I need a way out of this maze, but it seems full of dead ends. I even have made up my own little world, to make myself feel wanted. Its sad. I just want it to go away.