The cast for this story is all Sonic characters, with the exception of Jack Nicholson, and Erik Estrada playing as two of the characters.
Song (Start at 0:46): link
SeanTheHedgehog Presents
A Sonic The Hedgehog Fan Fiction
Bad Auditions By Bad Actors
Starring Sally Acorn as the Casting Director
Silver The Hedgehog as Roger
Amy Rose as Melissa
Sonic as Melissa's Acting Coach
Shadow as Joe
Rouge as Josie
Mina as Maria
1970's Jack Nicholson as Martin
Bunnie Rabbot as Catherine
1970's Erik Estrada as Mark
Vanilla as Charlize
Vector, Espio, & Charmy as Charlize's Agents
Sean The Hedgehog as Josh
And Blaze The Cat as Amy
One day at a building for plays.
Joe: *Parks his Chrysler in the parking lot*
Coach: *Parks his Escalade* Okay Melissa. Are you ready?
Melissa: You bet.
Coach: Now I want you to take a deep breath. As soon as you're ready. We'll go inside.
Josh: *Driving a Sierra towards the entrance of the parking lot*
Maria: *Drifts her Toyota in front of Josh's truck*
Josh: *Stops, while honking his horn* Hey!!
Maria: *Looks back at Josh*
Josh: You could have caused an accident!!
Inside the building
Roger: *On his phone, texting Amy. He is sitting on a chair leaning onto a wall, on the stage*
Casting Director: *Walks onto the stage, talking to someone on the phone* Well don't worry. You can trust me. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, no, no, by the end of the day, we'll be completely cast. *Sees Roger* Excuse me. Can I call you back? *Hangs up, and puts her phone in her pocket* ROGER!!!!
Roger: *Stands up putting his hands into the air* I DIDN'T DO IT!!
Casting Director: What are you doing?!
Roger: *Sweating* Texting my girlfriend... about... pizza?
Casting Director: Is that what you're supposed to be doing?
Roger: *Scared, as he closes his eyes, shaking* God I hope so.
Casting Director: It isn't! You're supposed to set up the table and chairs, and get the stage set up, so that we can have the actors come in to audition for the play.
Roger: Oh. *Goes to a door, opens it, and sees the actors waiting while talking to each other. He closes the door, and looks at the Casting Director* They're here.
Casting Director: What do you mean they're here?
Roger: I mean, they're here.
Casting Director: They're not supposed to be here yet.
Roger: But you told me to have them come in at 1.
Casting Director: No! We get here at 1, and they get here at 1:30!
Roger: Okay. We're just going to have to chalk this one up as a miscommunication. *Sits back down, and continues texting Amy*
Casting Director: Roger!!!
Roger: Yes? *Stands up*
Casting Director: Set everything up already!!
Roger: Okay. *Drags his chair to the other side of the stage* I don't see what the big deal is.
Casting Director: The big deal is that Avery Stern, artistic director of The Red Barn Theater, a legend, has put me in charge of this year's production, of Romeo & Juliet. God help me Roger, if your laziness, and stupid phone mess this up for me-
Roger: First of all. *Gets another chair, walking towards the one he was sitting in* The Red Barn Theater is not a legend. *Puts the chair next to his, and goes to get the table* It's one of three theaters in Hoxley, and by far, the worst. Second, Avery Stern is nuts, not artistic. *Grabs the table, and walks towards the chairs* Third, the Red Barn Theater has put on a play of Romeo & Juliet every year, for 40 years. It's actor proof. Just find two decent actors, and you're fine. *Puts the table in front of the chairs* Finally. *Pulls out his phone* This is not stupid. It's smart. That's why it's called a smartphone. It can get you dressed, brush your teeth, and cook your breakfast, all while playing Angry Birds.
Casting Director: Just bring in the first actor.
Roger: *Salutes* Yes ma'am!! *Goes to the actors*
Casting Director: *Sits in her chair, calling Avery* Yes, it's me again. We're starting auditions now. I can assure you, everything will be set up ahead of schedule.
Roger returned from talking to the actors.
Roger: Okay. *Sits down next to the Casting Director* I told them to come in one by one.
Casting Director: Good. You can read the lines when necessary, right?
Roger: Of course.
Melissa: *Walks in with her acting coach*
Coach: Good pace. Nice and casual, now go in for the handshake.
Melissa: *Shakes the Casting Director's hand* Hi. My name is Melissa. I'm here to audition for the part of Juliet.
Coach: A little forceful, but keep going.
Casting Director: I'm sorry, who are you?
Coach: I'm Melissa's acting coach. Here for moral support, but ignore me.
Casting Director: I don't usually allow other people in here while the actors are auditioning, but I guess I can allow you in here.
Coach: You won't even know I'm here. *Stands behind Roger, and the Casting Director*
Casting Director: Will you be doing a monologue, or a scene?
Melissa: A monologue. I memorized it last night.
Coach: Good self compliment. A little braggy, but, I don't think they noticed.
Casting Director: Okay uh.. You can start whenever you're ready Melissa.
Melissa: Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou-
Coach: Don't start until you're ready Melissa. They'll wait. That felt a little rushed. Start over.
Melissa: Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo.
Coach: Good intensity. Keep going.
Melissa: Deny thy father, and refuse thy name!
Coach: Projection Melissa!!
Melissa: *Shouts slower* DENY THY FATHER, AND REFUSE THY NAME!!!!
Coach: I'm missing your consonants! DE-NY!! DE-NY!!
Melissa: DE-NY THY FATHER, AND RE-FUSE THY NAME!!!
Coach: *Thumbs up* There we go!
Casting Director: I'm sorry, can you wait outside? I can't get a good read from Melissa.
Coach: I know. She's just a little nervous.
Casting Director: I mean, I can't get a good read from her with you here interrupting her.
Coach: Oh.. I can scale back my notes.
Casting Director: I think you better leave.
Coach: Oh. Okay. This is, as they say, the house of the director. I'll leave it to you in your hands.
Before leaving, he went to Melissa.
Coach: I'll be waiting for you outside if you need me. Remember, voice, eye contact, and objectives.
Melissa: I'll remember.
Coach: Remem-ber. Hit the ends of every word.
Melissa: Yes. I wi-ll.
Coach: *Nods, and leaves*
Melissa: From the top?
Casting Director: Yes, and may I give you some advice? Forget everything your coach told you. Just be yourself, and have fun.
Melissa: What do you mean?
Casting Director: Don't worry about getting every word perfect. Just read the scene the way you would normally do it. Okay?
Melissa: Oh. Okay. *Breathes in* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou-
The noise of a cellphone went off.
Casting Director: Roger, I thought I told you to turn your phone off.
