Y'all better apologize, or I'll be on you like ugly on an ape.

Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward.

-SpongeBob SquarePants
Oh, tartar sauce.

-SpongeBob SquarePants
Pants ripped off. Someone call the police, there's a pants thief on the loose.
-SpongeBob SquarePants
Don't you DARE take the name of Texas in vain.

Psst, Squidward, I'm working in the kitchen... at night! Hey Squidward, guess what? I'm chopping lettuce... at night! Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom... at night! OW I burned my hand!... at night!

-SpongeBob SquarePants
Isn't this great Squidward? Just you & me together for hours and hours and hours! And then the sun'll come up, and it'll be tomorrow, and we'll still be working! It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease!

-SpongeBob SquarePants
You're a man now, SpongeBob, and it's time you started acting like one.

I order the food, you cook the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die. That seems like a good deal to me, what do you say?

I'll tell you a little story called "The Ugly Barnacle": Once there was a very ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everybody died. The End.

Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly.

-Mr. Krabs
You've never heard of the Hash Slinging Slasher??

I'm ready!!

-spongebob and patrick
why my good sir, this is a krabby patty, smothered in jellyfish jelly
lets have another!!!
they blow up so fast *sob sob*
it's big, slimy, and pink!!!
Its an alaskan bull worm!!!
What are the consequences of what I have just done?
-mrs. puff
Yeah,shake it,woo shake that bubble butt.
Now you must equire a taste for free formed jazz
-Patrick Star
Patrick;Lets get naked Spongebob;No lets save that for when we`re selling real estate
-Spongebob & Patrick
I guess hibernation is the opposite of beauty sleep!
Im dirty dan-no im dirty dan-im dirty dan-im dirty daaan....*continues*
-pat and spongebob
Spongebob, you can be dirty dan, I just wanna be patrick
who you callin pinhead?!
Arr harr harr harr harr !
-Mr. Krabs
Money, Money, Money!
-Mr. Krabs
Squisward: Who would want to celebrate a holiday where a fat man breaks into your house and leaves gifts?
Patrick: Like a genie!
-Squidward & Patrick
Oh, Spongebob! Why!?!
-Mrs. Puff
You'll never beat me, Im HYDRODYMAMICALY DESIGHNED!!!
Spongebob: Quick, Patrick, without thinking: if you could have anything right now, what would it be?
Patrick: Um... more time for thinking.
-Spongebob & Patrick
Have you forgotten what we have been looking for knee-deep in yesterday's top 40 songs?
Can you feel it Mr. Crabs?
-Little kids to Mister Crabs
Spongebob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer, make him feel good.
[Man opens his door.]
Patrick: I love you.
-Spongebob & Patrick
Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas.
-Karen (Plankton's computer wife)
He was number 1
-Sponge Bob
The belt is gone but I still feel its tickle.
Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, Goober, goober, yeah!

-Spongebob and Patrick
See, no one says "cool" anymore. That's such an old person thing. Now we say "coral", as in "That nose job is so coral."
I can't see my forehead!
-Barnicle Boy
Spongebob does'nt have hair. Or does he?
It's a vast swirling wonderland of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your sences with cascading fluffy pillows of excitent, and comfort, as you've never felt before.
Put those eyeballs back in your head son.
-Bikini Bottom Police
But its, free day.
-Mr. Krabs
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupted? Now he's a bronzefish.
-Spongebob Squarepants
-Mirmaid Man
Spongebob, I'm glad you learned your lesson. Your worship is unhealthy. Come on, Jeffrey.
Don't play dumb Manray. You know that's tickle belt Mirmaid Man used on you, in episode number 17.
-Spongebob Squarepants
I have checks, with little poodles on them.
May I take your order?
The only thing im good at, is being evil!
Am I in the Jelly Spotters now?
-Spongebob Squarepants
We can teach you how to be good. Then we can let you go.
Good people don't rip other people's arms off.
-Spongebob Squarepants
Don't stand to close to a squirrel, Billy. You'll catch it's stupid.
-Billy's Mom
Hello, Sandy. Me, Patrick. Do you understand?
Who wants to lick my cheecks?
-Spongeob Squarepants
Patrick: Are you Squidward?
Fire Hydrant: ...........
Patrick: That's ok, take ur time
-Patrick & Fire Hydrant
Spongebob; "Patrick, ur genius is showing." (Patrick looks down) "Where?!?
-Spongebob and Patrick
I had 4 biscuits and then I ate one. Then I only had 3!
-Fish kid
Imaginaaaaaaaaaaation. (makes a rainbow.)
Is mayonaise an instrament?
Guess what today is?" "Annoy Squidward Day?" "No, silly! That's on the fifteenth!"
-SpongeBob and Squidward
Good morning and all who inhabit it!
there it is(meaning the krusty krab)the finest eating establishment ever established for eating
patrick-you mean she puts one airs spongebob-i guess
Did you win. Ahhhhhhhhhh! Hi Spongebob

