[Mort believes Shooter is in his bathroom and attacks with a fireplace poker]
Mort: I killed a mirror.
Mort: And my shower door.
Ted: Maybe I should take a walk around the block.
Amy: Yes, that'd be good.
Mort: Aw heck, Ted, live a little - make it two. Rubbernecker.
John Shooter: Thought you didn't smoke.
Mort: I took it up recently, for my health.
Mort: This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. Anymore.
Mort: You know, the only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story, the ending. And this one... is very good. This one's perfect.
Mort: What do you think it means, you ignorant hick? I'm in the middle of a divorce. D-I-V-O-R-C-E DEEE-VORCE!
Mort: [after talking to Shooter he lays back down on the couch] Now where was I?
Ted: You and I are going to have a little talk.
Mort: Oh, I'm in trouble.
Mort: [Mort and his conscience arguing and pushing each other]
Mort's Conscience: [screaming at Mort making him unable to speak]
Mort: Rah. Rah. Rah. Rah.
Mort: I don't care. I'm just gonna smoke. I'm just gonna totally smoke. I'll finish these, go to the store and get a brand new pack, smoke the shit out of that one.
Mort: I don't wanna call her. I want to go to sleep. I want to take a nap. Okay. No nap. I give her a call about the magazine. I go write some crap for a couple of hours and then I get to take a nap, right? Chico
[beating his neck]
Mort: Chi-i-i-i-co-o-o-o, don't be disco-o-o-oura-a-a-aged. All right, go ahead and be discouraged, you blind bastard, see if I care.
Ken Karsch: No monsters up here.
Mort: [holding a rowing oar] Did you check under my bed?
Ken Karsch: Yeah, even in your toy chest.
Mort: [to Amy on the phone] It's a beautiful house. I like it. Hell, I love it. That's why I bought it.
Mort: Gee Ted I'm sorry you had to miss that. I know how much you like my things.
Mort: I know you're in there shit-head. If you don't come out on the count of five, I'm coming in there swinging. One, two...
[rushes the door]
Amy: You were always gone.
Mort: I worked from home, Amy.
Juliet Stoker: You look pale.
Mort: Yeah, thank you.
Juliet Stoker: [as Mort leaves] And so cute...
Amy: But I just wanted you to be happy, Mort.
Mort: Well, I guess you shouldn't HAVE FUCKED HIM THEN.
[slams phone on receiver and cracks his jaw]
Mort: [to Chico about the maid] If you don't bite her, I'll kill her.
Mort: I don't respond well to intimidation. Makes me feel *icky*.
Mrs. Garvey: You're a good man, Mr. Rainey.
Mort: You too, Mrs. Garvey.
[Ted punches his window]
Mort: Bummer, Ted.
Ken Karsch: [about Ted] Did you do anything to piss him off?
Mort: [has a flashback to him screaming at Ted] I might've.
Mort: [staring at the computer screen] This is just bad writing.
Mort: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't on the verge of doing snoopy dances.
John Shooter: Are you all right, Mr. Rainy? It sounded like you pitched a fit or something in there.
Mort: I'm just peachy, Mr. Shooter. How are you?
Mort: I'm a dairy farmer from Mississippi.
Mort: Shit, shit, shit, shit. Stupid, stupid, stupid...
Mort: I have the magazine, you lunatic. I have the MAGAZINE. I HAVE THE GODDAMN MAGAZINE.
Mort: I'll call you later.
Sheriff Dave Newsome: Okay.
[Mort drives a short distance away]
Mort: I'm gonna' call you on the phone.
Sheriff Dave Newsome: [long pause] Okay.
John Shooter: You stole my story.
Mort: I'm... I'm sorry, do I... I don't believe I know you.
John Shooter: I know that, that doesn't matter, I know you Mr. Rainey, that's what matters. You stole my story.
[holding out his manuscript to Mort]
Mort: You're mistaken. I don't read manuscripts.
John Shooter: You read this one already. You stole it.
Mort: I can assure you...
John Shooter: I know you can. I know that. I don't want to be assured.
Mort: If you want to talk to somebody about some grievance you feel you may have, you can call my literary agent.
John Shooter: This is between you and me.
[sees Chico under him]
John Shooter: We don't need no outsiders, Mr. Rainey.
Mort: I don't like being accused of plagiarism, if that is in fact what you are accusing me of. Chico inside.
[Chico goes back inside]
John Shooter: I don't blame you for not liking it but you did it.