Melissa: *Grabs her phone* No, that was me. *Gets another text, and reads it* Okay, I'm ready to begin, now.
Casting Director: Was that your coach?
Melissa: No, that was from my, uh.. Boctor, it was from him. I mean Doctor.
Casting Director: Okay. Thank you for coming in.
Melissa: Thank you for seeing me. *Gets another text* I mean, thank y-ou. Thank y-ou. *Leaves*
The next actor to come onto the stage was Joe.
Casting Director: Hi. Thanks for coming in.
Joe: Hi. My name is Joe. Joe Romano. I'm here to read the thing I picked up outside with the lines.
Casting Director: That's called the audition scene.
Joe: Right. The one that says Romeo. I'm going to read that, because I saw the one that said Juliet, and I was like, not this guy. I'm not a Juliet.
Casting Director: Of course not. You'll be reading with Roger. He'll do the part of Juliet.
Joe: *Backs up, surprised* Whoa whoa whoa! You're going to read a lady's part? That's so stupid.
Casting Director: Can you just read the lines?
Joe: Okay, but uh, *Looks at Roger* Good luck buddy, because right now, you'll need it.
Casting Director: Start where it says My sweet.
Joe: Okay. Give me a moment. *Turns around, pounding his chest, and does five jumping jacks. He turns around, and looks at Roger again*
Roger: Romeo-
Joe: *Slams his foot on the ground* MY SWEET!!!
Roger: *Scared* What o clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Joe: *Picks up Roger* BY THE HOUR OF 9!!! FRIGGIN' 9!!! OKAY?!!?!
Casting Director: Okay, I'm just going to stop you right there.
Joe: *Calms down, lowering Roger*
Roger: *Quickly gets back to his seat*
Joe: I was just about to get to the good stuff.
Casting Director: I feel like we're going down the wrong road here.
Joe: *Angry* Excuse me?
Casting Director: You're playing this scene with a lot of anger.
Joe: And?
Casting Director: This is the balcony scene. This is where Romeo declares his love for Juliet. It should be passionate.
Joe: Yeah, passionate. Like, I love you so much, I wanna punch a wall!!
Casting Director: I don't think Romeo will punch a wall.
Joe: I know that when I'm in love, I'm like, I love you so much, LET'S DO PUSH-UPS!!!! *Does three push-ups, and quickly stands up*
Casting Director:....Well, thank you for coming in.
Joe: You're welcome. Do I get the part?
Casting Director: Stop by tomorrow at 11, and we'll let you know. One more thing, I might suggest you go into therapy.
Joe: Therapy? Not this guy. *Points at himself with a thumb* Not this guy!!! *Leaves*
Josie walked up towards Roger, and the Casting Director.
Casting Director: Hi. Thank you for coming in.
Josie: Thank me? You, thank you.
Casting Director: Okay, so, will you be doing a monologue, or a scene?
Josie: A monotogue?
Casting Director: Do you mean, monologue?
Josie: Yeah.
Casting Director: Great.
Josie: But soft, what light in the window, there, Romeo. I love you, we should kiss, and, that's all I have.
Casting Director: That was supposed to be a monologue?
Josie: Yes ma'am. That's it. Right?
Casting Director: No it's not. You know that. Don't you?
Josie: It was really long, but if y'all cast me, I'll memorize it. All of the lines, and stuff.
Casting Director: Will you?
Josie: Y'all better believe it. I'm a southern girl.
Casting Director: Well, thanks for coming in.
Josie: *Walks towards Roger* So I'm gonna be in it, right? *Puts her boobs in Roger's face as she looks at the Casting Director* I'm gonna be the uh, main girl?
Roger: Yes! Totally!
Casting Director: I'll let you know.
Josie: Great. *Pulls out a contact card* This here has my number. Call me when I get the part. *Leaves*
Roger: *Takes the card* She was great.
Casting Director: Are you serious? She was pathetic, and this day hasn't been going well for us at all. Can it get any worse?
Roger: I don't know.
Casting Director: Jesus Roger. Can you at least pretend to care?
Roger: No.
Maria entered the stage, looking very cheerful as she approached Roger, and the Casting Director.
Maria: Hi, my name is Maria McConville. Thank you for seeing me.
Casting Director: Thank you for coming in. Will you be doing a monologue, or a scene?
Maria: A monologue, if that's okay with you.
Casting Director: It is. You can begin when you're ready.
Maria: *Puts her hands in her pockets* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father, and refuse thy name.
Casting Director: Great work so far. I want you to keep going, but I have a suggestion.
Maria: Yes?
Casting Director: Your hands in your pockets are distracting.
Maria: They are?
Casting Director: Yes. It makes you seem very stiff.
Maria: Oh, it's just that, I never know what to do with my hands.
Casting Director: Do what you do naturally.
Maria: Naturally?
Casting Director: *Nods*
Maria: Okay. *Takes her hands out of her pockets, but starts spinning her arms around in circles* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father, and refuse thy name.
Casting Director: What is this?
Maria: Well. *Stops her arms* You told me to do what I do naturally. That's what I do when I talk to boys, so...
Casting Director: It is?
Maria: Yeah. What do you do?
Casting Director: Not that. I don't know anyone who does that, except for maybe, an insane person. Try something else.
Maria: Like what?
Casting Director: Something else. Anything that does not include your hands in your pockets, or your arms going around in circles. Do something more natural.
Maria: Okay. *Her right hand slowly moves towards her head* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? *Moves her left hand slowly up, and down, rubbing her belly* Deny thy father, and refuse thy name.
Casting Director: This is definitely different.
Maria: It's more natural. Right?
Casting Director: Yeah, okay, thanks for coming in.
Maria: Thank you for seeing me. *Walks away, feeling very pleased with herself*
Martin arrives, dressed in the costume Romeo wore in the 1968 film, Romeo & Juliet.
Casting Director: Wow. Nice costume.
Martin: Forsooth, these simple garments for which you surmise have no mood or color to them. They are neither cheerful, nor melancholy as thus doth proclaim.
Roger: What did he say?
Casting Director: I think what we have here is a method actor. He stays in character all of the time, and thinks that the play is real life.
Martin: Alas! A man of the stage I cannot claim to be. Character one may find in these meek, and feeble bones, but-
Casting Director: I don't care. Look, if you want to be in this play, you need to read either a monologue, or a scene. Do you have either prepared?
Martin: *Annoyed* I must protest once more, for thou speech, and manor of dress is most vexing, and as such, mine ear do find ye most intolerable.
Casting Director: Fine. Would thou kind squire, readest thus scene, or, long winded passage so that thou can be in thus play?
Martin: But I have told you anon, an actor I am not. I am Romeo of the house of Montague. A man of many talents, but a performer of the stage, I am not.