Those guys are dorks." "Yeah. But they're *my* dorks!
-Fish Kid and The Flying Dutchman
Do you know what I'd really like for my birthday?" "A booster seat?" "A booster seat? HOT DOG! ...I mean...no.
-Plankton and Spongebob
Remember, ravioli ravioli, give me the formuloni.
-Robot Krabs (Plankton)
Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are...(drools)
My name's not RICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you NOW or have you ever been a sponge?
Fred: Let's go to the Shell Shack. They have a talking dog! Tom: Great! Say, what's a dog?
-Fred and Tom
Don't worry Mr. Krabs it's not tainted meat, it's painted meat!
Seaweed: 50% sea, 50% weed.
People talk loud when they want to sound smart, right?" "CORRECT!!!
-Squidward and Plankton
beep-beep-beepbeepbeep...Respond: Why don't you ask me later!
-Robot Spongebob
Steppin' on the beach. Doo doo doo doo. Steppin' on the beach...Doo doo doo doo...
Wait a second! I know what you're trying to do, Squidward. I'M NOT LETTING YOU EAT THAT PIZZA
All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollypop?" *spongebob, the cops, and patrick laugh* "I mean it!

Peas-in-a-can pie.
I aint' cryin'...I'm LAUGHIN'!
YOU FORGOT THE PICKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can we say that PLANTS from Texas are dumb???!!!
I aint' cryin'! My helmet just sprung a leak!
Can we say that SHOES from Texas are dumb???!!!
Toasted Almonds? That's unexpected!

-Frycook Games Announcer

Yeah, uhh...I'm with the pet hospital down the street and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises..."
Either you (a) put the dime in me pants, (b) put the dime in me pants, or (c) put the dime in me pants!
-Mr. Krabbs
Do you think she knows the muffin man song?

The sky had a baby from my cereal box!
What's a Texas?
-SpongeBob SquarePants
I'm a dirty boy.
He washed my flipper!
Dreams DO come true!
Gary: Meow. Sbsp: Gary. Where's your holiday spirit? Gary: Bark!
-Gary Spongebob
(Singing) I'm Squidward! I'm Squidward! I'm Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
People Order Our Pattys!
-what POOP stands for
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with fright in the middle of the night, to find that his dream had come true!
Squidward: "Spongebob I have a confusion to make[takes off hat]"
SpongeBob: "your bald?!"
-SpongeBob and Squidward
Oh dear, my poor old heart!
-Mrs. Krabs
Water balls! Water balls!
-Spongebob and Patrick
You ate my candy bar! Now I'm gonna starve! *zoom in on huge stomach*
Knoch knoch.
Who's there?
*snicker*I am!
-SpongeBob & Squidward
Krabs is a *bleep*
Oh, but don't genuises live in a lamp?
Spongebob (thinking): "At least I'm safe inside my mind!" Patrick (thinking): "At least I'm safe inside my mind!"
-Spongebob and Patrick
Sandy: Did somebody say BOOM?!
What has four wings and flies? A garbage truck!
Pearl: You bought me a boat? Mr. Krabs: I did? I mean, I did??
-Pearl Mr. Krabs
(after seeing SpongeBob naked) Nice outfit, SpongeBob.
What does Claustrophobic mean?' 'It means you're afraid of Santa Claus.
-Patrick SpongeBob
Patrick: (eyes get big) Hey, Spongebob look! Your house is gone!
Squidward, if you had some hair you would be the handsomest creature in the sea!
Squidward (to magic conch): Can I have something to eat? No. Can I have something to eat? No. Can I have something to eat? No. Can't you say anything else but no? Try asking again. Caaan I have something to eat? No-oh.
Patrick, if I had one dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar.
Some day, with a little luck, and a tiny pinch of magic, all your dreams will come true!
Sandy's a girl?
No, Gary. I like wearing my underwear like this!
the roof leaks, the floor creaks, there's a wild man eating clam in the backyard
-spongebob pretending to be squidward
I'm a winner, see my prize. You're a loser who sits and cries!
Patrick:Games? Can I play? Spongebob: Sorry, Patrick. You have to be a frycook.
-Spongebob and Patrick
No Gary, I don't get colds I get the suds.
Spongebob:I call this, the 'Campfire song Song'. Let's sit around the camfire and sing our campfire song. Our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song. And if you don't think you can sing faster then you're wrong. Cause it'll help if you just sing
-Spongebob and Patrick
Nobody calls me tubby!
The inner contents of my mind are an enigma. (In Patrick's thought bubble, a milk carton tips over).
I did'nt want to say this in front of Patrick, but that hat makes you look like a girl.