Mort: You're gonna have to leave. I have nothing more to say.
John Shooter: Yeah, I'll go. We'll talk more later.
[hands the manuscript to Mort to take it]
Mort: I'm not taking that.
John Shooter: Won't do you no good to play games with me, Mr. Rainey. This has got to be settled.
Mort: So far as I'm concerned it is.
Amy: Will you call me if you need anything?
Mort: I doubt it.
Mort: [voiceover] "I know I can do it," Todd Downey said, helping himself to another ear of corn from the steaming bowl. "I'm sure that in time, every bit of her will be gone and her death will be a mystery... even to me."
Ken Karsch: What happened? You finally bang one of your groupies? Omaha Barnes & Noble? I'm sorry. Rotten profession.
Mort: I buried my dog, mister.
Mort's Conscience: Why'd you put it on?
Mort: I don't know.
Mort's Conscience: Maybe he wanted you to.
Mort: Why would he want me to put his hat on?
Mort's Conscience: Maybe he wants you to...
Mort: Maybe he wants me to what?
Mort's Conscience: To get confused.
Mort: Oh, I'm already confused, Pilgrim. Plenty confused. So don't talk to me about confusion.
Mort's Conscience: Wait a minute. Back up just a sec. What about that?
Mort: What about what?
Mort's Conscience: Well, "pilgrim." "Shooter's bay," and the half a dozen other details you've chosen to ignore.
Mort: You know what? You're nuts. I don't need to listen to this shit from you.
Mort's Conscience: Are all these things coincidences?
Mort: I'm wearing his bruises aren't I? Aren't I?
Mort's Conscience: Are you?
[Mort checks his arms and the bruises are gone]
Mort: This doesn't make any sense.
Mort's Conscience: Would you like to hear something that does make sense? Call the police. Call Dave Newsome, tell me to come here this second and lock you up before you can do any more damage.
Mort: I'm gonna get a knife and cut you out of me.
Mort's Conscience: Before you kill anyone else.
Mort: I didn't kill anybody.
Mort's Conscience: You had a gun.
Mort: Wasn't loaded.
Mort's Conscience: Really?
Mort: You almost killed them. You wanted to.
Mort: What do you want? You wanna kill me? Why don't you just do it? Just kill me.
John Shooter: No, sir!
[Mort is trying to write but nothing comes to him, he looks at Chico]
Mort: I'm open to suggestions.
Mort: [voiceover] Turn around. Turn around. Turn the car around and get the hell out of here. Right now. Don't go back. Do not go back there.
Mort: [on the street after the house insurance meeting] You're a dick!
Ted: Do you feel better now?
Mort: Yes, I do.
John Shooter: You strike me as the kind of guy who's on the lookout for a head he can knock off with a shovel.
John Shooter: I was 'bout to pin a note on you and leave but I know you startle easy.
John Shooter: [Mort finds Shooter at the end of the path] You read it?
Mort: I did.
John Shooter: I imagine it rang a bell, didn't it?
Mort: Oh, it certainly did. When'd you write it?
John Shooter: I thought you'd ask that.
Mort: Well, sure. I mean, that's the whole point, isn't it? When two writers show up with the same story, it's all about who wrote the words first. Wouldn't you say that's true?
John Shooter: I suppose I would. I suppose that's also why I came all the way up here from Miss'ippi.
John Shooter: [Mort wakes up from having have fainted. He looks at his watch with his vision blurred] Quarter past two.
John Shooter: You been out 'bout three hours.
[Mort tries to get up, but falls over on his right leg]
John Shooter: Your leg's sleepin'. You laid on the damn thing. I wouldn't go very far if I was you!
John Shooter: [Mort tries to whack Shooter with a shovel, but Shooter grabs the shovel and uses it to shove Mort against the wall] Do you wanna wake up from one o' your stupid naps 'n find Amy nailed to yer garbage bin? Or turn on the radio one mornin' and find out that she came off secon' best in a match with the chainsaw you keep out 'n the shed? Do ya?
Amy: [seeing Mori wearing Shooters' hat] Jesus, Mori.
Amy: Where'd did you get that old thing? The attic?
Mort: It's mine.
Mort: Wasn't ever anybody else's.
John Shooter: [addressing Mort, who just woke up from being unconscious and trying to limp away with an asleep leg] I would've moved ya, but I didn't wanna wake ya.
John Shooter: Got tired of waitin'.
John Shooter: Almost pinned a note on ya, decided not to.
John Shooter: You scare too easy.