This is not directed at anyone; if you take it that way, that's your choice. I'm dealing with some heavy shit right now, I lost a loved one last week, and I just need to vent, and this is as good a place and topic as any.

Again, this isn't aimed at anyone. If you're sensitive, don't read it. If you do and get bent, well, you were warned.

Right.



I think Severus was smart enough to realize that Lily didn't love him, but they were friends, first and foremost, and he loved her. It's his love for her, regardless of how she felt about him, and his guilt over her death that drove him. How many of us here don't carry some kind of guilt or unresolved pain in our hearts over the death of someone we loved? Even years later?

I think it's funny (seriously, ha-ha funny, ironic even, but kind of sad and pathetic too) that it is that very thing about him, the fact that he never let that love die, that his love for her was so great that he was turned from the Dark Path by the very threat of danger to her, that he spent the rest of his life devoted to avenging her death, and that he ultimately expressed that love with his final breath, with his blood...it's these very things that make him such a great character, it's these very things that make us love him, and yet, some fans can turn around and criticize him for "hanging on" to that love. I just don't understand that. Do these fans not realize that if it wasn't for the love that Lily Evans inspired in him he would have been lost? Damned? JK said it herself in reply to a question (the video of the interview is here on this spot): "If it wasn't for Lily would Snape have cared about what happened to this boy?" "No. He wouldn't have cared at all." People have criticized Jo for that, and I think they're thick. DUH. Of course he wouldn't have cared! He wouldn't even have known Harry! If not for Lily, he would never have turned, he wouldn't have had a reason to, so he wouldn't have been a teacher. Dumbledore knew Severus was a Death Eater, so why the Hell would he have hired him? He wouldn't have. And again, if not for the love that Lily inspired in him, he wouldn't have been able to care.

I get so fucking sick of the Lily-bashing. Seriously. I get that some people don't like her, and to an extent, I understand. But there are fans out there who have a Lily-hate that borders on psychosis or some shit, and I don't get that. Damn, I hate a couple of characters, but I'm not even that bad. It takes two, and they were BOTH wrong. They were also both fifteen years old. How well do you think their coping mechanisms were working at 15? Oh blah, blah, blah she should have listened to him and let him apologize, wah wah wah. Really? Well, he should have listened to her when she pointed out to him why his 'friends' were so bad! He realized only too late just how right she was, and that regret was one more thing that fueled him. How many of us can honestly say that we ourselves live guilt-free, having never made a mistake like Severus and Lily did? Never said something that we couldn't take back, and don't live with that today? It's been said that Severus was feared by many of his fellow Death Eaters. You don't get that in an organization like that without good reason. Yes, there were those who didn't trust him, but they hid in the shadows and whispered their doubts behind his back. Only Bellatrix had balls big enough to face him and level her claims directly, but still, even she wasn't foolish enough to push him too far. While I do not believe he ever murdered anyone (Dumbledore's death was mercy, loyalty and duty), I do believe he tortured...fellow Death Eaters, when necessary. Perhaps even some of those self-same ones Lily had criticized so many years before.

None of us knows how Lily really felt about the situation with Severus. From what I've seen on line, many fans just assume she was a bitch (and you know what they say about assuming). None of us knows that she didn't feel bad later on about driving him away, about not letting him apologize. None of us knows that she didn't still care about him after...just because you end a friendship doesn't mean you hate the other person. None of knows that she didn't learn the truth about the things James and Sirius did later on and regretted her part in the whole thing. None of us knows that she didn't blame herself for Severus becoming a Death Eater. Only Jo Rowling knows how Lily Evans really felt, and all we can do is hope she sheds some light on this with new information in Pottermore. If she doesn't, I'll still give Lily the benefit of the doubt.

If it wasn't for Lily, if she had never wandered into Jo's head, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Severus Snape might never have been more than minor background characters (or possibly never existed at all) and Harry might have been a supporting character like Ron, Hermione, Luna, Dean, Seamus, Cho...this could have been the story of Neville Longbottom instead.

