"How do i seduce my cat?"

Dumping this here because I don't know where else to put it. If there's any club I can post this to, please name it in the comments. I want to make sure I get this out.

Am I the only who finds the whole TL;DR thing incredibly annoying and useless? I mean, who reads a long post that a person had poured their blood, sweat & tears into, and says "Oh, that was too long, I didn't read it." who the hell does that? In my opinion, it makes you look illiterate and lazy. If you want people to have time in their lives to read something you posted, you don't do something you know you would hate. To...

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. 

3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 

4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...... 

5. Ask if you can see his gun. 

6. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger. 

7. Touch him. 

8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. 

9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat. 

10. Refer to him by his first name. 

11. Pretend you...

10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"

9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on the back of your knuckles permed.

8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke. (Also repeat using Squirty Cheese, A Fire Extinguisher or Mace if desired.)

6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.

4. Hand...

Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in love with you. Boy: Ok... Girl: What do you mean "ok"? Boy: I don't like you like that... Girl: Why not? Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time... From then on, the girl kept asking the boy "Why not?" whenever she saw him, and he kept answering the same answer of "I'll tell you later. Finally the girl got fed up. Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why you don't like me! Boy: Do you really wanna know why? Girl: Yes! Boy: It's because you're uglier than freaking crap! What's the point of going out with someone when they're not pretty?!...

Just copy it, delete my responses and add your own. Post the results in the comments if you like. Yeah I know this should be an answer but it wouldn't fit there. Yes, I'm also aware that mine sounds kind of lame.


Write Down Ten Random Characters.
1.Damon Washington
2. Louis Fitch
3. John Stone
4. Captain
5. Maureen Mason
6. Shaggy Rodgers
7. Ariana Sanchez
8. Jesse Longford
9. Vikram Mahajan
10. Velma Dinkley
Four invites Three and Eight to dinner at their own house. What happens?
Stone and Longford: Fitch?
Captain: Who?
Longford: So you’re not Fitch?
Captain: No.
You need to stay at a friend's house for...