Casting Director: This isn't helping. Either do a monologue, or a scene, or you will not be cast. Okay?
Martin: *Turns around to think, then turns around again to face the C.D, and Roger* Very well. Mine hand is played. I shall read your words. Perhaps with a partner. I fear alone, I may stray from lofty expectations.
Casting Director: A scene then. Great. You'll be reading with Roger. He'll be your Juliet.
Roger: *Walks towards Martin*
Martin: *Drops to his knees, grabbing Juliet's hand* This before my eyes is Juliet?! *Stands up*
Roger: Uh, what's going on here?!
Martin: Sweet Juliet! What have thou done to thee? Thou hair is short, and coarse. Thine face is rough, and weathered. Thine smell is of feet, and horse.
Roger: I don't smell like a horse!!
Martin: *Points at him* And thou speakest like a harlot of Devonshire!
Casting Director: *Gets between them* Okay! *Looks at Martin* I'm glad you're so committed to this, but it's definitely not helping you get the part.
Martin: *Takes one step backwards* This is a fallacy. Thine has taken my beloved Juliet, and turned her thrice into a beast. A wretched, odorous, fiend.
Roger: Stop making fun of the way I smell!!
Martin: A pox has been cast on thine house. *To Roger* Farewell my love. I shall find you again when thou have cleaned thyself of putrid smells. *Walks away*
Roger: I put on deodorant.
Casting Director: You smell fine.
Martin: *Opens the door, turning around to face them* A POX!! *Slams the door closed*
Roger: What a jerk.
Catherine crawled onto the stage on all fours. She is dressed as a cat.
Casting Director: Uh, hello. Are you-
Catherine: Meow.
Casting Director: Excuse me?
Catherine: Meow. *Stretching*
Roger: Is this a method actor too?
Casting Director: I don't know what she's doing. *Stands up, and walks to Catherine* Excuse me miss.
Catherine: *Tries to scratch the C.D* Hisssssssss!!!
Casting Director: *Backs up, saving herself from getting scratched* Okay then.
Catherine: *Goes around in a circle. She stretches once more* Meow. *Sees the C.D* Hiss!!!
Casting Director: *Goes to her seat* Do you want to do a monologue, or a-
Catherine: *Rolls over, laying on her back*
Casting Director:.....We have sides if you...
Catherine: *Gives herself a tongue bath, and leaves the stage*
Roger: What the hell was that?
Casting Director: Let's just pretend that never happened.
Roger: That was either the worst audition I've seen, or the best. You should really consider her.
Casting Director: Shut up Roger.
Roger: I'm serious! That blew my mind.
Casting Director: *Her head falls on the table*
Mark walks in, holding a water bottle and a yoga mat.
Mark: Hi. Mark McCrossen. I got here a little late from a yoga class. Do you mind if I take a minute to warm up?
Casting Director: Okay, but we have other people waiting. Do you want us to let someone in while you warm up?
Mark: No it's fine. It will only take a minute. *Rolls out his yoga mat, and lays down*
Roger: Do you think I can go to the bathroom real quick?
Mark: *On his hands, and knees* Hiya!!!!! Qoooooouuuuuaaaaaaa!!!!!
Casting Director: He said it would only be a minute.
Mark: *Cuddles into a ball, and cries*
Casting Director: What?
Mark: *Waving his arms, and legs around*
Casting Director: Oh my god! Roger, call the-
Mark: *Stands up, smiling*
Casting Director: *Speechless*
Mark: i'm ready to begin now.
Casting Director: Okay. That was quiet.
Mark: *Angry* I'M READY, TO BEGIN!!!!!
Roger: That's it, I'm going. *Running to the bathroom*
Casting Director: Uh.....
Mark: *Running around the stage in a circle* I'm ready to begin! I'm ready to begin! I'm ready to begin! I'm ready to begin! I'm re-re-re-re-ready! To be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-begin!! NOW!!!! *Stops, and looks at the C.D.*
Casting Director: Okay Mark, we really need to get started.
Mark: We really need to get started.
Casting Director: Yes, we're running behind.
Mark: Yes, we're running behind.
Casting Director: What are you doing?
Mark: What are you doing?
Casting Director: I'm not doing a Meisner exercise with you!
Mark: I'm not doing a Meisner exercise with you!
Casting Director: I'm serious.
Mark: I'm serious.
Casting Director: Stop this at once!
Mark: Stop this at- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, *Runs around in a circle* Merilly we roll along, roll along, roll along, *Slides on his knees* Today!!!! *Stands up* I'm glad that's out of the way. I can't do a good audition without warming up first.
Casting Director: I guess that's understandable, but we're running behind.
Mark: What would you like me to do- *Turns left, facing the chairs in front of the stage* Eep eep eep eep eep!
Roger: *Returns from the bathroom* I'm back. What did I-
Mark: Eep eep eep eep eep!
Roger: Never mind.
Mark: *Looks back at the C.D.* Is this the stage where the play will take place?
Casting Director: Yes.
Mark: These acoustics are unacceptable! *Picks up his yoga mat, and water bottle* The high C's are getting drowned out by these crappy curtains. Call me when the proper upgrades are made. *Leaves*
A crocodile, chameleon, and bee walk in wearing business suits. Charlize follows them.
Agent 1: *Talking on his cell phone* Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well then we're walking. I want 5%, or we're walking. WALKING!!!!!! 2.5%, and a free hot tub? You got yourself a deal. *Hangs up, looks at the Casting Director* My client wants her own dressing room along with her usual salary, 10% of the box office, and a bowl of skittles at every rehearsal.
Charlize: Chocolate covered skittles.
Agent 2: Are you sure? That's a little disgusting.
Charlize: Chocolate covered skittles, or I walk!
Agent 3: This is not negotiable.
Casting Director: I'm sorry, this is a community theater. No one is getting paid, let alone, a cut of the box office.
Agent 1: Uh, give us a second. *Backs up, and talks to Charlize, and the other agents in a circle*
Neither the Casting Director, or Roger could hear what they were saying, until...
Charlize: I won't!
Agent 2: But if you think about it-
Charlize: I won't back down on this. Skittles, or I walk. SKITTLES, OR, I, WALK!!!
The agents turned around to face the C.D. again.
Agent 1: My client will work for half her usual salary, 5% of the box office, but a bowl of chocolate covered skittles must be at her door before, and after every rehearsal.
Charlize: It's part of my process.
Casting Director: I'm sorry, have you ever worked in a community theater before? There's no money involved.
Agent 1: We're walking!! Walking!! Go, go go!!! *Pushes everyone towards the door*
Charlize: *Turns around* Just FYI, I once dated a man, and his dad hated me, so I totally get this Juliet girl.
