1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
2. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
3. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
4. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
7. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
8. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
9. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
11.Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
12.Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.
13.If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down
14.When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
15.The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.
16.Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.
17.If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
18.Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
19.Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
20.Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.