The Harry Potter epic isn't just a modern retelling of the Hero myth, it's not just a fine complement to Lord of the Rings (for me, Tolkien and Rowling are telling two parts of the same story), it's not just the story of one man's journey out of the Darkness and into the Light and ultimately finding Redemption, it is the story of the power of Love! What the love of a mother did for her son...what one man did in the name of the love he lost...the triumph of Love over Evil and Hate. Like The Crow before it, Harry Potter is about true love. Something so few of us ever experience. I think that's why some fans don't see the whole picture. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter how Lily Evans felt about Severus Snape. What matters is that this wretched and abused little boy felt love for someone, and though the one who inspired it didn't return it he was able to shelter that love in his heart even as it was surrounded by the blackest kind of darkness, and kept it burning throughout his life despite everything he eventually experienced, even to the end of his life. It was his love for Lily that kept him human.

I don't fault him for maintaining his love for Lily, I praise him. While I believe it's true that had he lived he would never have stopped loving her, I don't believe he should be expected to stop. Maintaining that love, that precious gem, need not have prevented him from loving another person, in fact, it may even have strengthened his love for the new person and made him a better partner.




In my mind's eye, in another reality, I see an old and wise wizard, his long hair greying, his black robes given up long ago in favor of softer, silvery ones, sitting alone at a desk. The room he is in is his private study; all around him are reminders of his past and a few treasured mementos of his present. People seldom visit him here, which suits him fine. There is a tap at his door, and without looking up, he bids the visitor to enter. The young man steps inside quietly; he's never had a problem with this man, and he does not want one now, especially so close to graduation. "You wanted to see me, Headmaster?" The elder wizard nods curtly and motions for him to come in, but does not look up from his parchment. The young man looks around at the Headmaster's belongings, careful not to touch anything.

He smiles at the the painting of a phoenix in flight, and at the Slytherin and Gryffindor scarves on either side of it, and tilts his head to the side to read the titles of a couple of books. The Silmarillion and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. One of the young man's uncles gave them to the Headmaster one Christmas on a dare, but clearly, they are both well-read. He looks at the globe and the astrolabe, moves on to the display of great historical swords recreated in miniature and reads their names carefully; Anduril, Glamdring, Excalibur, the Vorpal blade and the Sword of Gryffindor. After a moment, he moves on to another treasured item, a sculpture, one he's seen before, long ago.

"Headmaster, didn't my father give this to you?" The elder wizard glances quickly at the young man and the slender white doe and nods once. He pauses. "Yes," he says softly, "when you were born." He returns his attention to the parchment in his hands and does not notice the young man smiling at the picture of the silver-haired witch on his desk. The young man sighs and moves forward to the bookcase across from the desk. "I wish your wife hadn't retired, she was one of my favorite professors. My sister says no one had taught Muggle Studdies longer than her." He pauses again and gazes lovingly at the picture, saying, "Charity has always been very fond of you." The young man turns back around and squares his shoulders awkwardly, asking at last, "Headmaster, have I done something wrong?"

Severus Snape nearly laughs. The mere thought of it makes as much sense to him as does clothing on dogs. "Hardly," says he, "when, in your seven years here, have you ever been in trouble?" The young man relaxes, but the Headmaster does not. "I wish to discuss this report with you." He looks over the parchment once more and frowns. "Your professors all say that you exceed expectations in all of your subjects, and you excell at Defense Against the Dark Arts and Herbology. Professors Lupin and Longbottom have both informed me that you have expressed an interest in becoming an Auror." The young man nods, and the Headmaster's stern expression makes him bite his lip. "I wish that you would reconsider."

Now, it's the young man's turn to frown. "Do you...do you think I can't-" "quite the contrary, I am certain that you can, but your brother has managed to very nearly get himself killed on more than one occasion, a fact he seems to enjoy. Fortunately, your sister has expressed an interest in something far less dangerous when she graduates." The young man laughs. "Oh, yes, Seeker for The Holyhead Harpies!" Snape looks at the young man evenly and says, "it's in her blood." "And Auror is in mine," the young man says, and Snape, for the first time, seems to be at a loss. "It is one of the most dangerous fields you could go in to," he says, "and...I...worry." He leans back in his great chair and looks at the young man in silence for what seems like a very long time.

At last, he asks, "has your father ever told you why he gave you the name that he did?" The young man shrugs. "He said I was named for two Headmasters of Hogwarts, and that...that you are...the bravest man he's ever known." Snape takes in a sharp, deep breath, and his black eyes settle on the young man's brilliant green ones. "Has he ever told you why?" The young man shakes his head and Snape extends a hand to the chair before him. He says softly, "sit a while, Albus, and let me tell you about your grandmother..."


**Sigh**