Am I a pretty girl?
-Mr. Krabs and Spongebob
Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen (???)

He Was #1!
(singing) .....money better than honey......
-Mr. Krabs
times up spongebob
-gary clock
can we say that shoes from texas are dumb?
-spongebob(during cmpfire song song)
(about his yellow undies) They were white when I bought 'em.
I like the new Mr. Krabbs; he yells at you more.
a five letter word for happienes...money
-Mr Krabs
Something about Root Beer Right?!
All they do is blow, blow , blow their stupid whistles, rub, rub, rub that white stuff on their noses, and show off their GROSS, MISHAPEN, BODIES!!!!!! (Bawoom!)
Dude, put that away! Like, there are children here!
-Some Guy
I'm going to the snack bar.
Wow. A snail made out of bread.
[people hide in patricks house and patrick comes and see's them]
patrick:who are you people?!

Am I a pretty girl?
(Inflates) "Inflatable pants, what's your idea?"
Good Neighbors are we! La la la la la la!

Marty. I'm scared!
That's not disturbing. THIS is disturbing. (Patrick's back morphs into a face.) Hi, there. Spongebob! My name is Patback!
(looking at bubble elephant) "hahahahahahaha-its a giraffe!
Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward! We're taking on water,Mr.Squidward! I want my mommy, Mr.Squidward!
-Mr. Krabbs
why did you stop playing wolfgang asmenus Tentacles?!
-Squidward's King From Sleepy Time
(Patrick and Spongebob think of ways to make people buy their candy bars)Patrick: I know! Let's get naked!
Spongebob:No. Let's save that for when we're selling real estate.
-Patrick and Spongebob
Wow! Squidward! You're choking!
Patrick: I love you.
The random stranger slams his door shut. Spongebob knocks.
Random Stranger:Please, g-go away!
-Patrick to a random stranger
Hurry, hurry son
-Spongebob's dad
Mr Krabs:" I'm not Cheap"
Squidward: "you just tried to rip a guy's arm of for a penny"
Patrick: well you have it set to M for Mini *turns it to W* where it should be W for Wumbo!
Spongebob: uh Patrick I don't think Wumbo is a real word
Patrick: yeah you know wumbo,he/she wumbo, wumbo,wumboing,wumbos,wumbology! the study of wumbo! its first grade spongebob!!
Just look at him.Square.The shape of evil!-Plankton describing Spongebob
Spongebob & Patrick: Jellyfishing, jellyfishing!
Plankton: Curse you Krabs!
Strangle:(crying) Look kid I am not your bodyguard. I am a Strangler see.
Spongebob: Oww! I burn my hand ! At night.
Spongebob: Ahhhh the Strangler!
SpongeBob SquarePants: "Hey Squidward want me to cast out right here so you can watch me?"
Squidward: "No! How about you cast out over there so I can ignore you."
Mr. Krabs: Spongeboy, me bob.
Sandy: *To Patrick* "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"
Patrick: "Not until four."
Spongebob: Remember, Patrick...Flatter the customer.
*customer opens the door*
Patrick: I love you.
Karen: Plankton- One percent evil, ninety-nine percent hot gas.
Look Patrick,We Struck Magic! - Spongebob
Crusty Krab Training Instructor: "P.O.O.P. People Order Our Patties"
Spongebob: Attention customers! Today's special is a (Dolphin Noise) krabby patty served in a greasy (Dolphin Noise) sauce grilled to (Dolphin Noise) perfection! And don't forget to ask to (Dolphin Noise) the (Dolphin Noise) fry! It'll be our (Dolphin Noise) pleasure!
Mr. Krabs: I feel completely recharged!
Spongebob:"Patrick, your genius is showing."
Now back to KRUD with all of your personal "You won't get away with stealing my car!" hits.-SpongeBob as a car radio
Spongebob: Bye Mr. Krabs Bye Sqiudward, Bye Sqiudward
Patrick: You said bye Squidward twice
Spongebob: I like Squidward
Blue jellyfish: Bzzz bzz bzzzzzzz.
SpongeBob as Hall Monitor: Patrick are you ready to give up your life of crime?!"
Patrick: "I want to be good!"
its a giraffe - patrick
Spongebob: "Hey Squidward. Guess what today is.
Squidward: "Annoy Squidward day?"
Spongebob: "No, silly. That's on the 15th."
Police to Sponge Bob and Patrick: If ya can't pay the time then don't do the crime!...Alright now get out!
Sponge Bob: "but we stole a ballon."
Police: "Yeah on free baloon day."
-Spongebob, Squidward, new guy applying for a job
I call this little number...striped sweater. *starts to sing* The best time to wear a Striped Sweater, is all the time!
pinky out!
Spongeob(to guy that sat on him): "Excuse me sir. You're sitting on my body, which is also my face."
Mr. Krabs: "Course you'll need some time to approximate me personality."
Spongebob: "Oh that'll be a snap,Squidward and I have been doing it behind your back for years! Di-yaya!"

