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Sex and Sexuality Question

My husband and I only have sex once every four to six weeks. the last time we had sex, he lasted longer than ever and still did not cum... is he having sex else where?

I have been married before, he has not.
his sex life before me consisted of one night stands in the parking lot of bars.
I have been very sexual and open and exploratory.
I want him to make love rather than just screw and he takes that as a put down. Its like all he wants is something cheap and easy and that aint me.
I have done everything to spice up our "sex life" from trying to talk to him (pointless) to planning sexy outtings, having sex in public places, making sexy pics for him, and introducing him to toys... nothing has worked. He is a creature of habit and does everything the same way every time.
He says he is tired. He has been diagnosed with a thyroid problem which is now under control. He also has low T but wont do anything about it. He says sex isnt everything yet I have caught him hitting on other women and lying to me about looking at porn on his office computer. Divorce is not an option--- I cant have an affair, I just dont have it in me. I almost wish I did. Im so lonely and frustrated. Masterbation isnt enough for me!! The best sex Ive had in years was the masterbation I did when making the sexy pics for him and still all that does is wet my appetite for real sex!!!
 jadonna posted over a year ago
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Sex and Sexuality Answers

dreamfields said:
I am sorry for your situation. I have an idea of what may be going on, but it's only a guess. Your husband has low T, but won't do anything about it? He could suffer from ED. He may have a good enough erection for penetration, but not be able to maintain it. At that point, he may not get enough friction to allow him to ejaculate. He might try a while to find a right angle to get friction. If this is the case he is probably frustrated. The logical thing to do would be to talk to a doctor. However, as you know, some of guys aren't good at sharing feelings, and something like this can hurt a guys pride. Sometimes when a guy does not feel in control he'll flirt with women to make himself feel good or get into porn. ED does not allow ejactulation from making love, but a guy can still get off by masturbation. Porn can be a problem. Some guys and look at it and it's no big deal. Others, become addicted. Generally the type of porn a guy gets into is not the same as a woman would. Denying that he looks at porn comes from shame. It can warp a man's perception of what is acceptable in bed, (or where ever)
Your husband needs to see a doctor. Also, I think it would be good for you both to see a counselor.
My advice for you is one, remember that this is a problem your husband is having. You are not at fault. Do not allow yourself to accept any guilt.
Secondly, when possible, treat your husband with respect and gently encourage him to persue help. You do not have to give approval to his porn or anything else you feel violates your bond.
Your marriage can be saved and become better than you dreamed. It may take alot of work.
I don't know if he's cheating, I would guess no. Still keep your eyes open for signs. What ever happens, I wish you peace, happiness and love. God bless.
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posted over a year ago 
jodarchy said:
the fact that he has a low t, and/or the thyroid problem could have simply damaged his confidence, or he could have a psychological issue, try to convince him to get the low t problem checked out as it could simply be that having an effect on him mentally, if guys feel like perhaps they arent good enough or arent pleasuring you enough then they may have trouble with certain aspects of sex, i think before trying to sort the problem straight away, sit down and chat with him maybe hire a councellor or something and try to get to the bottom of the issue, accusing him of cheating or some other thing would not be helpful just talk to him, try to get him to confide the issues he is having with you
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posted over a year ago 
irena83 said:
That made me think...Each guy is different,their sexual habits and desires too. Your question just made me wonder. It's reasonable that you think that your husband has someone else. But, the problem may be different nature.
If I tell you that I had a bf who could sleep with me any time and who could cum pretty fast, somebody would say that's cool.
Not necessary. Then, I found out that he was having a few gf the same time. And I felt so bad and was humiliated and betrayed as well.
However, now I have a bf and the situation is kinda weird.
He's gentle and caring, but something's wrong in our relation. You see, we haven't had sex for a long time, just because I wasn't sure. I didn't want him to think that he could have me whenever he wants. Anyways, it did happen that he just could't cum! And I never figured out why.
We broke up so many times, but he always came back tho.
He does like when I'm here, he likes hugging me and all those sweet words... But,somehow I'm not happy. I feel empty most of the time. Especially during sex, he can be very cold, as if he has no feelings. I don't know... Sometimes it's very difficult for me to understand what he really wants.
Honesty is the the most important part of relationship and talk. Healthy and strong relationship is the one when you can speak your mind freely and be who you are,and when there's no secrets between you.
I believe you must be feeling lonely, it is hard when you don't know what's going on.
I hope you'll fix that somehow.
The talk itself is the best solution.
Wish you all the best.
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posted over a year ago 
GaGaBoi said:
Maybe he has been getting some man candy on the side. ^_^
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posted over a year ago 
Lawli-gagger said:
Its him, of course we know its not you.
But I can agree with him...sex isn't everything, but hell, I like a little rough up every now and again.lol
It could be psychological, you may need to ask him about that. (maybe a troubled past? You know how men love to hide their feelings)
And you need to consider (if you HAVE to have sex like you want) leaving. If you really need it that much and he cant give it to you...split.
I know you said it isn't an option but you should really consider it...or accept it.
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posted over a year ago 
JadeEyes said:
Has your husband gone on any kind of drug- prescription or recreational-recently? If he has, it could make it hard for him to climax. It doesnt mean he is not being loyal, he could just be experiencing side effects. I know antidepressents are infamous for that kind of a side effect. It could be the meds hes taking for his thyroid too....
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posted over a year ago 
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