Agent 2: It's true. Charlize had abusive parents, and her lifestyle was similar to that of Juliet's.
Charlize: This, is, CRAP!!! *Leaves with Agent 1, and 2*
Agent 3: You just made a mistake. Charlize Finegold is going to own this town. *Leaves*
Josh arrived a few seconds after the others left.
Josh: Hi. My name is Josh.
Casting Director: Hi. Nice to meet you. Did you get a copy of the lines?
Josh: Yes. I'd also like to do a monologue.
Casting Director: Good. You can start when you're ready.
Josh: Cool. *Goes to the back, and pulls up a chair*
Casting Director: What do you need that for?
Josh: You'll see. *Puts the chair in the middle of the stage, sits in it, and pretends to drive a car*
The Casting Director, and Roger started whispering to each other.
Casting Director: what is he doing?
Roger: it looks like he's pantomiming. play along with it for now. *Looks at Josh, no longer whispering* Romeo?
Josh: My sweet, hold on a second. *Pantomimes stopping the car, getting out, and grabbing a backpack while putting it on. Next, he pantomimes climbing the wall up to where Juliet is*
Roger: What O' Clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Josh: By the hour of 9.
Casting Director: Okay, let's stop right here. Why does Romeo have a backpack?
Josh: Everyone has a backpack.
Casting Director: No he doesn't.
Josh: Where does he put his water bottle then?
Casting Director: He wouldn't have a water bottle in Victorian England...and, were you driving a car?
Josh: Yeah. Isn't this a modern version of Romeo & Juliet, like the one with Leonardo DiCaprio?
Casting Director: No. This is period appropriate. There are no cars, and no backpacks.
Josh: So, I should ride in on a horse.
Casting Director: Don't ride in on anything. You're pantomiming up a storm here, and it's scary.
Josh: So, you just want me to read the lines?
Casting Director: Yes.
Josh: Oh. Okay. Why didn't you just say so in the first place?
Casting Director: Start from the beginning.
Josh: Okay.
Roger: Romeo.
Josh: My sweet.
Roger: What O' Clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Josh: By the hour of... *Hits a button on his I-Pod that plays a song at high volume*
Song: link
Josh: Juliet!!! Get down!!!! *Turns around to do a forward roll, pulling out a silver pistol. He fires seven blanks, then turns off the music* Damn! I missed them. *Goes back to Roger* Anyway, by the hour of 9.
Casting Director: What was that?!
Josh: Do you know what a gun is?
Casting Director: Yes I know what a gun is! Why did you pull one out like that?!
Josh: Because in the DiCaprio version, everyone had guns. Only, they were called swords. You should really look into that, and make sure all of your actors carry guns for the play.
Casting Director: Yeah, that "totally" sounds like a good idea for something taking place in the late 1500's. Thank you for stopping by.
Josh: You're welcome. *Leaves, feeling pleased with himself*
After Josh left, the Casting Director had a headache.
Casting Director: This has been awful so far. Should we take a 5 minute break before seeing the other actors?
Roger: That was the last actor.
Casting Director: It was?! We only saw 9 actors. I was supposed to cast this thing, and now it's ruined.
Roger: *Looking at his phone* My girlfriend just got here. Can I leave early?
Casting Director: No!!
Roger: *Sad* But, we have a pizza date...
Casting Director: I don't care about your pizza date! We're not leaving until we get our two leads! I'm calling Avery! *Calls Avery on her phone*
Roger: You know what? I'm going to give her the green light to come see me here since you're busy with whatever it is you're doing at the moment. *Texting Amy*
Casting Director: Avery, I need more audition days. The actors you had were borderline psychotic. One of them didn't even read her lines. She just pretended to be a cat.
Amy: *Walks in, and goes to Roger*
Casting Director: I'm not being prejudice. Don't say I'm being prejudice.
Roger *Whispers in Amy's ear*
Casting Director: And I'm not being a perfectionist. If I saw two decent actors with some chemistry, I would hire them on the spot! Only problem is, where to look. *Looks at Roger, and Amy*
Song: link
Amy: *Giggling while sitting on Roger's lap behind the table*
Casting Director: Avery, I'll call you back. I think I know how to cast this thing. *Hangs up* Roger, Amy, stand in the middle of the stage, will you?
Roger: Okay.
Amy: What's going on?
Casting Director: *Give scripts to Roger, and Amy* Just read this for me please.
Roger: But, I'm not an actor.
Amy: And I haven't been in a play since middle school.
Casting Director: Please try. Roger, you're the best I've heard with reading these lines, and you two have some chemistry going on.
Roger: Alright. Wanna do it?
Amy: Sure.
Song: link
They stood up, and got to the middle of the stage
Amy: Romeo.
Roger: My sweet.
Casting Director: Yes. Yes!
Amy: What O' clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Roger: By the hour of 9. Doth thou agree?
Amy: Uh....
Roger: *Pulls out a gun, and points it at Amy* I need to know!
Amy: *Moves her arms in circles* Well I don't know. I forgot why thou have not called me back.
Casting Director: What are you two doing?!!?
Roger: Let me stand here until thou remember it! *Turns to the left* Oh look, more Capulets. I shall smite them with thy, *Pulls out a rocket launcher* Launcher of rockets!! *Fires two rockets. They blow up before hitting the wall*
Amy: Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet, sw-eet, sor-row.
Roger: More capulets! Into the car! We'll make our escape! Post haste! *Pulls the Casting Director out of her chair, and sits in it, pretending to drive a car*
Amy: *Sits in the chair next to Roger* Step on it!
Casting Director: That's it! I quit!!
Everything fades to black for the end credits
Cast
Sally Acorn as the Casting Director
Silver The Hedgehog as Roger
Amy Rose as Melissa
Sonic as Melissa's Acting Coach
Shadow as Joe
Rouge as Josie
Mina as Maria
1970's Jack Nicholson as Martin
Bunnie Rabbot as Catherine
1970's Erik Estrada as Mark
Vanilla as Charlize
Vector, Espio, & Charmy as Charlize's Agents
Sean The Hedgehog as Josh
Blaze The Cat as Amy
The End
This has been a SeanTheHedgehog Production from June 9, 2016
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see.
Song (Start at 0:46): link
SeanTheHedgehog Presents
A Sonic The Hedgehog Fan Fiction
Bad Auditions By Bad Actors
Starring Sally Acorn as the Casting Director
Silver The Hedgehog as Roger
Amy Rose as Melissa
Sonic as Melissa's Acting Coach
Shadow as Joe
Rouge as Josie
Mina as Maria
1970's Jack Nicholson as Martin
Bunnie Rabbot as Catherine
1970's Erik Estrada as Mark
Vanilla as Charlize
Vector, Espio, & Charmy as Charlize's Agents
Sean The Hedgehog as Josh
And Blaze The Cat as Amy
One day at a building for plays.