"Wait don't tell me, don't tell me Spongebob! Don't tell me!!!!....Ok, tell me" -Patrick
"Chocolate, did you say Chocolate!?"

"Yes sir! With or without nuts?"

"Chocolate, chocolate!? CHOCOLATE!!!!"

-Patrick and weird random fish
Yep, I'm insane.

Spongebob, stop! Your kindness is bringing everybody back!
Spongebob, stop! Your kindness is bringing everybody back!
Spongbob: We can loosen our ties.
Patrick: Yeah! And we can fly!
Spongebob: YEAH!! *jumps off of a cliff* (in a muffled voice far away) Okay, we still can't do that...
SpongeBob: Patrick, how long have we been standng here?
Patrick:(looks at a drawing of a watch on his wrist) Aww! I gotta draw a new battery for this!
Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call "Mom"?
SpongeBob: No Patrick, that's your mother.
Spongebob: "Squidward, the crowd is insatiable!"
Sandy Cheeks: "So's Patrick's bellybutton, but I ain't afraid of that, neither!"
Patrick Star: "Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper!"
spongebob: Hey patrick, what am I?
patrick: uhhhh stupid?
spongebob: No I'm Texas
patrick:...what's the difference
Patrick: Don't geniuses live in lamps?
Squidward: Will you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
Mermaid Man: Now, who wants to save the world?
SpongeBob: I do!
Patrick: I do!
Sandy Cheeks: I do!
Squidward: I don't.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes you do, no world means no money, so either save the world, or you're fired!
[Squidward sighs]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus...
[Imitates Grampa SquarePants]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... especially one that's going up at a 90 degree angle.
[Looking for Squidward in a crowd of squids]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you Squidward?
Squid #1: No.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you Squidward?
Squid #2: No.
Patrick: [to a fire hydrant] Are you Squidward?
Patrick: It's okay. Take your time.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [waiting for the bus] Getting hungry. Glove candy dispenser! Good thing I went to Glove World.
[takes candy from dispenser, then spits it out]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Eww! Glove-flavored.

Fish: Meep
Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...
SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
Squidward: No!
SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!
SpongeBob: You mean like this?
[At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back]
SpongeBob: Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?
Squidward: Except he wasn't a sponge!
SpongeBob: So?
Squidward: So it didn't grow back!
SpongeBob: OH NO!
Squidward: And he replaced his hand... with a rusty spatula. And then... he got hit by a bus! And, as funeral, they fired him! So now... every... What day is it?
SpongeBob: Tuesday.
Squidward: Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance!

[SpongeBob has a jellyfish on a leash]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward. Meet my new pet.
Squidward: That's no pet. That's a wild animal.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No he isn't. He can do tricks.
[Throwing a stick]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Fetch!
[Jellyfish fetches stick]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [holding up three fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?
[Jellyfish buzzes three times]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Play dead!
[Jellyfish is buried under a tombstone, then comes out]
Squidward: I wouldn't let that thing in my house even if it was potty-trained.
[Jellyfish is sitting on a toilet, reading the newspaper and humming]
Squidward: I didn't need to see that.
Computer: Plankton: 1% Evil, 99% Hot Gas.
Squilliam: "Where's your band?"
Squidward: "Um, they all died in a marching accident."
Patrick: "Hey, Spongebob, when can we stop hopping?"
Spongebob: "Thirty more seconds Patrick."
Squidward: "I didn't realize it was happy, hopping moron day."
SB: but what about airline food.
Plankton: wha?
SB: ya know, airline food. my gosh! what is up with that stuff, thank you, good night!
- spongebob and plankton
Squidward: Please, come again... on my day off!
*Patrick holding shruunken Squidward*
Squidward: I wonder if a fall from this height would kill me.
Go home. - Spongebob
SpongeBob and Patrick: "Welcome to our club, welcome to our club, welcome Squidward, welcome Squidward, welcome Squidward!"
SpongeBob-Cheer up, Squidward! It could be worse!
Patrick-Yeah! You could be bald and have a big nose!
Patrick, reading his name tag upside down: "Kcirtap Si Eman Ym 077eh? I don't get it."
Mr. Krabs: "No, you dumb bunny, it says, 'Hello, My name is Patrick'."
Patrick: "Nice to meet you, Patrick."
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) "Good one, Patrick."
Patrick: (laughs) "Yeah."
SpongeBob: "What is going on here? The laughter isn't scheduled till 9:03. If you want to throw a party, do it at your house, Patrick!"
Patrick: "Was he talking to me or you?"