Dear Noah, We could've sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, the Unicorns.
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Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board... Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the freakin plane.
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The guy who puts down dogs at animal shelters must not get alot of women. "And what do you do for a living?" "...I kill puppies."
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Do you know what happens to 100% of people who eat carrots? THEY DIE.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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You cannot bring sexy back without a receipt.
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"Want to play the rape game?" "No!!!" "That's the spirit!"
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If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here. I have improved my predicament!",
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The Sims would be more fun with a Godzilla attack button.
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If Kanye can steal the mic then Taylor is not actually swift.
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People think stuttering is a bad thing, but I think it's cool! It's like starting every sentence off with a drumroll. The suspense kills me. What's he gonna say? Car? Carnival? Carnivorous?!
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I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard.
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Ask your doctor if you're healthy enough to take Homework. Homework is not for everyone, including those with a life. Do not take homework if you cannot sit for more than 20 seconds. Isn't it time you tried homework? Homework. A Million Problems, No Solutions.
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We need to keep telephone booths around because it'll be hard for Superman to change in a cell phone.
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You need to wake Green Day up at the end of the month.
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The guy who stands in the entrance of Walmart and says "Welcome to Walmart" must say it so many times, he probably wakes up at night yelling it.
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Saying that Twilight is a vampire film because it has vampires in it is like saying Lord of the Rings is like Rudolph because it has elves in it.
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You could most definetly defeat a tyrannosaurus rex in arm wrestling.
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There's always that one really freaky girl in your grade who's obsessed with horses.
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Saying "Jesus" backwards sounds like sausage.
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You know a movie is ending when the camera zooms out and moves up to the sky.
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Apparantly, 1 in 5 people in this world are chinese. And theres 5 people in my family so it must be 1 of them. Its not me, so it could be my dad, or my mom, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Hao-Chang-Lee. But I think it's my brother Colin.
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It would be interesting to hear what the guys with really deep voices who do the voice for movie trailers sound like at home. 'Coming soon to a table near you... it's dinner time'.
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Ugh, my co-workers bug the heck out of me. One of them's a chick who doesn't know left from right. But she's pretty hot. The other girl's really really smart but I swear, she looks like she came from a nerd convention. And then there's this guy who seems like he's high all the time, and for some reason he brings his dog to work everyday. So yeah, we travel in a bus and solve mysteries and stuff...
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The only two people who tell the truth in this world are children and drunks.
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Maybe Squidward is mean because someone stole his pants.
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If you are what you eat, then Lord Voldemort was a unicorn.
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Google Earth sees ALL... But can it see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
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Cats: you don't care what this says, you're just a cat.
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It would be really awesome to be able to customize error pages. It wouldn't be as depressing to open up a page and see "AW SHIT! YOU JUST GOT 404'D, BITCH."
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Always remember, no matter how bad it seems, things could be worse. I mean, you could be chased by some psycho with a snake who wants to kill you because of a prophecy while you have to go find and kill six pieces of his soul.
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All Voldemort really needed was a hug.
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There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
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Airlines have banned passengers from taking tweezers on board... Anybody who can hijack a plane using a set of tweezers deserves the freakin plane.
---
The guy who puts down dogs at animal shelters must not get alot of women. "And what do you do for a living?" "...I kill puppies."
---
Do you know what happens to 100% of people who eat carrots? THEY DIE.
---
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
---
You cannot bring sexy back without a receipt.
---
"Want to play the rape game?" "No!!!" "That's the spirit!"
---
If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here. I have improved my predicament!",
---
The Sims would be more fun with a Godzilla attack button.
---
If Kanye can steal the mic then Taylor is not actually swift.
---
People think stuttering is a bad thing, but I think it's cool! It's like starting every sentence off with a drumroll. The suspense kills me. What's he gonna say? Car? Carnival? Carnivorous?!
---
I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard.
---
Ask your doctor if you're healthy enough to take Homework. Homework is not for everyone, including those with a life. Do not take homework if you cannot sit for more than 20 seconds. Isn't it time you tried homework? Homework. A Million Problems, No Solutions.
---
We need to keep telephone booths around because it'll be hard for Superman to change in a cell phone.
---
You need to wake Green Day up at the end of the month.
---
The guy who stands in the entrance of Walmart and says "Welcome to Walmart" must say it so many times, he probably wakes up at night yelling it.
---
Saying that Twilight is a vampire film because it has vampires in it is like saying Lord of the Rings is like Rudolph because it has elves in it.
---
You could most definetly defeat a tyrannosaurus rex in arm wrestling.
---
There's always that one really freaky girl in your grade who's obsessed with horses.
---
Saying "Jesus" backwards sounds like sausage.
---
You know a movie is ending when the camera zooms out and moves up to the sky.
---
Apparantly, 1 in 5 people in this world are chinese. And theres 5 people in my family so it must be 1 of them. Its not me, so it could be my dad, or my mom, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Hao-Chang-Lee. But I think it's my brother Colin.
---
It would be interesting to hear what the guys with really deep voices who do the voice for movie trailers sound like at home. 'Coming soon to a table near you... it's dinner time'.
---
Ugh, my co-workers bug the heck out of me. One of them's a chick who doesn't know left from right. But she's pretty hot. The other girl's really really smart but I swear, she looks like she came from a nerd convention. And then there's this guy who seems like he's high all the time, and for some reason he brings his dog to work everyday. So yeah, we travel in a bus and solve mysteries and stuff...
---
The only two people who tell the truth in this world are children and drunks.
---
Maybe Squidward is mean because someone stole his pants.
---
If you are what you eat, then Lord Voldemort was a unicorn.
---
Google Earth sees ALL... But can it see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
---
Cats: you don't care what this says, you're just a cat.
---
It would be really awesome to be able to customize error pages. It wouldn't be as depressing to open up a page and see "AW SHIT! YOU JUST GOT 404'D, BITCH."
---
Always remember, no matter how bad it seems, things could be worse. I mean, you could be chased by some psycho with a snake who wants to kill you because of a prophecy while you have to go find and kill six pieces of his soul.
---
All Voldemort really needed was a hug.
---
There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
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