Joe: *Parks his Chrysler in the parking lot*
Coach: *Parks his Escalade* Okay Melissa. Are you ready?
Melissa: You bet.
Coach: Now I want you to take a deep breath. As soon as you're ready. We'll go inside.
Josh: *Driving a Sierra towards the entrance of the parking lot*
Maria: *Drifts her Toyota in front of Josh's truck*
Josh: *Stops, while honking his horn* Hey!!
Maria: *Looks back at Josh*
Josh: You could have caused an accident!!
Inside the building
Roger: *On his phone, texting Amy. He is sitting on a chair leaning onto a wall, on the stage*
Casting Director: *Walks onto the stage, talking to someone on the phone* Well don't worry. You can trust me. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. No, no, no, by the end of the day, we'll be completely cast. *Sees Roger* Excuse me. Can I call you back? *Hangs up, and puts her phone in her pocket* ROGER!!!!
Roger: *Stands up putting his hands into the air* I DIDN'T DO IT!!
Casting Director: What are you doing?!
Roger: *Sweating* Texting my girlfriend... about... pizza?
Casting Director: Is that what you're supposed to be doing?
Roger: *Scared, as he closes his eyes, shaking* God I hope so.
Casting Director: It isn't! You're supposed to set up the table and chairs, and get the stage set up, so that we can have the actors come in to audition for the play.
Roger: Oh. *Goes to a door, opens it, and sees the actors waiting while talking to each other. He closes the door, and looks at the Casting Director* They're here.
Casting Director: What do you mean they're here?
Roger: I mean, they're here.
Casting Director: They're not supposed to be here yet.
Roger: But you told me to have them come in at 1.
Casting Director: No! We get here at 1, and they get here at 1:30!
Roger: Okay. We're just going to have to chalk this one up as a miscommunication. *Sits back down, and continues texting Amy*
Casting Director: Roger!!!
Roger: Yes? *Stands up*
Casting Director: Set everything up already!!
Roger: Okay. *Drags his chair to the other side of the stage* I don't see what the big deal is.
Casting Director: The big deal is that Avery Stern, artistic director of The Red Barn Theater, a legend, has put me in charge of this year's production, of Romeo & Juliet. God help me Roger, if your laziness, and stupid phone mess this up for me-
Roger: First of all. *Gets another chair, walking towards the one he was sitting in* The Red Barn Theater is not a legend. *Puts the chair next to his, and goes to get the table* It's one of three theaters in Hoxley, and by far, the worst. Second, Avery Stern is nuts, not artistic. *Grabs the table, and walks towards the chairs* Third, the Red Barn Theater has put on a play of Romeo & Juliet every year, for 40 years. It's actor proof. Just find two decent actors, and you're fine. *Puts the table in front of the chairs* Finally. *Pulls out his phone* This is not stupid. It's smart. That's why it's called a smartphone. It can get you dressed, brush your teeth, and cook your breakfast, all while playing Angry Birds.
Casting Director: Just bring in the first actor.
Roger: *Salutes* Yes ma'am!! *Goes to the actors*
Casting Director: *Sits in her chair, calling Avery* Yes, it's me again. We're starting auditions now. I can assure you, everything will be set up ahead of schedule.
Roger returned from talking to the actors.
Roger: Okay. *Sits down next to the Casting Director* I told them to come in one by one.
Casting Director: Good. You can read the lines when necessary, right?
Roger: Of course.
Melissa: *Walks in with her acting coach*
Coach: Good pace. Nice and casual, now go in for the handshake.
Melissa: *Shakes the Casting Director's hand* Hi. My name is Melissa. I'm here to audition for the part of Juliet.
Coach: A little forceful, but keep going.
Casting Director: I'm sorry, who are you?
Coach: I'm Melissa's acting coach. Here for moral support, but ignore me.
Casting Director: I don't usually allow other people in here while the actors are auditioning, but I guess I can allow you in here.
Coach: You won't even know I'm here. *Stands behind Roger, and the Casting Director*
Casting Director: Will you be doing a monologue, or a scene?
Melissa: A monologue. I memorized it last night.
Coach: Good self compliment. A little braggy, but, I don't think they noticed.
Casting Director: Okay uh.. You can start whenever you're ready Melissa.
Melissa: Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou-
Coach: Don't start until you're ready Melissa. They'll wait. That felt a little rushed. Start over.
Melissa: Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo.
Coach: Good intensity. Keep going.
Melissa: Deny thy father, and refuse thy name!
Coach: Projection Melissa!!
Melissa: *Shouts slower* DENY THY FATHER, AND REFUSE THY NAME!!!!
Coach: I'm missing your consonants! DE-NY!! DE-NY!!
Melissa: DE-NY THY FATHER, AND RE-FUSE THY NAME!!!
Coach: *Thumbs up* There we go!
Casting Director: I'm sorry, can you wait outside? I can't get a good read from Melissa.
Coach: I know. She's just a little nervous.
Casting Director: I mean, I can't get a good read from her with you here interrupting her.
Coach: Oh.. I can scale back my notes.
Casting Director: I think you better leave.
Coach: Oh. Okay. This is, as they say, the house of the director. I'll leave it to you in your hands.
Before leaving, he went to Melissa.
Coach: I'll be waiting for you outside if you need me. Remember, voice, eye contact, and objectives.
Melissa: I'll remember.
Coach: Remem-ber. Hit the ends of every word.
Melissa: Yes. I wi-ll.
Coach: *Nods, and leaves*
Melissa: From the top?
Casting Director: Yes, and may I give you some advice? Forget everything your coach told you. Just be yourself, and have fun.
Melissa: What do you mean?
Casting Director: Don't worry about getting every word perfect. Just read the scene the way you would normally do it. Okay?
Melissa: Oh. Okay. *Breathes in* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou-
The noise of a cellphone went off.
Casting Director: Roger, I thought I told you to turn your phone off.
Melissa: *Grabs her phone* No, that was me. *Gets another text, and reads it* Okay, I'm ready to begin, now.
Casting Director: Was that your coach?
Melissa: No, that was from my, uh.. Boctor, it was from him. I mean Doctor.
Casting Director: Okay. Thank you for coming in.
Melissa: Thank you for seeing me. *Gets another text* I mean, thank y-ou. Thank y-ou. *Leaves*
The next actor to come onto the stage was Joe.
Casting Director: Hi. Thanks for coming in.
Joe: Hi. My name is Joe. Joe Romano. I'm here to read the thing I picked up outside with the lines.
