Fake Friends: Never ask for food.
Real Friends: are the reason you have no food.

Fake Friends: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
Real Friends: Call your parents Dad/Mom.(Or something along those lines ;] )

Fake Friends: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
Real Friends: Would sit next to you saying "Shoot ... we messed up ... but that was fun!"
Fake Friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
Real Friends: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.

Fake Friends: know a few things about you.
Real Friends: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

Fake Friends: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
Real Friends: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

Fake Friends: Would knock on your front door.
Real Friends: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

Fake Friends: Are for awhile.
Real Friends: You cant get rid of.

Fake Friends: will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
Real Friends: Will knock the crap out of them.

Fake Friends: Will ask if you okay when you fall down.
Real Friends: Will pee on themselves with laughter at your stupidity.

Fake Friends: Laugh when you laugh for no reason.
Real Friends: Laugh when they find it funny.

Fake Friends: Will read this.
Real Friends: Will steal this, just like i did.