"We need" means "I want"
"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious by now"
"Do what you want "means" You'll pay for this later
"We need to talk" means "I need to complain
"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, you moron."
"You're...so manly "means" You need a shave and you sweat a lot."
"You're certainly attentive tonight." means "Is sex all you ever think about?"
"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means "I'm on my period."
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means "I have flabby thighs."
"Hang the picture here" means "No, I mean hang it there!"
"I heard a noise" means "I noticed you were almost asleep"
.
"Do you love me?"="I'm going to ask for something expensive."
"How much do you love me?"= "I did something today you're really not going to like.."
"I'll be ready in a minute."= "Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V."
"Is my butt fat?"="Tell me I'm beautiful."
"You have to learn to communicate."="why don't you Just agree with me?!"
"Are you listening to me!?"="[Too late, you're dead.]"
"Yes"="No"
"No"="No"
"Maybe"="No"
"I'm sorry"="You'll be sorry."
"I'm not yelling!"="Yes I am yelling because I think this is important."
"Can't we just be friends?"=" There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again."
I just need some space"="...without you in it"
"Can you help me with my homework?"="If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me."
"Do I look fat in this dress?"="We haven't had a fight in a while"
"No, pizza's fine"="Cheap bastard"
"I just do not want a boyfriend now"="I just do not want (you as a) boyfriend"
"I don't know; what do you want to do"="I can't believe that you have nothing planned
"I don't really mind where we eat"="....As long as it's in the place I've already decided on"
"I like you but..."="I don't like you"
"We're moving too quickly"="I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend"
"I'll be ready in a minute"="I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will."
"Oh Yes! Right there"="Well, near there; I just want to get this over with"
"I'm just going out with the girls"="We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends"
"There's no one else"="I am doing your brother"
"Size doesn't count..."="unless I want an orgasm"
"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious by now"
"Do what you want "means" You'll pay for this later
"We need to talk" means "I need to complain
"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, you moron."
"You're...so manly "means" You need a shave and you sweat a lot."
"You're certainly attentive tonight." means "Is sex all you ever think about?"
"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means "I'm on my period."
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means "I have flabby thighs."
"Hang the picture here" means "No, I mean hang it there!"
"I heard a noise" means "I noticed you were almost asleep"
.
"Do you love me?"="I'm going to ask for something expensive."
"How much do you love me?"= "I did something today you're really not going to like.."
"I'll be ready in a minute."= "Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V."
"Is my butt fat?"="Tell me I'm beautiful."
"You have to learn to communicate."="why don't you Just agree with me?!"
"Are you listening to me!?"="[Too late, you're dead.]"
"Yes"="No"
"No"="No"
"Maybe"="No"
"I'm sorry"="You'll be sorry."
"I'm not yelling!"="Yes I am yelling because I think this is important."
"Can't we just be friends?"=" There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again."
I just need some space"="...without you in it"
"Can you help me with my homework?"="If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me."
"Do I look fat in this dress?"="We haven't had a fight in a while"
"No, pizza's fine"="Cheap bastard"
"I just do not want a boyfriend now"="I just do not want (you as a) boyfriend"
"I don't know; what do you want to do"="I can't believe that you have nothing planned
"I don't really mind where we eat"="....As long as it's in the place I've already decided on"
"I like you but..."="I don't like you"
"We're moving too quickly"="I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend"
"I'll be ready in a minute"="I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will."
"Oh Yes! Right there"="Well, near there; I just want to get this over with"
"I'm just going out with the girls"="We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends"
"There's no one else"="I am doing your brother"
"Size doesn't count..."="unless I want an orgasm"
Why did I get divorced????
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I goin to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling,"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I goin to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling,"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.