Casting Director: That's called the audition scene.
Joe: Right. The one that says Romeo. I'm going to read that, because I saw the one that said Juliet, and I was like, not this guy. I'm not a Juliet.
Casting Director: Of course not. You'll be reading with Roger. He'll do the part of Juliet.
Joe: *Backs up, surprised* Whoa whoa whoa! You're going to read a lady's part? That's so stupid.
Casting Director: Can you just read the lines?
Joe: Okay, but uh, *Looks at Roger* Good luck buddy, because right now, you'll need it.
Casting Director: Start where it says My sweet.
Joe: Okay. Give me a moment. *Turns around, pounding his chest, and does five jumping jacks. He turns around, and looks at Roger again*
Roger: Romeo-
Joe: *Slams his foot on the ground* MY SWEET!!!
Roger: *Scared* What o clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Joe: *Picks up Roger* BY THE HOUR OF 9!!! FRIGGIN' 9!!! OKAY?!!?!
Casting Director: Okay, I'm just going to stop you right there.
Joe: *Calms down, lowering Roger*
Roger: *Quickly gets back to his seat*
Joe: I was just about to get to the good stuff.
Casting Director: I feel like we're going down the wrong road here.
Joe: *Angry* Excuse me?
Casting Director: You're playing this scene with a lot of anger.
Joe: And?
Casting Director: This is the balcony scene. This is where Romeo declares his love for Juliet. It should be passionate.
Joe: Yeah, passionate. Like, I love you so much, I wanna punch a wall!!
Casting Director: I don't think Romeo will punch a wall.
Joe: I know that when I'm in love, I'm like, I love you so much, LET'S DO PUSH-UPS!!!! *Does three push-ups, and quickly stands up*
Casting Director:....Well, thank you for coming in.
Joe: You're welcome. Do I get the part?
Casting Director: Stop by tomorrow at 11, and we'll let you know. One more thing, I might suggest you go into therapy.
Joe: Therapy? Not this guy. *Points at himself with a thumb* Not this guy!!! *Leaves*
Josie walked up towards Roger, and the Casting Director.
Casting Director: Hi. Thank you for coming in.
Josie: Thank me? You, thank you.
Casting Director: Okay, so, will you be doing a monologue, or a scene?
Josie: A monotogue?
Casting Director: Do you mean, monologue?
Josie: Yeah.
Casting Director: Great.
Josie: But soft, what light in the window, there, Romeo. I love you, we should kiss, and, that's all I have.
Casting Director: That was supposed to be a monologue?
Josie: Yes ma'am. That's it. Right?
Casting Director: No it's not. You know that. Don't you?
Josie: It was really long, but if y'all cast me, I'll memorize it. All of the lines, and stuff.
Casting Director: Will you?
Josie: Y'all better believe it. I'm a southern girl.
Casting Director: Well, thanks for coming in.
Josie: *Walks towards Roger* So I'm gonna be in it, right? *Puts her boobs in Roger's face as she looks at the Casting Director* I'm gonna be the uh, main girl?
Roger: Yes! Totally!
Casting Director: I'll let you know.
Josie: Great. *Pulls out a contact card* This here has my number. Call me when I get the part. *Leaves*
Roger: *Takes the card* She was great.
Casting Director: Are you serious? She was pathetic, and this day hasn't been going well for us at all. Can it get any worse?
Roger: I don't know.
Casting Director: Jesus Roger. Can you at least pretend to care?
Roger: No.
Maria entered the stage, looking very cheerful as she approached Roger, and the Casting Director.
Maria: Hi, my name is Maria McConville. Thank you for seeing me.
Casting Director: Thank you for coming in. Will you be doing a monologue, or a scene?
Maria: A monologue, if that's okay with you.
Casting Director: It is. You can begin when you're ready.
Maria: *Puts her hands in her pockets* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father, and refuse thy name.
Casting Director: Great work so far. I want you to keep going, but I have a suggestion.
Maria: Yes?
Casting Director: Your hands in your pockets are distracting.
Maria: They are?
Casting Director: Yes. It makes you seem very stiff.
Maria: Oh, it's just that, I never know what to do with my hands.
Casting Director: Do what you do naturally.
Maria: Naturally?
Casting Director: *Nods*
Maria: Okay. *Takes her hands out of her pockets, but starts spinning her arms around in circles* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father, and refuse thy name.
Casting Director: What is this?
Maria: Well. *Stops her arms* You told me to do what I do naturally. That's what I do when I talk to boys, so...
Casting Director: It is?
Maria: Yeah. What do you do?
Casting Director: Not that. I don't know anyone who does that, except for maybe, an insane person. Try something else.
Maria: Like what?
Casting Director: Something else. Anything that does not include your hands in your pockets, or your arms going around in circles. Do something more natural.
Maria: Okay. *Her right hand slowly moves towards her head* Romeo, oh Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? *Moves her left hand slowly up, and down, rubbing her belly* Deny thy father, and refuse thy name.
Casting Director: This is definitely different.
Maria: It's more natural. Right?
Casting Director: Yeah, okay, thanks for coming in.
Maria: Thank you for seeing me. *Walks away, feeling very pleased with herself*
Martin arrives, dressed in the costume Romeo wore in the 1968 film, Romeo & Juliet.
Casting Director: Wow. Nice costume.
Martin: Forsooth, these simple garments for which you surmise have no mood or color to them. They are neither cheerful, nor melancholy as thus doth proclaim.
Roger: What did he say?
Casting Director: I think what we have here is a method actor. He stays in character all of the time, and thinks that the play is real life.
Martin: Alas! A man of the stage I cannot claim to be. Character one may find in these meek, and feeble bones, but-
Casting Director: I don't care. Look, if you want to be in this play, you need to read either a monologue, or a scene. Do you have either prepared?
Martin: *Annoyed* I must protest once more, for thou speech, and manor of dress is most vexing, and as such, mine ear do find ye most intolerable.
Casting Director: Fine. Would thou kind squire, readest thus scene, or, long winded passage so that thou can be in thus play?
Martin: But I have told you anon, an actor I am not. I am Romeo of the house of Montague. A man of many talents, but a performer of the stage, I am not.
Casting Director: This isn't helping. Either do a monologue, or a scene, or you will not be cast. Okay?
Martin: *Turns around to think, then turns around again to face the C.D, and Roger* Very well. Mine hand is played. I shall read your words. Perhaps with a partner. I fear alone, I may stray from lofty expectations.
Casting Director: A scene then. Great. You'll be reading with Roger. He'll be your Juliet.
Roger: *Walks towards Martin*
Martin: *Drops to his knees, grabbing Juliet's hand* This before my eyes is Juliet?! *Stands up*
Roger: Uh, what's going on here?!
Martin: Sweet Juliet! What have thou done to thee? Thou hair is short, and coarse. Thine face is rough, and weathered. Thine smell is of feet, and horse.
Roger: I don't smell like a horse!!
Martin: *Points at him* And thou speakest like a harlot of Devonshire!
Casting Director: *Gets between them* Okay! *Looks at Martin* I'm glad you're so committed to this, but it's definitely not helping you get the part.
Martin: *Takes one step backwards* This is a fallacy. Thine has taken my beloved Juliet, and turned her thrice into a beast. A wretched, odorous, fiend.
Roger: Stop making fun of the way I smell!!
Martin: A pox has been cast on thine house. *To Roger* Farewell my love. I shall find you again when thou have cleaned thyself of putrid smells. *Walks away*
Roger: I put on deodorant.
Casting Director: You smell fine.
Martin: *Opens the door, turning around to face them* A POX!! *Slams the door closed*
Roger: What a jerk.
Catherine crawled onto the stage on all fours. She is dressed as a cat.
Casting Director: Uh, hello. Are you-
Catherine: Meow.
Casting Director: Excuse me?
Catherine: Meow. *Stretching*
Roger: Is this a method actor too?
Casting Director: I don't know what she's doing. *Stands up, and walks to Catherine* Excuse me miss.
Catherine: *Tries to scratch the C.D* Hisssssssss!!!
Casting Director: *Backs up, saving herself from getting scratched* Okay then.
Catherine: *Goes around in a circle. She stretches once more* Meow. *Sees the C.D* Hiss!!!
Casting Director: *Goes to her seat* Do you want to do a monologue, or a-
Catherine: *Rolls over, laying on her back*
Casting Director:.....We have sides if you...
Catherine: *Gives herself a tongue bath, and leaves the stage*
Roger: What the hell was that?
Casting Director: Let's just pretend that never happened.
Roger: That was either the worst audition I've seen, or the best. You should really consider her.
Casting Director: Shut up Roger.
Roger: I'm serious! That blew my mind.
Casting Director: *Her head falls on the table*
Mark walks in, holding a water bottle and a yoga mat.
Mark: Hi. Mark McCrossen. I got here a little late from a yoga class. Do you mind if I take a minute to warm up?
Casting Director: Okay, but we have other people waiting. Do you want us to let someone in while you warm up?
Mark: No it's fine. It will only take a minute. *Rolls out his yoga mat, and lays down*
Roger: Do you think I can go to the bathroom real quick?
Mark: *On his hands, and knees* Hiya!!!!! Qoooooouuuuuaaaaaaa!!!!!
Casting Director: He said it would only be a minute.
Mark: *Cuddles into a ball, and cries*
Casting Director: What?
Mark: *Waving his arms, and legs around*
Casting Director: Oh my god! Roger, call the-
Mark: *Stands up, smiling*
Casting Director: *Speechless*
Mark: i'm ready to begin now.
Casting Director: Okay. That was quiet.
Mark: *Angry* I'M READY, TO BEGIN!!!!!
Roger: That's it, I'm going. *Running to the bathroom*
Casting Director: Uh.....
Mark: *Running around the stage in a circle* I'm ready to begin! I'm ready to begin! I'm ready to begin! I'm ready to begin! I'm re-re-re-re-ready! To be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-begin!! NOW!!!! *Stops, and looks at the C.D.*
Casting Director: Okay Mark, we really need to get started.
Mark: We really need to get started.
Casting Director: Yes, we're running behind.
Mark: Yes, we're running behind.
Casting Director: What are you doing?
Mark: What are you doing?
Casting Director: I'm not doing a Meisner exercise with you!
Mark: I'm not doing a Meisner exercise with you!
Casting Director: I'm serious.
Mark: I'm serious.
Casting Director: Stop this at once!
Mark: Stop this at- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, *Runs around in a circle* Merilly we roll along, roll along, roll along, *Slides on his knees* Today!!!! *Stands up* I'm glad that's out of the way. I can't do a good audition without warming up first.
Casting Director: I guess that's understandable, but we're running behind.
Mark: What would you like me to do- *Turns left, facing the chairs in front of the stage* Eep eep eep eep eep!
Roger: *Returns from the bathroom* I'm back. What did I-
Mark: Eep eep eep eep eep!
Roger: Never mind.
Mark: *Looks back at the C.D.* Is this the stage where the play will take place?
Casting Director: Yes.
Mark: These acoustics are unacceptable! *Picks up his yoga mat, and water bottle* The high C's are getting drowned out by these crappy curtains. Call me when the proper upgrades are made. *Leaves*
A crocodile, chameleon, and bee walk in wearing business suits. Charlize follows them.
Agent 1: *Talking on his cell phone* Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Well then we're walking. I want 5%, or we're walking. WALKING!!!!!! 2.5%, and a free hot tub? You got yourself a deal. *Hangs up, looks at the Casting Director* My client wants her own dressing room along with her usual salary, 10% of the box office, and a bowl of skittles at every rehearsal.
Charlize: Chocolate covered skittles.
Agent 2: Are you sure? That's a little disgusting.
Charlize: Chocolate covered skittles, or I walk!
Agent 3: This is not negotiable.
Casting Director: I'm sorry, this is a community theater. No one is getting paid, let alone, a cut of the box office.
Agent 1: Uh, give us a second. *Backs up, and talks to Charlize, and the other agents in a circle*
Neither the Casting Director, or Roger could hear what they were saying, until...
Charlize: I won't!
Agent 2: But if you think about it-
Charlize: I won't back down on this. Skittles, or I walk. SKITTLES, OR, I, WALK!!!
The agents turned around to face the C.D. again.
Agent 1: My client will work for half her usual salary, 5% of the box office, but a bowl of chocolate covered skittles must be at her door before, and after every rehearsal.
Charlize: It's part of my process.
Casting Director: I'm sorry, have you ever worked in a community theater before? There's no money involved.
Agent 1: We're walking!! Walking!! Go, go go!!! *Pushes everyone towards the door*
Charlize: *Turns around* Just FYI, I once dated a man, and his dad hated me, so I totally get this Juliet girl.
Agent 2: It's true. Charlize had abusive parents, and her lifestyle was similar to that of Juliet's.
Charlize: This, is, CRAP!!! *Leaves with Agent 1, and 2*
Agent 3: You just made a mistake. Charlize Finegold is going to own this town. *Leaves*
Josh arrived a few seconds after the others left.
Josh: Hi. My name is Josh.
Casting Director: Hi. Nice to meet you. Did you get a copy of the lines?
Josh: Yes. I'd also like to do a monologue.
Casting Director: Good. You can start when you're ready.
Josh: Cool. *Goes to the back, and pulls up a chair*
Casting Director: What do you need that for?
Josh: You'll see. *Puts the chair in the middle of the stage, sits in it, and pretends to drive a car*
The Casting Director, and Roger started whispering to each other.
Casting Director: what is he doing?
Roger: it looks like he's pantomiming. play along with it for now. *Looks at Josh, no longer whispering* Romeo?
Josh: My sweet, hold on a second. *Pantomimes stopping the car, getting out, and grabbing a backpack while putting it on. Next, he pantomimes climbing the wall up to where Juliet is*
Roger: What O' Clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Josh: By the hour of 9.
Casting Director: Okay, let's stop right here. Why does Romeo have a backpack?
Josh: Everyone has a backpack.
Casting Director: No he doesn't.
Josh: Where does he put his water bottle then?
Casting Director: He wouldn't have a water bottle in Victorian England...and, were you driving a car?
Josh: Yeah. Isn't this a modern version of Romeo & Juliet, like the one with Leonardo DiCaprio?
Casting Director: No. This is period appropriate. There are no cars, and no backpacks.
Josh: So, I should ride in on a horse.
Casting Director: Don't ride in on anything. You're pantomiming up a storm here, and it's scary.
Josh: So, you just want me to read the lines?
Casting Director: Yes.
Josh: Oh. Okay. Why didn't you just say so in the first place?
Casting Director: Start from the beginning.
Josh: Okay.
Roger: Romeo.
Josh: My sweet.
Roger: What O' Clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Josh: By the hour of... *Hits a button on his I-Pod that plays a song at high volume*
Song: link
Josh: Juliet!!! Get down!!!! *Turns around to do a forward roll, pulling out a silver pistol. He fires seven blanks, then turns off the music* Damn! I missed them. *Goes back to Roger* Anyway, by the hour of 9.
Casting Director: What was that?!
Josh: Do you know what a gun is?
Casting Director: Yes I know what a gun is! Why did you pull one out like that?!
Josh: Because in the DiCaprio version, everyone had guns. Only, they were called swords. You should really look into that, and make sure all of your actors carry guns for the play.
Casting Director: Yeah, that "totally" sounds like a good idea for something taking place in the late 1500's. Thank you for stopping by.
Josh: You're welcome. *Leaves, feeling pleased with himself*
After Josh left, the Casting Director had a headache.
Casting Director: This has been awful so far. Should we take a 5 minute break before seeing the other actors?
Roger: That was the last actor.
Casting Director: It was?! We only saw 9 actors. I was supposed to cast this thing, and now it's ruined.
Roger: *Looking at his phone* My girlfriend just got here. Can I leave early?
Casting Director: No!!
Roger: *Sad* But, we have a pizza date...
Casting Director: I don't care about your pizza date! We're not leaving until we get our two leads! I'm calling Avery! *Calls Avery on her phone*
Roger: You know what? I'm going to give her the green light to come see me here since you're busy with whatever it is you're doing at the moment. *Texting Amy*
Casting Director: Avery, I need more audition days. The actors you had were borderline psychotic. One of them didn't even read her lines. She just pretended to be a cat.
Amy: *Walks in, and goes to Roger*
Casting Director: I'm not being prejudice. Don't say I'm being prejudice.
Roger *Whispers in Amy's ear*
Casting Director: And I'm not being a perfectionist. If I saw two decent actors with some chemistry, I would hire them on the spot! Only problem is, where to look. *Looks at Roger, and Amy*
Song: link
Amy: *Giggling while sitting on Roger's lap behind the table*
Casting Director: Avery, I'll call you back. I think I know how to cast this thing. *Hangs up* Roger, Amy, stand in the middle of the stage, will you?
Roger: Okay.
Amy: What's going on?
Casting Director: *Give scripts to Roger, and Amy* Just read this for me please.
Roger: But, I'm not an actor.
Amy: And I haven't been in a play since middle school.
Casting Director: Please try. Roger, you're the best I've heard with reading these lines, and you two have some chemistry going on.
Roger: Alright. Wanna do it?
Amy: Sure.
Song: link
They stood up, and got to the middle of the stage
Amy: Romeo.
Roger: My sweet.
Casting Director: Yes. Yes!
Amy: What O' clock tomorrow shall I send to thee?
Roger: By the hour of 9. Doth thou agree?
Amy: Uh....
Roger: *Pulls out a gun, and points it at Amy* I need to know!
Amy: *Moves her arms in circles* Well I don't know. I forgot why thou have not called me back.
Casting Director: What are you two doing?!!?
Roger: Let me stand here until thou remember it! *Turns to the left* Oh look, more Capulets. I shall smite them with thy, *Pulls out a rocket launcher* Launcher of rockets!! *Fires two rockets. They blow up before hitting the wall*
Amy: Good night! Good night! Parting is such sweet, sw-eet, sor-row.
Roger: More capulets! Into the car! We'll make our escape! Post haste! *Pulls the Casting Director out of her chair, and sits in it, pretending to drive a car*
Amy: *Sits in the chair next to Roger* Step on it!
Casting Director: That's it! I quit!!
Everything fades to black for the end credits
Cast
Sally Acorn as the Casting Director
Silver The Hedgehog as Roger
Amy Rose as Melissa
Sonic as Melissa's Acting Coach
Shadow as Joe
Rouge as Josie
Mina as Maria
1970's Jack Nicholson as Martin
Bunnie Rabbot as Catherine
1970's Erik Estrada as Mark
Vanilla as Charlize
Vector, Espio, & Charmy as Charlize's Agents
Sean The Hedgehog as Josh
Blaze The Cat as Amy
The End
This has been a SeanTheHedgehog Production from June 9, 2016
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see.
Mighty's Firebird
Vector's car
Amy's car
What Silver should've looked like when the stupid purple thing with the retarded voice leaves him in fracking World's Collide
AND I HATE SILVICE!!!! AND HOW THE HECK DID SHE COME BACK??? LOOK, I DON'T CARE ABOUT NO FRACKING TIME ERASE, THAT GAME NEEDS TO BURN IN HELL SO I PRETEND THAT IT'S NOT THERE!!!! SHE'S DEAD, REALLY DEAD!!!!!!!! SO STOP BRINGING HER BACK!!!!! AND IT'S NOT A COUPLE, IT'S A FRACKING FRIENDSHIP!!!! SILVER WAS FOURTEEN OR FIFTEEN IN THAT GAME, AND THE STUPID PURPLE WITH THE RETARDED VOICE WAS WAS LIKE 15 OR 16.
STUPID PURPLE THING WITH THE RETARDED VOICE'S DEATH
